‘I don’t know when she will wake up,’ I say.
‘Why won’t the other people talk to me?’
‘Who?’ I ask, looking around. For a second, I think that someone else is behind the curtain. Someone else I didn’t notice.
‘The other people,’ she says again. ‘I ask them when she will wake up but no one will talk to me.’
I understand now. ‘Do you know her name?’ I ask, pointing at the little girl in the bed.
‘No,’ the girl says.
‘When did you meet her?’ I ask, pointing again.
‘In the car,’ she says. ‘After the accident. After the car hit the other car.’
‘Where were you before you were in the car?’ I ask.
‘Nowhere,’ she says. She looks confused and embarrassed. She stares at her shoes.
‘When did the girl go to sleep?’ I ask.
‘I don’t know,’ she says, still looking confused. ‘The people took her away. I waited by the doors and when she came back she was asleep.’
‘Did you talk to her at all?’ I ask.
‘Yes. In the car. Mommy and Daddy wouldn’t answer her, so she asked me to help. I stayed with her. I talked to her. We waited until the men with the machine got her out. It was loud and it made fire.’
‘I’m glad you got out of the car,’ I say.
I don’t want her to be afraid, and I think my questions are making her afraid. But I still have a few more to ask.
‘Have you seen Mommy and Daddy since you got out of the car?’ I ask.
‘No,’ she says.
‘What is your name?’ I ask.
‘I don’t know,’ she says, and now she sounds sad. She might cry, I think.
‘Listen. You are a special friend. An imaginary friend. That means that she is the only one who can see or hear you. She needed you in the car when she was scared so that is why you are here. But everything is going to be fine. You just need to wait until she wakes up.’
‘Why can you see me?’ she asks.
‘Because I am like you,’ I say. ‘I am an imaginary friend, too.’
‘Oh. Then where is your little girl?’ she asks.
‘My friend is a little boy. His name is Max, but I don’t know where he is.’
She stares at me. She says nothing so I wait. I don’t know what to say either. We just stare at one another over the beeps and hums from the machines beside the bed. The silence seems like for ever. Finally I speak.
‘I lost him. But I’m looking for him.’
She keeps staring at me. This little girl has existed for only a day but I know what she is thinking.
She thinks that I am a bad friend for losing Max.
‘I have to go now,’ I say.
‘Okay. When will she wake up?’
‘Soon,’ I say. ‘Just wait. She will be awake soon.’
I crawl back under the shower curtain before the little girl can say anything else. There is another closed curtain a few steps away but I know that Dee is not behind it. This is the Children’s Hospital. There is probably an ICU in the grown-up hospital, too, and Dee is probably there.
I wonder if Max is all alone like the little girl behind the shower curtain. She has no mommy or daddy sitting in the chairs next to her bed. Maybe they are hurt, too.
Maybe they are dead. But I do not think so because that would be too terrible a thing to think.
At least she has her imaginary friend. She may not have a name, yet, but she is waiting by the bed, so the little girl is not alone.
I keep thinking about what Max’s mom said. ‘I keep hoping that he has Budo with him.’
But I am not with Max.
That little girl has her brand-new imaginary friend with her tonight, but Max is alone somewhere. He is alive because I am still here and Max being dead would be too terrible a thing to think.
But he is alone.
CHAPTER 30
Max’s mom will not stop crying. It is not a sad cry. It is a scared cry. It reminds me of the crying that babies do when they can’t find their mothers.
Except this time a mother can’t find her baby.
Max’s dad holds her. He does not say anything because there is nothing to say. He is not crying but I know that he is crying inside again.
I used to think that these were the three worst things in the world:
Tommy Swinden
Bonus poops
Not existing
Now I think these are the three worst things in the world:
Waiting
Not knowing
Not existing
It is Sunday night, which means that tomorrow I can go to school and find Mrs Patterson and Max.
As long as Mrs Patterson goes back to school.
I think she will. Otherwise she would look suspicious. If Mrs Patterson was a bad guy on a television show, she would definitely go to school on Monday. She might even offer to help the police chief search for Max.
I bet she will. She is sneaky-smart.
I spent the weekend looking for Max, but now I feel like all I did was waste my time. I don’t know where Mrs Patterson lives, but I couldn’t just sit at home for two days doing nothing, and I couldn’t spend any more time around the police officers because too many of them keep wondering aloud (but never around Max’s parents) if Max is dead.
So I started searching for Max inside people’s houses, hoping that one of the houses would be Mrs Patterson’s house. I know that Mrs Grady and Mrs Paparazo live close enough to the school that they sometimes walk to work together, so I thought that maybe most of the teachers lived close by (even though I know Mrs Gosk lives in a faraway place on the other side of the river, which is why she is sometimes late). So I started my search with the houses closest to the school. I made circles through the neighborhood like the ripples that a stone makes when Max tosses one into the lake.
Max doesn’t swim, but he loves to throw rocks into the water.
