While I’m sure I floored my parents, I was just as surprised by the words that left my lips. Was that what this trip was really about? Getting Lily back? Could just twenty-four hours completely change the person you were the day before? I guess the better question was could I have so easily changed back to my old self in just the span of a day?
My dad cleared his throat. “Okay, son.”
I cocked my brows at him. “That’s all you have to say?”
“We just want you to be happy, honey,” Mom replied.
“I really hope you mean that.”
Mom reached back to pat my leg. “We do.” After I gave her a small smile, she turned back in her seat. “Oh, I almost forgot to tell you about what happened with your Uncle Sam.” She then began rattling on again like nothing had happened at all. Leaning back against the seat, I closed my eyes and willed the car to get us home faster.
BRAYDEN
THE PAST
As I turned onto the familiar road, an agonizing ache tightened in my chest. If I had closed my eyes, I could have found the way there by heart. The two greatest loves of my life had called this road home—my grandparents and Lily. And I had lost them all.
Before I reached the familiar driveway, my foot eased up on the accelerator, and I found myself pulling over. Rolling down the window, I stuck my head out and took a long look at what once had been my beacon in the storm.
More than anything in the world, I wanted to see my Nana shuffling along the front porch, outfitted in one of her house dresses with a green water pitcher in her hand. As she hummed a gospel tune, she would give nourishment to the plants she loved. With a chaw of tobacco in his mouth, Granddad would be sprawled out in a rocker, watching Nana’s every move with lazy, hooded eyes, which were drifting between being alert or slipping into a nap. Of course, the moment he heard Nana squeal, “Brayden Michael, get yourself on up here and give me some sugar!” he’d be out of the rocking chair in a flash.
Tears welled in my eyes as I surveyed the empty porch. Only the ghosts of happy memories resided there now. If I stopped by the personal care home, Granddad wouldn’t know me. After Nana’s sudden death from a stroke two years ago, he had lost his mind. Once the light of his world had been extinguished, he gave up the will to live and retreated into his own shadowy existence where he didn’t have to live without his love.
Even though I was only twenty four, I realized more than ever that you could never truly go back home—at least not literally. Sometimes home had to simply reside in your heart.
Easing down on the accelerator, I passed my grandparents’ house and headed on to Lily’s. Cars lined both sides of the road, and I had to park on the curb a few houses down. I drew in a deep breath to try to prepare me for what I was about to face. I had to worry not only about the suffocating panic that always filled me around death and grief, but also, the fact that I might be met with open hostility by Lily and her family.
I started up the hillside. Even though the funeral wasn’t until tomorrow, people still were all outfitted in black. While conversation filled the air, it was silently muted and reverent. I made my way across the yard and pounded up the porch steps.
Craning my neck, I searched the crowd for Lily. As I walked down the length of the porch, my skin burned from the stares of people I’d once known. When I dared to meet some of their expectant gazes, I simply bobbed my head and gave a tight smile. At the moment, I didn’t give a fuck if they were thinking I was some sellout for leaving town and not looking back. All that mattered at the moment was finding Lily.
“Brayden?” a voice questioned behind me. I whirled around to see Lily’s younger sister, Kylie, staring at me with wide eyes.
“Yeah, it’s me,” I replied lamely.
“I didn’t expect to see you. I mean, with the way things were left with you and Lily, I didn’t think you’d have any reason to come…” She shook her head. “Shit, that came out all wrong.”
“It’s okay.” As I cleared my throat, I desperately tried to find the right words. “I had to come if just for Paul. He was...” My voice choked off with emotion. “Paul was a good man. I loved him very much.”
Tears shimmered in Kylie’s blue eyes—eyes that were so much like her sister’s. She reached out for me, and I wrapped my arms around her. “Thank you,” she murmured into my ear. After I pulled away, she gave me a sad smile. “He loved you, too. I don’t think he ever gave up hope that you would patch things up with Lily.”
