6.Homecoming
I hid my shopping bags in my room the second we got back to the house. Jared was relentless in trying to see what was in the Sweet Nothings bag but I was stubborn. I carefully laid the dress out on the bed but the bag with my new panties was tucked behind a stack of long forgotten racing trophies. My hand paused on the dusty metal of a particularly old one for a moment. I’d been nine at the time in a junior’s race competed on Burmese ponies which aren’t all that fast. I was the only girl and the smallest by far. It was after I’d won my very first First Place trophy that Christian and I had fantasized about starting a thoroughbred racing farm.
Stop it, Baylee, I ordered myself, yanking my fingers away as if I’d been burned. That little girl that dreamed of nothing but horses was long gone. I loved my Rugrat and I sometimes missed being in the stables everyday but I wasn’t that girl anymore. I was successful, and rich, and happy in L.A. with my boyfriend.
So then why did I feel like I wanted to cry remembering that old life I gave up so long ago?
“Baylee,” my mom called making me jump out of my reverie. “Bobby and the Matthews are almost here!”
“Coming,” I yelled back. I pulled myself away from the closet full of trophies and awards and quickly made my way from the loft to the living room. I went and snuggled up to Jared’s side on the couch where he was watching some football with my dad.
Ten minutes went by before we could all hear the roar of my mom’s muffler. Amber got a big grin on her face and started bouncing in her seat. Even in her fidgeting, she was more patient than I was. The moment I heard the loud engine I was out of my seat and out the door.
As soon as the car rolled to a stop I yanked open the front passenger’s door. Becca smiled brightly when she saw me and her hazel eyes were shining with excitement. Becca was small, five-five like me but with better curves that I could ever dream of. Her long hair was the light brown color of cinnamon and fell in thick waves down to the small of her back. She was like a permanent fixture in my life but looking at her sitting in that car something was off.
“Baylee, mija, it’s so good to see you. We’ve all missed you around here.”
“Oh, I’ve missed you, too,” I gushed.
She spread her arms wide and I hugged her. My spine stiffened just a fraction in her embrace because I could finally pinpoint what I’d been missing. She felt so weak and fragile. She was too skinny and her skin seemed to be hanging on like paper. When I pulled back I noticed that her usual glow was gone and she looked pale.
Becca smiled like she didn’t have a care in the world and it was hard to keep from bursting into tears. “Now let’s go inside before we freeze to death. Besides, I want to meet this novio that has been keeping you so occupied. The two of you must really love each other if he’s spending Christmas with your family. I don’t think you’ve ever invited a boyfriend home before.”
My stomach tightened for some reason. “Of course, Becca. You shouldn’t be out in the cold.”
She let out an indignant huff and pouted like a little girl. “I’m not dead yet, little missy. I refuse to be treated like some viejita.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Becca wasn’t even fifty yet so it shouldn’t have surprised me that she didn’t want people to treat her like she was old and on her deathbed. I shot her an easy smile and her annoyed look instantly softened to a grin. Becca had always had a hard time staying mad at me and my charming little smile did wonders to break her out of whatever grim mood I’d inadvertently put her in. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to help me shake off the unease of seeing her so delicate.
My arm was laced through Becca’s as we walked through the front door. She stepped away from me for only a moment to hug my mom, dad, and sister as they all said hello and I stayed close by right on the fringe of the happy homecoming. It was a little weird that I was on the outskirts on this big happy family that I had once been so deeply involved. I almost felt invisible, like I was just watching one of those cheesy ’90’s sitcoms where everyone is perfect and you wished you could be part of the family. The only difference was that this was my family. I hated feeling like an outsider.
“Alright, alright, enough,” Becca giggled brushing off Amber’s attempt to gossip about all that Becca had missed since she’s been in the hospital. “I get to see you people almost all the time. I only have a couple of days with Baylee and I’m not going to waste them. No offense.”
“Wow, thanks, Mom,” Christian mumbled. “I feel like I’m being replaced.”
