Read Melee, Magic & Puke Page 10


  I take advantage of Tavos’ momentary confusion and drop from the roof, targeting his bodyguard on the way down.

  The point of my knife buries itself in her shoulder blade and then tears down the length of her back, breaking bone all the way along as I complete my fall. Both hands still on the knife’s handle, I yank it from her sternum, where it has finally stopped. She shudders once, bends at the knees, and then collapses forward into an unmoving heap. I look over to Tavos, ignoring everything else.

  “Hey, Tavos. Long time. No see.”

  In the reflected light of the city fires, I see him go pale. “This — this is you? You’re freaking insane, Pinty! Insane!”

  “Not really.” I step slightly to the left to block the entrance down to the warrens. The last thing I want him to do is panic and return to that maze. “Thought that it was time to finish our talk. I don’t really like how you’ve been trying to kill me these last few years. Really didn’t like the whole troll thing. Plus, I still have a weak spot in my heart for Amber.”

  “Amber? What’s Amber have to do with this?”

  “What doesn’t she have to do with this? Once we figured out you’ve been trying to kill both of us, it was time to stop this nonsense. You are way too dangerous.” A bit of my Pinty smile starts up.

  Tavos pulls out two long-bladed swords from the sheaths tied on his hips. “As much as I would love to see you buried, underground, dead, pushing up daisies, this is the wrong fight, Pinty. It’s sad, but you really are as insane as Amber. I thought she was my only monstrosity. But this,” Tavos looks around, nods his heads at the fires. “This is lunacy.”

  I lean right and move forward, extend my arm, and try to drive the blade into his leg. I almost connect with his kneecap and hobble him, but he’s way faster than me and moves aside easily. “Come now, Tavos. This is the end of the line. You. Me. Here. Now.”

  “What are you, Mr. Melodramatic?” He kicks a crate into the space between us. “You’re going to do Amber’s dirty work for her? Let love blind you to the beast she is. And when you finish, who do you think is going to be the new guild leader? Certainly not you, Pinty.”

  “I don’t want leadership of the guild. Never did. Not my concern.”

  While Tavos does a reasonable job distracting me in conversation, I still notice a rogue has moved into position behind me. He’s one of the newer, green recruits. There’s a quick movement as he surges from the shadows, hoping to take advantage of any misdirection Tavos can provide. I see it coming a mile away, duck, and come back up under his arm. I slice my knife through the air and cut through his hand. The small axe he carried, along with several of his fingers, flies off into the night. I focus back on Tavos.

  “How many more of your people need to be sacrificed before you give in?”

  “All of them, Pinty. Because she’ll massacre every one of them once I’m gone.”

  “Who?”

  “Amber, you nitwit!”

  I keep moving to the right, circling the box. Tavos does the same. “Amber, the one you framed, used as an excuse to purge your rebellion, locked in a castle and used as bait to feed me to a troll?”

  I think I see his eyes roll back for a moment and then he responds: “Or Amber, the psychopath I gave life to, has daddy issues, is a spoiled brat and, when I didn’t give her everything she wanted including control of the guild, tries to kill me, decimates the clan, plays you like a fiddle, makes some deal with a troll — seriously, a troll — and then uses you to burn down the entire city for her.”

  We’re both quiet for a bit as we think about what we have said. Still we circle the box. I start up again. “So you claim you’re innocent?”

  “Of course I’m not innocent. I’ve got my share of blood, death and sin on my hands and soul. But this — this isn’t my doing. I’ve been fighting for my life and for the lives of my guild members since I finally said no to her. And from the looks of things, I’m not doing too well.”

  I lunge forward, but it’s half-hearted. “Sooooooooo . . .”

  “Yes?” Tavos easily parries my blade.

  “Let me think.”

  “I don’t believe this is the thinking time, Pinty. You’re halfway through burning down the city. That action alone certifies you crazy as a bat. And now, now you want me to give you time to think things through?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Fine, I offer you some peace and quiet to think this through. I’ll leave. You stay here.”

  “No.”

