RAT AND SNAKE
The chase is on... hopping for his life, Jake/Rat heads for the nearest Joshua tree. The snake is in hot pursuit. At the crucial moment, Harry sweeps the snake off into the tumbleweeds with a broom. The rat changes back into Jake, who is hopping mad.
JAKE: What was that all about? He nearly got me!
HARRY (matter of fact): That's just a taste of what's to come. And it was today's first lesson.
JAKE (still angry): And just what was the lesson?
Harry goes nose to nose with Jake.
HARRY: When you're dealin' with a wizard, never get reckless.
Harry turns to walk away, and Jake CHANTS a phrase. Harry rises into the air, looking startled. He looks back at Jake, and for a moment, two strong wills clash. After an instant, the tension passes, and they both break up LAUGHING.
EXT. YUCCA FLATS - DUSK
Harry and Jake walk down a hill onto the main drag of a one-horse desert burg, with a dry-goods emporium, a grocery and a few other small, dusty shops.
HARRY: Yucca Flats... my kinda town.
JAKE: What a name!
HARRY: It's the sorta place ya can always count on for a few yuks.
Harry elbows Jake, who looks distressed.
JAKE: Why did we walk ten miles through the desert, when you can do that tele whatsis?
HARRY: We can't do magic around town... it sends out strong vibes that a wizard can pick up on.
JAKE (looking around): There's another wizard out here?
HARRY: There's a couple of 'em, but I only trust one.
JAKE: So where are we going now?
HARRY: To go play detective.
Jake steps in a wad of bubble gum, resulting in a stretchy gob hanging off his shoe.
HARRY (continuing): Nice work so far. You're a natural gumshoe.
Jake's fed up with the puns, and chases Harry down the street, hesitating intermittently to hop and scrape his shoe.
EXT. SIDEWINDER SALOON - THIRTY SECONDS LATER
Harry stops running, out of breath, just as Jake catches up with him. They both look up at the bar's sign... the "S" characters are formed out of rattlesnakes.
JAKE (dubious): You're going in here?
HARRY: I knew you'd like it. C'mon.
Harry pulls Jake in the door.
INT. SIDEWINDER SALOON - CONTINUOUS
A rough-looking CROWD of grizzled hombres look up from their beer and cactus juice to check out the newcomers. Slowly, the room falls SILENT. The bartender, SNAKE, is a mountain of a man with a shaved head, a boa constrictor around his neck, and rattlesnakes tattooed on his forearms.
SNAKE: Harry, how the hell are ya?
HARRY: Snake, you old reptile!
Harry runs across the crowded barroom, jumps up on the bar, and wrestles Snake's bald pate into a headlock. The boa looks sleepily up at Harry's face and yawns, showing large fangs. Harry opts for discretion; he unlocks Snake's neck. The crowd goes back to their drinking. As Harry sits on the bar, trying to determine the best method of backing away from the boa, Snake points to the thick, clear glass that serves as a bar surface.
SNAKE: Didja see the new snake pit I put in under the bar?
Harry looks down through the glass into a nest of rattlers. One is coiled to strike at his heinie; as the snake makes his move, Harry rockets off the bar.
SNAKE (continuing): Still touchy about snakebite, Harry?
HARRY: Nah, just didn't wanna give the big fella heartburn.
Harry rubs his posterior ruefully, then motions for Jake to come over.
HARRY (continuing): Snake, I'd like ya to meet Jake.
SNAKE: Welcome to Yucca Flats, Jake. What brings you guys to town?
HARRY: I'm looking fer Annie.
SNAKE: She usually stops by a bit later. Can I get you boys something to drink?
HARRY: How 'bout a beer and a sarsaparilla?
SNAKE: Coming right up.
Snake serves the beverages... Harry takes the glasses and leads Jake over to a table next to the fireplace, where mesquite logs burn brightly.
HARRY: Jake, ya never told me the reason you left St. Looey.
JAKE (evading): It's no big deal.
HARRY: C'mon... if yer gonna help me whip Laszlo, I gotta know why. Ya got any folks?
JAKE (hesitates): ...no...
HARRY: ...which means at least one's around, and yer not real fond of ...him? ...her?
JAKE: My mother died a year ago, and I don't have a father.
HARRY: Raised by yer mom?
JAKE: Just leave it alone, Harry.
HARRY: But Jake...
Jake SLAMS his hand on the table, and runs out the door. The crowd takes note. Harry follows Jake outside.
EXT. SIDEWINDER SALOON - CONTINUOUS
HARRY (continuing): Jake, I'm sorry. I'll back off. Can ya forgive me?
Harry extends his hand; Jake balks at first, then finally shakes it. Harry puts an arm around his shoulders. Out of the darkness, a tiny, wizened raisin of a WOMAN materializes.
HARRY (continuing): Annie!
ANNIE: Harry, it's been such a long time!
