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Chapter Twenty-Five
JESS
I held on to the tree in front of me while I dry heaved over and over again after my stomach was completely empty. My face was wet with tears and my throat burned. None of it mattered. Every time I’d replayed the lie I had told Jason, I threw up again. My plan to end things with him had gone much differently in my head. I had worked on what I would say to him for two days while I ignored his calls.
When the time had come to actually tell him something I knew would drive him away, I hadn’t realized how it would completely destroy me. It had been a last resort, but the determination in his voice had been more fierce than I’d expected. He hadn’t been going to go away easily. It had only made me love him more.
Then I had told him a lie that ripped my heart out. He hadn’t said another word. Not even good-bye. His silence had been enough. I knew then that he was done. I had guessed right. He wouldn’t forgive me for something like that.
Krit didn’t even know I had used him. I hadn’t seen him in two weeks. And once I moved, I wouldn’t be seeing him at all anymore.
When I went back inside, I didn’t tell Momma about my phone call. I just got in the shower and let the tears fall silently. This was my lot in life, and after tonight I wouldn’t feel sorry for myself again. There was no time for that. It got us nowhere, and I hadn’t been raised to be weak.
The rest of the week went by quickly. After dropping all my classes, I had quit my job and let our landlord know we would be out by the end of the month, which was Monday.
Momma had wanted me to tell Rock, but I wasn’t going to. Not yet. He had a family to take care of. This was our battle, no one else’s. I would tell Rock eventually, but not until we were moved and I was working. He would try to stop that. I wasn’t going to let him. It was the only way. Friday I took Momma to the doctor, then drove fifteen more minutes to the big city of Mobile. It was so different from Sea Breeze, but I felt like I was hidden from everyone. No one knew me. It was easier this way.
I headed to Delilah’s in the tightest dress I had and a pair of stiletto heels. This wasn’t like Jugs. The clientele was higher class and had more money to spend. Which meant they had high standards for their girls. I was starting at the top, but I realized that I might not make the cut, so I had a list of other clubs to go try out if this one didn’t work.
It was a twenty-four-hour establishment since many businessmen came here during their workday to relax, so I was instructed by the lady I spoke with on the phone to come to the back door and knock.
I did as I was told and the door opened up. A large man who was no doubt a bouncer looked me up and down and then stepped aside. “Dee’s expecting you,” he said without asking my name. I must have been the only afternoon appointment. That was a good sign.
“Thanks,” I replied.
“This way,” he said, and turned to walk down the hallway. I followed quickly behind him. Music from the club could be heard back here. The sexy beat to it made me nervous. I had never imagined that I would be doing this. Momma had always said she wanted better for me, so I had expected more too. Life had a funny way of proving you wrong.
“In here,” he said, opening another door and standing back to let me enter. “Dee will be with you in a moment. You can have a seat,” he told me before closing the door.
I looked around the room and realized it was a solid white room with one red leather straight-backed chair. No windows and nothing on the walls. I noticed a speaker in the ceiling. It all seemed like an odd holding room.
The door opened and a woman who was older than my mother but looked well preserved stepped inside. She was wearing a tight royal-blue dress that made my cleavage look pitiful. Her heels were covered in spikes. Her long red hair was pulled to the side, and she had startling green eyes. If this was what they expected, I was out of my league.
“You’re Jess?” she asked, looking at my body in a way no other woman ever had. She was literally studying me.
“Yes,” I replied, thankful I hadn’t stuttered.
“And you have ID to prove you’re twenty?” she asked, lifting her gaze to mine.
I nodded and started to open my purse.
“Not now. I just want to make sure you have it,” she said, holding out her hand. “I’m Delilah. Or better known around here as Dee. ” She dropped her gaze back to my boobs. “You have the body. You’ll make a fucking killing. The men here will eat you up. A face like an angel with that body is all their fantasies. But I need you to pass the test. Can’t get them all excited and then you suck at this,” she said with a smile.
She turned and opened the door. A tall, attractive older man walked inside. His hair was that distinguished gray, and although he was wearing a dress shirt, it was obvious his body was well built. Kind brown eyes met mine and I managed to return his smile.
“This is Garrison. He owns half the place. We were married once, but we’re better business partners. I find the women and he tests them. You’ve impressed me. Now you must impress him. ”
Garrison walked over to the red chair and sat down. “It’s nice to meet you Jess,” he said in a deep, smooth voice.
I wanted to reply, but I was so unsure of what test she meant that I couldn’t find words. I looked back at Delilah. She waved a hand at Garrison. “The music will start up in a moment, and you have to give him a lap dance. Garrison won’t touch you, just like the guests aren’t allowed to touch you. Unless, of course, one asks for permission and pays you for it,” she finished with a wink.
I wouldn’t be letting anyone touch me. That wasn’t part of the job description. I also hadn’t been prepared for lap dances. That was up close and personal.
