Chapter Eighteen
Jayne Middleton?
Everything was fuzzy. She felt like she was a long way away from everything, that everything was just out of reach, and out of sight. Even the sounds she heard were faint and distant. It was like listening to the news on an old radio programme. She was so tired, and it was all too much bother to try and reach out for and listen to. It was far easier to just rest and dream. But the news was about her mother and father, and quite suddenly she knew that they were both dead.
It wasn’t fair, it was supposed to be her. She was the one who was supposed to be dead, not them. But she wasn’t dead, was she? She was alive. How could that be?
She was the living dead, a corpse, a sleeping beauty, a slab of meat.
Why was she thinking these things? Then she remembered.
It was a white rabbit.
Jayne remembered it vividly. It was exactly like Harvey. Harvey had been her pet when she was twelve. She loved Harvey. He was so big and white and fluffy. She had named him after the film with James Stewart. She took him everywhere with her, even in her bedroom. Her mother would tell her off when she found the little packages Harvey would leave behind. She made Jayne play with him in the garden.
Then one day he had escaped. Harvey was always nosey, sniffing around for anything new, or anything he could eat. Jayne had only left him alone in the garden for a moment, when her mother had called her in to greet her friends who had come to visit. But in those precious few seconds, Harvey had managed to get out of the garden and wander off. The road was very busy, and Jayne had cried for weeks and weeks.
And suddenly, twelve years later, there he was. Sitting in the middle of the road, his nose twitching. The lights from her car shone back at her in his eyes. She was sure it was him. It was impossible, she knew. But it was definitely him. She couldn’t run him over again, she just couldn’t. But he wouldn’t move, he just sat there, staring at her.
She swerved, there was a lamp-post, and then there was a medic and an ambulance. She was going to ask about Harvey, but the medic was so concerned about her mental state that she decided not to. He kept asking her what day it was, and what her name was, and who was the Prime Minister. If she had asked him if he had seen a white rabbit called Harvey, he would have definitely got the wrong idea.
But it was Harvey.
Then she had fallen asleep.
It had all seemed so long ago. Sometimes when you sleep and wake up, it feels like only seconds have passed. But other times, when you don’t sleep so well, or when your dreams are very vivid, you are much more aware that time has passed. Jayne felt like that. And her dreams had been many and very vivid. Everything was now such a long time ago. Harvey, her parents, her childhood, her time at University, the road, the ambulance, MedTec, the Corporation, everything.
What Corporation?
That Corporation you stupid piece of mutton.
Oh, of course. She had forgotten. Unless that was all a dream, too. But it couldn’t be. Dreams were fleeting and passing, and no matter how vivid, soon they faded and were gone. But memories don’t fade. They make you think they do, because they seem to go away, and disappear. But really, they are only biding their time, waiting for just the right moment before they can return just as vividly as before. Maybe it’s because of an expected meeting, or because of some unusual event. Like Harvey. She had forgotten about Harvey. But there he was. Sitting there on the road, waiting for her. Maybe he had been waiting there all that time.
Things began to move closer. There were louder voices, and she was aware of people nearby. Her vision was still blurry, and the light was far too bright. It made her head hurt.
This wasn’t right. Why did her head hurt so much. It wasn’t supposed to hurt. Tyler had promised that it wouldn’t hurt. He had lied. She would get even with him for that. And no one had told her that it would be this disgusting, either. Lying day after day in bed, sometimes in her own excrement. This wasn’t what she had agreed to. Why did Benjamin always give her the worst jobs?
And no one had said that her parents would die while she was asleep. She remembered how upset they had been when they had switched her off at Preston Royal. How sad they had looked. And how stupid. Why hadn’t they just got on with it and got out of the way? Why did they take so long? And why did she think that about her parents anyway? And why had they switched her off in the first place if she wasn’t dead?
Everything was so confusing. Her memories were all upside down. The harder she tried to remember anything, the more confusing it all got. And it wasn’t just her memories that were conflicting with one another, either. Even her feelings were all messed up. How could she think her parents were stupid?
Jayne was getting more and more confused. Confused and upset. The only thing she knew for sure was that her parents were both dead and she hadn’t had a chance to talk to them, to tell them what she was doing. But why hadn’t she said something to them when she saw them at the hospital? And why did she think they were stupid? And how could she have seen them at the hospital? If she was there, who were they switching off?
It was as if she was another person. Or the same person, but in two places. How could she be in two places? How could she have been talking to her parents if she was dead? And how could she clean herself up when she was asleep?
Disgusting cow. She was glad she was dead. Serves her right.
Serves who right? Why did she keep thinking about herself as if she was someone else? As if she was someone she detested? It was as if she was two people at once, two people who didn’t like each other very much. But how could that be?
Jayne became aware that a man was talking to her. She could hear his voice. He was calling out her name, repeating it over and over again, trying to get her attention. Now, at last, her vision was clearer and she could see his face. Strangely enough, she recognised it. It was Matthew Hall.
Arrogant little git, isn’t he?