“Sounds fair,” Hailey said tentatively.
“We did tie the first time,” Megan added.
“All right, it’s settled,” Coach said. “Now go get into your uniforms and let’s kick a little Black Bear butt.”
Megan picked up her stuff and opened the door, Hailey trailing behind her. As they walked to the locker room, Hailey took a few extra steps to catch up with Megan and walk by her side.
“You better be ready for this game, newbie,” Hailey said, opening the locker room door for Megan and letting the sounds of adrenaline-hyped conversation spill out. She gave Megan a small smile.
“Watch and learn,” Megan shot back with a smirk. “Just watch and learn.”
* * *
Megan raced into the house, practically bursting with her news. Not only had she scored the final goal, but the whole game had been flawless. They had totally dominated the Bears and everyone was talking about how this could really be the year. Hailey and Megan were going to lead them to States. Maybe it was a little premature, but that didn’t do anything to squelch Megan’s excitement.
A loud, communal groan went up in the basement and Megan barreled down the stairs, breathless. Caleb and Ian had the controls and Caleb was sitting in Evan’s lap. Doug was slouched into the couch on the far wall with Miller at the other end, staring down at Sporting News. Megan was disappointed to see that Finn wasn’t there, but it only tripped her up for a second.
“You guys are never going to believe this! We just beat Hacketstown four to nothing!” Megan exclaimed. “You should have seen it! We were on fire! You guys totally have to come to one of my games. I swear it’s gonna be history in the making.”
No one said a word. No one even looked at her.
“Hello? Anybody hear me?” Megan said, waving her hand.
Miller’s head bent closer to the page. Evan clenched his jaw and stared at the TV screen. Caleb started to squirm as he looked at each of his brothers in turn.
Megan’s stomach turned. They were actively ignoring her. And they had somehow gotten Miller in on it. That was why he hadn’t been allowed to sit with her at lunch that day. Apparently another meeting had been held and the freeze-out was on.
Megan shook her head and looked at the floor. “I don’t believe you guys,” she said. “What did I do this time?”
“You got Finn grounded,” Ian said finally.
“Yeah, and he was gonna teach me how to get past the second level on Halo 2,” Caleb groused.
Megan laughed. “You have to be kidding me.”
Still, no one would look at her. No one was laughing. Suddenly Megan felt a rush of something hot and bilious. Her giddiness was washed away by a wave of anger so fierce it completely took over.
“Are you guys going to blame me for everything that happens in this house from here on out?” she asked.
“Finn couldn’t covet your cookies if you weren’t here shovin’ ’em in his face, could he?” Doug said.
“Omigod! Is that what you think happened?” Megan asked. “I seduced him or something? Well, here’s a little news flash, Gangsta Boy, he kissed me, all right? God! Can’t any of you take any responsibility for your actions? All I’ve tried to do since I walked through that door is be your friend, but you’re so damn cliquey you’ve done everything you possibly can to make me miserable. Well, I’m sick of it!”
“Uh-oh, watch out. The little girl’s gonna throw a tantrum,” Doug said, holding up his hands.
Caleb and Ian laughed and Megan narrowed her eyes at Doug until he had to look away.
“You two don’t get to laugh at me,” Megan said, walking over to Ian and Caleb. “Do you know how many things you’ve done since I’ve been here that I totally could have ratted on you for? You’ve been in my room, you’ve trashed my clothes, you’ve stolen my makeup, you flattened my tires. And who knows what else? But I haven’t said a word. I’ve totally protected your butts.”
The boys looked down at the carpet and Megan moved on. “And you, Miller. You wouldn’t even be talking to Aimee if it wasn’t for me.”
“You talkin’ to girls now, dill hole?” Doug said.
“And you!” Megan said, whirling on Doug. “Somewhere in that impossibly thick head of yours you know that you owe me big time.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Evan snapped, speaking for the first time.
