Chapter 4 Night Driving
They roared past me in the dark, the Viking and the girl, no headlights on. They came from the darkness and moved forward in to more darkness. Fleetingly I thought to myself how strange that they could get ahead of me like that after what I left behind at the bar. Oh well. About 8:00 pm I pulled up outside a mall at the next town and there was Michael, waiting for me in his work uniform. He grinned instantly at seeing me and I jumped out to meet him. We gave each other a hug before parting ways to get into the car.
“Nice…” he said gliding his hand along the paintwork, and pulling the handle to get in.
“Yeah” I smiled back.
Just then two girls obviously out for the night walked past.
“Good evening ladies” called Michael. “Nice car hey. It’s all mine but if you want to get in the back seat I can show you all the features”. He winked and they tittered as they skipped past.
I just smiled at him. “I really missed you Mike”. Michael was the brother I wished I had, but then I guess that is what best friends are supposed to be. I had met Michael in third grade when I was being chased by Annita Bishop. Sounds poor, I know, but that was one scary beast of a girl. She would lurk in the bushes at lunch time and take every opportunity to punch, kick or bite me. Having been taught never to hurt a girl, I had been left a little dry on my negotiating tactics. Michael had found me throwing my lunch at her head in a minor retaliation, and that was the end of that.
Turned out Michael’s father was one of Annita’s sports sponsors, and once her father was told of her extra curricular activities I ended up free of her clutches for the rest of the year. Michael and I became best friends from then on, doing just about everything and anything together, at least until college. He had been accepted at a college out of state, just across the boarder, and I had stayed in the city because they offered the program I wanted. He never could understand my fascination with art, but he also never did judge me. That was one of the things I valued the most. Our lives could run differently, but when we came back together, it was as though nothing ever changed.
“It’s been fucking ages” he said finally, echoing what I was thinking.
“I know, I know. I’ve been….. it’s been too long.” I replied.
“It seems like that, hey. I know what you mean; Job, study, the girls – or just the one girl in your case… how is Sarah?” I had deliberately not wanted to have that conversation over the phone with him. “I thought you were going overseas or something. When I got your text saying you were coming out my way I didn’t think it was actually going to happen.”
“Ah, Sarah” I said. Hearing my tone, he immediately quizzed me, and I did my best to answer as we closed the distance to his home.
I finished telling him what had happened as I pulled in to his driveway. He reacted as I expected.
“Bullshit” he said, clearly shocked. “Bitch! Who was he?”
“I don’t know, I don’t care” It was the truth – mostly.
“Fuck that – I thought you would be buying real estate in the ‘burbs this time next year” was the comeback.
“Not you too?” I sighed.
“What do you mean?” he asked confused.
“Don’t worry” I dismissed – “Hey, why do you smell like fertilizer” I queried suddenly overwhelmed by the stench.
He turned up his nose “I know, sorry, I was moving stock – I’ll have a shower and we’ll go out.”
“I can’t” I regretted saying the words immediately and rushed to explain. “I have to get the car across the state by the day after tomorrow, I have to get some sleep and I can’t hang around. I just wanted to see you. It’s been so long, I couldn’t drive straight through without stopping.”
“No, come on! You may as well have rolled down the window on your way through town and waved at me. We have to catch up” he begged.
On this I couldn’t budge. “I would if I could, but I promised to get this car there on time. It’s good money, and you know – it’s Uncle Theo…..family…..”.
“What about when you get where you’re going?” he asked. “Would you have time then?”
“Yeah – I can come back, sure.” I urged.
Michael looked pensive and then he said “Give me 10 minutes, OK.” he said excitedly, getting out of the car. “10 minutes” he mimed through the window.
“OK” I replied puzzled. True to his word Michael arrived 10 minutes later with a bag in his hand and a glint in his eye. He got in the car and looked at me. “Well, planning on driving this thing, or are you going to give me a turn?”
“You want to come with me?” I asked in disbelief.