  “Then think faster because I don’t believe being here lengthens my lifespan in any manner.”

  We make two more circles of the boxes.

  “I’m getting dizzy, Pinty. What do you think?”

  “You would say it’s her even if it was you.”

  “Yup.”

  “You’ve still tried to kill me once or twice.”

  “Yup.”

  “Okay. My mind is made up.”

  “And what is your decision?”

  “If I’m wrong, I’ll definitely kill her too.”

  Chapter 40

  Damn it, I forgot that he’s faster than me. Well, I didn’t actually forget. It’s more a complete denial of anyone having the skills to best me. And because of this blind spot in my life, I lose some blood.

  Tavos’ left blade strikes my knife just above the hilt and the collision of metal on metal results in my hand going numb from the blow. While I focus on holding onto the knife, Tavos’ right blade makes a very good attempt at finding lodging in my heart.

  Even though I manage to twist slightly and avoid a mortal wound, he still connects, piercing the leather armor and penetrating between two ribs on my left side. I spin out, pulling the blade from my body, and lunge toward his feet.

  I’m too slow recovering from his blow. He sidesteps my clumsy attack and kicks me with a steel-toed boot as I somersault past him and stop hard against the wall. I switch the knife from right to left and bite the freed hand through the leather glove. I feel nothing. The hand is useless and hangs limp. Meanwhile, my side is starting to get moist and warm under the armor as the gash begins to bleed.

  I hunker down, reducing my profile to further attacks, and extend the knife towards him. At this point I feel cornered and one can never be too careful dealing with those that have nowhere to run.

  Tavos instinctively knows that look and backs up a few steps. Biding his time for a moment, he evaluates my wounds. “Does it hurt?”

  “It does. Nice blow you landed. But you missed your primary target.”

  “I know.”

  “Okay then, my turn.”

  And on the “okay” I toss the knife towards his groin, draw a second knife with the same hand and leap to the box that resides between the two of us once again. I use it as a springboard to land the dagger point-first into Tavos’ head.

  And miss the leap.

  I fly by, desperately trying to salvage the situation by grabbing him with the numbed hand. It’s a useless proposition as I fail to hold onto him, pass on by and land feet-first in the street. I take two steps to recover my balance and turn.

  My leap may have missed, but the knife landed. Tavos has dropped his left blade and is drawing my thrown knife from his thigh. I missed his family jewels, but I won’t complain about the results of my toss. “Score: Tavos, one, and now I, the great and powerful Pinty, one.”

  Tavos flips the knife over in his hand, feels the balance of the blade and readies it for the fight. “I wonder if she’ll kill you in your weakened state.”

  “How am I supposed to respond to that stupid statement? ‘No, she’ll kill me when I’m perfectly healthy’? Don’t be daft. One last chance, Tavos. Make this simple, easy and quiet. I promise it’ll be as painless as possible.”

  “You’re full of crap, Pinty.”

  “Can’t fault a guy for trying.” And I go straight in, the knife in my left used solely to block his long blade while my free hand whacks against his wrist, directing his knife away.

/>   In that moment Tavos realizes what just happened — we’re standing against each other, too close for him to strike me with either weapon — I take advantage of the situation, drop my blade, and punch forward with both hands directly into his gut. Hit a man hard enough that way and he’ll puke and pass out.

  I hit hard enough to drive him back a few steps. At the same time, I’ve hit him hard enough that he pukes. The combination, sadly, works out that he pukes on me.

  I get totally covered.

  “Ah, come on! That’s not right.” I bring my hands up and wipe the bile from my face. “Seriously, ewwwwwwww. Is that haddock I smell? Did you just cover me in regurgitated fish?”

  It takes a moment for Tavos to laugh because he’s winded, but he gets there eventually as I keep wiping his puke off me.

  “I just decked you. Stop laughing.”

  “You’re covered in my chuck, Pinty. That’s freaking awesome.” Tavos continues laughing.

  “No, seriously, this is gross. Stop laughing.” Which only makes him laugh more. In a moment, I start up as well. A minute later we finally calm down.

