Chapter 14
Harry arrived on the doorstep of the apartment unannounced at about 6 pm the following Friday. Angelique met him at the door and showed him in. Peter had again been enjoying a swim in the late afternoon and he was still on one of the sun lounges down on the pool deck. Harry went straight through and greeted Peter like a long lost friend.
“I don’t think there’ll be any more trouble from Mr Wordsley and friend” he said.
“I heard it on the news” said Peter. “A freak accident so it said.”
“Most unfortunate” said Harry but declined to elaborate on the way he had taken care of things, for Peter had absolutely no doubt that he had.
“George is looking forward to the next project” said Harry. “They did very well, or rather we did very well on the last one but George feels that we still have several that are very real goers in Australia before we possibly get you back to the USA for some further moves he has in mind over there.”
“So the Australian market has its limits then?” queried Peter.
“The scale of things, as you know, in America is just so much larger than here. Despite the fact that it’s much more difficult to move the American markets George keeps talking about the way you and your brother managed it. He thinks that fairly soon we should do some things with even more potential if you know what I mean.”
“Do you mean the supermarket thing didn’t really cut it for George?”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong. George was very pleased with the effort but he thinks we could do something even more spectacular with the market over there. But he still has some plans for Australia ready to go.”
“Well, not in supermarkets again Harry. I think I’d prefer to keep my profile out of the stores for a good while yet” responded Peter. “They’ll probably come up with some computer software that’ll allow them to scan me and match me dot for dot with the image they’ve got on file. I’m not out of the woods on that one just yet, you know.”
“Well you’ll be pleased to know that George wants you to go to do some farming in the Tropics for the next little project. Well, I should say first to the United Kingdom and then to the tropics.”
“Why the UK?” said Peter.
“You’re picking up some live virus again.”
“Let me guess. Foot and mouth?” said Peter.
“Got it in one” said Harry.
“Why don’t we see if our friend Professor Yeido in Japan can supply us with it?” said Peter. “He’s much closer and very helpful.”
“So you don’t think he was rather curious that we had an outbreak of equine influenza soon after you returned to Australia from his laboratory carrying that very live virus?”
“I suppose he heard about the problems we had here?” Peter responded.
“Yes, he heard” said Harry. “Our mutual friend Tanaki Sanyo informed us that Yeido had contacted the Australian government and asked them to follow up on his two visitors but that the trail had gone cold when their identities turned out to be shall we say ‘not genuine’. The Institute now has new protocols for all transfers of germ material and I don’t think we could safely get around them anymore.”
“So it’s Great Britain then?” said Peter. “It’s several years since I was there but I did have a hand in a little bit of foot and mouth over there as well. But I suppose you know about that episode Harry?”
“It was before my time with the consortium but I did seem to see something in an old file with your name on it” replied Harry.
“Was I a suspect?” said Peter.
“Nothing could be proved” replied Harry.
“So where do we go this time in ‘jolly old England’?” enquired Peter.
“It’s a small bio-medical campus in Bedford, Bedfordshire” Harry replied. “They do a lot of work on soil erosion and environmental management but they also have a micro-biology unit that researches, among other things, disease vectors or the way in which diseases spread around the countryside. Fortunately, one of our partners in California has been in touch with them and found that they can supply some viable virus, so for the purpose of this visit to the university you are going to be an American, Professor John Lowenthahl. They will be expecting you to visit and again you will have the honour of seeing their research establishment. Your contact person is a Dr Mike Young. You, Professor Lowenthahl have published material in the United States on the transmission of air-borne diseases such as foot and mouth so you will need to bone up on his work so that you can communicate meaningfully with the scientists at Bedford while you are picking up your live virus sample.”
“Will they really just release the virus because they’ve been asked for it?” queried Peter.
“The Japanese did. Why not the British?” Harry replied. He then thought a better explanation was called for: “Don’t worry Peter, there are protocols for this sort of thing; approvals from ethics committees and so on. These have all been taken care of courtesy our team of industrious folk in California. Remember as far as the University in question is concerned they will be supplying the virus to an American research agency and they will have no clue as to your true identity.”
