“I didn’t mean for that to happen,” he says thickly. “Just so you know.”
I nod. “I know.”
“But I can’t leave it at that. I just can’t. Riley. Please…you don’t have to forgive me. But tell me you’ll at least try.”
I take in a deep breath, trying to avoid his pleading eyes. They look so fucking blue right now, so beautiful. I’m watching his soul.
“I’m hurt,” I admit, my voice breathless, soft.
“I know.”
“But I know you’re hurting too. We all are.”
He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “It’s going to hurt for a while. But I don’t want to hurt alone. I don’t want to do anything without you. Will you at least consider coming back to the team?”
I look at him in surprise. “I never left Mav. I just needed some time. But I’m not quitting. I don’t want to run anymore.”
His mouth quirks up into a soft smile. “You’ll stay?”
“I will. You guys need me.” I added that last bit as a joke but he’s nodding.
“We all need you,” he says. “And I need you most of all.”
We stare at each other for a few moments as those words float around us like the season’s first snowfall. Then I clear my throat. “I think I need another day, but then I’ll come in. I’ll be ready.”
“Then I will be ready too.”
He picks up my hand and kisses the back of it. “I’m going to go home now. Tomorrow we’ll get our heads on straight. Then we’ll get back to business. I can pick you up before work.”
“Okay,” I say softly.
And then I watch as he walks out of the room.
I have no idea what anything means anymore.
But at least I know I’m not giving up.
That counts for a lot of things.
Sometimes that counts for everything.
18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Maverick
I know that Riley and I don’t exactly know where we stand with each other right now, but we know where we stand when it comes to work. It’s our first full day back and though we probably shouldn’t go in together, I want to be there for her every step of the way. Hell, maybe I just need her to be there for me.
I pick her up at 8:30 in the morning, a little later than normal, and then we drive toward the office. The snow is finally tapering off and the breeze has the smell of spring in it again. I think this time the spring is here to stay.
We don’t talk much in the truck and it’s awkward and that’s okay.
I’m thinking about the sex from the other night.
I’m thinking about how good it was, how good she is.
I’m thinking about all she’s gone through recently, not only with Tim, with Jace, but with Levi as well.
I’m thinking about her heart and how I had it in my hands and now I don’t.
I’m thinking about how we might not get back what we had.
But, fuck, I’ll try. Even if she doesn’t want it, I will try.
We get to the building and I’m about to pull my truck up the driveway into my parking spot but it’s blocked. There’s a rental car in the spot instead.
“Weird,” I say to Riley as we get out of the truck and head to the door.
I open it and we both stop the moment we step inside.
There’s a man standing in the middle of the room, wearing an ill-fitting brown suit, his back to us.
He turns around and smiles. I don’t trust the smile. It’s not threatening, but it’s false. It’s the smile that belongs to someone that tries too hard.
He pushes up the glasses on his nose, still smiling, beady eyes. He’s like a less likable Stephen Merchant.
“Are you John Nelson?” the guy asks.
“I am,” I tell him, frowning.
“And this is Riley Clarke?” he goes on, smiling at her now.
“How can I help you?” I ask him.
“Take a seat,” he says, gesturing to two chairs he’s arranged in the middle of the room.
“Where is everyone?” Riley asks, not moving, and I just notice that the office is entirely empty except for the three of us.
“I sent them off for a bit,” the man says. He gestures to the chairs, big smile. “Please.”
I fold my arms across my chest. “I’m sorry, but who are you?”
“Oh, yes, of course,” he says and he comes forward, handing me a business card he gets from the leather portfolio in his hands. I notice his hands shake just a bit.
I stare at it.
William Mapother
BC Emergency Management
Human Resources.
My eyes snap back to him while Riley takes the card from me.
Oh shit.
The boss.
“Sorry to have to do it this way,” he says to us. “But I got the email yesterday and there wasn’t enough time to set things up. Normally we like to give you a bit of a head’s up when HR is in the area.”
“What’s going on?” Riley asks warily.
“Please sit,” he says again. “I have some questions I need to ask the two of you.”
Oh fuck.
I know what this is about.
They know.
The government knows.
Someone told.
We’re getting fired.
I look at Riley and she’s as wide-eyed as I am. It takes all my resolve to slip a stone mask on, to pretend that this is something I can handle and everything is going to be fine.
We take our seats.
“So, as you can see, my name is William Mapother and like you, I work for the government of British Columbia. In fact, we’ve been in email contact a lot, John,” he says to me. I just stare at him. I don’t remember the names of anyone above me, not really. It’s all bureaucrats who couldn’t be further removed from what we do. They, like this fucker here, all work in an office, playing it straight from the safety of their desks. We’re the ones out in the wilderness, risking our lives and breaking the rules.
Though I know it’s our rule-breaking that has brought him here.
He looks to Riley. “And Riley, I believe we had a phone interview together.”
She also stares at him blankly.
