I needed to check my phone, to see how many missed calls and texts I’d gotten so I knew what was coming and how much longer I had. Trying to shimmy and slide out from Cora’s embrace without waking her took about fifty different maneuvers, but it worked. She never even stirred as I crawled out of the bed where I’d realized the majority of every fantasy I’d dared to dream. That was where they’d have to stay though.
My phone was still tucked into the back pocket of my pants, which had been torn off somewhere in the middle of the room and had gotten kicked into . . .
The bathroom, I discovered after a minute of searching the cabin. Convenient, I thought as I closed the door so I could have some privacy to see just what kind of shit storm was brewing.
A glance at my phone revealed not one missed call or text. Not a single one. Not even from the hospital, which was rare since I was used to fielding at least a few daily calls from my coworkers and administrator. I exhaled, rubbing at my day’s worth of stubble. The silence must mean no one knew yet. Jacob was still “indisposed.” God only knew how much longer he’d remain in that state.
I wished it could be for the rest of forever. Because maybe if Jacob never surfaced from his stupor to realize he’d missed his own damn wedding, and if Cora never figured out I was the other brother, we could all just live happily ever after.
For a whole day and a half.
I drove my palm into the bathroom wall as I accepted there was no good way any of this could turn out. No matter what happened or how Cora found out, it was going to be catastrophic.
From chart-topping high to record-setting low.
Best day ever? Nice knowing you. Time to move over and get acquainted with worst day ever.
I was so consumed with my thoughts that I didn’t register the sound of knocking at first. It was far off, too inconsequential for me to give much headspace to it in my present state of the-world-is-over.
“Breakfast. Thank goodness. I’m starving.” Cora’s sleepy voice cut through some of my haze, but it wasn’t until I heard her padding around the room that I registered what was happening. “Why don’t I let our breakfast in, then I’ll join you in the shower in a sec. Do you have money for a tip in your wallet?”
The moment she said it, I started moving. Fast. It wasn’t fast enough, I discovered, after throwing the bathroom door open to find Cora standing beside the nightstand, a white sheet twisted around her body, staring at my open wallet in confusion.
Shit. So not how I’d planned this going. Not that any of my plans had been all that impressive.
“Why do you have Matt’s driver’s license?” Cora blinked at the ID like she was trying to make sure what she was seeing was real.
I didn’t know what to say. She still thought I was Jacob.
She slid a couple of cards out of their slots, each one drawing another crease into her forehead. “And why do you have Matt’s credit cards too?”
In the background, I could make out the sound of knocking from whatever poor person was trying to deliver our breakfast with no idea what kind of storm was developing behind that closed door.
“Jacob?”
It wasn’t until she looked at me again that she realized it. It wasn’t until she saw whatever look was on my face that she figured out what Matt’s wallet was doing in her hands the first morning of her honeymoon.
“Oh my god.” The wallet dropped to the floor as she backed away from me. “Please, no. Please god no.” She was whispering, almost like she was talking to herself, tears starting to streak down her cheeks as she continued separating herself from where I stood frozen in the bathroom doorway.
“Cora, please . . .” I swallowed, realizing I’d just had everything I’d ever wanted and was losing it all, all at once.
“Matt?” It sounded like less of a question and more of an accusation. “Oh my god. It is you, isn’t it?”
She didn’t wait for me to confirm it—I supposed she saw swimming in my eyes all she needed to be convinced of my guilt. I managed to move a whole step before I watched her hand reach for the front door.
“Cora, let me explain.” I couldn’t let her go. Not before I explained why I’d done it. Not before I apologized for what I’d done. Not before I handed her a knife to stab my heart or cut off my damn dick. Whatever it took to prove just how sorry I was that I was so impossibly hopeless when it came to her.
“Let you explain?” she repeated with disgust, looking at me like she didn’t recognize me. Or more like she couldn’t stand the sight of me. “Let you explain why it’s you I’m waking up to the morning after my wedding? Instead of Jacob?” She let that settle between us, successfully making me feel like the piece of shit I knew I was. “Whatever your explanation is, I don’t want to hear it. I just want to get out of here. Away from you. Off of this goddamned island.”
She had the door thrown open and herself through it before the look of surprise could form on the server’s face. He was still waiting outside the door, a covered tray in hand.
“Cora, wait!” I shouted, chasing after her.
She didn’t wait though. She didn’t even look once over her shoulder to see if I was following her. She rushed down the stairs and sprinted down the beach, the sheet billowing around her as she ran. She disappeared from sight while I stood at the top of the porch, watching her go. The story of my goddamned life.
I’d forgotten all about the server who’d brought us the breakfast order I’d put in last night until he cleared his throat. “Would you like me to leave this on the table, sir?”
When I looked back over my shoulder to find him clearly trying to avoid looking in my general area, I remembered my present state. My naked present state. “Yeah, that works.”
I turned to go back into the cabin. I didn’t take the time to cover myself with my hand or the throw pillow resting on the chair right inside the door. I just hustled to gather up my clothes spread around the room, tugging them on as I came to them. I needed to find her. I needed to get to her before she left this island. I needed a chance to explain, because I knew if she left before I did, I’d never get that chance. She’d avoid me at all costs from now on. She wouldn’t attend any gatherings I might be at; she’d cross the road if she saw me walking down the same sidewalk as her. Hiding in Miami would be much easier than here on this island, especially while she was wearing nothing but a hotel sheet.
