Chapter Two
Seeing Matt was something that keeps playing in my head, the way he looked the way I wanted him to grab a hold of me and never let go. Then I look down at the ring on my finger and know that my mind should be thinking about another man. Andy is the best thing I’ve had since leaving the Webster household. He has given me everything I have ever wanted but somehow it always felt at times when I’m lying in bed next to him like I’m missing out on something. But Matt for ten years I tried so much not to miss him, seeing Shawn when I knew I would never see Matt, come to holiday events when the house would be full and then follow Hugh around most of the time hiding behind him. Ever since I left it has always been weird between the both of us.
Sitting at the kitchen island in my flat and looking out to the view of the city bellow; the sun starts to set over the buildings leaving behind dark colours of orange and red. The best time to see the sun set is up in the mountains near the Webster estate because there are no large buildings and you can see everything, the colours in the sky may look great now but in those mountains they are the most beautiful thing you would ever see. I remember the first summer after my parents died and Matt took me up to this spot up a few miles into the hills away from home to show me his favourite spot to let go of everything that made him upset or just wanting some peace and quiet and to this day whenever I’m at the Webster estate I always find my way there and look out, I use to hope that maybe I would see Matt and something would happen but now I just don’t know anymore. Looking at the time on the clock near the door I thought about what to do about the weekend and what will happen maybe I can cancel, as I think of excuses the phone starts to ring, grabbing the phone and looking at the number with a small smile I answer it.
“Hi honey, I was just thinking of you.” I wasn’t really but he would never know.
“Sorry baby, but things are running late tonight I won’t be able to have dinner with you tonight.”
“That’s okay, you have work to do. Did you want me to bring you something to eat?”
“No, it’s okay I had a late lunch. I just hope you’re not upset?” Somehow I didn’t mind if he stayed late tonight I didn’t mind because my mind was elsewhere I probably wouldn’t of have been listening to him anyway.
“So I’ll talk to later okay. Love you.” He kept talking like I answered his question, like always really.
“Love you too.” But he had already hung up. I did really love him but sometimes work was more important than me, I’m not needy but sometimes I just want him to come home and wrap his arms around me and just be with me and not work. Too many late nights with romantic books and not him lately.
Well if Andy isn’t coming home I may as well find out what Hugh is up to. The phone starts to ring and I just hope that he is home to night and not out with some girl that will just get her heart broken when it comes to Hugh. The phone picks up and I’m so happy he is home.
“Hugh, what are you up to?” Hugh is always up to something but maybe he would have time for his best friend.
“Not much tonight, what about you? Are you with Andy?”
“No, Andy had to work, want to do something? I’m starving if you’re interested.”
“No I’m not that interested because you are always hungry.” A smile spreads across my lips I stick out my tongue even though he can’t see.
“I am not, so what do you say?”
“Sure come over. I’ll order the pizza.” As soon as he says that he hangs up the phone but with Hugh he always does that when ending a conversation and normally I’m already half way out the door to notice.
Hailing a taxi in this city is not fun because sometimes there is someone that jumps in front of you other times the taxi driver doesn’t see you but I have learnt a lot from Hugh, I put two fingers in my mouth and hail a taxi like I have been doing it for years to move around the city. The taxi stops right in front of me and that is how you get want you want in this town. Sliding in and getting that same smell that always seems to belong to taxis’ for some reason, it’s like new car smell mixed with a weird leather smell.
“Sixth West Bridge, please.”
“Sure thing.” The drive only takes about fifteen minutes to get there but the traffic never makes it seem like fifteen minutes. Pulling up to Hugh’s building is always something that makes me laugh it is nothing like Shawn’s home, no Hugh’s apartment is a new upscale building with high tech gadgets and weird structures coming out at different sides of the building but he seems to like it even though I’m not really into the modern look, it is more like Andy’s office. Handing over a few dollars to the drive and getting out as normal as I can but feeling like I have been stuck in that taxi for ages my jeans making sounds as I slide out. Instead on ringing the buzz I take the key that Hugh gave me and open up. Ever since we left to come to the city we always gave each other the keys to our apartments, I never told Andy that because I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t really understand. But to me Hugh and I are best friends and we didn’t know anyone when we first came here so we made a pack to always to sick together no matter what and that meant we shared everything as well and a few of Hugh’s girlfriends hated that and me, they always thought I was secretly in love with him but it was never Hugh I was always in love with Matt. Also Hugh never saw me as someone to date he was more into leggy blondes, where I was just me with my long brown hair and brown eyes and had smaller boobs than the leggy blondes and also I never in my life had legs like them I was only 5’6, so I could never compete with them.