“Why not, I called in sick for the rest of the week – they owe me the way I’ve been working. I don’t have to be back until next Monday. We can catch up on the way; I can tell you a dozen reasons to not miss Sarah. Plus we can take turns driving, and get there earlier. Then you can buy me drinks seeing as you will be all cashed up, in a good mood, and I will likely not have a job anymore”. He smiled at me, and I didn’t even argue. In fact it sounded just like what I needed, I started up the car and we drove off.
Some time later we pulled into a two bit mostly deserted old truck stop to refuel ourselves mainly because Michael had developed a caffeine addiction to rival my own. It wasn’t until I pushed open the door that I noticed the motor bike – that motorbike - around the side with no one on it. I second-guessed myself and thought about turning around getting back in the car there and then. Michael saw my hesitation.
“What’s up?” he asked.
“There’s this girl on this bike. I’ve kept seeing her all night” I answered as I curiously sought her out with my eyes, peering into the empty looking shop front.
“Already?” accused Michael. “She’s not blonde too is she? You have that thing for blonde girls who need saving”.
I shot him a look before correcting him. “It’s not like that, she’s with this crazy looking guy and they keep being where I am….it’s weird that’s all.”
“Great! A crazy looking guy?” he mused back at me “Big too?”
I just looked at him and he sighed back at me. “Just so we’re clear here. You know I am not a fighter, I like the way my face is shaped just as it is.”
I smiled and we headed in, in spite of my apprehension. No girl, no Viking. We loaded up on the essentials, chips, chicken subs and more Red Bull. Mid night snacks and breakfast – my parents would be proud. While I was paying and Michael was superficially rummaging through the magazine counter, the girl and the Viking finally appeared outside, yelling at each other. The yelling started and got louder. I looked at the clerk behind the counter expecting some kind of reaction, but he just kept chewing gum and trying to get the cash register to work for him properly. Then there was the roar of the motorcycle as it took off.
I felt a sigh of relief and collected Michael who was pointing out a blonde centrefold on a motorbike to me while waggling his eyebrows. I punched him on the arm and handed him the bag of stuff we’d just bought. We headed out the door towards my car, and that's when I saw her.
The blonde was sitting on her own, on the ledge of the store with her head in her hands nursing it gently. Her knees were pulled together and the floral dress reached well past halfway up her thigh. I turned and walked towards the car but even as I reached for the handle of the car, I already knew I was going back.
“Don’t do it.” Michael said, warning in his voice.
“I’m just going to see if she’s alright.” I replied.
“See – that’s how it starts. Don’t do it. She can take care of herself…. Don’t go fixing things you shouldn’t be. Get in the car and we can go.” he pushed. I knew I should listen to Michael, but sometimes I was just as stubborn as he could be.
I tossed him the keys and walked over to where she was crouched down. “She’ll be crazy – crazy biker boyfriend, crazy girl - you watch” he called after me. I shoo
k my arm at him to him to shut up as I approached her.
“Are you okay?” I asked tentatively. She stifled a sob and looked up at me. She pursed those lips together, drew in a breath and gave me the best half smile she could.
“Yeah, Peachy.” She looked at me apologetically. “I just can't believe he left me here in the middle of nowhere.” Her voice wavered at the end.
“Isn't he coming back?” I pressed.
“I don't think so, I don't even really want him to. I just wanted to get home that's all.” She sighed and threw her head back.
“Is there someone you can call? You can use my phone.” I offered.
“No, my dad doesn't believe in phones”. She paused for a moment and then asked the inevitable “I'm sorry to ask, but can you give me a lift”.
I paused. She was hypnotic and my first instinct was to give her anything she wanted. She looked at me with those great sparkling eyes. I had to shake it off though.
“I’m really not able to”. She looked so disappointed. My heart seized, so I fumbled to explain: “It's not my car you see. I would if I could. But you want bus fare, I could give you some money.”
That half smile again. “There are no buses out here…” she laughed expanding her arms and looking up and down the freeway as if to demonstrate the wilderness around us. She looked back at me, her arms supporting her to either side. She cocked her head and continued “… but thanks, that’s really sweet of you. It's okay. Someone else will come along”. It didn't seem right to leave her there crying and alone in the dark in the middle of nowhere.
“Look I can't leave you here….. alone.” Of this I was certain.