He clears his throat again and prattles on. “And we think North Ridge Search and Rescue is doing a fairly good job. You’ve answered every call you’ve gotten. You’ve saved lives. And, until recently, you minimized your own risk.” Ouch. “In fact, there’s talk of extending your jurisdiction over towards Cranbrook and Fernie.”
Right. Of course. Which means more work for us, less people, same pay. But this isn’t about that right now.
“However,” William says, clearing his throat. He stands in front of us, looking down at the pad of paper in his portfolio, as if he’s written everything down and he’s reading a speech. Actually, I think he is. “However, it has come to our attention that there have been some complications at this office between the personnel and that complication has started to affect the work.”
“What’s the complication?” I ask point blank.
He gives me a quick, unsure smile. “Well, uh, this is a little awkward for me to talk about. You’ll have to forgive me, I haven’t been on the job all that long. I’m sort of the boy they send out to do the dirty work, if you know what I mean.” He smiles at us again. Both Riley and I stare right back. His smile disappears. “Right, so. I’m sure both of you are aware of the rules we have in place to prevent fraternization. That is correct?”
I grunt my response.
He clears his throat again. “So, as it happens, the rules are in place so that the work isn’t jeopardized. In the past, we have found that team members who are involved in intimate relationships can struggle to get the work done. Often, and as it is, one may sacrifice their time or lives for said team member instead of a member of the public. It is not only a distraction from the life-saving efforts at hand, it puts effort down another avenue, one not conducive to be
ing a reliable search and rescue member.”
“It would help if you said it in plain English and not reading off a damn script,” I tell him.
He blinks at me in shock. “Oh. Right.” He lowers the portfolio. “The TL;DR version is, having sexual relations with another colleague is a fireable offense.”
“TL;DR?” I repeat.
“Too long, didn’t read,” Riley translates for me.
I glance at her, amazed at how composed she’s being.
I look back to William. “And…?” I coax him.
“We have reason to believe that you two have been having sexual relations with each other, and as such, one of you must be fired.”
And there you have it, folks.
“What makes you think that?” Riley asks. “For the record, publicly, we are just friends and co-workers. He’s my boss. We are not together in a relationship.”
The way she says it is so final and yet it’s true. After the other night at the bar, nothing between us really changed, it just opened up a small avenue of forgiveness.
“Were you involved in a sexual relationship at the time of Tim Lee’s death?”
Don’t answer that, I tell Riley with my eyes and then say to William, “You never answered her question. What makes you think we were in a so-called sexual relationship?” I hate having to lie about this, it feels wrong, but I will do it to save our asses. “Do you have proof?”
“I have someone’s word,” he says simply. “The same person who alerted us to the problem yesterday.”
“Who is the someone?” I ask even though I know.
Riley knows.
Neil!
He ignores my question. “He saw it with his own eyes. Always suspected it, apparently, anyway, but he was at some pub, the bear trap, the other night and happened upon you two in a, um, compromising manner.”
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
He was there? I don’t remember seeing him at all but he must have been. Maybe he was there with Jace. He must have followed us to the back room and then seen me nailing Riley against the wall.
I don’t know what to say. It comes to my word against Neil’s, like I always thought it would. I almost want to point out that he screwed Riley before I got the chance but that’s not going to help anything and it’s just going to embarrass her. If she’s not embarrassed as hell already.
I sneak a glance at her. She’s absolutely still except for her hands that she’s wringing together. Her features are stiff but her eyes are filled with anticipation and fear. She knows what’s coming.
“So now what?” I ask William.
“Uh, well now I have to fire you.”
“Both of us?” I ask.
“No,” he says. “We can’t afford to lose yet another team member.”
The words are a knife to my heart and he knows it.
“I’ll just have to let go of Riley. Sorry, but you’re the newest member and you’re the most expendable.”
Riley makes a small gasping sound.
“You can’t fire her,” I tell him. “Because I quit.”
Riley gasps even louder. “Mav! What the hell are you doing?”
“Uh, you can’t quit,” William says. “This is your team. The team needs you. We can’t afford to lose four members in one week.”
“Four?”
“Tim and Jace are gone. Now it’s Riley. You’re staying, John.”
“Jace?” I repeat.
He nods. “He doesn’t want anything to do with this team anymore. You both scarred him for life. I imagine that’s why he was the first to call and complain about you.”
“Jace?” I repeat, getting to my feet. “Jace is the one who tattletaled?”
William takes a nervous step back. “It’s hardly called being a tattletale when you’re an adult. It’s called informing. Being a narc, if you will. But yes, he’s the one who saw you at the bar and reported you. I think you can understand why. He blames you for what happened to him, naturally.” He pauses. “Who did you think it was?”
“Neil,” Riley says getting to her feet. “We thought it was Micropenis Neil.”
“Micropenis Neil?” William and I repeat in unison.
“Yeah,” she says, skirting over the whole micropenis thing. “It was Jace?”
