"McNuggets?"
"Yup. And I still love them when I’m stressed," I grin. "Anyway, that's that. Oh, and Helen and my dad were still together when he died so I guess it was worth it to him to leave my mum, and me and Alec. It certainly makes me feel better."
Kind of grimacing again as he stands with his plate Malcolm leans closer to me across the breakfast bar looking almost confused. "Your father died? How does that make you feel better?"
"Yeah, in a car accident. But I don’t feel better that he’s dead, just happy because then it wasn't all for nothing. My mum was a mess, like really bad, and now she's much better. And Collin and Helen were still together until his car accident 2 years ago. So at least everything Alec and I went through with my mum wasn't for some quick affair that didn't mean anything to him. My father may not have loved us, but at least he loved the woman he ended up with. He even died still loving her." Shrugging that’s all I can say.
When Malcolm blows out a big breath, I almost brace for what's coming and he doesn't disappoint. "Your father sounds like he was the biggest douche on the planet, Saige. Between the cheating and messing with your mom's head, that's bad enough. But leaving you and Alec behind? He sounds like the most selfish prick I've ever heard of. You were his goddamn kids," he huffs.
"It's fine, Malcolm," I smile to settle him a little.
"I don't think it's fine, Saige. And I can't even imagine how that made you feel. But I won't push it right now with everything else going on around you." Turning away from me he offers another glass of water I decline and shakes his head frequently while wiping down his counters. “What a dick,” I hear him mumble.
Watching him, it's almost humorous to me how a single guy without any kids can be outraged by another husband and father's choices.
It's funny, because it really is what it is. I can't change the past, and I could never change my father. So I gave up wanting him to love me as his daughter years ago- until he died still not loving me at all.
"Are you ready to get to work?" Malcolm asks in a normal voice like he scaled back his annoyance with my father.
"God, yes," I jump off the high stool excited.
*****
"Pleeeeeease tell me it's time to quit?" I beg.
"Do you need to shower before we go?"
"Yes!" Christ, even if I didn't, which I really, really do, I'd agree just to get the hell out of here. My body is throbbing and my arms are all jelly-like after using the vibrating sander for so long. "Thanks for this, but I need to shower. So, bye."
"You're such a girl!" Malcolm laughs at me as I run for his deck and kitchen doors.
I'm such a girl? Good. I can't believe how hard it is sanding a hundred year old door. Though it was cool to see it get down to the original wood, I have a huge blister on the palm of my hand and my shoulder hurts so badly I can barely turn my head without it aching. And that was only finishing one side totally and half the other side in 2 damn hours.
Wiping down the foggy mirror after a long, soothing shower, Malcolm suddenly bangs on the bathroom door startling me to say, "45 minutes? Such. A. Girl," and nothing else as I laugh.
After drying my hair and tying it up in a bun, I put on a cute little dark blue sundress and apply only a little makeup. I'm going to be surrounded by Malcolm's family, and I definitely don't want to look like a tart, as my mum would say.
So with only the ring I was wearing last night and the necklace from my mum for my 18th birthday, I'm ready. I have no other jewelry left since it was all stolen last night, and these 2 items were my favorite anyway. Though admittedly, it still pisses me off that whoever broke in stole some of my personal belongings as well as trashing my place.
Opening the door to the hallway I just step out and see Malcolm in his room. Shirtless with jeans on, I can't believe how tanned, and big, and gorgeous he looks. He may have a huge chest with many muscles in the front, but from behind his back looks like he's all muscle and strength, and just… wow.
Staring, Malcolm walks out of my line of sight so I move against the opposite wall and banister for a better look. Suddenly standing in his doorway holding a shirt in his hands, I’m busted.
Blushing furiously at getting caught looking, I say the only thing that comes to mind. "You're big. Um, I'll wait downstairs."
Spinning on my feet I sprint down the stairs quickly hearing him laugh at me. Ugh... You're big? What a stupid thing to say. The man's a beast for Christ's sake.
