Chapter Twenty-three
Friday moved along at a snail’s pace. I looked at the clock on the wall, at my watch, and the time on my phone every five minutes all morning long. I couldn’t help replaying my last few minutes with Max last night over and over. I wasn’t sure if I could make it until one o’clock. My imagination was running wild, and as much as I wanted to see his home, I mostly wanted some alone time with just the two of us.
All these sensations were foreign to me. Last night was the first time I was sure that Max felt the same about me. I knew he liked me, I’d seen his spark of jealousy enough that I knew he cared, but last night he nearly set me ablaze. With forty-five minutes to go before my class let out, I decided I’d much rather wait in the sunshine. I gathered my books, packed my bag and stepped out of class. This late in the semester, half the students skipped anyway. I made my way out to the front of the building. I took five steps outside the door, and there it was. It was only 12:15, but Max’s truck was waiting at the curb.
I sprinted to the truck, ripped the door open and was inside in a matter of seconds. Max hadn’t seen me coming, so my abrupt appearance startled him. Before he could get a word out, “I am soooo glad you’re early.” The blaze was fully ignited.
Max pried himself away from me and looked at me deep enough to make me melt right there on the seat. He wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my hair. I could feel his breath on my neck. “Okay, we need to stop doing this or we’ll never get there.” He moved back to the driver’s seat, but pulled me close to his side and kept his arm around me.
Although mildly disappointed that we didn’t detour to his apartment, I found myself again excited about seeing his home. We drove in silence for a long while, not the uncomfortable silence following an argument but the silence that comes from quiet anticipation. The truck turned off the main road, and the sun was nearly blocked out from the canopy of branches from the trees on either side. We stayed on this shadowed road for just a few minutes when we came to a brick entryway with huge iron gates. Max reached up to a compartment in the roof and pushed what looked like a garage door opener, and the two immense gates opened wide for us to drive through. The lane from the gate wound on for better than a mile. Each side of the drive was lined by large Crape Myrtle trees spaced about a car length apart.
As we got nearer the end of the drive, I saw the most enormous oak tree I’d ever seen, even bigger than the ones at Middleton Plantation. Max stopped the truck, and I got out, staring at the tree. The width of the tree trunk was wider than I was tall, at least eight feet. On one side a frayed tire swing hung loosely, as if it hadn’t been swung on in decades.
I was so overwhelmed by the oak tree that I completely missed the house behind it. About a hundred yards directly behind the gigantic tree sat an amazing house that looked like a miniature castle. It was all brown brick trimmed by tan shutters with a tan metal roof. The front porch ran the length of the front of the house.
I stood motionless, taking it all in and didn’t realize that Max had come up behind me. He was standing close and gently placed his hands on my shoulders. “This is your home?”
“Do you like it?”
“Of course, it’s beautiful.”
“I’ve wanted to bring you here since I got back, but I wanted to make sure you would have enough time to explore. There’s a lot to see.”
“Why do you even keep an apartment in the city?”
“That apartment is just where I sleep. This place is my home. This is where I grew up. It’s a little too far to commute when I’m on call, so I keep an apartment near the hospital.”
The place was in great shape, the lawn mowed, the bushes all trimmed, “Who lives here?”
“Julio’s the caretaker. He stays in the guest house out back. For a long time I couldn’t stay in the house, too many memories. But now I’m out a couple times a week. Missy loves it here; she’s not very happy cooped up in the apartment all day. Julio took care of her for me when I went out of town. Since I’ve been back, I’ve been spending a good bit of my free time with you, so he’s been watching her. She’s around here somewhere.” He spoke softly in my ear, “I love that you’re here.”
“Me too.”
His Golden Retriever, Missy, barreled around a corner as soon as she saw us. She pranced in circles around Max, letting him know she’d missed him, then made her way to me for another warm welcome. “C’mon, let me show you one of my other favorite girls.” Max took me by the hand and walked around the house to a huge red barn. Like everything else, it looked to be meticulously cared for. It was a deep red with bright white trim. Max opened a stubborn door and led me in. “Hi, Christy, I want you to meet Lauren.”
In front of us, in a huge stall was a tall grey horse. When she heard him, she gave out a welcome and walked over to him. As he reached out to pet her, she put her head down low, and he scratched her ears. Max spoke sweetly to the animal, and it was evident that she, too, was his.
From inside the barn we went through a side door that led to a covered parking area with a golf cart. “Let me guess, you have a golf course here, too?” Nothing would have surprised me now.
