My eyes then take in Jaxon. He has a blue beanie on his head and is wearing his black Puffa jacket. His freckles are scattered across his nose but reach out onto his cheeks. His eyes, identical to his sister's, watch me with the same intensity as hers.
“Listen, first of all, I love your dad, too. But I prefer him as a friend. It's just better that way,” I begin. “And, yes, I was thinking about going to Australia, your dad was right about that. And, yes, my sort-of boyfriend is there, but if I was going to go I wouldn't be able to take you with me because your mumma and dad would miss you too much.”
Their eyes dart to each other and they both look desperately concerned, their upset palpable.
“But, but…” I say to get their attention again. “But,” I say when they're both looking at me, apprehension on their faces. “I'd miss you, too, if I went, so I'm not going to go anymore.”
They are my two buts. Of course they are. I can't leave them. I love Summer. I love Jaxon. I love Summer and Jaxon. It was meeting them, loving them, that helped to mend my soul, helped to heal my heart. I can't leave them.
Will and I have talked about this option at length—we talk about everything—and he understands. He said he'd wait until I felt I could leave them for an extended period to come be with him. But that's not going to happen. I have to admit that to myself. I have to tell that to Will. It's going to be difficult, but we're going to have to learn to live with the reality that we don't have a future together. We're going to have to let each other go. And I'm going to be single again in the purest sense. That's a terrifying thought, but liberating, too.
I know Ashlyn has her reasons for still not living with them, I know she's doing what she thinks is best for all of them, but I couldn't leave these two. I couldn't leave them and carry on breathing.
“I'm not going to go anywhere, OK?” I tell them. “I'm going to stay with you until you're all grown up.”
They both nod and allow a few seconds to pass as they take in this new information, accept what this means about their future.
“But I want to see Australia,” Summer protests.
“Me, too,” says Jaxon. “And New Garvo.”
They have no idea of how momentous my decision has been, how noble and self- sacrificing. I'm giving up the love of my life for them and they have no idea. That's one of the many things I love about Summer and Jaxon, Jaxon and Summer—they hold no truck with grand gestures of self-sacrifice. Nor should they.
“One day I'm sure you will go there,” I say, standing up. I take one of their gloved hands in each of mine and we step out onto the pavement.
“But I want to go now, not one day,” Jaxon says.
“And, me,” Summer adds.
“Tell you what, when we get back, let's ask your dad—I'm sure he'll be more than pleased to pay for a return trip to Australia for us. And let's say we want to go first class. I'm sure he'll be pleased with that. Really, really pleased.”
The pair of them nod in agreement and happily walk beside me as we become part of the stream of people flowing down the high street.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
After two years living in Sydney, Australia, Dorothy Koomson is probably now living somewhere in the northern hemisphere (but you just never know with her). She is still a journalist as well as a novelist. Marshmallows for Breakfast is her fourth novel. Her third novel, My Best Friend's Girl, is available in paperback from Bantam Discovery. You can visit Dorothy's website at www.dorothy koomson.co.uk.
MARSHMALLOWS FOR BREAKFAST
A Delta Trade Paperback / February 2009
All rights reserved
Copyright © 2007 by Dorothy Koomson
Delta is a registered trademark of Random House, Inc., and the colophon is a
trademark of Random House, Inc.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Koomson, Dorothy.
Marshmallows for breakfast / Dorothy Koomson.
p. cm.
eISBN: 978-0-440-33833-8
1. Single women—Fiction. I. Title.
PR6111.O66 M37 2009 2008039206
823/.92 22
www.bantamdell.com
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Dorothy Koomson, Marshmallows for Breakfast
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