The other rulers--who were they? Not one of them could meet Antony as an equal, nor could they present themselves in any guise other than their own selves. The Ptolemaic empire might have dwindled and almost sputtered out, but I would make my ancestors proud of me now. I would go as a queen and as Aphrodite herself, and let them all gasp and gape.
My costume was, I knew, unprecedented. It was neither ceremonial nor conventional nor proper. I was going as a woman, but one who must not be touched.
We had fair weather; this time the winds seemed to conspire with me to transport me exactly where I wished to go. We passed Cyprus on the lee side, skirting the beautiful island, called "of eternal spring," and as we passed I threw offerings to the goddess for the waves to toss at her feet.
Aphrodite, I prayed, be with your daughter now! And the flowers and candles rode the water and floated away to seek her.
It had been more than half a year since Antony first summoned me. I had made him wait long enough, and he would have resigned himself to my not coming. But he would not be angry; he was a forgiving man, that I remembered. Forgiving and easy to please.
But I must do more than please him. Those who are easy to please are the hardest to win. Because everything pleases them, more or less--snatches of a song they overhear someone singing over the next wall, bread that is somewhat flat but still tasty, indifferent wine on a very hot day--nothing pleases them to the exclusion of everything else. And it is only in pleasing someone to that extent that one triumphs.
I walked the decks, enveloped in a strange, dreamy world.
I remembered Antony as I had known him in Rome, and then the picture of him at the Lupercalia flashed into my mind. I had kept it vividly intact, stored in a secret recess of my memory, for--truth be told--it had excited me. It was not only his bodily perfection--although let us not slight that!-- but his sheer exuberance, his energy and power, that day, that made him close to a god in form and movement.
Yes, I remembered Antony . . . and reminded myself that that was almost four years ago. Now he was forty-one, not thirty-seven: much could happen in four years, much could fall away. But that joy in living, that boyish vitality . . . could he have lost that, entirely? And he had loved playacting--could that have been lost as well?
No, I doubted that. That was his very essence; it would endure.
So I was going to Antony. By my very manner of arrival, I would salute and honor those aspects of him; I would echo and magnify them. Together we would make a resounding noise.
The coast of Cilicia emerged on the horizon. This was the flat, fertile part of Cilicia, where the mountains retreated and left a seaside plain. Once the Ptolemies had owned it, along with Cyprus. Its sister region, "rough" Cilicia, to the west, was a wild area of harbors and tall timbers, where the pirates had had their strongholds, now held by Rome.
The city of Tarsus was located twelve miles inland from the coast, on the Cyndus River. It could be very cold; Alexander had swum in it and taken a bad chill, for the melting snows fed it in spring.
"Anchor!" I commanded the captain as we approached the coast. We would wait here until the next day, when we would proceed upriver. There was much to be done in preparation. And I knew the ship would be sighted, and Antony alerted in Tarsus. I had given no warning of my coming, no message.
That night we rode gently at anchor, and I dreamed strange dreams. At last I had begun to explore the lost world of my ancestors, and see for myself what we had once been. And waiting for me was a Roman, in the trappings of the east. Had he, then, left his toga behind? I would see an Antony who was unknown and unfamiliar. And he would see me as Caesar had, also in my eastern aspect. We would be new to one another.
In the dawn we fitted the special sails--purple, and steeped in the essence of cyprus-tree oil. Winds blowing through them would carry the smell of the forest. But in this lily-choked waterway, sheltered, there would not be much wind. Rowers would be needed, and now the special silver-tipped oars were brought from the hold and replaced the regular ones of pine. The musicians, who would pipe the time of the strokes of the oars, took their places on deck and belowdecks with flutes, fifes, and harps. For this short journey, the wind-burnt sailors were replaced by women dressed as sea nymphs, who stood by tending the lines and the rudder. Others held smoking censers of perfume from which rolled heady clouds of frankincense and myrrh, seeking the shore.
Charmian costumed me, draping me in the folds of the gown of Venus. The thin tissue of the gown was gold, almost transparent, and it fell in clouds of shimmering glory from my shoulders. Up on the deck, the attendants were readying a canopy of cloth of gold, to look like a divine pavilion, and draping the couch with leopardskins. Before we cast off, I took my place there, reclining, while handsome young boys, costumed as Cupid, stood on either side of me, gently raising and lowering feathered fans. It was as near as I could come to translating a painting I had seen of Venus into real life.
Slowly, ponderously, the ship plied its way through the waterlilies and made its way upstream, I holding my pose all the while. I could see, on either side of the river, crowds gathering, people lining the banks, gaping. Charmian and Iras, dressed as mermaids, stood at the helm, tossing flowers to the onlookers.
The river widened out to a lake; I told the Cupids to summon the captain, and when he came to my pavilion, I said he must anchor in the middle of the lake, and not dock at the quays.
"We will not go ashore," I said. "We will not set one foot in Tarsus until first we have been honored here on board."
From where I lay, I saw a mass of people congregating on the docks. Someone launched a small boat, and it rowed frantically out to us. It was filled with Roman officers. One of them stood up and started gesturing.