Waiting on the couch in the living room, I hope to hell he doesn't say anything or mock me for my stupid comment.
"Ready?" Malcolm asks grinning at me.
"Yes." Hopping up casually to grab my purse I head for the door.
Waiting after I slip my sandals on, he sets his own alarm, and leans down to murmur, "You're small. Let’s go." Speaking with the stupidest grin ever, I blush and growl at him. "Careful, Saige. I already told you that growl was hot," he laughs again as I stomp toward his truck.
*****
"You all lived here?" I ask after the half hour drive to his parents’. Looking at the size of their home I can't even imagine it.
"Yup. And my mom still cried when each of us left home."
"It's very nice, it just doesn't look big enough for a family of 7. God, my mum's house is bigger and I swear I couldn't get away from her sometimes."
"My dad built 2 bedrooms in the basement for Tatum and Andy, Moira had her own room, and Alec and I shared a room upstairs. So it wasn't too bad. There's even a washroom in the basement that Andy and Tatum used which saved us from killing each other in the mornings. It was a little chaotic with the 5 of us upstairs in the 3 rooms though. And once Moira turned into a teenager it was hell. Alec once dented the bathroom door he was so pissed waiting for her to do whatever the hell she did as a teenager to get ready for school," he grins. "We used to tease her about falling in the toilet, or drowning in the shower, or just disappearing altogether for hours until she magically returned and opened the door."
"Did you tease her?"
"Of course. I was her little brother," Malcolm flashes a cheeky grin. "Don't worry though, if the teasing got to be too much for her she pulled out the daddy card, and my father would come after all us wee bastards, as we were affectionately known when he was pissed."
Laughing suddenly, I can picture it totally. "My mum always called Alec a wee bastard, too. Whenever he would tease the shit out of her for her accent, or Scottish words and phrases that made no sense, he'd rile her up until she'd chase him with her wooden spoon screaming at him."
"Did she ever catch him," Malcolm turns in his the seat to look at me.
Laughing suddenly I shake my head. "Nope. He would throw me at her and run like hell to his room, lock the door, and wait her out."
"He threw you at her?" He asks laughing himself. Nodding, I remember that time so well, I miss Alec so much suddenly my chest hurts.
"He did. And it was funny, and just fun. I loved watching those 2 go at it because otherwise our house was always quiet and kind of lonely or something." Thinking about Alec, I keep smiling at nothing and shaking my head clear of everything. "God, I miss him so much some days, I can't believe it's been 6 1/2 years since he left me."
Squeezing my hand and leaning closer to me, Malcolm only whispers my name as I push back the sadness and loss and the never ending regret that is Alec.
"I'm okay. But we better go in before the tears start," I grin up at him when he kisses my forehead gently.
"If anything, I guarantee the next 3 hours are going to distract you from sadness."
"Perfect."
*****
Watching the loud chaos that is the MacNeils' house I'm out of place, but not awkwardly so. I just don't have a loud enough voice to carry on or participate in most conversations. But everyone is great, and welcoming, and entertaining as hell.
Luckily, Malcolm's brother Alec looks nothing like my Alec, so after introductions were made I wasn't sad again or even nostalgic for my own broth
er. Alec is actually just a slightly smaller version of Malcolm's dark, tanned, blue-eyed growliness, and I have a feeling Selena would like him if Malcolm ever introduced them.
"Mallie tells us yer to be a lawyer, no?" Malcolm Senior asks in between bites of his dinner.
"Yes, sir."
"At Harvard no less. Ye must be a smart lass fer tha."
"I am," I reply quickly then laugh at myself. "I'm quite the book nerd."
"Ah well… there's no shame in bein' smart. Where ye be livin' fer now?"
"Off Taylor, near the university," Malcolm replies quickly cutting me off. Almost like he's ashamed or embarrassed to tell them the truth, I have a quick stomach drop of sadness after he speaks. I know I'm not actually living with Malcolm, rather just staying with him in the short term, but his quick reply was pretty telling for me.