“Don’t even get me started on you,” Megan said, her eyes flashing. “I am not the one who slept with your girlfriend, all right? So stop taking it out on me!”
Evan stared at her for a long moment before finally giving up and looking back at the TV.
“God, you guys are so oblivious.” Megan shook her head. “All you care about is yourselves. You’re not mad at me because I got Finn grounded. You’re just looking for another excuse to feel all manly by ostracizing me. Well, let me tell you something, boys, you don’t look like men to me. You look like a bunch of whiny little babies.”
Doug’s eyes flashed and when he saw that Megan realized she had gotten to him, he snorted a laugh.
“Oh, great argument, Doug. Very piercing,” Megan said, holding her hand over her heart. “You just got me right here.”
Leaving them in silence, Megan stomped up to the first floor and all the way up to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.
I can’t believe I just did that, she thought, her mind whirling.
On shaky legs, Megan walked to her bed and collapsed forward. In her mind she saw Evan’s angry profile, Doug’s sneer, Miller trying as hard as he could not to look at her, Ian staring pointedly at the television, Caleb scowling as he yelled at her. Her relief was tinged by an overwhelming sadness. They had shown her how they really felt. And no matter what she had done, no matter how hard she had tried, they all hated her. They all really, truly hated her.
“It doesn’t matter,” Megan said aloud. “They’re a bunch of jerks.” And what did she care if a bunch of jerks hated her? She didn’t. She didn’t care at all.
Slowly Megan pulled a pillow toward her and pressed her face into it. She spent the next half hour trying as hard as she could not to cry.
* * *
Megan slammed her chemistry textbook shut and looked at the clock. In the last hour she had absorbed exactly nothing. Between obsessing about the fact that Finn was right next door and replaying her meltdown that afternoon over and over in her head, there was no room left in her brain for the periodic table of elements.
Dinner had been a silent, tense affair during which Megan had pushed around her chicken and vegetables and sipped at her water. Somehow, eating in the presence of half a dozen people who hated her was just not possible. Now, of course, she was starving.
Megan grabbed her backpack and dug through it until she found the Snickers bar she had bought that afternoon after lunch. She polished it off in four bites, but her stomach was still twisted in knots: it was time to talk to Finn.
He had to have heard about what had happened that afternoon. These brothers were more gossipy than the entire female population of Baker High. She was actually kind of surprised he hadn’t already come to talk to her about it, but if he wasn’t going to come to her, she could go to him.
She headed out into the hall and knocked quietly on his door.
“Come in!”
Megan took a deep breath and stepped inside. “Hey.”
Finn looked up from his desk as if startled. “Hi,” he replied, pushing his hands against the thighs of his jeans. He glanced past her at the hallway, but when Megan turned around, she found they were alone.
“What’s up?” Megan asked.
“You really shouldn’t be in here,” Finn said.
Megan’s heart dropped like a stone. “I know your parents are mad, but do you think they really expect us not to talk?”
“Yeah . . . no . . . I don’t know,” Finn said, turning in his chair. “I just . . . Don’t you think we should let things calm down a little first?”
“
Yeah, like that’s ever going to happen in this house,” Megan joked lamely. Finn didn’t laugh. She swallowed against a lump in her throat and looked around uncertainly. She had come in here so that Finn could reassure her and make her feel better like he always did, but the evasive way he was acting was just making her feel worse.
“Look, it’s just . . . being around you is . . . it’s not easy,” Finn said, looking everywhere but at her. He might as well have thrown cold water in her face.
“Oh, well, I’m sorry,” Megan replied, backing out. “I guess that’s easily solved.”
“No, Megan, wait,” Finn said.
But she was dangerously close to tears and there was no way she was going to break down in front of him. “No, seriously, I’ll go,” Megan said.
Finn swallowed and looked like he wanted to say something. For a split second, Megan’s heart dared to hope, but then he turned away and looked down at his notes again.
“Yeah . . . okay,” he said.
