"Look, Malcolm, we appreciate this chivalrous thing you're doing, but we’ll be fine. No one is going to hurt her with me so-"
"You're like 10 pounds heavier than she is! What the hell are you going to do to protect her?!" Malcolm yells as we all silence for a second until Selena finally bursts out laughing.
"10 pounds heavier than Saige? Why thank you, Malcolm. Um, are you single, honey?" Selena suddenly teases and I can't hold it in.
As the two of us howl with laughter at his inadvertent compliment and stupid guy inability to understand women and their weight, Selena holds my hand until we eventually settle. When we see Malcolm's what the fuck face as he turns to Dan and Mike then back to us, I exhale more of my tension and Selena laughs all over again.
When she finally stops laughing Selena stands over me in front of Malcolm. "Please don't follow us home. Saige doesn't need any more fear or upset right now. And being followed by a stranger will scare her even if you mean well, right?" She turns to me and waits for my nod.
"Fine. Will you at least take my number? Here," leaning closer to the table at the end of the couch, Malcolm quickly scribbles his number on a napkin and hands it over to Selena. "Please use it if you need to. For anything at all," he huffs like he hates leaving us like this.
Looking around her to me, Malcolm squats down on his haunches and reaches for my hand before I quickly pull it away. Exhaling deeply, he doesn't try to touch me again. "Saige, please call me if you need anything at all. If you get scared, or think someone is going to hurt you again. Anything, okay?"
When he just pauses a foot away from me I'm totally confused and somewhat overwhelmed by him. He's acting like he knows me or cares about me, or likes me or something. He's done nothing but be kind to me all 3 times we've met, but it really doesn't feel right, or normal, or I don't know... I'm confused by his intensity and his attention on me.
"Please?" He practically begs and I find myself nodding for some reason I can't explain. "Thank you," he sighs before standing.
Walking up to Mike, Malcolm extends his hand and apologizes. "I'm very sorry I grabbed you in the hall. And thank you for saving her," he says heavily as they shake. "Please call me if she gets into trouble again?" He begs Mike and again I'm just stunned by his intensity.
"Take care, Saige," Dan says in his deep voice before smiling at Selena and shaking hands with Mike in the doorway as well.
“Holy shit.” Selena seems to feel the same way I am when she drops back down on the couch beside me. "Well, that was intense," she deadpans as we both start laughing again.
"Can we pleeeeease go home now?"
"Of course," she rises immediately as I do.
"Call me when you get home," Mike adds walking to me for a hug. "Are you okay?" He asks in my ear.
Pulling away, I smile a little for him before answering. "I'm okay. Just weirded out."
"Are you sure about the other guy?" He asks as Selena steps in closer.
Nodding, I'm sure. "Yes. There's something about him, or I guess not about him that tells me it wasn't him. I think I would've noticed that deep voice. I don't know, but I'm really sure it wasn't either of them."
"Okay. Good."
Walking past Mike together, I squeeze his hand and Selena gives him her own huge hug. "We'll call as soon as we get home. Have a good night, and tell Hershal I'll be in tomorrow," Selena says as we leave.
Quickly leaving the restaurant through the side lounge doors, I see Dan immediately at the end of the alley by the sidewalk. Lifting his phone to his ear, he actually smiles and waves at us.
"Come on," Selena huffs as we round her car. "Do you think they'll follow us anyway?" She questions starting to pull out quickly.
"I think so," I agree watching Dan jump into a big dark SUV pulling up in front of the alley as we pass.
"Wanna have some fun?" Selena asks grinning.
"God, yes," I grab onto the dash as she peels down the street crazily.
Turning on the radio, Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance is playing, so Selena cranks it loud and throws us into 4th gear before I even know what’s happening. It's only 4:32 in the afternoon, and though not quite rush hour, the traffic is definitely picking up.
Buzzing around cars, and even swerving through the bicycle lane once, I can't stop my laughter while Selena keeps her focused intensity as she drives.
