Chapter 27
The day finally came for me to embark on the adventure of my life. It was bittersweet for a variety of reasons. I was overjoyed to be traveling to a place I’d dreamed of visiting since I was a ‘littler’ girl. Yet, for obvious reasons, I was anxious about what might happen once I got there. I felt sorry for both the guys who seemed to like me. Gray was going to all this effort to court me, not knowing that his opportunity with me had already come and gone. Ash was going to all this effort to watch Gray court me, not believing that Gray’s opportunity with me had already come and gone—though I did and said everything I could think of to reassure him, except decline to go on the trip in the first place. I knew it was all going to come to a point soon, and then take a rapid downhill trajectory, and I’d be lucky if there was anybody waiting for me at the bottom once this scary ride was over. If I ended up walking away from all of this alone, it would be no more than I deserved. If that was the case, I hoped I’d at least have some answers as a consolation prize.
Gray picked me up very early that morning. He’d caught a red-eye flight from Raleigh to Louisville and then made a detour from Louisville International to Eastwood to come and collect me personally and convey me on to the friendly skies. It was so early, in fact, that neither Mom nor Hoyt had left for work yet, though I think they would have gone in late or stayed home, if that’s what would have been required to see me off properly.
They walked us out to the car and my mom tried to get a month’s worth of embarrassing me into a single departing embrace, replete with kisses, which lasted so long I actually considered faking a faint to free myself. But, bless him, Hoyt intervened just before I hit my breaking point—like a preferred dance partner cutting in. His hug was short and sweet and infinitely more appropriate. Everyone should have a Hoyt in their life.
As soon as we pulled away, Gray had my hand. I sighed internally. Would it be wrong just to go with it? I couldn’t deny that it felt good—like having a fantasy come true. But I reminded myself that I was over that fantasy and had moved on to a very good reality. A messed up and confusing reality, but very good none-the-less…especially around midnight.
I waited for an appropriate time frame and then pretended like I needed my hand to open my bottle of water. Then I carefully occupied my left hand with holding and drinking the water for the rest of the ride.
I decided to take Lidia’s advice and make my intentions clear here at the beginning, on the way to the airport.
“Gray? Thank you so much for setting this up for me. I really do intend to pursue a career in geology, and this is invaluable experience. I owe you.”
I wanted to see if the truth mixed with a little reverse psychology would get me off the hook, just slightly.
He glanced over at me and half smiled, with one eyebrow raised. Then he yawned and said, “Thanks for coming, Little Feather. I’ll get back to you on the payment plan.”
Well, that didn’t go like I’d hoped. Little Feather? What’s that supposed to mean?
I thought about letting it slide; letting fear of embarrassment beat out curiosity. But Gray was clearly disappointed when I didn’t pursue it, so against my better judgment I asked, “Little Feather? Is that my Indian name?”
He laughed and replied, “No. That would be ‘Runs From Shadow’, I think,” and he laughed some more at his joke.
I laughed too. It was true.
“Little Feather is what I started calling you behind your back after we talked about that Radiohead song you like, where he says “you float like a feather…in a beautiful world,” he replied, singing it in a perfect mimic.
I just smirked and rolled my eyes, refocusing on the view out my side of the car. We’d had lots of discussions about music, lyrics in particular, during travel or down time in Iceland. Understanding the lyrics to songs I liked, and even those I didn’t, was an obsession for me. He had quizzed me exhaustively about the content and my interpretation of countless tunes. When it came to one of my favorites, he couldn’t understand why I identified with the singer and not the subject in the song ‘Creep’. I couldn’t understand why it mattered so much to him—still mattered, apparently. Now I absolutely let it go. Mercifully, he didn’t pursue it any further, and we finished our drive to Louisville International in companionable silence.
After dropping off the rental car we made our way through security and then checked in for our flight. Once we had our seat assignments, in first class, of course, Gray accompanied me as I followed the smell of Cinnabon to its source. Having this particular brand of monster size sweet roll swimming in butter and sugar was very nostalgic for me. It reminded me of Grandpa. He had always indulged my sweet tooth the way beloved grandparents often do, and we both especially loved Cinnabon in this regard. If things had been different for him, he’d probably be sitting here now, eating one of his own and then helping me with mine. Then again, probably not. It would have already happened, about a year ago, and none of us would be here today.