Finn focused pointedly on his work. This was really happening. Finn really didn’t want to have anything to do with her. Finally, feeling like the biggest idiot on earth, Megan made herself move. Amazingly, she made it back to her room without shedding a tear. She closed the door and grasped the handle just to have something to hold on to. It felt like everything was falling away. Everything she cared about, everything she’d thought she knew. Finn was supposed to be her friend. More than that. He had kissed her. He had held her. She had felt so safe around him. He’d been the only person who had never let her down. Now she just felt abandoned—completely and totally alone.
Megan grabbed her phone off her desk and dialed quickly, the trembling of her fingers making it a difficult task. She hit send and brought the phone to her ear, squeezing her eyes shut as tightly as she could. This had to be done before she changed her mind.
“Major Meade here.”
The second she heard his voice, she knew she was doing the right thing. She knew where she was supposed to be.
“Dad?” Megan said quickly. “I want to come to Korea. I want to come home.”
From:
[email protected] To:
[email protected] Subject: Boy Guide
Megan Meade’s Guide to the McGowan Boys
Entry Twelve
Observation #1: Guys make absolutely no sense.
I thought he liked me, Trace. I really thought he liked me.
Eighteen
“You’re leaving?”
It was Tuesday evening and Megan’s mother had just called to let her know that they had booked her on a Thursday night flight. And now Megan was sitting in the kitchen with Regina and John, who were looking at her like she had just announced an impending sex change operation.
“I talked to my parents and we all just think it’s the right thing,” Megan said, her heart pounding. She wanted to say as little as possible. There was no way she was going to sit here and face these people who had been so kind to her and tell them that their sons had driven her away.
“We know it hasn’t been easy, Megan, but you haven’t even really given yourself time to adjust,” Regina said.
“Or us,” John added. “If there’s anything we can do to make you more comfortable, please, just ask.”
“It’s not that,” Megan said. “You guys have been great, really. It’s just . . . I miss my parents.”
It was an honest reason. Just one of many others that she wasn’t going to mention.
“Of course you do, sweetie,” Regina said. “But are you really sure you want to move to Korea? When your father first called us, he said you were so adamant about staying.”
Megan swallowed hard, trying not to think about all the things she was going to miss. Games with her new team, lunches with Aimee and the others, the parties, the proms. Her father had told her about the school she would be attending in Korea. It was an all-girl school with uniforms and a strict no-makeup policy. Megan was guessing that late-night dances were frowned upon.
Of course, after everything that had happened the past couple of weeks, maybe that would be safer. Maybe Megan needed a boy-free zone for now.
“I just think I made a mistake,” Megan said. “It’s a lot, you know? At least if I’m with my parents, I’ll be . . . I don’t know. . . .”
She couldn’t figure out how to put it into words without offending them. What she wanted was that comfort level, that familiarity, that feeling she was safe. Her parents could give that to her.
Regina and John exchanged a long look. “Is there anything we can say to change your mind?” John asked finally.
“Not really,” Megan said. “But it’s nice that you want to try.”
Regina let out a sigh and smiled wanly. “Well, we’ll miss you,” she said. “And I want you to know that you’re welcome back here anytime.”
Megan smiled her thanks. Both John and Regina looked upset, but Megan knew that deep down, they had to be relieved. As Doug had pointed out to his brothers during her first week there, they had the place wired tight. All Megan had done was come in and get everything all tangled up and confused. She was sure that on some level, the McGowans were looking forward to regaining some semblance of the order they had once had—as chaotic as that order might have been.
“Listen, do you think we could not tell . . . everyone?” Megan said. “I think it would just make everything harder.”
What with the massive victory party they would throw and all, she thought.
“Do you really think that’s fair?” John asked.
“They won’t mind,” Megan said. “Trust me. I’ll write them an e-mail or something, I promise.”
“Well, okay,” John said. “I guess we can respect that.”
