When the ground shook, I thought I’d imagined it. The boom that followed threw me backwards as the walls around us caught on fire. The Sisters screamed and ran for the doors. I wanted to follow, but Sister T’Qui’s robes went up in flames. No one was helping her. I grabbed a blanket, putting out the heat while she screamed in utter agony. I wasn’t big, but I wasn’t small either. I grabbed her by her shoulders, even knowing she was in utter pain, and dragged her to the front of the campus. Bombs were going off. From the sky.
What was happening? Why would anyone bomb this place of all places? A bunch of women in prayer all day?
I didn’t have time to figure it out. The Sisters had all huddled in a corner with their Initiates. That looked like a terrible idea. They needed to run; they needed to be not so obvious to whomever wanted to hurt them. I screamed for them to move. Either they didn’t hear me or they didn’t care.
If weapons were cognizant, I would swear the bombs saw them too. I dropped to my knees as the women I hadn’t liked but had lived with for the last four years died before my eyes. Sister T’Qui wasn’t moving; her eyes were open as she stared at nothing, her eyes now unseeing.
With nothing else to do, I ran.
I must have run the entire night. Thomas had said to go north, and I did. They were strangers. They’d offered to help. Maybe they would now. I didn’t know where to tell them to send me. But anywhere had to be better than here.
I was cold, wet, covered in ash and blood. There was nothing between the Sisterhood and Grayland. I reached the town in the middle of the night. No one was around to ask about the McQueens, but I didn’t need any assistance. I saw a lit cabin atop the hill. I stumbled toward it and managed to knock once before I fell over.
The door swung open, and the twins stood over me. They seemed to react all at once; Keith pulled me into his arms while Quinn touched my forehead.
“Paloma.” Quinn moved out of the way to bring me inside. “Clay and Tommy made their way to the Sisterhood to look for you, to see if they could help. I’m so happy you came here. Put her on the couch, Keith.”
“That’s what I’m doing, Quinn.” He didn’t, exactly. Keith sat on the couch with me in his arms. I wasn’t going to complain. I shook so much I might fall if he put me down. “Are you hurt? She’s shaking really badly.”
Quinn nodded once. “I’m going to get ahold of the doctor. Keep her there with you.”
“Not going anywhere.”
Keith smoothed his hand over my cheek. “Does it hurt anywhere?”
“Everywhere. I’m sorry to put you out. I had nowhere to go. I didn’t know what to do.”
He shook his head gently. “This was what you should have done.”
The door swung open with a bang. Thomas and Clay strode into the room, both looking worse for the wear. Seeing me, they stopped.
“Oh thank the universe.” Clay dropped to his knees in front of me. “She’s here. Everyone is dead there. No one lived. They got everyone. And all I could think about was her. How we left her there.”
Thomas walked to the other side of the couch. “How badly is she hurt?”
“Quinn went for the doctor. She’s shaking badly.” He held me even closer. “I think it’s getting better.”
I tried to sit up, and Keith stopped me. I didn’t like being flat on my back while Thomas glared at me. Around him, I imagined I would always want to be at my best.
“I was j-j-just saying I am so s-s-sorry to bring this to you. I had nowhere else to go. They’re all dead. They all blew up.”
Thomas stroked my head. “I’m enormously glad you came here. Clay was a wreck thinking of you. The twins were worried. It’s good for us to know where you are and that you didn’t die, so that’s a good thing.”
He let go of my hair and stepped away. “Now the question is, what to do with you.”
“Not tonight, damn it, Tommy.” Clay sat down, picking up my legs and placing them on his knees to keep me stretched out over him. “Tonight she’s here. She’s here as long as she needs to be, end of story.”
Thomas didn’t answer, but it didn’t matter because Quinn returned with the doctor. I was lifted and brought into another room. The pain of movement overtook me, and I was out cold before the doctor spoke to me.
I woke in a bed with light coming through the window. I was clean, warm, and I didn’t hurt—which was nice for a change. I hadn’t slept in a bed in five years. The blankets on the floor with a mat beneath them didn’t count.