“Well I’m not alone really, there is that guy in there” she motioned to the clerk behind the counter. It made me smile to think of her and the barely verbal skinny night shift attendant who looked half asleep already. I thought deeply about the situation for a moment.
“How far have you got to go?” As the words left my mouth I had a mini anxiety attack on the inside.
“Ceduna" she replied calmly looking up at me with big eyes.
“Isn’t that like 12 hours drive from here?” I didn’t mask surprise.
She shook her head and waved a hand: “I know it’s too much to ask…. Never mind.”
“What if I just gave you a lift to the next town? Maybe you can get a bus from there?” She brightened and I felt good about myself because of it, but hoped it wasn’t a mistake.
“That would be great. Thank you. I won't tell anyone. Hey, what's your name?” she asked coyly.
“Matt” I stretched out my hand to help her up and she took it without falter. Her hand was cold but amazingly soft and I made a mental note to turn on the heater as soon as we got in the car.
“Matt” she mused back at me before telling me “I’m Cassie”. She smiled and I felt light. Can you say rebound – I thought to myself, and by the look on Micheal’s face, he was thinking the same. We walked over to the car, and although I didn't feel comfortable I also didn’t regret the decision.
“Well I’m not sitting in the back” said Michael. The girl smiled.
“I’m Cassie” she spoke softly to him and held out a hand. Michael opened the door for her ignoring the offer of a handshake, and without offence she hopped in to the back seat and I nodded to Michael: “You’ve got the keys, your turn to drive.”
When we drove out of the truck stop there was an uncomfortable silence at first, the uncomfortable silence that takes place when there is not yet a moment of connection to leverage a conversation from. She spoke first: “This is a really nice car, but you said it wasn't yours. You didn't steal it did you?”
Michael rolled his eyes. “Yes, we stole it and decided to pick up witnesses and snacks on the way to the chop shop.”
I sighed and cleared it up: “No my uncle’s a car dealer, I'm just dropping this one off to one of his clients”.
“Lucky be able to have a car like this.” She caressed the side of the front seats and I felt a ridiculous pang of jealousy.
“Yeah. So do you live out here? Are you visiting? What do you do for work?” I was bumbling along like an idiot. Michael muffled a laugh poorly.
“You ask lots of questions.” she said quietly.
“Sorry” I murmured.
“No – I like it” she came back at me. “If we don’t ask questions we live in the darkness of unknowing don’t we.” That felt awfully deep and meaningful. Michael gwaffed again and she shot him back an amused look.
“That’s one way to look at it I suppose” I replied. She smiled that infectious smile and gazed at me with an amused and confident expression. I hadn’t seen that confidence in her just moments ago as she had cried after being left abandoned.
She replied to my initial question: “Yes I live here. I haven't always though. My family moved out for a change in location and I was taken along for the ride.”
“So you don't like it here?” I felt my question was obvious.
“Do you?” she asked me back.
I smiled this time. “I am more of a city boy”.
“And I am more of a city girl, but you know how things are with family.”
“Yes I do.” I could definitely acknowledge that.
“Is he your brother?” she nodded towards Michael.
“May as well be.” he replied for me. She nodded in understanding.
She reached over the console and pulled out my iPhone. “Do you mind?” she asked.
“No, go for it” I nodded towards where it lay.
“There is a great set of songs on here, mind if I put some on? I always think you get an idea of the person by the collection of music they keep”. She flicked through and mused on the selection out loud. “Timbaland, Sea Wolf, Chilli Peppers… interesting mix.’ She paused for a moment then looked at me sideways and raised her eyebrows. “Michael Buble?” she half laughed.
“I had my reasons, and I shared it with someone else” I batted back defensively.
“He got it in the divorce.” Michael interjected.
“You’re divorced?” she asked quizzically turning to me.
“Not really – it’s just a saying.” I snapped, mentally wanting to strangle Michael.
“Sure.” She nodded then reached for my phone, using her fingers to tap through the applications and eventually found my photos. Cassie pulled one up of Sarah. “She's pretty”.
