Chapter Eighth.
"I have deeply felt The mockery of the hollow shrine at which my spirit knelt." Whittier.
Mildred had been alone for several hours;--very profitable ones toher--when opening the door in answer to a gentle rap, she found Mr.Dinsmore standing there.
"If you will invite me in," he said with a smile, "I may perhapsaccept."
"Do come in, uncle," she replied, returning the smile; "it is verypleasant here, and I can give you a warm welcome. See, my fire isblazing cheerily; and does not that easy chair look inviting?"
"Yes," he answered, taking her hand and gazing searchingly into herface, seeing something there that puzzled him greatly; for though thetraces of tears were very evident, it wore a look of peace that hadbeen foreign to it of late, "but what is the matter? not bad news fromhome, I hope."
"No, oh no!" she said, "they were all well and nothing amiss whenmother wrote," but her eyes filled and her lips quivered as she spoke.
"Homesick, I'm afraid," he said kindly, patting and stroking the handhe held; "the natural effect of news from there, I suppose; especiallyin this wretched weather; but don't give up to it, my dear. We'll findways to make the time pass pleasantly spite of the storm; home sports,amusing books."
"You are very kind always, dear uncle," she said with a grateful look,"but it is not that; I have been living too much for mere amusement oflate."
And with burning cheeks and tear-dimmed eyes, she went on to explain,in a few rapid sentences, how condemned she felt on account of thewaste of time and opportunities for improvement, and the worldlyconformity of which she had been guilty; and how she had determined, byGod's help, to do so no more.
He listened in much surprise, but did not interrupt her.
When she had finished, there was a moment's silence, she sittingwith downcast eyes, her breast still heaving with emotion; he gazingmusingly into the fire.
Presently he turned to her again with a kindly smile.
"Thank you, my dear, for your confidence," he said pleasantly, "butreally, I do not see that you have done anything to be distressedabout. It strikes me you were fairly entitled to a few weeks ofplay-time, after the fatigues of that long nursing and the journeyhere."
"Perhaps so," she said, "but I haven't taken just the right sort; somuch excitement, and such late hours have wearied instead of resting mephysically, and on my spiritual nature the effect has been still worse.I blame no one but myself," she added humbly, and with a deprecatinglook into his grave, somewhat troubled face.
"I'm afraid I have been your tempter," he said, "though I meant well.But I ought to have remembered the strict ideas entertained by yourparents, and in which they had brought you up. Well, what can I do toretrieve my error, and to help you in living as you think you should?"
"It mostly depends upon myself, I think," she answered thoughtfully,"but if you will not oppose me in declining invitations to what Ideem to be wrong or questionable amusements, and will excuse me fromattendance in the drawing-room on Sundays, when there is company itwill help me very much."
"My dear girl," he returned, "you are of course perfectly free to doexactly as you please in both respects. We appreciate your society,but if you think best to withdraw it from us, we can only submit. Iwill arrange with Mrs. Dinsmore that young people shall be invited onweek days and only older people, whom you will not feel called upon toentertain, on Sundays."
She thanked him warmly.
"And you will give up the opera and theatre?" he said inquiringly, "Ithought you enjoyed them very much."
"I did," she answered, blushing.
"Then why resign so innocent a pleasure?"
"It is not innocent for me, uncle," she said, lifting her glisteningeyes to his, "it utterly destroys the spirit of devotion. I come fromthem with my mind full of the play, and thoughts about dress and thegay people I have seen, and with no heart for prayer or the study ofGod's word. And the short-lived pleasure I derive from them is nothingto be compared with the sweet peace and joy they rob me of."
"But if you persist in such a course of conduct, you will be sneered atas self-righteous, puritanical, and what not; politely to your face,more disagreeably behind your back."
"I am willing to be singular for Christ," she answered, her eyeskindling, "Oh, how little that would be to bear for him compared withwhat he endured for me! how much less I resign than multitudes ofothers have given up for him! Moses chose 'rather to suffer afflictionwith the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for aseason, esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than thetreasures in Egypt.'"
"And you purpose to begin doing something in the way of study andthe cultivation of your accomplishments?" he said inquiringly, notunwilling to change the subject of conversation.
"Yes, uncle, I should like to accept your generous offer to let meshare the instructions of Adelaide's masters in music and painting,French and German; and Miss Worth's in the higher mathematics."
"All that will keep you pretty busy even without the reading you aresure to do," he commented with a smile.
"Usefully employed," she answered brightly "and that, I have learnedfrom experience is the way to be happy."
The first sneer Mildred had to bear came from Mrs. Dinsmore, who heardwith great vexation her husband's report of the young girl's resolve.
"Ridiculous!" she exclaimed. "If there's anything I do detest anddespise, it is your rigid, puritanical sectary, who stands ready tocry out 'sinful! wicked!' at every sort of enjoyment! I am too muchprovoked. She is really a pretty and lady-like girl, and has attracteda good deal of attention; so that I was actually growing quite proud ofher, and took pleasure in showing her off.