"If you get arrested, I'm running away with Griffin," I giggle when she turns right so quickly I actually slam into her shoulder. "McDonalds! I need McDonalds," I scream when I see the Golden Arches.
"You're so weird," she laughs. "Most women eat ice cream or chocolate, or get drunk when stressed out. You eat fucking McNuggets," she laughs again with me as she pulls into the drive thru. Slamming on the breaks behind the 4 car line up, we both look behind us to see the SUV idling beside the restaurant waiting.
"Dammit, I've lost my edge," she laughs. "When Dave and I were younger and fighting, I could always lose him in my car." Pouting, she adds, "I'm getting old. Oh, and I think I really like this Malcolm guy."
Finally pulling up to her spot near the side entrance, we watch the SUV drive by slowly with one honk as Selena laughs and gives him the finger.
CHAPTER 11
Answering my cell on the second ring, Selena speaks immediately. "Everyone is concerned about you, and Tyler stopped by again to harass me. Hershal officially told him he wasn't welcomed back, and after his initial surprise, he left totally pissed off. But he did ask Mike again to ask you to call him though."
"Okay."
"And there's something here for you. Um, a gift box was dropped off by courier and it says it’s from Malcolm MacNeil. Fuck, Saige... I want to open it so badly. But I won't," Selena groans almost begging for permission to let her open it.
"From Malcolm?" I ask unable to hide the excited surprise in my voice.
"Yup. I'll be home in 2 hours and Mike's got tonight off, so he's coming over for a drink with us. Oh, and Griffin is staying with Dave overnight."
"You didn't tell me that," I pout.
"Dave just called and asked me if he could keep him. His grandmother is visiting, and Dave and his mom want to show off Griffin. He promised to bring him home in the morning though."
"Okay," I agree like I have any say in what she does with her child. Seriously? "Sorry. I just miss him when he's not here," I admit pathetically.
"Awwww... That's sweet. He loves you too. Have you eaten?"
"Not yet. I was going to order pizza for us when you got home."
"K. I’ll see you soon," she giggles obviously excited to bring me my whatever the hell from Malcolm.
Waiting for Selena and Mike, I can't stop thinking about Malcolm. Actually, I think about him constantly, always followed by thinking about Tyler afterward. I think about Malcolm with a slight excitement, then my brain counters that excitement with sad thoughts of Tyler.
And I don't understand either of them.
Tyler's behavior and what he did still shocks the hell out of me. Tyler changing so significantly makes me weary of my ability to understand or even trust men. And Tyler's actions make me angry still.
I don't know why he keeps looking for me, and I don't understand why he keeps calling Selena acting like he gives a shit about me. I know he said he still loves me, but he wanted her more. So go then. I haven't contacted him even once since we broke up, yet he’s still hovering around me for some reason.
In contrast, Malcolm’s intensity scares the hell out of me. I don’t know why he was so intense, and I don’t understand why he keeps coming around. Yes, we laughed a little before everything happened 2 weeks ago, but that was it. We shared a laugh and a Scottish accent. Once. But he’s acting like a concerned friend, or like an over protective big brother to me. And honestly, I don't need either in my life.
"Open it!" Selena yells throwing open her apartment door. Not even dropping her purse, she runs to me in the kitchen and practically tackles me with the box.
"Okay," I laugh. "But cal
m down, would ya? Pour a drink or something," I smile pulling out the huge bottle of Zinfandel from the fridge.
"Did you go out today?" She asks calming instantly. Nodding, I don't even speak before she's hugging me. "Good for you. Were you scared?"
"A little. But it was daytime and I walked with my hand on my phone and my car keys ready." Stopping, she's looking at me so motherly, I feel kind of stupid. "You know when I go away to school I'm going to have to go out alone all the time."
"I know. But that's 4 months away, and you're doing so well for only 2 weeks since you were hurt," she says as we call that night.
I hate the words attacked, raped, sexually assaulted, beaten up, or basically anything else that describes that night. So in reference we all seem to say 'when I was hurt' which feels less specific and more abstract. Without a definitive term, my memories of what happened aren't quite as vivid and painful as they could be.