“Yeah.” I admitted reluctantly. I wanted to throw the offending reminder out the window and my gut ached.
“Girlfriend?”
“Not any more.”
There must have been a break in my voice because the next thing she said was “I'm sorry, did something happen?”
“Matt was going to get married and then she fucked some guy. On his couch” Michael decided to over-share for me. I winced.
“Hey, thanks, the world doesn’t need to know all my shit.” I was clearly angry by now. I turned to Cassie. “I should have seen it coming, known better.” I said flatly.
“That’s not true. There is nothing wrong with believing in other people.” Cassie sounded so sympathetic, but my pride was too wounded to accept pity.
“I don't really want to talk about it.”
“Fair enough.” she moved on, “So what do you do for fun Matt?”
“Not a lot really I have been studying for ages so haven't had a lot of time between work and other things. I like music, movies.”
She teased me: “That sounds very quiet and responsible.”
“So I've been told. Many times.” I wondered why, if my life had had been so transparent to everyone, someone hadn’t bothered to tell me where I was going so wrong, before this moment. Did it take a cataclysmic event for people to want to give you a heads up, a warning? Maybe it was one of those things that after the fact people always felt they had to tell you ‘they knew it was so before it happened’ when in fact they had no idea. They just wanted to come out looking like they knew something
. Anything at all. Maybe it was some kind of pact I considered to myself. All the people you know come together and make an agreement that they cannot under any circumstances tell you the blindingly obvious until such a point you feel so low it can be classified as flogging a dead horse.
Seriously though, I wasn’t so self absorbed that I imagined the world turned around me and my life, but surely, someone along the way could have said something before I had to throw out my couch. I liked that couch. Maybe, I thought in passing, I shouldn’t hold it against the couch. I had another flash of Sarah, fingernails gripping the skin of the seat while some faceless man hovered behind her. I was sitting on it sipping on a coke and pointing out art works we could see at the Louvre on our visit. I disgusted myself. The couch had to go. Yes, I would definitely take this out on that couch.
“You don’t want to know what I do for fun?” Michael asked amusedly.
Cassie turned her attention to him and deliberately added an overly serious tone to her voice “And how about you Michael. What do you do for fun?”
“Anything and everything” he chuckled huskily at her.
“Sure you do. I know you,” she said. “I’ve met you before”.
“Really?” he asked bemused.
“Definitely,” she said seriously, then lay back as she prattled on: “Every day, several times a day. Blonde hair, black hair, short, tall, thin, fat. Over compensatory and over inflated egos. Bet you study too, do all the responsible things, have a job and do all those things to keep other people happy. But you just mask it with cynicism, bravado and false promises about your stamina with the ladies.” It was my turn to laugh.
Michael looked taken aback, but after a second recovered his composure and sheepishly replied: “I never make false promises thanks very much”.
“Me neither” she said leaning forward again. I decided to break the strain a little for the sake of Michael.
“What about you.” I asked “Have you got any sisters/brothers back at home?”
“I've got one sister at home and another one that has been away for a while.”
“Do you get along?” I probed hoping for more than one sentence answers this time.
“Absolutely, I love her.” She paused, regarding me. “Don't you like your brother?”
“Of course I do. Its just we are very different, and you know you don't necessarily have to like someone all the time to love them.” I paused now, wondering… “Did I even tell you I actually had a brother?”
“Must have. I love this song…..” Cassie detracted and began singing along. I listened to her sing off key just a little and grinned.
“What?” she asked.
“Nothing.” I just kept grinning.
“No - what?” she insisted.
“Its just… singing isn’t your forte” I joked.
“No need to be like that. So tell me more about you. Where are you from? And what are you doing after you drop off this car?”
“Michael and I are going to catch up.” I looked at him, pleased to have met up with him again after so long.
“No, I mean when you go back to wherever it is you came from.” Cassie clarified.
There was another question I had no idea the answer to “I’m really not sure yet. I am sort of hoping some kind of revelation will take place in the next couple of days. I suppose I’ll have to get back to normal town. I think I may need to burn my furniture, but otherwise, find a job. You know….”. I sounded almost sad, but tried to be matter of fact. Truth was I was sad. All my plans, all gone. No trip to Europe, holding hands at world treasures, no wedding, no everything I had worked towards.