Harry and Annie hug, then hold each other at arm's length.
HARRY: Too long... it's great to see ya again. (pause) Annie, I'd like ya to meet Jake.
JAKE: It's a pleasure, ma'm.
Annie takes his hand, closes her eyes briefly, then gives both Jake and Harry funny looks.
ANNIE: Am I interrupting something?
HARRY: I think we just finished up. Come inside... lemme buy ya a beer.
Harry opens the door for Annie... on the way in, Jake looks at Harry quizzically; Harry just holds up his hand.
INT. SIDEWINDER SALOON - FIVE MINUTES LATER
Harry, Annie and Jake sit by the fire. Annie is reading Harry's palm.
ANNIE: So you're in danger...
HARRY: Deep shit, Annie.
ANNIE: Laszlo has found you again.
HARRY: Second time this century. Question is, how do I get rid of him?
Annie turns to Jake, who's rubbing his eyes... sleepiness and the mesquite smoke are getting to him.
ANNIE: May I touch your palm?
Jake reluctantly holds out his hand. Annie takes it, and closes her eyes.
ANNIE (continuing): This young man could be your key, Harry. Teach him all you know.
HARRY: I intend to.
Annie opens her eyes, and releases Jake's hand.
ANNIE: Jake, your mother sends her best wishes...
JAKE (wide awake): Mom?
ANNIE: ...and she says not to blame your father too much. He just can't drink. She sounds like she's happy now.
JAKE (flabbergasted): What?
ANNIE (deliberately): You left home because the world outside seemed to hold unlimited possibilities. It is full of promise... never doubt that. (pause) Pay attention to Harry, he'll help you on your way. And if you lose track of him, come see me.
Annie cocks her head, listening for... what? Nothing seems amiss.
ANNIE (continuing): I've got to go now, but remember, Jake... don't dwell on revenge.
On her way out, Annie pauses to whisper to Harry:
ANNIE (continuing): This one will perform great deeds.
HARRY: I know. Take care, Annie.
EXT. HILLS OUTSIDE YUCCA FLATS - THIRTY MINUTES LATER
Harry and Jake trudge slowly up a rocky, cactus-strewn hill. The lights of the town can be seen over their shoulders, and moonlight brightens their way.
HARRY: If ya ever run across Annie again, she's one ya can trust.
JAKE: She's the wizard you were talking about?
HARRY: One and the same. Her powers run more toward seein' the future, rather than movin' things around.
JAKE: So there are different varieties of wizard?
HARRY: Yeah. I knew one guy, a long time ago, who could move through time. Backwards, forwards, sideways... you name the year, he could getcha there.
JAKE: Did you ever travel with him?
HARRY:
When I came here. Laszlo can do it, too, fer short jumps. That's how he tracked me down.
As Harry and Jake walk over the crest of the hill, three burly MEN accost them. One grabs Harry, another grabs Jake, and the third, BIFF, threatens Harry:
BIFF: Hand over your money!
HARRY: Hard to do, while your pal has me in an armlock.
BIFF: Where's your wallet?
HARRY: The usual, dimwit.
Biff slugs Harry in the gut. Jake lunges, but his captor has a firm hold.
JAKE: Harry, do the whatsis...
HARRY (panting): I can't do anything, while he's holding me...
BIFF: Shaddup, the both of ya. One more time, smartmouth, where's your cash?
HARRY: My hip pocket, jerkface!
Biff punches Harry's stomach again, and takes his wallet.
JAKE: Harry, can I try something?
HARRY (gasping): Give it yer best shot.
Jake CHANTS the now-familiar phrase, and everybody starts floating. In the confusion, the men release Jake and Harry.
BIFF: What the heck...?
Jake swims around expertly, retrieves Harry's wallet, and kicks Biff in the face, on his way by. BELLOWING, Biff goes spinning away; Jake's rebound takes him over to Harry, who is doubled up in mid air.
JAKE: One of these days, you have to teach me the phrase that gets us down.
Harry CHANTS slowly, painfully... he and Jake glide down to the ground. The other three remain suspended. Jake puts Harry's arm around his shoulder, and the two hobble off.
EXT. UNCLE RALPH'S CABIN - NEXT MORNING
Jake POPS into the front "yard" of the shack, next to a chaise lounge where Harry reclines with a beer. Harry's ever-present fedora is complemented with a pair of shades, and a loud Hawaiian shirt. Jake POPS onto the top of a small pile of granite monoliths a hundred yards away, then POPS back, next to Harry. The following POP takes him further afield, then back to the yard again. The telekinesis sequence is repeated, much in the manner of a piano student practicing scales, and the POPS start taking on a familiar, coffee-commercial beat.
HARRY: Okay, knock it off, knock it off... (mutters) Sounds like it's time for a damn coffee break...
Harry studies the beer in his hand.
HARRY