Kylie’s words caused the ache in my chest to grow. The memory of going to him and asking his permission to marry Lily flickered through my mind. The emotions were so strong that I staggered back from the pain. To try and get a hold of my emotions, I asked, “How’s Lily?”
Kylie grimaced. “Not well. She hasn’t slept or eaten since we got the news. She’s refused to see or talk to anyone.”
The enormity of Lily’s grief didn’t surprise me. “Where is she?”
“Holed up on the back porch in Daddy’s favorite rocking chair.”
“I need to talk to her.”
“Good luck with that,” Kylie replied. She then motioned me with her hand. After we got into the house, we started weaving our way through the maze of mourners. I spoke to a few familiar faces. When we got to the kitchen, Kylie led the way over to the door that led to the back porch. Kylie took a key from her pocket and unlocked the door.
“Hey, sis, there’s someone here to see you,” Kylie said.
Lily’s body shuddered. “Not now. I don’t want to see anyone,” her voice, hoarse from crying, croaked.
Glancing at me over her shoulder, Kylie gave me a look like she had tried. When she started to push me back into the house, I shook my head. I’d come too far not to see her.
“Lily,” I said softly.
Her gaze jerked from staring out at the yard to mine. Her hand flew to her mouth. The range of emotions that went through her face ran from agony, to hurt, to anger, to elation.
Scrambling out of the chair, she then raced down the length of the porch to meet me. She threw her arms around my neck, burying her face in my shoulder. Her body shook so fiercely with her sobs that my body trembled as well. I wrapped my arms tight around her, cocooning her against me.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so, so sorry,” I whispered into her ear. I said the words for so many reasons. For the loss of her father just as much for the asshole I was to let her go. As she continued to weep, I couldn’t stop feeling so helpless. I didn’t know what to say or do. I just knew I needed to do something to ease her suffering. “Lils, I want you to know if there was anything in the world I could do right now to take your pain away, I would.”
“I know,” she murmured against my chest.
I rubbed small circles across her back, anything I could think of to give her some comfort. Her crying slowly started to ease. Then she slowly lifted her head to stare into my eyes. “I can’t believe you’re really here.”
“I had to come. Your dad was always so good to me. I considered him a good friend who was taken too fucking soon.”
“It would have meant a lot to him. You know, that you came so far just for him.”
I shook my head. “It wasn’t just for him. I came for you, too.”
“You did?”
“Of course, I did.”
Her brows lined in confusion. “Even after all this time?”
“A lifetime couldn’t erase my feelings for you.”
The sound of voices behind us made Lily tense in my arms. “There she is. Lily, honey, why don’t you come over here and speak with some of these people?” a woman said. I thought I recognized her as one of Lily’s aunts. Maybe her dad’s sister.
Lily’s anguished eyes met mine. “Take me away from here, Brayden. Please.”
Without another word, I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, pulling her tight to me. Then we bypassed the waiting people on the porch and headed down the steps. “Lily? Lily, where are you going?” the woman questioned.
But Lily
didn’t reply. Instead, she kept her head down as I steered her around the back of the house. When we started for the woods, she glanced up at me. “You’re taking me to the treehouse?”
“Is there somewhere else you wanted to go?”
Tears pooled in her eyes. “No,” she whispered.
“Look, if it’s going to upset you, I’ll take you somewhere else.”
“Some of the happiest memories I have of you are at the treehouse.”
Her words felt like a dagger tearing through my chest. I had just been trying to get her away as fast as I could from well-meaning but irritating family members and mourners. I didn’t stop to think that the treehouse probably wasn’t a trip down memory lane that we should be taking.
The sounds of bird calls and squirrels scurrying around filled the silence between us as we tromped through the overgrown brush. When I saw the treehouse in the clearing, I exhaled a relieved breath. I had feared it might be gone by now.