I needed to find her.
“Sir?”
Even though I was mostly dressed now, the server was still not about to make eye contact. Not that I could blame him after the scene he’d just witnessed.
“Yeah?” I stuffed my damn wallet into my pocket as I shoved my feet into my shoes.
“A storm warning has been issued for the island. Nothing to be too alarmed over, but the hotel’s letting all of the guests know.”
My brow furrowed, for the first time registering what time of the year it was and where Brother Dearest had elected to bring his new bride on their honeymoon. Because who didn’t think Caribbean when they thought of October?
Probably explained why they’d had an extra cabin available so last minute.
“A storm as in a hurricane?” I asked, my gaze shifting out the open door. The skies were blue, and other than the gentle breeze playing with the palm leaves, that was all the wind to be found.
“It hasn’t been classified a hurricane yet. It has only just started to form and it could change directions. Or die out completely before it hits land, so please don’t let it worry you too much. The hotel wanted our guests to be aware, but we’ll keep everyone up to date.” The server managed a contrived smile as he backed out of the room after arranging two breakfasts at two empty chairs. “Just relax and enjoy your honeymoon, Mr. Adams.”
I almost laughed at that. Relaxing was not in the plans for me any time soon. “Thanks for letting me know. Now if you’ll excuse me . . .” I put aside all worries about some possible hurricane forming out on the ocean this island was smack in the middle of. Th
at storm paled in comparison to the one I was already immersed in.
“Everything okay?” The server asked as he followed me through the door, glancing at the spot where Cora had disappeared into the palms.
“Not exactly. She just found out she married the wrong guy.” Literally. I slid out a twenty to give him. “If you see a pretty girl in a white sheet . . .”
“I know who might be interested in her whereabouts.” The server took the tip then jogged down the stairs and headed in one direction while I went the other.
Cora was fast, but she was barefoot and wearing a bulky sheet. She couldn’t have gotten far, I told myself, even though I knew better. I wouldn’t put it past her to go slide into a packed mass of people if she thought it would keep me from finding her. She could be anywhere, and she had a few minute lead on me.
Part of me wanted to rush to the airport to cut her off, because I knew that would be her eventual destination. She’d want out of here via the first flight she could find. But I didn’t want to have this conversation in an airport, where security would probably intervene before she got her second punch thrown. Cora had one hell of a right hook. I’d never been on the receiving end, but I’d watched Patrick Henry get knocked unconscious the Monday after Winter Formal, freshmen year. I’d been looking for him after I heard the rumors he’d spread about just how much Cora had put out that night. Cora beat me to him though, and I guessed she had more right than I did to take Patrick Henry down after what he’d said. But that hadn’t stopped me from sweeping his feet out beneath him the next day as we passed in the hallway, half of his face swollen from Cora’s fist.
I wanted her to hit me. I hoped she would. I might not have been Patrick Henry, but fuck, what I’d done put me way beneath him.
I tried to change my thoughts. They weren’t helping, and I had the rest of my life to make myself feel like shit. I needed a clear head right now to find her and explain why I’d done it. I needed all my mental faculties firing on all engines when and if I found her. I wasn’t expecting her to understand why I’d done it, but I needed her to know exactly why I had. It wasn’t forgiveness I was looking for; it was something else.
But for right now, I just needed to find her.
Matt. I’d married Matt. Oh my god, I was his wife and we’d spent all night consummating that union.
My forehead banged against my bent knees as the reminder tore through my mind. What in the hell had happened? How had I not known? Where was Jacob? What did this mean? Was our marriage binding even though I thought I’d been marrying someone else? Would Jacob ever forgive me once he found out?
A sob constricted my throat as I realized that because of this, I’d lose both of them. I’d lose the two people I loved most in the world in the same day because of what had happened. I already knew Jacob wouldn’t forgive me. He’d accuse me of secretly knowing and bring up his long-standing suspicions of me always having some draw toward his twin. He wouldn’t forgive me, and I couldn’t expect him to, because I should have known. The man I’d spent the past twenty-four hours with was not the same one I’d spent the past decade with. He’d been a different man. Because he’d actually been a different one.
God, it was so damn obvious. The way he’d looked at me, the out-of-character gestures, the streak of sensitivity, the way he’d fucked me . . .
I banged my forehead harder against my knees when images from last night replayed in my head. How messed up was it that the best sex I’d ever had with who I thought was Jacob had been instead with Matt? How dumb was I to have not figured it out when instead of focusing on his own pleasure, mine had been the priority last night? I couldn’t think of one instance when Jacob had waited for me to come before he had his. He usually collapsed over me and was half-asleep by the time I gave up on the idea or slid my hand between our bodies to take care of myself.
Jacob would never forgive me.
And I would never forgive Matt.
I’d lost them both. Just like I’d always feared. Just like I’d always somehow known I would, because what right did some girl from a single mom who worked as hired help have to think she had some claim to two men like Matt and Jacob Adams?