"Can you open the box now?" She grins bouncing again.
Taking the box, I walk to the couch and place it on the coffee table. Splitting the tape along the edges with my nails, I lift the tissue paper to...
"Wow. What the hell is- oh. Pepper spray?" I realize turning over the little canister in my hand. There's also a little knife shaped almost like brass knuckles so it stays in your hand. When I push the little button on the handle making it snap open we both jump laughing.
"Is that a whistle?" Selena asks blowing into it gently but nearly bursting our ear drums it’s so loud. "And that's a...?"
"I don't know."
Turning over the necklace it has a cool black stone pendant dangling from it. Flipping it over I scream when an alarm blares so suddenly my shaking hands can't put the black pendant back on the rope chain. When Selena rips it out of my hand she has a hard time putting the pendant back in the little slot on the chain too. Until she finally does.
Christ! The silence afterward is so quiet and my ears are ringing so loudly, I feel like I'm hearing the alarm still.
"That was so loud!" She yells as we both start laughing. "What's that?" Looking at the last item, it looks like an old school flip phone. It’s basically the same shape, though it’s bulkier with weird antennas or claws at the end.
"Holy fuck! It's a Taser. Look," she points to the wide button in the middle as I drop it back in the box quickly. "Push it," she prompts and when I do we both jump again. The electrical current flashes blue so quickly from between the claws I drop it back in the box as soon as it charges the air between us.
Absolutely stunned by my gift, I lean back on the couch and exhale slowly. I don't know what to think, but I do know half this shit is illegal to have. And just wow.
"Well, if that doesn't say lovin' I don't know what does," Selena muses to my silence. "Are you going to call him? I still have his number."
"I don't know. What the hell would I say? Thank you for the weapons of mass destruction? Jesus, this is so out of my comfort zone. I mean Tyler bought me flowers sometimes, not this shit."
"It's really kind of sweet- in a Terminator I'll be back kind of way. He obviously cares enough to send you this, and he did look really bothered when he saw you were hurt. I know he called D'Vecseys on Wednesday and asked Mike if you were okay, and though he could've asked for your number, he didn't. Mike was surprised, but I think I know why he didn't- he saw your reaction to him so I think he's keeping his distance for you. He could send this stuff to show he cared without making you feel awkward if he called though."
"This is awkward," I point to the box and the note I see before reading.
Hi Saige
I realize this gift is probably awkward for you, and as far as gifts go probably a first as well. I just couldn't think of anything else I could give or send you that was as helpful as these things are. The taser and pepper spray are technically illegal to carry on you, but not illegal to have, however that works. So if you don't keep them in your purse, then they aren't considered 'concealed weapons.' I suggest hanging both from your key chain so they're in plain sight and no longer concealed.
I would like you to know I'm very sorry you were attacked that night. I did NOT have anything to do with that, nor did Dan, I know for a fact. We have both spoken to the police, and I believe they didn't ask us any questions because Dan has a brother on the police force so they assumed we weren't guilty. We did ask our friends from the night we met, and almost all of them have solid alibis. Keith says he was with his sister well after he left the restaurant but we're looking into that. We’re also aiding the police in any way we can, I promise.
I'm not sure when you're going back to work, so I'm not sure when or if I'll see you any time soon. But here's my number again. Please feel free to use it for anything at any time. I would still love to grab a coffee with you when you're ready.
Please stay safe,
Malcolm
P.S. Your friend is awesome. Dan and I haven't had so much fun tailing a woman in years.
"Wow," I exhale.
"Um, Saige?" Selena asks pulling her arm through my own when I look over. "I think I'm a little in love with this guy," she smiles and I can see why. "He thinks I only weigh ten pounds more than your one hundred, and he thinks I'm an awesome driver. Can I call him?" She asks teasing.
Leaning against the back of the couch with her, I'm at a total loss for words. Glancing at the box again I actually do see how sweet his gift is. Strange but sweet. Somehow I don't even think having coffee with him would be so bad. But I’m just not there.