“No, but there’s a lot to see, so we’ll do a riding tour.” Max drove all around the estate, pointing out things that only someone connected to it would know. Nestled deep in a wooded area was an old tobacco barn that was more than a hundred years old. He showed me the garden where he had more types of vegetables than most grocery stores. We went out to a lake at the very back of the property and then made our way back to the house.
In awe of this place and thrilled that he was sharing it with me today, “This place is like a wonderland.”
When we made our way into the house, it was the first time I noticed its odd shape. The whole house was shaped like the letter U. The front of the house had a gigantic family room, a bar, kitchen and dining room. In the lower part of the U were three bedrooms, and the back half of the house was the master suite. Where the opening to the U should have been was a large seven foot brick wall, giving the feel of a compound protected from the outside world. In this center courtyard surrounded by the rest of the house was a swimming pool. The pool was visible from every angle inside the house, but it was invisible from the exterior of the home. “Wow,” was all I could manage.
After our tour of his house, he asked, “So what do you feel like doing?”
“Max, this place is beyond words. I’ve never seen anything, anywhere, like it. If I were with anyone else, I’d have a million things I’d want to do, but I don’t care what we do as long as I can keep spending time with you.”
“We could lay around by the pool.”
“You didn’t tell me to bring a swimsuit.”
“It isn’t like there’s a dress code. I’ve got a pair of shorts and a t-shirt you could put on.” He walked me down the hall and pointed me to a dresser, “There’s bound to be something in here you can wear.”
I’m normally self conscious in a bathing suit, so this kept my nervousness manageable. When I got to the pool, he was already lying on a chaise lounge. There was a second setting just to the side of the one he lay in, so I sat down.
Conversation between us came easy, so our time together flew by. Before I realized it, it was nearly 6:00. He noticed the time. “I guess I’d better get you back and get going to work.”
“Okay, I’ll go get changed.”
Max reached his hand to my arm, “Wait, before you go . . .” He paused as if the easy conversations we’d had for the last several hours somehow left him speechless. “Lauren . . . I really care for you . . . a lot.”
I could feel a warmth wash over me. For the first time I could feel his emotion as clear as I could anyone else’s. I knew what he was trying to say – I could feel it. Knowing what someone feels before they have the nerve to actually put it into words is never a good idea –
I learned this lesson when I was five and had decided to paint my father’s car blue.
“Me too.”
“I’ve never been a jealous person, at least not until recently. I got all bent out of shape about you helping Paul. I knew you were doing the right thing, for the right reason, but I couldn’t help myself. I can’t stand feeling like this.”
Max didn’t look at me - here I was expecting him to come right out and tell me he was as madly in love with me as I was with him, and he was talking about Paul? Then my mind flashed to last night and Paul’s misinterpretation of my help as some sort of a come on, and the guilt began to wash over me.
“I trust you. I just hope you get that I’ve never cared so much for anyone before, and I’m not very good at showing it – without coming off like a jerk.”
I was taken so much by surprise, which is doubly amazing given that thirty seconds ago I was sure he was going to use the “L” word. “Max, from the first time I realized who you were, there was never a doubt in my mind that you would never have to share me with anyone.”
“Realized who I was? I don’t understand. What do you mean?”
“Max there’s so much I want to talk to you about.” I paused, nervous that I could potentially spoil our perfect day. There was no need to rush to start analyzing my dreams. How much was safe to say? His hand was still on my arm, and without thinking it through, I quietly added, “But it’s kind of a long story, and I know you have to get going to work.”
“We don’t have to leave this minute. What do you mean by when you realized who I was?”
“I told you about those dreams I had before we met?” He nodded that he remembered. “Well, it was really just one dream – the same one lots of times.”
“So was I on the beach working on my tan or what?”
“Before I get into the specifics on the dream I need to make sure you know that I . . . that I’m not making . . . I mean it’s not a joke. . .”
“Lauren, I’m not laughing. What was your dream?”
“It was you, Max. The whole thing, it was about meeting you and spending the rest of my life with you. Gawd I feel like an idiot.” I tried to bury my face in my hands.
Max stepped over his chair and scooped me up, then sat back down with me lying across him. Suddenly I had no desire to talk about the dream, about how hopelessly in love with him I felt, about anything. I wanted to pick up exactly where we had left off last night in his truck. This time my hands found a lot of exposed skin.
His hands held both my arms at my side, when he asked, “Lauren, I really want to know, what was this dream about?”
“Before I scare you off with the dream . . . I think it only fair . . . I mean you should know . . . I mean I want you to know . . .” tongue-tied I couldn’t say it.
“Just say it.”
“Max, I’m so in love with you I can’t think straight.” I can’t believe I just told him I loved him. This was his chance to bolt, but realistically hearing this was way easier to swallow than hearing the details from the dream I’ve had of him for the last four years.