I knew it would be almost impossible for me to find Mrs Patterson’s house like this, but I had to do something. But it didn’t do any good. I didn’t find Max or Mrs Patterson. All I found were parents who did not lose a child. Families sitting around dinner tables and raking leaves in the backyard and arguing about money and cleaning their basements and watching movies on television. All of them seemed so happy. It was like they didn’t know that Mrs Patterson could just drive to school one day and steal their little boy or little girl.
Monsters are bad things, but monsters that do not walk and talk like monsters are the worst.
I thought about going back to the hospital to see Spoon and Summer again, but I am afraid that Summer will be mad because I have not found Max yet.
I don’t know why I should be afraid of a little girl the size of a soda bottle, but I am. Not afraid like she will hurt me, but afraid in the same way that Max is afraid to disappoint Mrs Gosk, even though he does it all the time and doesn’t even know it.
I am also afraid to find out that Summer’s human friend has died and she has died, too.
Disappeared, I mean. Stopped existing.
Last night I stopped at the gas station to see if Dee was back.
She wasn’t. Sally wasn’t there either, but I don’t think I will ever see Sally again. Getting shot might kill a person but I don’t think it would stop someone from going back to work someday. But getting stuck like Sally might stop a person from ever coming back to work, even to say hello to old friends.
I don’t think it will ever be the same at the gas station. There were three people working last night but I didn’t know any of them. Pauley came in to buy scratch tickets, and I could tell that he feels the same way. He didn’t even stay to scratch his tickets. He stood at the counter for a second, thinking about it, and then he just left with his head down.
It’s not our place anymore.
But it’s not a new place, either.
It’s not a special place for anyone anymore. The people who work there now just work. T
here was a girl working last night who looked like she needed to make two or three bonus poops. Her face was all scrunched up and serious. And the other people, both old men, barely spoke to one another. And everyone works. No more goofing around. No more television behind the counter. No more talking to customers and knowing their names. No more Dee telling Sally to get back to work.
I don’t know if I will ever go back to the gas station. I would like to see Dee again. Maybe in the ICU someday, if I ever find the courage to go to the adult hospital. But I don’t think even Dee could make the gas station like it used to be.
I have to leave early tomorrow morning. I am worried that the bus will not stop at our bus stop, because Max will not be standing by the tree, touching it with one hand at all times so he doesn’t accidentally wander into the street. That was my idea, but when he told his mother the idea so that he could wait by himself, he said that it was his idea.
I didn’t care. I was his idea, so in a way my idea was his idea, too.
I could walk to the school if I had to, like I did this weekend when I was searching for Max, but I have always ridden on the bus to go to school, and I feel like it would be good luck for me to ride it tomorrow. Like I’m telling the world that I am on the bus because I know that Max will be back soon.
I have a list of things to do tomorrow. I’ve been thinking about them all night. Memorizing them. Sometimes I really, really wish I could hold a pencil and write things down. I have to be much more careful this time. On Friday I was not careful and Mrs Patterson drove away without me. So I have to be sure to do exactly the right thing tomorrow.
My things-to-do list is short:
Leave the house when Max’s mom wakes up.
Walk to the Savoys’ house and wait with them for the bus.
Ride the bus to school.
Go straight to the parking lot where Mrs Patterson parks her car.
Wait for Mrs Patterson.
When Mrs Patterson parks her car, get inside Mrs Patterson’s car.
Don’t leave the car no matter what.
I just hope that Mrs Patterson comes to school tomorrow. I tried to make a list of things to do if Mrs Patterson does not come to school but I could not think of anything to put on the list.
If she does not come back to school, I think Max will be lost for ever.
CHAPTER 31
The blue backpack is not on the back seat anymore. I am sitting in the spot where it was the last time I saw it.
Thursday. The last time I saw it was Thursday.
Four days ago. It feels like forty days ago.
Mrs Patterson pulled into the parking lot before the first bell. She parked her car in her usual spot and walked inside like it was a normal school day. A kidnapper is now walking around the halls of the school and no one knows it except for me. I keep wondering if she is planning on stealing another kid soon. Is she tricking other boys and girls like she tricked Max?
Did she want Max because he is Max or because she is collecting kids?
Both ideas scare me.
My list of things to do says to stay in the car no matter what, but the school day is long and it is still early. The first recess bell hasn’t even rung yet. I don’t think Mrs Patterson will leave early because that would look suspicious. And I made the list so I can change it if I want. It is not like the rules about not running in the hallways or staying silent during a fire drill or not eating peanut butter at the peanut-free table. It’s my rule so I can break it if I want. So I will.
I just want to see what is going on inside the school.
I want to see Mrs Gosk.
There is a man sitting at a desk in the lobby. There has never been a desk in the lobby before, and there has never been a man sitting at a desk in the lobby before. He is not wearing a uniform but I can tell that he is a policeman. He looks serious and bored at the same time, just like those police officers who work overnight at the police station.
A lady just walked through the front doors and the police officer is waving her over to his desk. He is asking her to sign her name on a clipboard. While she is signing, he asks her to explain why she is here today.
She is carrying a tray of cupcakes.