“Yes,” he says. “Regardless of who reported it though, we have to take these allegations seriously. And since neither of you are denying it, I’m sorry Riley but you’re going to have to be let go.”
“If you fire her, I quit,” I tell him again, crossing my arms.
“Maverick, don’t,” she hisses at me.
I ignore her, keep my gaze steady on William. “I’m serious. I quit. I no longer work for the search and rescue team.”
William sighs, his eyes seeking the ceiling. “John. Come on. We appreciate the heroics here but this isn’t worth throwing your career away. You’ve been working hard for this your whole life. You just got the promotion. Think about it for a second.”
I shake my head. “You have no idea what you’re talking about, do you? This woman,” I point at her, “is worth throwing everything away for. You might think that this is just some fling, that she’s disposable. She isn’t. She’s a force of nature. She’s brave and funny and gorgeous and wonderful. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, let alone this team, and I will do whatever it takes for her to see that, and that includes losing my job. So go fucking ahead, fire her, but I’m going with her.”
William looks at me, looks at Riley.
I’m breathing hard after that whole speech and Riley is staring at me with tears in her eyes. Shocked. I’m shocked too, to be honest, but I meant every word of it.
“I fucking love you, Riley Clarke,” I tell her.
Her mouth drops open.
“You do?” she manages to say, her voice a whisper.
“With every part of me,” I say, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her against me. I kiss her, hard, her body softening in my hands, oblivious to our audience.
When we pull apart, she’s smiling so sweetly, dazed. She cups my face with her hand, I rest my forehead against hers.
“And I love you,” she says.
Fuck.
They can take everything away from me right now, it doesn’t matter. I’ve got her.
I’ve got her.
She loves me.
“Oh boy,” William says. We both look over to him. He’s looking down, pinching the bridge of his nose beneath his glasses.
I grab Riley’s hand in a show of solidarity.
She squeezes it back. “And if Maverick quits, I quit too.”
William sighs, shoulders slumped for a moment. Then he straightens up. “Okay, you’re both fired.”
“What!?” we exclaim.
“I’m sorry,” he says, throwing out his arms. “I have to do something, that’s why I was sent here. You’re both gone. That’s it. Gather up your things.”
“What’s going on?” comes Tony’s voice.
The three of us look to the door where Tony and Neil are standing, box of donuts and coffees in hand.
“I’ve had to let the two of them go,” William says.
“Actually, we both quit,” I tell them.
“Why?” Neil asks.
“You all know the rules,” William says, sounding exasperated. “I know this is the wild west out here in this province, but we have rules and limits in place to keep people safe and in line. These two have been romantically involved and as a result, they’re jeopardizing the team.”
“We should be the judge of that,” Neil says. I look at him, brows raised. I have no idea how this is going to go. “I’m on the team. So is Tony. Mav can’t be the leader one hundred per cent of the time. He is by default, I know that, but it’s not humanly possible. If he misses a call, the rest of us take it and that’s the way it works. Tim was a great man and more than capable of leading. I like to think each of us can. So he took the call. It’s not Maverick??
?s responsibility to take everything on. He leads but he’s a team leader and we’re the team.”
I exchange a glance with Riley. I wonder if she’s regretting calling him Micropenis Neil. I don’t think so.
“It’s not just because he’s the leader,” William says. “I don’t care if their…relationship…doesn’t affect the job or not. Those are the rules.”
“The rules can go fuck themselves,” Tony says, biting into an éclair.
“Agreed,” Neil adds. “And if they quit, I quit too.”
“Ditto,” Tony says through a mouthful.
“You guys,” I say, “please, you don’t have to do this. In fact, don’t do this.”
“You’re not our boss anymore,” Neil says. “Sorry, Mav. We don’t have a boss.”
“You have got to be kidding me,” William says, slapping his portfolio against his leg. “You can’t all quit. There will be no one to run this place.”
“That’s your problem, pal,” Tony says.
William looks at all of us, shaking his head. “You don’t…you can’t just. Who…do you know the amount of paperwork involved in this? I have to hire another five people and get them oriented. I mean, shit.”
“Yeah, or,” Riley says slowly, “you could just not fire any of us and go on your merry little way.”
“We won’t tell a soul,” I say. “Just tell your bosses that you looked into the problem and there was no problem at all. Tell them that Jace left the team and there was no issue to correct.”
“No one has to know,” Neil says. “We can keep secrets here. Can you?”
He purses his lips and stares at us, eyes wide behind his glasses, trying to figure out the best course of action. I don’t know how long this staring contest goes on for but it’s enough for Tony to finish eating his éclair and move onto another donut.
“Fine,” William eventually says and we all breathe out a collective sigh of relief. He looks at his watch. “If I leave now, I can make an earlier flight back to Victoria.”
Everyone is too cautious to act.
“Are you serious?” I ask, stepping out and blocking him before reaching the door. “You’re not going to file anything when you get back to your office?”