Looking at Malcolm's profile he doesn't acknowledge me before he starts talking about Manchester United making Mr. MacNeil and the other people at our table change the subject quickly and effectively as they get heated about English football.
Listening to them everything seems so normal and friendly around me I'm surprised by how sad and kind of out of place I suddenly feel beside Malcolm.
Finished eating, I leave the table to Malcolm calling my name softly which I ignore. Walking away from him I make my way past the second table to Tatum laughing so loud in a quick burst he silences the whole house for a second before the conversations start up again around him. Laughing at him, I keep going until I'm stopped by Mrs. MacNeil reaching around her chair to ask me if I've had enough to eat.
"I'm stuffed, and everything was delicious. Thank you very much for inviting me," I smile at her when she pats my hand.
Actually squeezing my hand, she pulls me toward her and says for me only, "Don't let these fools intimidate you, Saige. They're all harmless and you'll get used to the noise quickly enough." Smiling at me, she actually tugs me a little closer and whispers, "Welcome to the family, dear. You're always welcome at my table."
Both warmed and saddened by her kindness I feel my eyes fill when I smile back at her. "Thank you for saying that Mrs. MacNeil."
"Let’s go get the desserts," she stands with her plate for the kitchen.
*****
After listening to stories about a young Malcolm while the men cleared and cleaned the tables and kitchen, I'm ready to leave.
The desserts were to die for, and I couldn't stop myself from a second little piece of traditional money cake but now I'm overfed and exhausted. Malcolm and I slept for about 5 hours the night before and after being outside for 2 hours in the sun and eating more today than I have in 2 weeks, all I want to do is lay down.
Not necessarily at Malcolm's house anymore because that sharp feeling of being someone he hides from his family is still simmering just under the surface of my skin.
I'm angry and hurt and if we weren't with his family, I definitely would’ve told him off and left right after he insulted me. I would've told him he was an asshole at the time, but I'm much calmer now and I feel too tired to yell at him anymore.
Making the rounds 20 minutes later I find myself staying away from Malcolm as much as I can without being obvious about it. I speak with everyone and I'm invited to the following Sunday dinner. Mr. and Mrs. MacNeil both hug me goodbye and Andy's wife Gretcha from South Africa hugs me as well. Complaining about being an outsider too, she tells me we'll need to stick together among the crazy MacNeils, and I like her immediately.
Moira and her husband are nice, and Tatum is Tatum. Threatening to pick me up to carry me back to the end of the rainbow, I quickly remind him that. I. Am. Scottish, and if my mum ever hears him referring to me as Irish she'll kick his ass for me, which he loves.
Walking out the front door, Malcolm tries to hold my hand as he normally would have before dinner but I just can't do it.
Pulling away from him, I think it's funny how his family all like me, even inviting me back for dinner but Malcolm doesn't want to be seen with me. He didn't hold my hand once or squeeze my leg like he normally does until we've left their house so his family won't see.
Because he's an asshole.
As far as friends go who cares if I'm TEMPORARILY staying at his house? I doubt anyone would have cared, except Malcolm apparently.
So pulling away from him, I climb into his SUV, clip my seatbelt and turn my head to the window to ignore him.
Actually, I decide pretty quickly as my anger returns that once we get back to his place I'm calling Selena to crash at her apartment again. She did offer last night and this morning, and I miss Griffin anyway. So I'm leaving Malcolm's as soon as we return.
CHAPTER 26
"Saige, you're killing me here. What's wrong?" Malcolm asks for the 10th time since we left his parents’ house.
Almost groaning I’m so frustrated, I've told him nothing is wrong. I've told him I'm tired, and I've even told him I didn't feel well. But he keeps asking anyway.
"Did someone say something to upset you?"
"No. Everyone was very nice to me. They even invited me back next Sunday for dinner, not that I'll go," I slam his truck door in the driveway.
With him right on my heels following I have to wait to get inside as he unlocks the door and shuts off the alarm. "Why wouldn't you go?"