She tapped his cheek lovingly before looping her arm in mine once again. “You are, dear. For the next few days, Baylee is my baby. I’m going to spoil her while I can. You’ll get over it.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Christian shot me a death glare which honestly didn’t do anything but make me laugh harder. I only came back from my momentary giddiness when Jared obnoxiously cleared his throat.
I adjusted myself so that I was still holding onto Becca but Jared was on my other side included in our little circle. His dark eyes narrowed slightly at mine but in the next instant he plastered on his best fake smile. “Becca, this is Jared Marcos, my boyfriend. Jared, this is my second mom, Becca.”
He took her free hand and gently kissed the knuckles like an old-fashioned gentleman. “It’s so nice to meet you. Baylee couldn’t stop talking about you once she heard you’d be here for Christmas.”
Becca grinned. “He’s cute,” she told me in a very loud whisper. “Well, Jared, I’m sorry to say that I’ve heard only a little bit about you from the boys. Talking to Christian and Bobby can be like pulling teeth. I want to know all about you. How did you two meet? Where are you from? How did Baylee convince you to join her wacky family for the holidays? Don’t hold anything back.”
Jared looked momentarily flustered by her volley of questions which was admittedly a nice change from his usual arrogance. “I’m from New York City, ma’am. I just moved down to L.A. about two years ago when I got a photography job. Baylee and I met at one of her fashion shows. She asked me to come meet her family so I did.”
Becca glared. “Seriously? That’s it? You’re just as bad as those two.” She jerked her thumb at my brother and her son who were on the couch placing bets on the football game. Then Becca turned her dark, probing gaze to me.
I shrugged. “Really, Becca, there’s not much to tell. Like Jared said, we met at a show I coordinated and just hit it off. The end.”
“Bo-ring!” She stretched the word out way more than she should have and I knew that she was going to be sharing her opinion whether we liked it or not. “Where’s the fun in that? There’s no spark, no excitement.”
I smiled. “Sure there is. Just because I can’t explain it very well doesn’t mean that it’s not there.”
She pursed her full lips and started pulling me into the kitchen after my mother. Jared went to join the guys and Amber in the living room watching sports. “I’m sure there’s something there,” she started, “otherwise you wouldn’t be with him. But, Bay, you’ve always wanted a love that makes your toes tingle. You used to talk about that perfect guy that kept you guessing. The kind that surprised you, made you laugh. You wanted passion, a love that completely consumes you. I’m sorry, Buggy, but I don’t see that.”
“She’s says she’s happy,” my mother told Becca as she sat with us at the table and setting down three cups of coffee. “I’ve already tried talking to her.”
“Oh, mija, actions speak much louder than words. And it looks to me that this relationship is full of a whole lot of words and not much action.”
I pressed my lips together in a hard line. “He gets me. He understands how much I love the city. Jared is just as ambitious as I am and I don’t have to hold myself back from the future that I want.”
“But does that future involve him?” Becca demanded.
“What?”
“Sure, he’s fun right now while you’re still young and finding your path. But is he who you want to sp
end the rest of your life with? When you look ten, twenty, fifty years from now, is he who you see beside you as you conquer the fashion world?”
“Of course not,” I said quickly. I took in a sharp breath. My eyes widened but I wasn’t seeing my mom or Becca. I could see myself. Older. More successful. But it was still me. I didn’t know who the faceless man standing with me was but it sure as hell wasn’t Jared.
“That’s what I thought,” Becca said with a satisfied nod.
“So what?” I snapped a little too harshly, still shaken from my heart’s sudden confession to my head. “You just said he’s fine for now. Isn’t that what matters?”
“Baby, why waste your time if you don’t even love him? If you can’t picture your life with him then what’s the point? We just want what’s best for you and that means that we want you to be with someone you love.”
“I don’t want to be alone,” I whispered. “I do want the kind of love that you both have but I don’t want to lose myself and be stuck with some guy. It’s not that fiery passion that I always imagined but I’m okay with that. I appreciate your concern but I know what I’m doing. Can we please just enjoy the time that I’m here without all the lectures?”