"I'm not ready for coffee. I'm messed up, and scared, and Tyler is-"
"Fucking someone else," Selena says so abruptly I'm nearly winded. Feeling the sadness settle in deeply again, I'm hurt by what she said.
"I can't believe you just said that." Pulling away, I need to get out of here for a while. I need to get out but I'm not sure where to go.
"I wasn't trying to be mean, I was trying to help you move past Tyler. He's an asshole, Saige. But Malcolm seems like a really good guy, and maybe you should-"
"Maybe you should shut the hell up! You have NO idea what I'm thinking and you have no idea how I feel about Tyler. He was my boyfriend of 4 years, Selena. And 4 years doesn't just go away in a few weeks, no matter who he's fucking!"
"It should!" She yells back.
"Okay. I need a break from this. You've been an amazing friend, and I don’t want to ruin our friendship over this so I'm going to go out for a while." Walking through the living room, I grab my purse and keys headed for the front door.
"Saige, this is just a fight. People fight, you know? It doesn't mean you have to leave, and it doesn't mean I'm leaving you," she says so emotionally I'm stunned for a second.
"Do you really think I'm so weak and fucked up that I think that way?"
"Sometimes, yes. You're a good person, Saige. But you've been left too many times at your age and I think you're a little emotionally messed up over it."
"Are you talking abandonment issues?" I kind of laugh at her.
"Between your dad and brother, and now Tyler I think you just assume anything bad between you and someone else means they're going to leave you. But it doesn't mean that. We're having a fight, Saige. That's all," she says again so emotionally I don't know who she's more sad for.
"I'm well aware of fighting, Selena. But I feel hurt and sad and I don't want to take the last few weeks out on you if I stay right now. That's all I'm doing. I'm leaving before we make things worse."
"Mikes coming over soon. Look, I'm sorry if I upset you."
"It doesn't matter. You did upset me, but I just need a break. Can I come back though?" I ask desperately.
Staring at Selena, I realize I really am at a loss without her. Oh, and I think she may be right about me. I never really thought about it, but yes, I do think like that sometimes. And so far it's always been true.
"Of course you can. You better," she grins walking toward me. "Where are you going?"
Huffing, I say all I can. "I don't know. Just out, but I
shouldn't be long."
"K. I’ll leave some wine and pizza for you," she smiles before hugging me tightly. Whispering in my ear, "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings," she holds onto me tightly.
"It's okay," I squeeze back.
"I just want something to go right for you now, and I feel like Malcolm is kind of right. I don't want you sad and lonely forever because of a douchebag," she says as I huff a laugh against her.
"2 weeks isn't forever, Selena. It's nothing. And I am getting better."
"Will you call Malcolm? If for nothing else then to thank him for his very thoughtful, albeit intense gift?" She smirks.
"I'll call him later to thank him only. I'm not ready for coffee or anything else right now. Christ, I'm not even back to work yet."
Nodding, she watches me leave for wherever I'm running to as I hold in the tears I want to cry over everything suddenly.
*****
Deciding I need a long drive, I find myself unbelievably on the turnpike to New Haven. Thinking of my mother and what she felt when my father left us, I don't know if I'll tell her about Tyler or not. All I do know is I want to see her suddenly.
Whether because the way my mum is will force me to move past all this bullshit with Tyler so I don't become like her, or whether I just want the sympathy of a woman who knows what it's like to be the one who wasn’t wanted, I'm not sure.
CHAPTER 12
Pulling into my mum's driveway 2 hours later I hope to hell she's home. I learned an hour ago when I was going to call to give her the heads up I forgot my cell on the side table at Selena's, so my mum doesn't know I'm coming, and I don't know if she goes out on Friday nights now.
I know she didn't, or actually she couldn't when she was drinking herself stupid after my father left us. But that was a few years ago now and she tells me she's still sober, so there's a chance she does have actual plans on a Friday night. She may even be going out with one of her 2 girlfriends from the Scottish Rite where she's maintained her membership since she arrived here 26 years ago to follow my father.