  “Ghahhh, I hate you.”

  “And I you.”

  I look down at both the long blade and knife he dropped when I winded him. “So what are we going to do now?” We’re both standing there, unarmed, injured and watching each other.

  “Call it a draw?”

  “Not on your life.”

  “Fine. Catch me if you can.” And Tavos bolts.

  Chapter 41

  This isn’t going well. Tavos has longer legs.

  I chase him down streets, across an open lot and through a series of fire-ravaged lanes. With each turn, length and stride, he pulls further ahead. We plunge into another street, this one suffocated with the fumes of a burning tannery. In seconds my eyes are watering, my breathing harsh and my lungs aflame from the burning offal and untreated skins.

  His lead continues to grow. A few minutes more of this and he’s lost to me. It’s time for something risky. I cut left and leave the chase. I have a new destination in mind and if I’m right, it’s Tavos’ ultimate destination as well.

  While he’s going to keep jigging and jagging, trying to lose me, I’ll have the luxury of racing directly there.

  Go, go, Pinty legs!

  Chapter 42

  I’m completely winded. My feet and legs are bruised from climbing through smoldering ruins and my lungs want to hock up blackened, soot-filled lugies, but I’ve arrived in record time.

  The squalid dead end alley isn’t more than forty feet deep. The paving stones are uneven and broken. Mounds of refuse have formed from the lifetimes of bedpans have been emptied out of the upper windows. Scrawled, weather-worn graffiti lines the walls.

  It terminates in a small, nondescript door that is perfectly forgettable.

  But not to me.

  I glance left and right. Seeing no one along the street, I skulk into the alley and make my way to the door. In a few moments I’m there, pick in hand, and going at the lock. It progresses smoothly, the tumbler about to align, when I glance down.

  “Shit!”

  If I had been less observant, I would have missed it. Tavos has painted over a small part of the jam and the door, creating a seal between the two. If anyone opens the door, the paint will crack, the break alerting anyone familiar with the trick that the building has been compromised. It won’t matter that I beat Tavos here. His sighting the break in the paint will flag him off.

  “Shit!” I look up.

  The house is three stories, stone, narrow and old. In another life, it would make a great bell tower. Right now, it’s simply my nemesis. With no windows, I need to get to the top before breaking in and heading back down. Thankfully, the stone and masonry provide all the necessary handholds required to climb.

  I pocket the pick, glance down the alley one more time and go for the first ledge.

  Climbing is a strenuous, tiring and really terrible thing to call a sport. It’s as much a sport as swimming is to drowning. Reach, pull, hold and climb. Reach, pull, hold and climb. Repeat over and over till you get to the top or fall.

  What I love about this climb specifically: I’m doing it in the dark, it has to be done quickly and the sword wound from Tavos is still bleeding. With the first pull of the climb I feel the wound tear open further.

  “Just ignore it,” I tell myself. “Keep going.” Reach, pull, hold, bleed and climb. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

  I’m near, but not yet on the roof, when I hear the patter of running feet slow down and stop at the mouth of the alley. I shrink into the shadow of the roof awning and once again begin thinking to myself, “Be the wall. Become the wall. Be one with the wall.” Running that mantra over and over in my mind, I turn my head and look towards the footsteps. Tavos.

  There’s nowhere I can move to so, up here on the wall I just hold on and watch. Tavos is careful. A few feet in from the road he moves in behind a tall stack of boxes and waits. And waits some more.

  I can seriously do without this part. Hanging onto the side of a building, remaining motionless and bleeding into one’s clothing isn’t my idea of fun. “Just get into the house already” is going through my mind, hoping that I can simply will him to do my bidding.

  Tavos, being extra careful, waits even longer before approaching the door. If I let go and was lucky, I could land on him, break my fall and survive. I recalculate the odds and realize this plan isn’t a viable option.

  He kneels and examines the door. I assume he sees everything to his liking, as a moment later he fishes out a key, unlocks the door, pulls out a torch from within, lights it, then peers inside. He disappears and I hear the sound of a very large bar drop into place.