Usually I woke up from med machines and threw up for a long time from the experience. Maybe I had this time, too, and I didn’t remember. What had they drugged me with? Or maybe I’d slept through the whole ordeal. I’d never blacked out before the Sisters, but more than once I’d been out cold thanks to their abuse.
I wanted to sink back down to sleep under the blankets and just enjoy the moment. Only I knew where I was, and I’d imposed on the McQueens long enough. I pulled myself out of the bed. I wore a too-long-for-me black t-shirt. I didn’t know what had happened to my clothes or how long I’d been here. I didn’t hurt, even where I usually did. It could have been days.
I found a bathroom and was more than grateful to make use of the facilities. Once finished, I made my way out of the bathroom into the hallway. I’d barely noticed how huge the cabin was when I arrived. The hallway was wooden on the walls and the floor. A cool breeze circulated around me. It must have been very early still.
The kitchen was empty. I was starved, but I’d already taken too much from them. I couldn’t pay them back, and saving Clay from a falling rock would only go so far.
“Hi.” Clay caught my attention when he came down the stairs. “Morning. You doing okay?”
“Yes.” I lowered my eyes and resisted the urge to curtsy, which is what I had to do with the Sisterhood. “Thank you for letting me stay. How long have I been here?”
He took my hand, patting it on the counter. “One full day. The doctor was mostly concerned about all your hidden injuries that didn’t quite heal. He got them fixed in his machine. You’re going to be fine. You woke up earlier than we expected. Tommy will be upset he wasn’t down to greet you.”
I doubted that. It had been very clear to me that Thomas wanted me gone as quickly as I could. I didn’t blame him. I’d saved Clay and suddenly become something he had to deal with. He’d already been kinder to me than my family would have been to anyone.
“If I could impose on you for a few minutes more for just a little bit to eat, I’ll be on my way. Maybe I could walk down to Grayland, get a job for a few days, and then book passage … somewhere.”
His face fell. “Please don’t go yet. You can have any food you want. My food is your food. Then stay and be our guest for a while. You’ve been through a horrible ordeal. I’d like the chance to … repay you for what you’ve done for me. A few days.”
“Don’t beg her.” Thomas took the stairs two at a time. “If she wants to go, let her go.”
“Tommy.” A muscle ticked in Clay’s jaw.
For a second, I’d considered taking his offer. I knew what it was to stay where I wasn’t wanted. Both at the Sisterhood and at my home before then.
Thomas wanted me to go. I’d go. I still didn’t know where exactly, but I’d figure it out. I’d wanted my freedom and here it was. I took a deep breath. I wouldn’t be afraid. Not anymore.
CHAPTER TWO
Viable Skillset
When I’d been just Paloma Devereaux living on Mars Station, hanging out with Diana on the main course, going to school, I hadn’t had much to offer the world except holding onto my virginity for the political gain my father needed. He’d wanted to be a council member so badly he could practically taste it. When I’d lost my big V to a guy who did not keep his mouth closed, as it turned out, they’d had to leave Mars Station. Now he was the man behind the man on Earth. Or something.
My sister made a good marriage to three men on Earth who adored her and also brought water rights with t
hem. I learned about my sister’s success from Diana a year before she stopped writing. I worried about Diana endlessly. Had she grown tired of communicating with me? Or did something happen to her?
Clay walked past me to the fridge and started sorting through it. “We have, um … eggs. And other stuff, probably.”
“We eat very badly.” Thomas shook his head. “You might want to look into something simple. Like sugar on toast.”
I walked over to Clay, and he moved so I could look. “Will the twins be eating, too?”
“If you cook, they’ll show up. Usually they go out somewhere and find food. Restaurant or pub. Around eleven. They tend to work all night. Sleep in.”
I’d never known how to cook on Mars Station. The Sisters had taught me. Using a stick on my back. I grabbed out some eggs. They looked okay. They also had fruit and bread. I got cooking. Omelets for everyone. Motion caught my attention, and I almost spilled the food as the sound of two sets of feet tore down the steps.
“She’s cooking.” Quinn laughed as he jumped on a chair by the counter. “Best morning ever.”