Opening the door to the top apartment, I like to call it the penthouse, Hugh likes to call it home away from home.
“Honey, I’m home.” I say walking in but no response. Locking the door behind me and looking around his open floor apartment. The lights were on, the television was on so where was he. Looking to the kitchen I could see him next to the sink but he didn’t say anything. Walking over and putting my arms around him and leaning into him but something felt wrong. Unless he grew a foot since I saw him today and started to smell like clean soap and not the colonel that he throws on everyday then this was not Hugh, plus this guy even through his shirt felt like he had abs of steel where Hugh just had the flat stomach and wished he had abs like these. The guy starts to turn around in my arms and I look up into the face of the one person I thought I would not see again, twice in one day is too much for my emotions. His arms had found there was around my waist and instead of pulling away I put my face into the crock of his neck and breathed him in. His arms tighten around me and so did mine, I just couldn’t let go even though I know that I need to. I looking up into his eyes and all I could see was a smile that made my heart melt, the smile that reaches all the way to his eyes.
“Hey.” Is all that could come out and then I don’t think it even sounded right?
He doesn’t say anything but really that is fine I haven’t been this close to him in years, if you don’t count Christmas Eve two years ago. But I shouldn’t be doing this so I let go even though I don’t think I could a move a little out of his reach. Looking back up into those blue eyes then down to that mouth that I wish I could kiss. I could do that and then take that memory away but I would never do that to the people I loved and god even after all these years he still made me want him. Have to forget who this guy is a just act normal like my heart was breaking all over again. Putting my guard up and taking a deep breath.
“Hey Matt, where’s Hugh?” That sounded somewhat normal even after that moment. Then Matt’s face change from somewhat happy to like I just punched him in the face, his whole attitude is different, he just shuts down.
“He is out getting some beer.” So like Hugh to go out as soon as the beer is gone and not tell me he had a guest over. Shuffling my feet and not knowing what to say next.
“He said something about pizza.”
“It’s not here yet, I just ordered it.” Now it was becoming really awkward and Matt really seemed to change from when he was holding me to now
. He really didn’t want to be here. But we are both engaged we couldn’t do anything even though he was all I could think about. I wonder what those lips would feel like if he kissed me right now, how his hair would feel through my fingers and how toned is his body really is under that shirt. As I thought about everything that I shouldn’t be thinking about the door opened but either me or Matt moved from where we were standing just staring at one another.
“Jules you’re here. Sorry, ran out of beer.” Taking my eyes off Matt and putting all my attention into what Hugh wanted to say. Walking over and giving him a playful punch in the arm.
“You forgot to tell me that Matt was here and the pizza is not even here yet.” Hugh walks to the kitchen island with his beer and puts it down like it is the most persest thing in the world to him.
“Sorry Matty is here, and stop thinking about your stomach. I swear Matty, this girl can eat.”
“I remember.”
“Hey I’m standing right here.” Looking at both of them I can’t believe them. I pull up my jumper off and show them my flat and fantastic looking stomach with nothing but my bra left on.
“Look I can eat whatever I want because I look great.”
“Please put it away Jules, I can see your bra, god it’s not right.” Putting my jumper back on and looking at Hugh who is covering his eyes at the sight of me and then looking at Matt who has this look in his eyes that makes my cheeks heat up, I turn away and back at Hugh, thank god I was wearing the blue lace bra.
“Hugh, you have seen girls in much less than this and you have seen me in a bathing suit remember since we were little.”
“You are like my sister the others are not and let me repeat are not like my sister. I don’t want to know what is under that.” He says pointing at my clothes, typical Hugh to do that, I swear I should have done that the first time I introduced Hugh and Andy it might have solved a few fights.
“I get it Hugh, sorry for scaring you.”
“Scaring me? I’m going to have nightmares of this for years.” He says putting the beer in the fridge and then opening one up and taking a long sip.
“I think you look great.” My head quickly snaps to Matt and my face feels so hot with that look in his eyes. It makes me think that does he remember about what happened ten years ago or am I imaging things.
“Matty, please don’t say that, I might throw up.” Hugh has not grown up in all these years when it comes to me, to him he probably thinks I’m a virgin and living like a nun and that Andy just holds my hand. I’m twenty seven at some point my life has to change; I wonder what if I said I was pregnant, where would he think that came from.
“Hugh you need to grow up, I promise never to do that again.” He smiles up at me and then I stick out my tongue this time he grabs me and gives me a hug that he was meant to give me when he came through the door. He lets go as soon as his arms wrap around me, nothing like Matt’s hug. Not wanting to look at Matt again I make my way over to the couch and take a seat leaning into the couch and waiting for the pizza to come.