“Thanks,” Megan said, standing. “I think I’m going to go start organizing my things.”
Megan headed upstairs, her entire body feeling heavy. She had thought she would be relieved after breaking the news to John and Regina, but she just felt sad.
You’re doing the right thing, she told herself.
She closed her bedroom door quietly behind her and looked around at her things. It was time to move on.
* * *
Thursday evening, Megan sat on the edge of her bed, her bags all packed and neatly stacked on the mattress behind her, her foot bouncing spastically against the floor. She had been ready to go for an hour, but she still had forty-five minutes before the car picked her up. John had offered to take her to the airport, but Megan had declined. She just wanted to get out of here. Make a clean break. Leave everything behind.
Of course, now that the time was approaching, it was obvious that Megan was never going to get out of the house without everyone knowing it. They were all home, going about their normal lives. Megan struggling out of her room with her bags and her laptop was going to turn some heads.
I’ll just deal with it. I’ll just deal with whatever happens, Megan thought, pushing herself up. She paced the room, knocking her fist against her palm. She felt like she was stuck in that anxious moment before getting up in front of class to do an oral report—times a hundred. Every second Megan wanted to walk out of the room, find Finn or Evan or Doug or even Miller and tell them exactly what she thought of them. This could, after all, be her last chance. But what would be the point?
Megan glanced out the back window and saw Evan swinging listlessly on the hammock, staring up at the sky with one arm crooked behind his head. From his wistful expression she had a feeling he was thinking about Hailey. Megan suddenly felt like smacking him. Two weeks ago, whenever she saw Evan, she’d seen a kind, deep, gorgeous guy with an amazing soul. Now all she saw was a big baby.
Evan knew the truth now. It was all over the school. He knew that Hailey was the one who had lied. But had he apologized to Megan? No. Had he made up with Doug? No. It was like he just wanted to be the big, sorry victim.
Standing there, staring down at him, Megan realized that there was a point in talking to Evan. Maybe she coul
d return him to a semblance of the guy she had thought she knew. Maybe she could wake him the heck up.
Suddenly determined, Megan raced downstairs and out to the backyard. The sun was just starting to go down, muting everything around her.
“I need to talk to you,” she said as Evan sat up. She turned toward the house. “Hey, Doug! I found one of your old Playboys! If you want it back, I’m outside!”
Evan shoved his way out of the hammock and started past her. “I’m not talking to him.”
“Yes, you are,” Megan replied, crossing her arms over her chest. “Don’t you think you owe me one conversation?”
Evan could barely look at her. “Yeah, maybe you,” he admitted finally. “But not him.”
Doug came barreling out the back door. The moment he saw Megan and Evan and no Playboy, he turned and started back inside.
“I wanted to tell you both that I’m leaving for Korea,” Megan announced. “In about half an hour.”
Evan’s jaw dropped and Doug froze in his tracks. He turned around slowly and plastered a smile on his face. “Finally,” he said.
“Yeah, well, before I go, there’s something I want to say to you guys,” Megan said.
“Famous last words?” Doug asked sarcastically.
But he sat on the edge of a patio chair, his legs wide, and looked up at her expectantly. Evan didn’t move either. Megan took a deep breath. She only had one chance to get this right.
“Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve wanted a brother or a sister,” Megan began, looking back and forth between them. “I always thought it would be so great. I’d have someone to share everything with, someone who would always be there, someone who I’d care about and watch out for, who’d care about and watch out for me. But after watching the way you guys have treated each other the past couple of weeks, I don’t know anymore.”
Evan looked at the ground and Doug rolled his eyes, but Megan didn’t stop.
“To let someone like Hailey Farmer . . . something as stupid as meaningless drunken sex come between you guys . . . it’s just insane,” Megan said. “The girl lied to both of you. She played both of you. You guys are brothers. That’s a forever thing. And what kills me . . . what really kills me is that you have no idea how lucky that makes you.”