  Well, that settles it. I go up. Quietly. Slowly. And, having made it near the top, I reach over to pull myself up. The roof is barren except for a simple, raised trapdoor under a bit of cover against any rain.

  Fine enough with me. This is something I can work with. A flat jim, a short wire lasso, and a few minutes later the bolt underneath is opened. Behind me the sky is still a vibrant orange from the scattered fires dying around the city. I give it one final look and then slip down into the building.

  Chapter 43

  The top floor is unchanged from when I was last here. The single room is dominated by a four-poster bed, a nine-drawer dresser and a wardrobe. I get a great big smile looking at the bed — it’s been many years, old friend.

  Each floor of the house is connected to the next through a series of narrow-set stone stairs built into the back wall. I descend to the second floor.

  The floor is packed with storage containers — trunks, boxes, chests — that I neither recognize nor remember. I pop one and find a collection of fine silks. Another box contains dried and preserved brackenberry fruit native to the elvish lands. Brackenberry is illegal to import and very expensive.

  I take stock of the room. The whole floor is like some kind of giant dragon’s trove. Well, time to slay the dragon, save the girl and steal the treasure!

  I sneak to the next flight of stairs, drop to my belly and peek down to the floor below.

  Tavos is standing over a cistern, drawing water and wiping away the sweat, soot and dirt of the evening. His overclothes, pants and shirt have been removed. The wound to his leg is already newly bandaged. A fresh set of clothes and leather armor, along with a new sword, have been readied and laid out just outside his immediate reach. This is going to be easier than I thought.

  I get up from my belly, ready my knife and charge down the stairs to the first floor. I leap the fifth step down and land on the next, which immediately gives way, sending me pinwheeling down the rest of the flight and straight into the wall.

  Tavos spins and dives for his blade. Being jumbled in a ball against the wall, I have enough time to clamber back to my feet, but not enough to cut him off from his sword.

  “What the gods. Pinty?” The line of the blade points directly at me.

&n
bsp; “Yeah, it’s me.” I reheft the knife into a downward stabbing grip. “Thought I would come say hello before you remuster your resources. Hello.”

  “How in the many hells did you find me? I must have doubled back three or four times, waited out key intersections and used a path that should have given away anyone that followed. You’re just too much, Pinty.”

  “I didn’t follow you.”

  “What?”

  “Came directly here. Plan was to beat you here and stab you crossing the threshold. I got here first but couldn’t do the stabbing part. I can change that now though.” My free hand runs the latch system of my lockbox, releases the lock and pulls out a small vial.

  “How did you know? This is my personal safe house. It’s not even associated with the guild. Set it up all on my own. Not a single soul knows.”

  “Well, it certainly has a nice bed.” At which I tilt my head side-to-side, kind of pout, and roll my eyes up. Tavos’ eyes get nice and wide. I’m not sure whether it’s surprise or anger. I hope it’s both.

  “Seriously! Is there not a single secret I’ve managed to keep from her and her menagerie of rodents and birds? And my bed, my bed! You’ve slept in my bed?”

  “With your —” I don’t get to finish the sentence.

  “I know who you slept with!” Tavos still retains that buggy, frothing insane look in his eyes.

  “Well, I thought it fair to tell you. Seeing she’s privy to so many family secrets, you should know a few too.”

  “Thanks. I’m good. No need to share more at this moment.”

  “Really? ’Cause —” I don’t get to finish this sentence either.

  “Really. It’s good. Shut up.”

  “Okay.”

  “Seriously, shut up.”

  “Okay.” I stand there quietly, letting Tavos take in what I just said.

  “Pinty, has anybody ever decked you because you’re a wiseass?” And he moves on me. Even with the injured leg, he moves a second faster than me. I shift out of the way of the blade, but not far enough to escape his follow-up spinning foot. The impact slams my head into the wall. The stone wins the fight between wall and skull.

  Stars in my eyes, I totter forward, knocking over the water bowl where Tavos stood a moment earlier. I flail out with the knife in a vain attempt hold him back and lift the small vial over my head. “You want to know what’s in here?”