He must not be a very good policeman. Even a kindergartener would know why this lady is here.
I walk down the hall to Mrs Gosk’s classroom. She is teaching when I walk in. Just hearing her voice in the hallway makes me feel a little better.
She is standing in front of the class and talking about a boat called the Mayflower. She has a map rolled down in front of the chalkboard, and she is whacking it with her meter stick and asking where North America is. I know the answer to this question because Max loves maps. He loves to plan imaginary battles with imaginary armies on real maps, so I know the names of all the continents and oceans and lots of the countries.
Max’s desk is empty. It is the only empty desk in the classroom. No one else is absent today. It would be better if someone else was absent today. It would make Max’s desk seem less empty.
Someone should have stayed home sick.
I sit at Max’s desk. The chair is pulled out enough so that I can sit without feeling squished by the idea of the desk and the idea of the chair. Mrs Gosk has stopped whacking the map. Jimmy answered the question about North America and a bunch of kids seem relieved that he knew the answer. They were afraid that Mrs Gosk would ask them where North America was, and they could tell that this is the kind of question that even a dummy should be able to answer. Now she is showing the kids a picture of the Mayflower, except it looks like someone has chopped the boat in half. We can see the inside of the boat. Little rooms filled with little tables and little chairs and little people.
The Mayflower was a big boat.
Mrs Gosk looks up from the picture to the class and says, ‘Imagine that you are leaving your home for ever. Just like the Pilgrims. You’re sailing to America and all you can bring is one small suitcase. What would you pack inside?’
Hands fly up. This is the kind of question that everyone can answer. No one needs Jimmy for this one. Even someone who hasn’t been listening can raise their hand and answer this question without sounding like a dummy. Mrs Gosk asks these kinds of questions a lot. I think she wants all the kids to have something to talk about, and she loves to make the kids feel like they are a part of the story.
Kids start answering. Mrs Gosk laughs when Malik says, ‘Lots and lots of underwear,’ and Leslyan says, ‘My cellphone charger. I always forget it when we go on vacation.’
I’m surprised that Mrs Gosk is laughing. And I’m mad. Mrs Gosk is acting just like Mrs Gosk. She is not acting like the Mrs Gosk who is missing a student and who the police tried to blame two days ago. In fact, I think she is even more like Mrs Gosk than she ever was. She is like Mrs Gosk times two. She’s practically bouncing around the room. It’s like her shoes are on fire.
Then I understand.
Mrs Gosk is acting like Mrs Gosk. She is smiling and asking good questions and swinging her meter-beater around because she is not the only one who is sad or worried about Max. The kids are worried, too. A lot of them don’t know Max very well and a lot of them are mean to him, some on purpose and some on accident, but they all know that Max disappeared and they must be worried and scared. Maybe even sad, too. Mrs Gosk knows this, so even though she is probably the most worried and most afraid person in the whole school, she is pretending to be Mrs Gosk times two for the kids. She is worried about Max but she is also worried about the twenty other kids in the classroom, so she is putting on a show for them. She is trying to make it the best, most normalest day that they ever had.
I love Mrs Gosk.
I might love her more than Max does.
I’m glad I came inside. Just seeing Mrs Gosk makes me feel better.
I go back to Mrs Patterson’s car. I want to stop in the office and see what Mrs Palmer is doing today. I want to see if the police chief is still sitting on her couch. I want to see if Max’s
parents are coming to school today to answer more questions. I want to go to the faculty room and see what the teachers are saying about Max. I want to see if Mrs Hume and Mrs McGinn and Mrs Riner are as worried as I am. I want to find Mrs Patterson and see if she is acting normal today or if she is lying to kids like she lied to Max. Most of all I want to spend more time in Mrs Gosk’s classroom.
But if Mrs Gosk can pretend to be herself today, I can wait inside a car until Mrs Patterson comes back.
Waiting is one of the three worst things in the world, but the waiting will be over soon.
If I just sit and wait in Mrs Patterson’s car, I will find Max.
CHAPTER 32
Mrs Patterson opens the door and climbs into the driver’s seat. The last bell rang about five minutes ago and there are still buses in the circle, waiting to fill up with children. But Mrs Patterson is not a teacher who is responsible for kids. She does not have to worry about how they get home or if they are getting picked up by a babysitter or an uncle or a grandmother. She doesn’t even have to worry if they have friends to play with or eat enough lunch or have a warm coat for the winter.
Only teachers like Mrs Gosk can be trusted with this stuff, so teachers like Mrs Patterson can leave when the last bell rings. This must seem good to teachers like Mrs Patterson but they don’t know how much the kids love Mrs Gosk.
Kids can’t love you if you teach them for only an hour a week.
Or if you steal them.
Mrs Patterson starts the car and turns left out of the circle so she does not get stuck behind the buses. You are not allowed to pass a bus if it has its little stop sign switched on.
I remember the day when Max ran out between the buses and almost got hit by someone who was driving through the circle and breaking the little stop sign rule.
Graham was there that day. Graham and Max. It seems so long ago.