“Wait here and let me check it out,” I instructed. Lily nodded as I started gingerly up the ladder. The wooden rungs appeared pretty sturdy. When I got to the top, I pushed on the trapdoor. I did a few steps along the floor to test it out. I walked back over to the hole. “It looks fine. Come on up.”
Lily came up the ladder, and then I helped pulled her inside. Wrapping her arms around herself, she gazed around the room. “I can’t believe how nothing has changed.” My gaze fell on the table with the melted candle stubs and lantern. We had them lit each and every time we came here to make love. The air mattress had long since deflated, but blankets still covered it. I spread one out and motioned for her to have a seat.
Once she sat down, her hands ran along the grooves in the floorboard—the grooves I had made with a pocket knife where I etched the date of all the times we had snuck away to have sex. Two teenagers so desperately in love. It seemed like another lifetime.
“What are you thinking about?” she whispered.
“What we used to do here,” I answered honestly.
“So was I.” With a sad smile, she said, “I’m sure this looks like a real dump to you now.”
I shook my head. “I could never think that.”
“But you’re a millionaire now. You have all the finest things in life. Surely it would be an embarrassment if anyone knew you were hanging out here in some piece of shit treehouse with your inadequate ex-fiancée.”
“I sure as hell never said you were inadequate.”
“You didn’t have to verbalize it. There at the end, I felt it whenever I was with you and from your label’s minions.” A mirthless laugh came from her lips. “I can only imagine how thrilled they were when we broke up. I bet you’re dating some supermodel now, aren’t you?”
“I guess I deserve that considering the way I treated you.”
“Yeah, you do,” she replied bitterly.
“Words are cheap, Lils. You know that better than anybody. I think I could tell you how sorry I am from dusk until dawn, but it wouldn’t be enough. You should have actions like me groveling on my knees, begging and pleading for forgiveness, sending you flowers every day. Anything to show you the depth of my regret.”
She cocked her brows at me. “You really feel that way?”
“I do.”
“When did you come to this epiphany?”
“Not soon enough.”
“Exactly when?” she pressed.
“When I heard about Paul.”
She sucked in a breath. “So twenty-four hours ago you could have cared less about how you treated me, but then just like that, everything changed?”
“No, it’s not like that at all. It wasn’t like the day you left I just stopped feeling for you. I was in a fucked up place then. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t the responsible one. I was being young and rebellious. Everything was within my reach from money to cars to alcohol. That lifestyle—it fucks with your head. After going through what I did with Tom and Raul, I thought I was stronger than succumbing to temptation of booze.”
“I could have helped you be strong, but you pushed me away.”
“I know I did. And I’m so fucking sorry I did that.” Bringing my hands over my face, I then shook my head. “The truth is that I missed you each and every day we were apart. Most of the time, I would push the thoughts of you away, but sometimes they were harder to do than I thought.”
“Every day I kept hoping that you would wake up and realize what you had done. I even had fantasies of you showing up in different places, begging me to come back. But they never came true.”
“But I’m here now.”
“And what if my father hadn’t died? Where would you be?”
“Still lost.”
She shook her head. “You wouldn’t be here with me.”
I growled in frustration. “Dammit, Lily, why does it matter what the reason is? I’m here.” When she wouldn’t look at me, my fingers gripped her chin, forcing her to look in my eyes. “Sometimes it takes a catastrophic event to get you to see the error of your ways. Paul’s death did that for me. It showed me at any moment we could be taken out of this world, so you have to live life to the fullest, admit your mistakes, and right your wrongs. That’s why I’m here.”
Lily stared at me in surprise. “You really mean that?”
“I sure as hell do.”
“You hurt me so badly, Brayden,” she whispered.
“I know I did. More than anything in the world, I wish I could go back to those months before you left. I would be a different man. I swear that to you.” Taking one of her hands, I brought it to my lips. “Just give me a chance, Lily. Please. I beg you. Give me another chance.”
“I want to, but I don’t think I can. After losing my dad…I don’t think I could survive losing you again.”