Becca’s smile was radiant and it was almost easy to imagine that it was genuine. “Of course, Buggy. You’re here and that’s what matters most. I want to spend as much time as possible with you. Would you mind driving me home for a bit? We didn’t get the chance to stop by and I would love to stop by so I can start the tamales. It’s not Christmas without them and your mom and sister both refuse to let me teach them my family’s recipe.”
“Oh, Becca, you really don’t have to cook.”
She glared in my direction. “It’s tradition, Bay, and I will not let it pass because I spent some time cooped up in a hospital. Now are you going to come help me or not? They should have been started by now so they’d be ready for tomorrow night.”
I grinned. Most of my family could barely eat anything spicy but I loved Becca’s homemade Mexican food. Her tamales and menudo were seriously some of the best things about special occasions like birthdays and holidays. “I’m coming.”
I said a quick goodbye to everyone and offered Jared to go with us to start on the food but he refused like I knew he would. Becca and I made small talk on the way over in my mom’s car and I noticed that she was very careful to avoid mentioning boys, including her own son. I was glad for the distraction from my troubles and when we got to her place she was eager to get straight to work so I wouldn’t have time to think of anything but her food.
We walked into the kitchen and her gaze instantly landed on my hastily scribbled note, the one thing out of place in her immaculate kitchen. She read through it quickly and her eyes filled with emotion. “You got everything from the attic by yourself?”
“I think so. I only found seven boxes.”
Her brows arched. “Only? You should have waited until Christian got home to help you. Those boxes are heavy and you could have gotten hurt.”
I smiled and made a muscle. “I’m a big, tough girl. Lord knows I can whoop Christian’s butt any day of the week.”
She laughed. “Well, thank you, Baylee. Tonight I’ll have Stan and Christian put up all of the outside decorations and some of the inside ones. Then tomorrow you and the rest of your family can come help with the tree and stockings.”
I grinned. “That sounds great.”
“Good. Now help me get started on the masa. We can come back later to spread it on the corn husks.”
“Oh, Becca. I’ve seriously missed your cooking. You can’t find any good, homemade Mexican food in L.A.”
She shared a conspiratorial wink. “That’s because you don’t know where to look. You’ve gotten too spoiled, Baylee.”
“Excuse me?”
Her smile was mischievous. “You have become used to fancy and expensive things. You need to broaden your circle of friends if you want to find anything authentic in a city full of people who make a living on pretending.”
I frowned and furrowed my eyebrows. “Did you just call me fake?”
She shrugged and started setting the oven. “I love you, Baylee, but I don’t hold back, as you very well know. I’m just calling it how I see it.”
“Wow, don’t sugarcoat it or anything,” I huffed.
“I won’t.” Her expression was dead serious as she looked at me. Becca was honest whether you liked it or not. That was one of the things that I admired most about her. But that did not mean that I wanted to get lectured any more than I already had this week.
“Can we please not talk about this?”
“If we can’t talk about boys or your life in Hollywood then what else can we talk about? I assume that reminiscing about your childhood with Christian is also out. We’re not strangers, Bay, so let’s please not act like it. I hate stupid small talk.”
I sighed. “Seriously, Becca? I love you and all, but getting yelled at isn’t exactly how I imagined my vacation.”
“Who’s yelling?”
“Uh, my parents, my sister and brother, Christian. And I feel like Jared and I have been yelling at each other since we got into Bobby’s truck at the airport.”
“Okay, no arguing. Let’s just talk. You’re a big girl now, Baylee. You don’t have to just sit there and roll your eyes like you used to. If you’ve got something to say, then say it.”
I sighed. “Okay. Why did you call me fake?”
She stirred her big bowl and her hands were already covered in stuff for her tamales. “I’ve known you most of your life. That little girl I watched grow up was just so bubbly and energetic. She was comfortable making a fool of herself because she really didn’t care what others thought about her. But now I look at you and I feel like I’m seeing someone who isn’t comfortable being herself. You’re too busy trying to be perfect. Don’t you know that those of us who love you don’t mind when you look like a total idiot.”
“I do not look like a total idiot,” I argued with a roll of my brown eyes.
“Perhaps you should,” she challenged.
I opened my mouth to argue but nothing came out. Maybe she was right.