“Don’t be nervous. It’s just us. With that face and body, you’re not gonna have to do much to make them happy. Listen to the music and forget the man. Move to the music and enjoy the way it feels. Do it because dancing feels good, not because someone is watching you. It isn’t about them. ”
But it was about them, and I would be doing it in their laps. I was going to hyperventilate.
“Breathe, sweetheart. Don’t panic on me. You can do this,” he said encouragingly.
“I hadn’t realized I had to do . . . I mean, dance so close,” I finally said.
“If you’ve changed your mind I’ll be disappointed, because I think you’ll become a favorite here, but I’ll let you leave. It’s okay if you think this isn’t for you. ”
My momma needed me to. I had to make enough money to get us through this. Then I could quit. I could get another job. This wasn’t forever. No one was going to touch me. I just had to forget that they were looking at me naked. I couldn’t focus on that.
“I can do it,” I said, more for myself than for him.
He nodded. “Okay, then. Let’s start with stripping. I need to see what we have under that little bit of fabric you have covering you. ”
Oh shit. He wanted me to strip for him and dance naked in his lap? My heart sped up again, and I twisted my hands nervously in front of me. There was no other way. This was the only job I could do and make this kind of money. My momma had done much worse for me.
I didn’t make eye contact with him. Instead I listened to the beat of the song, and I focused on moving my body in ways that I knew men liked. That was something I knew how to do. I unzipped the dress slowly, then let it fall forward just enough to tease at its falling off. He saw naked females all the time. I could do this. It was just my boobs.
I lifted my hands in the air and shimmied until the dress worked its way down my body and then fell around my ankles on the floor. I hadn’t been wearing a bra, and the tiny black panties I had on weren’t going anywhere. Garrison leaned back in his chair, and his eyes looked appreciatively over my body. I blocked that out.
I had only seen a lap dance on television once, so I wasn’t sure I knew exactly what to do. I figured I would dance over him without touching him.
Closing my eyes, I let my head fall back as I moved between his legs and danced. I didn’t think about the fact that I was topless with a strange man in a room and I was trying to turn him on. I just did what felt good.
“Put your hands on the back of the chair and lean close without touching,” Garrison said in a hoarse whisper.
I opened my eyes and did as he said. My chest was close to his face, but I didn’t look at that. I continued to dance.
“Put your foot on my knee,” he said.
I paused. “That’s touching,” I replied.
“The bottom of your shoe on my knee isn’t actual touching,” he replied, grinning at me.
I did as I was told, and his nostrils flared as he took a deep breath. “Okay, that’s good,” he said tightly.
From the tense look on his face I was afraid I had done something wrong. “If I messed up, I can try again. It was my first time,” I started to explain, and he shook his head and let out a relieved chuckle.
“You’re hired, Jess. That was perfect. You’ll have this place so packed that we won’t have any damn seats left. ”
Garrison stood up and walked swiftly across the room and jerked open the door. “You can get dressed. I’ll send Dee back in. ” He hurried out, and I reached for my dress and slipped it back on. When I started to zip it, Dee opened the door.
She was smiling triumphantly. “I’m impressed. It’s been years since a girl affected Garrison on her tryout. Bravo. Let’s go to my office and get your paperwork and your work schedule filled out. ”
I followed her out into the hall.
Loud moaning and banging filled the hallway as we walked down it. I glanced over at a door we passed, and I had no doubt in my mind someone was having sex. Did some of the girls do that, too? I wasn’t okay with that. I was a look-not-touch only. I needed to make sure they understood that.
“I told you that you got him worked up. Good thing Farrah was here to help him burn off some steam,” Dee said, opening a door for me to follow.
I glanced back at the room as a loud male groan echoed off the walls. “That’s Garrison?” I asked, making sure I had heard her right.
“Yes. You had him sweating and shaking when he walked out of that room. He grabbed the first girl he knew would fuck him and dragged her into his office. No worries, though—he only fucks the ones who want him. He won’t touch you. ”
The sick knot I lived with these days was back. This was terrifying. My world was changing, and I realized my desire to feel safe was a childhood fantasy. This was my life.
JASON
Even if I never spoke to Jess again, I needed to get revenge. I wanted to hurt her as much as she’d hurt me. The more I thought about her pushing this off on me like I deserved it only made me angrier. It was like she had laid down a fucking ultimatum that I had failed by saying I was taking Jo to that stupid cotillion. I didn’t like being controlled. My parents had been trying to control me my entire life. All I ever did was fight to be free. Jess had been one more person wanting control of me.
I had been so damn willing to give it to her too. In a way I had. I’d let her break me. Falling in love wasn’t something I had ever wanted. The only thing I had on my side was the fact that I had never told her I loved her. She didn’t know she’d hurt me as badly as she had. My pride was still somewhat intact. Not that it did me much good.