What is coming over me does Matt remember something that I don’t, because really there isn’t anything to remember between us I made sure of that. I left with Hugh after I turned eighteen to go off to college and we never said a word to each other that day I left. Staring at the television and not paying attention my mind is off in an imagery world that should never come true, I feel the couch sink a little bit and I look over to my left to see Matt just looking at me and Hugh nowhere to be found. Trying to find the words to say to him is one of the hardest things because he is so close to me I can smell him from where I’m sitting and everything in my mind is telling me to move a little bit closer to breathe him in.
“Julie, don’t mind Hugh he is just being…”
“Hugh, I know. I never think much about it. So what brings you to the city?” And to my fiancé office but I wasn’t going to say that just yet, I need to know why he has started to appear in my life after all this time. I move a little bit away from him towards the edge of the couch to give us room and also I can’t really trust myself that close to him, I see him feeling uneasy as I move away from him.
“Came to see my brother.” He looks away and his face has gone from soft to almost unreadable. Great short answers and a tone.
“So how long are you here for?” Where the hell is Hugh, we are going to have a long talk when he comes back.
“Just until the end of the week. So you are getting married, congratulations.” He looks down at the ring that is sitting uncomfortable on my left hand something about the way he is staring at it makes me want to take it off.
“Thank you.” The silence takes over for a while with us just staring in every direction but each other, maybe I should just go home but as I think about my escape the doorbell rings and I can’t believe it took that long for pizza, but really it has only been fifteen minutes. Smiling up at Matt I get up and walk over to the kitchen island and sit on the stool closest to the window, Hugh is making small talk with the pizza delivery guy and really that’s okay as long as I don’t have to look at Matt.
“Okay, peperoni for the eating machine.” Hugh walks over with three large pizzas in his hand.
“Thank you for your lovely words Hugh, even though you always end up eating the last piece.” I say as I grab a slice of his favourite supreme pizza and take a big bite.
“Hey that’s mine.” His says trying to grab it out of my hands but I move out of his way and end up slamming the slice on Matt. I try to hide back my smile but Hugh is laughing like crazy on the other side of the island.
“I’m so sorry.” I grab a napkin off the counter and try and wipe some of the topping off but Matt just waves off my hand.
“It’s okay.” Matt says as he takes off his shirt in front of me and I was right he had the abs of the gods. I couldn’t do anything but look and wish I could touch him, he was just perfect.
“Like what you see?” Crap, I was staring too much, but as I looked into his face I could tell that he was happy that I liked what I saw and really I did. His mouth curved into a little smile and then I felt my face flush.
“Matty, not you too. I’m trying to eat here. Jules, close your mouth, your drooling.” Looking at Hugh now I can see he is not happy with me for perving on his brother but I don’t care because Hugh has known how I have felt for years and it has been years since I have seen Matt’s great abs.
“Excuses me, I’m going to get a fresh shirt.” Matt walks out of the room clucking under his breath as he walks out of sight. As soon as his gone I look at Hugh who is stuffing his face and not caring that I’m about to kill him, but for I can say anything Hugh speaks up.
“Jules, you’re getting married don’t do this to yourself.”
“What? I’m not doing anything.”
“Sure, you look at everyone like that.” He laughs and then goes right back to the pizza.
“Like what, what are you getting at Hugh? I love Andy nothing is going on.” I look away from my best friend because I hate lying to him. Especially when I don’t know how I feel about everything right now. My hormones and my past are all crashing into one another and I have no idea what to do.
Chapter Three
Most of the evening was quite after that, Matt came back in with a clean shirt on to my disappointment and we just ate in silence. Every time I wanted to say something I stopped myself because really I have no idea what to say. In the silence Matt’s phone goes off. “Hello?”
“Hi yeah, just give me a second.” He puts the phone to his chest and looks over to me and then to his brother.
“Excuse me, it’s Sara.” He says and then walks into another room away from as. I let my shoulders relax; maybe this is a good time to go home.
“I guess I should be going.” I get up and look over to Hugh and he just gives me a sad smile, because he knows how much I hate Sara and how much I was in love with Matt.
“Sure, give me call tomorrow, we can go out for lunc
h.” I give him a smile and a quick hug.
“Sure, talk to you later.” I say as I walk over to the door and let myself out. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to go to the estate in three days’ time. Not just because of Matt and Sara but that place scares me. There is something about it that is not right but I have lived there for most of my life, but the feeling has never left me.
Three days to go. I hope everything goes smoothly.
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Memories:
Remember Me - Part Two
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