The dream had been a fantasy all along, just like I’d always known, and I’d finally been woken up.
I wasn’t sure how much longer I could linger here, planted on this isolated perch overlooking the big ocean, still wound in the sheet I’d spent all night moving under with Matt’s body.
Matt.
My eyes swam with tears all over again. I tried to strangle the feelings that came with those thoughts of him. I’d made my choice years ago. I’d waited for him, but I couldn’t wait forever, especially not when I knew how Jacob felt about me and that his attention would only last so long. I’d rather have one, even if it wasn’t the one I wanted most, than neither. I’d picked Jacob, and these feelings I’d harbored this whole time for Matt weren’t fair to any of us.
If there was some way to rid myself of them, I would have, but I’d tried everything and come up short. It didn’t matter how many times I reminded myself it wasn’t Matt I wanted, I still found myself imagining him when Jacob’s body crawled over mine in bed. It didn’t matter how many ways I tried to avoid Matt, he was always there, reminders of him in every facet of my life. It didn’t matter how many times I reminded myself he didn’t want me, I still dreamed visions of him whispering those very words into my ear as his hands roamed the bends and planes of my body.
To hell with never being able to forgive Matt—I’d never be able to forgive myself.
Okay, okay, enough. No more emotions and tears. Think.
I needed to get out of there. Immediately. The one (or two) problems with that was I was currently dressed in a sheet and my purse with those handy things known as identification and credit cards were back in the cabin. Where the wrong twin I’d married was.
So basically, I was screwed. I’d just have to spend the rest of my life here, because there was no way I was going back into that cabin and confronting him. Mainly because I was too worried about what would happen when Matt and I were alone again. Now that I knew what we were capable of, what he was capable of . . . I didn’t trust myself. It was like telling someone who’d been sober off heroin for two weeks to step inside a house full of heroin free for the taking. I knew my limits, and Matt was a hard, hard one.
I couldn’t be alone with him again, because now, I couldn’t claim ignorance. I knew who he was, and if I fell into bed with him again, I wouldn’t be able to claim lack of knowledge as the culprit.
So I just sat there, arms wound around my legs, forehead tapping my knees, feeling completely and utterly lost.
That was when I heard someone crunching through the tall grass behind me. Instead of jolting with surprise, I clamped my eyes closed tightly and hunkered down a little more. I knew who it was. I knew of only one person who seemed to have a sixth sense for finding me.
“Cora.”
The way he said it, almost sighing my name, made it seem like he was relieved he’d found me. Like he’d doubted he ever would.
“Go away, Matt,” I gritted into the folds of the sheet. “Go away and stay away.”
He was quiet for a moment, only the sounds of his footsteps moving closer. “I’m not going anywhere.” His voice was firm, final sounding, like no matter what I said or did, he was going to say what he wanted to. “Not until you hear why I did it. Not until you know how I feel.”
I didn’t want to know how he felt. I didn’t want to know why he’d done it. That was what I kept telling myself, although I couldn’t convince myself of it. “Last night . . . I’d been drinking. You’d been drinking. We were both—”
“Let’s make one thing clear right now,” Matt interrupted. “You were not some drunken fuck last night. Not even close, so don’t try to play it off like I was just another guy swimming in alcohol and looking to score.” He paused like he was hoping that would get good and deep inside my brain. “I can’t spe
ak for you and how you were last night, but I was fully in control of my body and mind when I took you. Each and every time.”
My heart picked up from hearing his words, thinking of what he was referring to. “Yeah, well, I was good and drunk. I don’t remember a thing from last night.” The lie sounded convincing enough to my ears—hopefully it would to Matt’s as well. “All I remember is waking up today and finding your wallet when I was expecting to find Jacob’s. The rest is a black hole of nothing.”
He was quiet after that. So quiet I glanced back to see if he was still there.
“You don’t remember anything?”
I huffed as if that was the most obvious thing. “Nothing.”
Another stretch of silence. “You don’t remember anything? Really? Not even the last time when you woke me up by—”
“No!” I interrupted, definitely not remembering that last time. Or at least definitely not wanting him to think I remembered it. “But I think it’s safe to say I can figure out what happened, thanks to us both being naked when I woke up.” I squeezed my eyes shut again when I remembered the last thing he’d said to me before I’d fallen asleep tucked against his body. “I don’t remember, and if you’ll just keep your mouth shut, I won’t have to know just how . . . or how much . . . or any of the details associated with last night’s mistake. I’ve got enough to deal with right now without having all of the gory details filled in for me.”
Behind me, I heard him repeat the word I’d just fired at him. Mistake.
A mistake. That was what this was. It had to be.
“Why did you do it?” My fingers ran through my hair as I tried to take as logical an approach to this as one could. “What in the hell happened yesterday?”
Even before I finished asking, part of me already had the answer. Part of me already knew exactly what had happened yesterday to make Matt wind up standing across from me on my wedding day. Exactly what had been happening for years, what people had tried to tell me but what I hadn’t wanted to believe. Jacob had always been a flirt, but I’d never wanted to believe it went beyond the lingering stares or suggestive smiles.