Cassie looked thoughtfully out the window and asked me in a surprisingly stern voice: “And is that what you want to do?”
“I’m not really sure anymore. I thought I wanted all these things to happen, but I’m wondering who I am now. Things changed on me and I didn’t even see it coming. What should you be doing?” I wondered out loud.
“Doing what my father tells me, and forgetting my sisters.” I realised her answer was purposefully short. I paused and looked at her intently so she expanded.
“He runs his family like a business -My father... it’s hard to explain.” She looked as though she was stuck in a dilemma, searching through her mind as to how to explain some abstract concept. “We all have jobs to do, and we cannot question him. What he says goes, or we get punished.” she said in a rush. “My sister Cam and I live together, when I’m not travelling up and down the highway, but we don’t get any time alone. Everything is work, tasks, assignments for him. I would move away if I could. But the consequences….” She looked out of the window again, lost in thought.
“The consequences?” I tried to sound more surprised than horrified.
Michael shot me a look and raised an eyebrow before asking the obvious: “Why couldn’t you move out, away? If he’s fine with you travelling up and down the highway on some guy’s bike… in some strange guys car…..” She looked at me and smiled like the thought of me being any kind of threat was amusing.
“Viktor works for my father. We work together. He’s like my brother.”
“Oh, I thought he was your boyfriend.” Secretly I was pleased and felt a sense of relief.
“No, I’m not allowed, or I could get punished.” There was that word again.
“Wow – he’s tough.” I sympathised, finding myself wondering exactly how old she was to still have this dependency on her father.
“You have no idea” she said “My other sister fell in love with someone and he kept her locked up when he found them.”
Michael looked at me and mouthed the word ‘C.R.A.Z.Y.’ while he spun a circle at his temple and nodded at me judgingly. OK. This I did not expect. “You mean locked up, as in grounded?” I asked. She didn’t respond. “So what exactly happened when he found out….” I asked.
“He sent her away, and I haven’t seen her in so long.” She paused for a moment. “I really miss her. I would do almost anything to hold her hand again. The three of us together again. It will happen, but I guess we make our own fortunes.”
“You don’t believe in fate then?” I asked.
“Oh, I absolutely believe in fate Matt. For example, I think you and I ended up here, together, for a reason tonight.” I was surprised at the shift in conversation.
“Oh yeah. What’s that?” Michael asked with a smile on his face. He was loving this.
“To purge everything before, experience the moment, and reach out to the next”. I suddenly wondered who she was, why was she left on the side of a road alone in the first place. She must have sensed the surprise “That might be a bit heavy I suppose. But it might be tempting. We can pretend nothing happened before tonight. Just be two people figuring out what to do next. Not what we should do next. Step in to the rabbit hole.”
“Like Alice in Wonderland?” I asked. What an odd reference, I thought.
“What happened to me, Blondie,” Michael taunted. “I don’t change your world?”
Cassie ignored him. “You never know what comes next. You just have to take the first step.” she smiled back at me.
“Crazy.” Michael coughed into his hand. She smiled and sat back flicking through my iPhone and I whacked Michael on the shoulder.
We kept driving on, Michael yawning intermittently. As we went through a particularly barren looking stretch of land, Cassie suddenly sprung up in the seat.
“Wait!” she exclaimed. “Can we stop? I want to show you guys the most amazing thing.” It won’t take a moment. To my surprise Michael stopped the car and looked at me expectantly.
“I don’t think so Cassie. We have to keep going.” I replied steadfast. She opened the door anyway and pulled herself out.
“Come on.” she pleaded.
Michael took the keys out of the ignition and went to get out. I grabbed his arm. “No way. What are you doing! We’re out in the middle of nowhere.”
He smi
led smugly back “She’s your girlfriend Matt. You don’t think she’d have pulled us here to get butchered while someone comes to steal your car do you?”
“You’re the one calling her crazy” I hesitated and he laughed. Cassie’s head suddenly appeared next to mine through the car window and I jumped. She had a beaming smile.