I felt his fingers lifting my chin, and I still kept my eyes averted not wanting for the love I was feeling not to be returned. Max’s voice was gentle when he asked, “Lauren, look at me.” I looked up and saw softness mixed with apprehension staring back at me. “Lauren, if you don’t mean it - take it back.”
Take it back? Was he serious?
He pulled me to him in a tight embrace, silence the only thing between us. He whispered in my ear, “I need to know that I’m not imagining what you just said. My imagination has been in high gear lately, and I need to know that you really just told me that you love me.”
I nodded, not able to get a word out.
“Lauren, I know you don’t know me very well, or at least not as well as I would like you to. But you have to understand that if it were in my power to create a person, more than a person - a partner, I would have created you.” My stomach started doing summersaults.
“From the moment I saw you in the restaurant that night, my life changed. I could hardly concentrate on your injuries because I was so taken with you. That ride to the hospital was a nightmare; you’d lost so much blood and you just kept bleeding.
I was fixated on trying to stop the blood, while you didn’t seem to give your injuries a second thought. You’d just been shot, your body was leaking like a sieve, and your heart started failing. When your heart stopped, I begged you to stay. Did you know that?”
Max paused…I couldn’t form an answer.
“I did heart compressions on you for twenty minutes, all the way to the operating room. All I could do was pump your heart for you, until we got to the hospital, and I screamed at the doctor to get your heart going again. I don’t know how many times I called the hospital that night trying to find out where you were and how you were doing. When Dr. Gracie called me the next morning to tell me he had talked to you, and you were fine, I can tell you I didn’t think I would ever have a more significant moment in my life.”
I stared at Max in disbelief. We’d been taking things so slowly, I was clueless that he felt so strongly.
“That was until two nights later when we kissed, and it felt like gravity had let go, and you were a magnet holding me in place. I promised myself I wouldn’t say anything to scare you off, but you need to know that even though I didn’t want to wait three months to see you, I would have waited three years if I had to.”
Max left me speechless. My thoughts were in a flurry. Max felt the same draw I did. Could he have had the same dream I did? This attraction between us – how could it be so strong? Hearing his description of the night we met gave me goose bumps. I leaned closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder.
It didn’t sound like there was one note of humor in anything he had just shared. “Max, I’ve never been in love before.”
It was Max’s turn to be silent. No reaction came for a long time; he was looking at me and I couldn’t read his expression. I’ve always been able to read anyone, even strangers who I only glimpse for a few seconds. Max was different. Other than that warmth a few minutes ago, he’d been like a blank sheet of paper – it drove me crazy to guess.
Finally, Max whispered, “At this point I’ve been trying to take it as slow as possible, not wanting to smother you. I would move a mountain one bucket of dirt at a time if you asked me to.” He took a deep breath. “The day I decided to give you some room and let you deal with the Seth situation was one of the hardest days of my life. I couldn’t get you outta my head, and I couldn’t stand to see you with Seth. I knew if I didn’t give you space, I would be this enormously jealous guy who you would end up hating. So I took the easy way out - I left. But what you don’t realize is from that very first moment, I knew you were the reason for me to breathe.” His amazing green eyes never dropped my gaze, and he took both my hands in his. “I don’t want to take you back to the city, I want you to stay here with me. At least for a little while.” Max, without even a trace of apology in his voice, led me to his bedroom.
Max laid me on his bed gently and climbed in beside me. His hand was gliding over my arm and he leaned into my ear, “Lauren, I love you.”
If I don’t tell him now, I don’t know that I will ever have the courage to tell him in the future. “Max, can I tell you something really embarrassing?”
He kissed my shoulder, “You can tell me anything.”
“That night in the ambulance, do you remember what I said to you?”
“Are you kidding me? Of course I remember, I remember everything about that night. You might say that you made an impression on me.”
“This is going to sound insane, so much so that I wasn’t sure I could ever tell you, but if I don’t tell you now, I may not ever have the nerve again.” He was paying attention, so I continued. “That dream that I had about you, before we met?”
Max nodded. “In my dream you told me that we were each other’s destiny; that we would meet soon. You told me that we had certain things we had to accomplish while we were alive, and you and I chose each other before we were born. It was important that we be together. You told me that my courage was what would bring me to you. I know how it sounds, but I swear I’m not making it up. I wouldn’t even tell you at all except in every dream you told me that you wouldn’t remember me, that I would have to help you remember.”
He looked a little skeptical, “In your dream I told you that I wouldn’t know you?”