“Good morning, P.” Keith scooted next to him. “Glad you’re up and feeling better.”
“Thanks.” I finished cooking and dished out the eggs, toast, and fruit. Clay made coffee, which I didn’t drink because the Sisters didn’t believe in caffeine, so I took some water. With food in front of all of us, I smiled. They dug in very fast and were done before I’d finished two bites. Well, everyone but Thomas did. He waited for me and ate at my speed, so we finished together. When I’d taken my last bite, he grabbed the plate from me. On his feet, he collected the other plates, then made his way to the sink. Silently, he washed the dishes.
“I’d like to say thank you for offering me a place to go to last night. You warned her this could happen, Clay. I wished she’d listened to you.”
He dropped his eyes. “Yeah, how about that?” He sighed loudly. “You don’t have to thank us. We’re glad we were here.”
The twins nodded their agreement. Thomas’ back was to me, so I couldn’t see his face or if he agreed.
“I’m going to leave shortly. Do you have my clothes?”
“Leaving?” Quinn choked on his coffee. “Where will you go?”
“Not sure. I’m hoping to get some kind of job in town. Save a bit and get passage to Mars Station. My parents used to live there; it’s where I grew up. They’ve left. It might be okay for me to go back. My best friend is there. I haven’t seen or heard from her in a long time. She might be gone or not want to hear from me. But it’s a place to start.”
“Mars Station.” Quinn’s eyes went dull, and he looked down. “Don’t go there. Not after the Sisterhood. Stay off Earth and Mars itself. The Venus floating city is a bad idea and …”
Thomas whirled around. “Stop.”
Quinn got up from his seat and walked to the back of the house. I wasn’t sure what I’d stepped into, and I didn’t want to stick my nose where it didn’t belong. Keith covered his eyes with his hands. Clay sighed loudly.
“I know Mars Station is always in the middle of something bad. I get it. Still, it’s home. I should go there. How much is a ticket?”
Thomas shook his head. “You want to go to Mars Station; we’ll go to Mars Station. I’ll take you in two days.”
“Not by yourself, you’re not.” Clay shook his head. “We’ll all go.”
“Can I speak to you in the other room? Now.” Thomas stormed off with Clay behind, leaving Keith and I alone in the kitchen.
He pulled his hands from his eyes. “Don’t go to Mars Station. Stay here. With us. You want to work downtown? Work there. Live here. We’ll keep you safe.”
“You’re leaving at the end of winter.” I remembered the tidbit from when they’d arrived at the Sisterhood.
Keith shrugged. “Come with us.”
“We’re strangers.” And I wasn’t naïve anymore. I didn’t trust men simply because they told me something. These four had been very kind. It was time for me to go. I’d make my own way.
He nodded. “A stranger is someone we haven’t gotten to know yet.”
“That’s a nice sentiment.” I wished I could believe it.
“How old are you?” He got off the chair and walked until he was right in front of me. “Quinn and I are twenty-four. Clay is twenty-five and Tommy’s the old man at twenty-six.”
“Your mother was very busy for a little while there.” I covered my mouth. What was the matter with me? I looked at the floor. “Do you know where my clothes are?
“Those horrible things you wore with the Sisterhood? They’re in the closet of the room you woke up in. And you’re right. For those four years, my mother was pregnant constantly. She died in an explosion. Nothing to do with her constant pregnancies, fortunately. Quinn and I were babies.”
I raised my gaze to meet his. “I’m sorry.”
“I hear she was a really nice lady.”
I nodded to him and rushed to put on my clothes back in the room where I’d been sleeping. A girl with curves as round as my own couldn’t spend all day bra-less and without pants. What had I been thinking wearing nothing to breakfast or even leaving the room at all half-dressed?
I shoved on my clothes, which someone had cleaned, leaving off the petticoats. I carried those out, folded them, and stuck them in the McQueen’s garbage. I wasn’t wearing them anymore. Keith wasn’t in the kitchen to give the black shirt to, so I folded it and placed it on the counter.