"No reason, Malcolm. Just forget it," I huff feeling super irritated again.
Finally inside I kick off my sandals and jog up the stairs for the spare room. Collecting my things, I remember I left my other purse from last night in Malcolm's room, so walking toward Malcolm leaning in the hallway I smile politely and excuse myself as I try to pass him.
"Saige? You have to give me a clue here," he begs blocking my way.
"There's nothing, Malcolm. But I'm going to ask Selena to come get me since my car is still at my apartment. I'll just crash there again."
"What? Why?" He jolts in front of me. "Would you just talk to me? What the hell happened? You seemed fine after our talk in my kitchen, then you were fine at my parents’ I thought. But now you're doing your distant quiet Saige thing again, and I have no idea why."
"Malcolm," I huff. "I'm fine. I just want to go back to Selena's."
"Why?"
"Because I do," I glare at him feeling my anger start to boil.
"Why do you want to go back to her place?"
"Because I don't want to stay here anymore. Last night was enough for both of us, I think."
Leaning down to me as I continue glaring at him, he asks, "Why was it enough for both of us?"
"Because," I answer like a friggin' child.
"Because why, Miss. Lawyer?" He actually mocks me.
Storming past when he's no longer blocking my way, I grab my purse from the fireplace chair and stop again when he's blocking his bedroom door this time.
"Move, Malcolm."
"Not until you talk to me."
Ready to shove him I’m so pissed, I bark, "Get the hell out of my way!"
"No. I deserve an explanation for this bullshit one-eighty you're doing. So let’s hear it!" He yells.
Staring at him, I hate him yelling at me. It's the first time and I really don't like it at all. Not that I think he'd physically hurt me or anything like that but it’s a little hard staring up at a beast of a man yelling down at me without being overwhelmed.
Feeling a little nervous of him I calm myself down so I can get out of here quickly. Taking a step back, I know Malcolm noticed when he exhales and looks back at me angrily.
"Really, Saige? After all this time now you think I'm going to hurt you?"
"No, I don't. But I want to leave, Malcolm, and you're not letting me." Reining in the last of my temper I say calmly, "I really want to go now. You've been an amazing friend to me this summer and I'd like to leave now before our friendship is ruined. That's all."
"Why would it be ruined?"
"Because you hurt my feelings tonight and embarrassed me," I admit embarrassed again when he looks totally stunne
d.
Leaning forward again, Malcolm looks much calmer suddenly when he asks, "How did I hurt your feelings? Tell me."
"When you said I lived off Taylor."
"So?" He asks like an idiot which pisses me off again.
"So, I know you didn't want your family to know I was staying here because you were too embarrassed to admit it!" I yell mortified and sad and just fed up with everyone. "What the hell is so wrong with me?"
Shaking his head angrily he yells again, "Are you kidding me right now? Please tell me this is a joke."
"No, I’m not kidding. Tell me, Malcolm. I'm smart and attractive and I'm a good person and there's nothing really wrong with me, so why didn't you tell them I’m staying here?!" Finished screaming, I'm nearly angry-crying, but thankfully I just hold in the tears as he advances on me again.
"I did that for you. Did you really want all the grinning and teasing, and my mother and everyone assuming we were a couple if I said you were staying with me? Did you want everyone torturing you all night about us because we're 'living' together?" He quotes. "Did you?" He yells when I can't speak.
"Saige, you have feelings for me- I know you do. But for whatever reason you won't admit it, or feel it, or whatever the fuck. But you do. And I didn't think tonight at my parents’ house surrounded by my whole goddamn family was the best time to discuss it."
"As a friend," I exhale trying to understand what he's saying about his parents’ house. It makes sense I guess. "I didn't think you wanted them to know because I'm me," I admit again like a pathetic ass.
"Look at me," Malcolm demands when I look at the door to my freedom. "Fucking look at me!" He yells again as I jump. “I’m not embarrassed about anything with you.”
“I thought you didn’t like me because-“
“I'm in love with you, Saige," he suddenly whispers as I flinch.