“The first time I had it, when I woke up I thought it was the strangest dream ever. I was so surprised by the clarity of it that I was embarrassed to share it with anyone. It was so vivid, it felt more like we had been two people talking all night long than it did any outrageous fantasy. Then I kept having it, night after night, since I was in high school. If that isn’t bad enough, that lady Rewsna I told you about? She knew all about my dream, even though I’ve never told anyone, ever.”
Max hesitated as if he didn’t want to offend me, then quietly asked, “So we’re supposed to be together to accomplish what?”
“I wish I knew. You told me that my courage would bring me to you; that was how we were going to meet. So when I saw you in the restaurant that night everything clicked. I knew why I knew the robber was dangerous before he ever got to the counter. I knew the bullet was meant for me before he ever pulled the trigger.”
“I’m not sure what you want me to do about this? Coming from anyone else I would think it a little far-fetched, but…”
“But what? Do you know something?”
He shook his head, “Not the way you’re talking about it. But I can feel an energy when I’m near you. The night in the hospital when I first kissed you, I felt like a jolt of electricity came from you into me. I can’t describe it, but I knew there was something about you that wasn’t like anyone else. What else happened in the dream?”
He’s actually asking; maybe if I just tell him the words he’ll know what they mean. “You said something about Empathy, Trust, Virtue and….Passion.”
“What? What did I say about them?” These words meant no more to him than the definitions from a dictionary. His confusion was understandable. I remember the dream, and I’m just as confused.
“You told me courage would bring me to you. Not typical courage like reciting a report in front of a class, but real courage. When the thing happened at the restaurant, I wasn’t trying to be courageous, it just happened. Then when I saw you in the ambulance, I nearly panicked, not because I felt I was in any real danger, but because it was clear my dream was coming true. You held my hand in the ambulance, and it was too much, my body felt like it was out of control. I know that you think it was from all the blood I lost, but I was fine until you touched me: my heart was trying to tell me who you were. When I woke up the next day, I thought the whole thing must have been my imagination, but then you came to my room, and . . . and I knew that it really did happen, and my dream was really coming true.”
I knew how irrational this sounded, and I wondered what he must be thinking. After a few seconds of silence, he asked, “So empathy, trust, virtue and passion: you don’t have any idea what that is about?”
“You told me that I had to be courageous on my own, but that you would help me with the other four.”
A wicked smile flashed, “I’ve got to tell you that I don’t expect passion to be too difficult with you, and I am happy to oblige.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at him. Here I was basically telling him that I was completely off the deep end, and he was making a joke. “I wouldn’t tell you any of this at all, except you told me that you wouldn’t remember any of this when we met in person, and it was my job to make you remember. Then when I met Rewsna, she told me the same thing. Believe me, I know exactly how crazy this all sounds, but in my dream you were so insistent, and you were the one with all the answers.”
“Okay, I believe you. Whatever passion thing you dreamt about, I’ve got some ideas in that area.” He pressed his body against me while his tongue made its way up my neck. I responded by pressing hard against him as my lips found his mouth and crushed hard against his. Our kissed deepened as a moan escaped him.
Max ever so gently eased away from me. When I opened my eyes, he looked down into them with his amazing speckled green eyes. Uncertain why he had moved from me, I asked, “Did I do something wrong?”
“Lauren, no - you haven’t done anything wrong. I think we’d better slow down before we start doing everything right.” The restraint in his body was evident, with every muscle in his arm rigid and bulging.
I was naïve, more so than I wanted to be. I didn’t have skills in seduction. My only experience had been hearing stories from my girlfriends and watching hundreds of movies. I didn’t want this moment to end and definitely wanted the fire within me to continue to burn. I whispered, “It’s okay, I really want this.”
Max looked torn, “This is too soon. No matter how bad I want it to happen, I don’t want it to happen now.”
“Max, I’ve been dreaming of you for so long. I don’t want us to stop.”
“Lauren, it isn’t the right time. I really need to get you home.” This time Max let go of me completely and rolled away.
Panic intertwined with rejection, in a near whisper but loud enough for him to hear, “Max, don’t go. If you don’t want me, I won’t push it, but don’t go yet.”
“Don’t want you? Lauren, I’ve never wanted anything in my whole life the way I want to be with you right now.”
Max eased back over to me and slid his body to mine. He was shaking, his hands moved to my face, “You don’t get it. I love you. I’ll be with you until my last breath. Can you blame me for wanting to savor you a little?” He pulled me in close and began caressing me gently from my shoulder to my hips, he whispered how much he loved me while I felt his heat against me. His words of loved acted as a lullaby and without meaning to, I fell gently to sleep in his arms.