It would be rude to leave without saying goodbye. Following sounds, I ended up running into Quinn as he came out of the bathroom. He had a towel around his waist, and he was wet like he’d just showered.
I looked anywhere but at him. “Sorry to invade your privacy.”
“You’re not. Well, I mean I’m not naked. I’m covered. Shit, I just said naked to a girl. I don’t know how to talk to women.”
I stepped back. “I came to say goodbye and thank you.”
“No, wait; don’t go because I ran off. That’s not because of you. I’m not right in the head. I’m harmless, mostly. I’ll do a better job of making you feel welcome.”
“Oh, Quinn. It’s not you.” I shook my head. Right then, I felt nothing at all. I knew I should. My life was in upheaval. I’d nearly died, walked through the dark for help. But I couldn’t bring up a single emotion except the need to flee another situation where I wasn’t welcome. “I can’t impose on all of you. I have to figure out how to live in the world. Okay? Please be well. I’ll work things out. Thank you for saving me last night. I think you talk to girls just fine.”
My cheeks heated up. I wasn’t naturally reticent, but it had been driven into me since birth and beaten into me at the Sisterhood. I was a burden to anyone but myself, which meant I could only rely on myself.
“Hey, wait, P.” He let out a loud breath. “I can call you P, right? I like it. Keith did it, but I’m stealing it because it works. You have a beautiful name. I shorten things when I like them.”
I couldn’t imagine I’d be seeing him much after this. “Sure. Was that your question? What you could call me?”
“No.” He laughed. “My question was, what did you do to get sent to the Sisterhood? How bad were you? Murder? Stealing? What?”
I’d always known I would have to someday face this question by a person who didn’t know. I opened my mouth, but then a noise behind me indicated the presence of someone else. I turned around and saw it was Thomas. He might as well hear, too. He didn’t like me anyway. They could share the information and be done with me.
“When I was seventeen, I had sex with a boy who was not going to be my husband or even someone I knew very well. I ruined both my parents’ reputation and my own They shipped me off so I wouldn’t destroy my sister. They had to leave Mars Station after that because they were so embarrassed.” Although I sometimes wondered if they left because they couldn’t really tell Diana’s family how they’d shipped me off. Melissa, Diana’s mother, would neve
r have condoned their decision. She couldn’t have stopped it, but she’d have made my dad very uncomfortable if he’d spoken to her about it. I didn’t want to open the dam that came with this discussion. Numb worked. Numb meant I didn’t have to deal with anything I didn’t want to. “Thanks again for being there when I was alone.”
“That’s it?” Quinn tugged on his towel, hoisting it up a bit. “They locked you up for five years because you had sex? Once?”
“Quinn.” Thomas shook his head. “In the upper crust of society, or for those who want to be in it, the virginity of a girl is a commodity. What she did would have been a very big humiliation.”
My cheeks officially burned. “Thank you. That’s very succinct.”
I turned and ran past Thomas. I had to get out of the house.
“Thank God we’re not in that world anymore. I couldn’t have dealt with so much bullshit.” Quinn’s voice followed me out. If Thomas responded, I didn’t hear it.
***
Finding a job didn’t prove very hard. There was a lot of work at the local inn. Apparently the area got quite a bit of traffic due to the fishing season. Farmers who lived far out would come for weeks at a time to store up on fish for the winter. The owner had seen a number of girls run from the Sisterhood, and given I’d survived a bombing, the old man told me he was inclined to be kind to me. I could scrub the floors, cook some light lunches and dinners, and help wherever else he needed me. In exchange he offered room and board in a small broom closet-like room in the Inn. He suggested if I worked for him for four weeks, I’d be able to purchase a ticket on a shuttle that came through every two months.
He also suggested I could ask those McQueen boys, who had a lot of shuttles. Maybe they’d be heading to Mars Station sometime soon.
I thanked him for the suggestion, put on my maid outfit, which was similar to my Initiate outfit, and got to work. I’d never done a day’s work in my life that ended with me being paid. Technically, my family had paid for me to work for others. My parents wouldn’t have allowed me to sully myself with menial work, and I did tasks for the Sisters but never got paid for my slaving over anything.