"But that is all over now, of course, and there'll be no end to theannoyance I shall have to endure in hearing her criticized for her oddbehavior, and in parrying questions and remarks as to how she came bysuch strange notions."
"Well, my dear, it can't be helped," Mr. Dinsmore responded, betweena smile and a sigh, "but if I were you I should very decidedly snubany one who should offer a disparaging remark about her to me. Beingmyself, I certainly intend to do so."
"Can't be helped! I believe you could reason her out of it if youwould!"
"I am flattered by your belief, but do not share it," he said with abow of acknowledgment; "nor if I did, would I attempt to change herviews. 'Twould be too great a responsibility and a breach of the trusther parents have reposed in me."
The conversation was here brought to a conclusion by the summons to thedinner table.
Mildred made her appearance with the rest and was greeted by Mrs.Dinsmore with a cold inquiry after her health, followed by a coverttaunt in regard to her resolve to forsake the worldly amusements inwhich she had of late indulged.
Mildred bore it with patience and humility, "not answering again,"though the flushing of her cheek showed that she felt the unkindnesskeenly enough.
"Do you intend to make a complete hermit of yourself and go nowhere atall?" queried the irate lady.
"Oh, no, aunt," returned Mildred pleasantly, "I hope still to takewalks, rides and drives; and do not object to calls and social visits,or to concerts or lectures; unless attending necessitates the keepingof later hours than are good for my health."
"Humph! 'twould have been wiser to my thinking, if you had begun asyou meant to continue."
"Yes, aunt, it would," Mildred said, again coloring deeply, "and I wishI had; but it is better to do right at last than not at all. Do you notthink so?"
"Don't ask me," sharply. "Adelaide, Louise and Lora, you may consideryourselves fortunate in having a cousin who is more capable of decidingquestions of duty than your parents, I trust you will not fail toprofit by her excellent example; not that which she has set, you willobserve, but that which she is going to set you in the future."
The children giggled, while Mildred colored more deeply than before.
A frown
had gathered on Mr. Dinsmore's brow.
"Children, if you cannot behave properly you must leave the table,"he said sternly; then with a displeased look at his wife, "I for onehighly approve of Mildred's resolve to do what she considers her duty;and it is my desire that she be allowed to follow the dictates of herconscience in peace."
Mr. Dinsmore was an indulgent husband and seldom found fault withanything his wife chose to do or say but experience had taught herthat when he did interfere, she might as well submit at once. Thesubject was dropped and never revived again in his presence.
With her accustomed promptness and energy Mildred sought out Miss Worththat very afternoon, made arrangements for recitations, and began herstudies.
She determined to devote four hours a day to them and heraccomplishments. As she was accustomed to early rising and thebreakfast hour at Roselands was late, it would not be difficult, shethought, to secure two hours before that meal; the other two she wouldtake during Mrs. Dinsmore's afternoon siesta and the elaborate toiletwhich usually followed; and thus be as much as ever at that lady'scommand as a companion either at home or abroad.
Mrs. Dinsmore had few resources within herself, was a martyr to ennuiand could not bear to be alone; and Mildred esteemed it both a duty anda pleasure to do all in her power to add to the comfort and enjoymentof her kind entertainers; she had succeeded thus far in doing so, insome measure, to all, from her uncle down to Baby Enna.
The children had found out weeks ago that Cousin Milly possessed anapparently inexhaustible fund of nursery tales and songs, and couldteach them many amusing games.
They would have been glad to monopolize her, and entered many acomplaint of the shortness and infrequency of her visits to the nursery.
Thinking of that now, she resolved to try to give them more of hertime and attention; perhaps she could mingle some instruction with theamusement she furnished them; and she would be very glad to do so; forher heart was filled with pity for the young things as she thought ofthe great difference between their mother and hers; the one absorbed inher own selfish pleasures, and paying no attention to the cultivationof the minds and hearts of her children; the other giving herself withearnest, whole-souled devotion to seeking the best interests of herdarlings, teaching and training them for happiness and usefulness hereand hereafter.
"Precious mother! what a blessing to have been born your child,"Mildred mentally exclaimed as she thus dwelt upon the contrast betweenthe two, recalling with tear-dimmed eyes the loving care that hadsurrounded her from her very birth and in which each brother and sisterhad an equal share.
While Mildred thus laid her plans, Mrs. Dinsmore was somewhat similarlyemployed. Reclining upon a softly cushioned couch in her boudoir, idlylistening to the pattering of the rain against the window, she mused indiscontented mood of Mildred, and her unexpected resolve. It interferedwith her schemes, for she had purposed filling the house with gay youngcompany during the approaching Christmas holidays and making the twoweeks one continued round of festivity.
To be sure she could do so still, but Mildred's refusal to take partin much of the sport would throw a damper upon the enjoyment of theothers; besides giving occasion for unpleasant criticisms.
Mrs. Dinsmore's vexations increased as she turned the matter over inher mind.
But a bright thought struck her, and starting up with something likeenergy, she exclaimed, half aloud; "Why that's the very thing! and I'lldo it at once. Hagar," addressing her maid, "bring me my writing desk."