“C’mon. It’s beautiful and we will be back on the road in a second….”. I had no idea why she had this pull over me but my immediate instinct was to run into the dark after her.
“Just – really quickly.” I replied unhappily. Michael was already standing out of the car and I sluggishly joined him and Cassie who had linked her arm through his. As I walked up she did the same to me. Michael looked at me, and smiled at my worry.
“Oh wait, I know what will make you feel better” he exclaimed as he turned around and dramatically pressed the key lock on the car. As the lights flashed I shot him a look that could kill. As if that would deter someone out in the middle of nowhere in the first place.
“So Cassie, how far are we going out in to the middle of nowhere?” Michael asked politely, though the sarcasm was clearly notable.
“We’re just here.” she said as we approached a large rock that stuck out of the dessert’s skin. She let our arms go and skipped ahead. I stood next to Michael and he looked at me. The only large enough structure to be hiding someone or something behind it and she was taking us there. We both hesitated.
Michael broke the silence for us. “My money’s on the crazy boyfriend and we are both being buried together side by side”.
“You sound awfully calm.” I replied.
“I’ll only have a problem if I have to be buried on top of you mate.” he chuckled and walked away backwards sticking his hands out in front of him Frankenstein-like and giving me a mock look of horror, before returning to his usual suave self. I took a deep breath and walked forward.
Just behind the rock face Cassie was sitting kneeling and it took my eyes a minute to adjust. “Ready?” she asked. With that she stood and blew lightly across the rock, standing to do so and the rock-face lit up with a thousand tiny firefly bugs. They were awakened to life as her breath met them. They flew in to the air disturbed, but beautiful. It really was something. I had expected a giant Viking with a club, not fireflies.
Michael sat down and watched enthralled. “How did you know this was here” he asked.
“I used to come here as… a child….to get away. My other sister and I used to come together. It wasn’t ever Cam’s thing.”
“My sister used to love fireflies.” Michael said. He had once had a little sister until about 10 years ago. She had died in a car accident on the way home from a soccer match in a car pool with a friend. His family had never quite been the same and I wondered if some of his reckless behaviour over the years had come from an oxymoronical fear of dying, of loss. Cassie came and sat beside us. They both looked lost and thoughtful as they leaned back, watching the light show. After a while the tiny lights dulled as the creatures returned to sleep and we headed back to the car and took off on the road again.
As we drove into the next down, Michael didn’t slow down.
“You’re not dropping me off?” Cassie said, more of a statement than a question.
“You’re OK. No fun leaving you standing in the road.” Michael replied. I smiled at him and he hit me in the side in jest.
As we passed through the short main street and on to more freeway Cassie gave me a look that made me swallow hard. Michael kept driving silently while Cassie and I kept talking about other things. Books, music, theories of time and relatively. It was surprising that for her youth, she had read an incredible amount about history, physics, poetry. I was becoming more impressed with her by the minute. I was so interested in what she said, hanging off her words that I didn’t even notice we drove through the night and dawn was approaching. As the first rays of light broached the horizon, Cassie fell asleep, curled in the corner against the window. I wondered how she could be comfortable at all like that, but she slept so soundly she didn’t even stir as we pulled into a motel. Michael and I rolled out of the car.
“Room?” I asked.
“Room!” he replied.
My eyes were sore and I yawned as I signed for the room and took the key. I shook Cassie to try and wake her but she was dead asleep. I parked as close to the room as possible and carried her in. I had chosen a room with two single beds and fold out sofa so I lay her down on one of the beds. The whole room looked faded orange and tired.
Michael took the sofa bed and fell on to it gratefully, before he even pulled out the bed from beneath the cushions.
Cassie didn’t stir once as I lay her legs under the covers that I drew up over her chest. Her skin was cold and I felt her forehead and cheek. “You are freezing” I whispered. “Hey Michael, I think something’s wrong with Cassie – she’s so cold.”
“Don’t worry.” Came his exhausted reply. “All women are like that. Let her sleep.” I frowned as I covered her up. I had barely got under the covers of my bed before I lost consciousness into the sweet relief of sleep.