"See what they want," I said to my steward. He went to the railing and bent over to talk to them.
The little boat was almost swamped by the men straining to see what was on deck. One after another they stood up and craned their necks, rocking the boat dangerously.
The steward returned and said, "Lord Antony's staff officer asks what, and who, has approached."
I thought for a moment. "You may tell him that Aphrodite has come to revel with Dionysus for the good of Asia." His face registered surprise. "And try not to laugh when you say it. Say it in all solemn seriousness."
He obediently did so, and I saw the incredulous Romans searching for words to reply. Finally my steward returned.
"He says that his most noble lord Antony invites you to dine with him tonight, at a welcoming banquet."
"Tell him that I do not wish to come ashore at Tarsus, and that the most noble Antony and his men, and the leading citizens of the city, should be my guests tonight instead, aboard the ship."
More exchanges ensued. The steward came back to say that Antony was holding court today at the tribunal in the city square, and that he expected me to come and pay respects.
I laughed. "He must be sitting on the platform alone," I said. "The entire city is down at the docks." I paused. "Repeat my message: He must come here first."
The message was conveyed, and the boat rowed away, heading for the quay.
"Now, my dear friend," I said, "ready the banquet!"
While the food was cooking, and the banquet chamber was being prepared, the ship slowly made its way across the lake. By the time we reached the dock, twilight had fallen and a deep, blue-purple haze enveloped us, deepened by the mist of the smoking incense. Torches were lit, and the unreality of the day gave way to the further unreality of the night.
It was full dark before a commotion on the waterfront told me the guests were on their way. A procession wound toward us, with someone striding in front, accompanied by torch-bearers and singers. A long trail of companions streamed out behind him, and the crowds on either side were milling in excitement. I did not rise, so as not to spoil my careful arrangement under the canopy, but I was eager to know who was coming.
They mounted the decorated gangplank; I heard
the heavy tread of their boots, detected the wood groaning from the weight. Then the first of them stepped on board, a Roman legate, followed by another staff officer, then an aide. They filed on, staring every which way at the lights in the rigging and the costumed attendants, the mermaids, nymphs, and Cupids gesturing to them in welcome. More officers stepped on deck behind them.
Where was he? Had Antony elected to stay ashore, to make a point? Caesar would have--or would he?
Just then he strode on deck and stood stock-still, staring at me. He even blinked once, before throwing his cloak over one shoulder and approaching.
He stopped in front of me and looked down, where I was lying on the couch.
For a moment neither of us said a word. He stared, expressionless, and I looked back.
I wore a necklace of enormous pearls, and hidden under their strands lay the pendant, which I never took off. Two of the largest pearls ever brought up by divers were dangling from my ears, and my hair curled in tendrils over my shoulders. My feet, in emerald-studded sandals, were tucked up under my gown, as I lay aslant, leaning on one elbow. His eyes went from the pearls to the hair to the hem of the gown before coming back to my face.
" 'Deathless Aphrodite, on your rich-wrought throne,' " he finally said.
So he knew Sappho! Very well, then, I would quote Euripides. " 'I am Dionysus. I am Bacchus. I came to Greece, to Thebes, the first Greek city I have caused to shriek in ecstasy for me, the first whose women I've clothed in fawnskin and in whose hands I've placed my ivy spear, the thyrsus.' Welcome, Dionysus."
He looked about, holding out his hands. "I seem to have forgotten my thyrsus," he said, with a laugh. "Gaius, go back to headquarters and get it for me!"
"You won't need it tonight," I said. I held out my hand, and he reached down and took it and pulled me up to my feet. "Welcome, Marc Antony."
"It is I who should be welcoming you." He shook his head and looked up at the rigging. The constellations of lights, lowered on silk lines, floated like magic above him. "You have all the zodiac at once," he said, in wonder. He seemed a bit dazed.
"You know our Alexandrian astronomers," I said. "We feel at home with the stars."
"Yes, doubtless," he said. "You know many fabled things." Then he gestured toward his men, "Welcome to Egypt," he said.
"That is for me to say," I told him.
"Then say it."
I gestured to my musicians and had them play a tune of welcome. "We greet you, and welcome you," I said to all the company. Servers began to pass gold goblets of wine around. Antony took one and tasted its contents appreciatively. His square fingers caressed the jeweled surface of the cup.
"I am most happy to see you," I said. "It has been a long time."
"Three years, five months, and some ten days," he said.
I was taken aback. He must have had his scribe figure it out, when he grew angry at my refusal to come. "Truly?" I did not remember the date of our last meeting; I was barely aware of the exact date of my departure from Rome.
"Or my secretary cannot count," he said. He ran his hand through his hair. "I also seem to be without my ivy crown," he noted. "I feel downright naked without it!" His smile faded. "I am pleased that you are here. You look well. The years have been kind to you."
If he only knew! I gave a wistful laugh.
"No, I mean it," he said.