“You won’t have to. I swear to God you won’t. Please, just give me a chance.” Bringing her hand to my heart, I said, “I would crawl through a field of fire and broken glass before I would ever hurt you again.”
The agonized expression on Lily’s face began to fade. Within her blue eyes, a gleam I hadn’t seen in a long, long time burned bright. It took me by so much surprise that I shifted slightly away from her.
“I need you inside me, Brayden.”
My eyes bulged at her statement. I shook my head furiously from side to side. “No, no, you don’t know what you’re saying right now.”
“Yes, I do. I’m so dead inside. I want to feel alive again.” Her hands came up to cup my cheeks. “Only you have ever made me feel alive.”
“I feel the same way about you,” I murmured, my resolve slowly fading.
“Then make love to me.”
I groaned. “But it’s wrong, Lily. You’re overwhelmed and grief-stricken. I could never forgive myself for taking advantage of you right now.”
With a mirthless laugh, she said, “Oh, now, you become your old honorable self again. How fitting.”
“Lily, please. I just swore I would never hurt you again. You know I would do anything to make your pain easier, but I can’t do this.”
“I’ll hate you far more if you deny me, and you will ease my pain by giving me a physical connection.” Her hand dropped to my lap, cupping my dick. It didn’t need to be reacquainted with Lily. It rose up to greet her like it had missed her. Hell, it probably had. She knew it almost better than I did. As she worked me over my pants, I hissed in a breath. “Give in to me, Brayden.”
When she did that special tug that only she knew how to do, I thrust my hips up. That friction was my undoing. I knocked her hand away and tackled her to the floor. I didn’t bother getting her out of her dress. Instead, I shoved the hem up her thighs and then jerked down her panties. I fumbled with my belt and zipper. When I finally had my dick free, I didn’t bother with any foreplay. I just plowed right ahead.
We both moaned when I thrust deep inside her. She felt so incredibly tight. Almost as tight as when we’d first been together. “Did I hurt you?” I gasped.
; “No, you feel so good.”
“It’s been a long time for you, hasn’t it?” I murmured against the shell of her ear.
“Not since you,” Lily panted.
I jerked my head up to stare into her eyes with disbelief. Her hands came to cup my cheeks. “There’s been no one but you, Brayden. I don’t have sex without love, and you’re the only man I could ever love.”
Grimacing, I knew I couldn’t say the same when it came to being with someone else. I’d whored myself out in the last year trying desperately to forget her. When I stilled my movements, Lily questioned, “Brayden, what’s wrong?”
“I’m so fucking sorry that I can no longer say you’re the only woman I’ve ever been with.”
“I would have been surprised if you had remained celibate, especially in your profession.”
"How can you be so forgiving?”
“Because I know that no matter who you had sex with, you’ve only slept with me. Right?”
As I stared into her eyes, I wondered how she could possibly guess that with the thirty or forty women I’d fucked over the last year, I’d never actually slept with them. If we ever even made it to a bed, I’d end up leaving or having them leave. Lily was the only woman I’d ever spooned with and woken up to the sunlight streaming across us.
“You’re right,” I whispered.
“No matter how many women you’re with, no one will ever get to have your first but me.”
Then I placed a tender kiss on her lips. “No one will ever have my heart but you.”
She smiled. “I feel the exact same way. Now make love to me. Please.”
“Mmm, I love to hear you beg.” I began to flex my hips and slide in and out of her. Being inside her felt like being home again.
Lily’s hands slid down my back and grip my buttocks. “Harder, Brayden,” she urged.
I gave her what she asked for. Over and over, I pounded into her. I continued right on through the two orgasms she had. Then I finally found relief, spilling myself inside her and crying out, “Lily! Oh God, Lily!”
We lay there tangled together, not speaking and unmoving. When I dared to pick my head up and look at her, I found that she was smiling up at me. “I was afraid you might be having second thoughts after we did the deed,” I said.