Our first flight carried us to Minneapolis for a brief stopover to refuel and switch out a few passengers. It was only for twenty minutes but I had no desire to leave the plane, so I declined Gray’s offer to join him while he stretched his legs and picked up a USA Today. My desire was to see my very well concealed love interest. He was supposed to be on our flight but I had not yet identified him, even though I had been carefully searching for him. I began to wonder if perhaps he’d reconsidered.
So it was with a mixture of relief and pleasure that I finally saw his gorgeous face seconds after Gray deplaned. He did not speak to me. He just caught my eye and nodded to the back of the plane as he stopped at my row, as if allowing me to exit. I jumped right up and walked purposefully past the first class lavatories for the more distant facilities in coach, at the very rear of the plane. No one was looking when I stepped inside the unoccupied airplane bathroom, and I thought he’d follow me in, since that obviously seemed to be the plan. But he did not. He turned and stood, as though waiting for me to waste my precious stolen moment with him taking a pee!
Whatever.
I grabbed his arm and pulled him inside with me, pushing past him in the cramped space to lock the door.
“What are you doing?” he demanded in a whispered version of yelling.
What was his plan supposed to have been? Meeting up in the cockpit?
I felt embarrassed for a split second, but I was so happy to see he hadn’t abandoned me that I completely forgot the rules and acted on instinct. I stretched onto my tiptoes to kiss him. Since I was still miles wide of the mark, I had to use my hands to tow his glorious, yet hilariously confused face the rest of the way down to my lips. It was brief, but very, very sweet.
I thought he might ‘yell’ at me some more, but instead he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled up and away to rest his chin safely on top of my head. I hugged him tighter, since that was the only option left at this point. Then, in one of those moments where afterwards I remind myself why it’s a good thing I don’t speak very often, I sighed, taking in the pleasure of the moment, and said, “I think the Mile High Club must be over-rated. Being together like that while camping would still have to be more comfortable, don’t you think?”
I was alluding to our ‘deal’ when he talked me out of going on his camping trip with Ray.
Wrong answer.
He was visibly shaken and pushed back, in the non-existent space available to do that. I was immediately apologetic and repentant.
“I’m sorry. That was a bad joke.”
He let me reel him back in to a hug. I tried to make atonement by correcting myself with, “On our wedding night, in some romantic and beautiful setting. That will be the most comfortable…and proper.”
I moved my chin in an affirmative nod, trying to underscore my absolute conviction in those words, while also trying to catch his eyes to see if he was buying it. He still looked shocked to me, but he nodded back in return. He was truly honorable. I hated
myself for teasing him. He deserved better than that.
“Ash? Promise me that you won’t let me scare you off with one of my bad jokes, okay?”
If I did, I’d definitely deserve it.
He nodded speechlessly again.
I paused to collect my thoughts. Then I said, “I want to tell you something. I didn’t mention this before because I thought you’d probably try to talk me out of it…”
There was absolutely no doubt he would have done just that.
“But, I just want you to know that I’m not going on this trip to make you jealous, or to see what life would be like with Gray, or because I couldn’t wait for you to take me yourself…”
His face was ambivalent.
“It’s because I think I’ll be able to figure out the reason for the surveillance while I’m with Gray. But don’t worry, I’ll be very careful not to get you fired—” he interrupted me with a real yell, fueled with angry energy.
“Ellery Mayne! You will do no such thing! You do not have to put yourself though this, not like this—”
I suppose I should have felt hurt at his tone with me, but instead I was jazzed. I’d never heard him speak my whole name before. It was silly, but it stirred up that happy but sick twist in my stomach that I usually felt just before seeing him.
Somehow, my mind stayed focused, despite his tone and my abstraction, and I knew exactly what to say to cut the power as I interrupted him right back.
“Ash! I’m ready to start my life with you. The sooner I figure this out the better…for me.”
Putting it like that pulled the plug on his argument. His eyes turned from winter to spring in an instant…warming me…again.
For the millionth time, I tried to reassure him of his hold on me.
“Now, don’t forget. This isn’t any more fun for me than it is for you. In fact, to help me through it, I’m imagining a time when I’ll be on a trip like this…with my husband.”
And then I gently patted my most treasured organic possession of all time and for all time: his heart, leaving mine behind in his custody as I slipped out and returned to my seat in first class.