And how did he look? The demands that had been placed on him had changed him, made him seem tougher and more commanding. Yet his good looks remained untouched, if anything, heightened. "For that I thank you." I was finding it surprisingly difficult to talk to him. The old banter had died between us. "I did not help Cassius," I said, as we seemed mired in seriousness. "You must know that he appropriated the legions that I was sending to Dolabella."
"Yes, I am aware of that."
"And you also know I did all within my power to bring ships to you. It cost me a fortune, I might add!"
"Yes, I know."
Why did he keep saying that? "Then why did you charge me with acting against you?"
"Things were confusing, the reports conflicting. I wanted you to explain what had actually happened. After all, you remained in the east, in a privileged vantage point, and you have a better idea of what went on than we do."
"That is not what your letter said."
He threw up his hands, and just then an obliging server removed his empty cup and replaced it with a full one. Antony took a long swallow before answering. "Forgive me," he said disarmingly. "It was wrong of me."
This was too simple. "I do." I smiled. "I could not believe the tone. I thought we were friends."
"Friends, yes, friends," he repeated. He took another drink, draining the cup. It got replaced immediately.
"Come, friend," I said. "Let us seat ourselves at the banquet."
We descended to the banqueting chamber, where twelve couches were waiting, tables before them, ready for the feasters. Antony would face me, on the adjoining couch, in the place of honor.
A server crowned him with flowers. "Here is your crown for tonight," I said. It made him look very unsoldierly.
"Ah," he said. "Now I wear a crown as well."
"Would you like to?"
He smiled. "I will not fall into that trap," he said. "Words have a way of returning at inopportune times."
So he would, then. Well, there was no one alive who would spurn a crown, if offered. Except a few Republicans--but with the death of Brutus, they had lost their leader.
"The battle of Philippi--I have offered innumerable thanks for it to the gods. Now I must offer my thanks directly to you, who brought it about. My eternal gratitude, Antony. I can never repay you."
At once his manner changed, and I realized it was the first kind, personal thing I had said to him this night.
"It was in the hands of the gods," he finally said. "But the outcome was entirely right. Our Caesar is repaid now."
The first course of the meal was starting, and the company of Romans and Tarsians was murmuring in wonder at the dishes, at the smoked Libyan desert hare, the oysters dressed in seaweed, the white cakes of Egypt's finest flour, the quivering jellies flavored with the juice of pomegranate and made sweet with honey and Derr dates. Their voices rose, and as the noise increased, it was easier to speak privately to Antony.
"Our Caesar," he said. "We wept for his misfortune, now we can rejoice in his vindication."
"It was you who turned the tide at the funeral. I can never forget that night."
"Nor I." He began to eat, washing the food down with draughts of wine. "But now we must go forward. I am pledged to carry out his Parthian venture, which he was forced to abandon on its eve. I will use the very spears and shields he had already set aside. They were still in Macedonia, where he kept them in readiness."
"But that is not for this season," I said. It was a question.
"No, it must wait. There is still much that needs to be settled here in the east."
The banquet proceeded, with dish after dish issuing from the kitchen, and singers and dancers providing entertainment for the sated guests. At length it was time for them to depart. Antony stood up first.
"Tomorrow night you must join me," he said. "I cannot hope to rival this, but"--he laughed--"you must allow me to try to repay you." He gestured to his men. "Come, it is time," he said.
"Wait," I said. "I wish to make a gift of all the couches you have lain on tonight, and every man may take away the gold plate with which he has dined."
The entire company stared, shocked.
"Yes, a token of my regard for you," I said carelessly. "Your company has been most pleasing."
They greedily gathered up the utensils and plate, trying to seem nonchalant.
"You needn't worry about carrying them," I said. "My servants will accompany you home, with torches, and bear the gifts."
Antony was staring.
"You as well," I said. "But you need more than that, as guest of honor and supreme commander of Asia.
Here." I unhooked the gigantic pearl necklace and handed it to him. "Pray take it, as token of the Queen of Egypt's esteem for you."
His hands closed over it, the pearls brimming out on either side.
Now, as I sat in my cabin, it seemed unearthly quiet after the revelry. The evening had been an absolute success. News about it would go out over all the land, and our myth-ship would be described in many tongues. And as for Antony, he could count the pearls and be amazed.
I removed the two earrings and laid them in a box, and took off the heavy gold bracelets. My feet, barefoot now, stretched in weariness. I felt drained by the entire proceeding; I could hardly believe that it was finally over. It had taken weeks to plan, and had cost as much as a small palace. The frankincense alone ... I shook my head. I had had it poured out like coal smoke, all to add up, with everything else, to one overwhelming impression of luxury, wealth, and power. I needed to make a statement to all Asia: Egypt is mighty.
There was a commotion outside, a hesitant knock on my door. "Open," I said.
"Your Majesty." A soldier bowed, and opened the door. "A visitor." The soldier stepped back, disappearing. Someone else appeared.
I could scarcely believe my eyes: It was Antony standing in the doorway. I stared at him, bracing himself against the doorframe with both arms. Was he ill? Drunk? Yet he had seemed well enough when the retinue took its leave.