“I don’t have an American accent” said Peter.
“If they ask you, you grew up in Australia and moved to the USA when you went to university. They’ll not think it odd.”
“So my business cards will all be prepared as per the previous trips?” asked Peter.
“They’re here” said Harry, handing a package to Peter. “Your e-tickets are here as well Mrs Milner but the booking is still in your maiden name as you have yet to amend your passport. You travel first class to Singapore then on to Heathrow. From there it is an easy drive to Bedfordshire. We have booked some discreet accommodation in a B&B establishment as Professor and Mrs Lowenthahl for the one night you will need in the area. We have also allowed you some additional days in Britain to allay suspicion as to why you’ve made such a quick round trip. Enjoy the stay.”
“How do we bring the package back in?” asked Peter.
“You still have the pewter tea set in its box. Wrap it as a gift and declare it going into Britain and then repeat the process coming back. Now what you don’t have is a vacuum plug for undoing the false bottom of the tea pot” said Harry.
“Or the handle that Tanaki used to untwist the base” replied Peter.
“Go to a hardware outlet and buy a small drain-sized ‘plumbers mate’” said Harry. “Much better than trying to carry such a strange thing with you. You might be asked what it’s for.”
“What about our false identification?” asked Peter.
“A full set of documents including your false passports if you need identification while you are in Bedford, Professor and Mrs Lowenthahl” Harry said, placing a second folder on the table.
“I suppose you also have the academic papers by Lowenthahl for me to read en route?” said Peter.
“Right here” replied Harry, pulling several photocopies of journal articles from the folder.
“So” said Peter “I see departure day is the day after tomorrow.”
“Correct” said Harry. “Do you have any difficulties with that?”
“No” said Peter, “except sometimes I wish we could consult a little as true partners.”
“It’d make no difference” said Harry. “I have my orders too, you know.”
Angelique joined them and said that she’d be out shopping for new clothes the following day as they’d destroyed many of her favourite things after the visit to Brisbane.
Peter replied that he also needed a few things in the city such as arranging some bank funds to be put into high interest deposits and so forth. By the time Harry departed, having wished them ‘bon voyage’, they were already feeling the strain of the upcoming trip.
“Sometimes I’d just like to throttle Harry” said Peter. “He’s so cocksure of himself and so bloody organized.”
“Yes” said Angelique “but it does make a lot of thin
gs fairly straight forward. Look on the bright side. Here we are with a week in Britain coming up and only one small task to do in all that time.”
“Okay. You win. Let’s just enjoy the experience” Peter responded.
On the long flights via Singapore Peter studied the articles by Lowenthahl and found that he actually had a pretty good understanding of almost everything there in relation to air-borne pathogens. It made him shudder to think of the consequences of releasing foot and mouth in the cattle country of northern Australia but each time he considered his own conscience the awful truth of his entrapment surfaced and quickly suffocated any potential for his better judgment to prevail. There was no way out without the worst of outcomes for himself and Angelique not to mention the possible implication of Jim and Peg through their earlier joint episodes.
For the outward journey the tea service set was packed into the suitcase and travelled in the cargo hold. The flights were relaxing and the food in First Class both outstanding and in plentiful supply, although Peter felt things might just be slipping a little with the increasing economic imperatives being forced upon the airlines. The wine, for example, while most satisfactory had been selected from somewhat lower in excellence rankings. However they arrived at Heathrow in good shape at about 5.30 in the morning and entered the UK as Mr Milner and Ms Robinson. They had the day to make their way to Bedford and their overnight accommodation. Peter suggested they catch the tube to Victoria Station and see some of the sights around the centre of London before taking the hire car for Bedfordshire.
The hire car company in the down town office was most helpful in drawing the best route for them to travel northwards although it did involve navigating some distance through rather chaotic traffic and narrow streets via Marble Arch to reach the freeway, but once there the trip was accomplished with relative ease. The hire car company registered them as Professor and Mrs Lowenthahl and took copies of the relevant identification.
They had been booked into a B and B in Bedford as Professor and Mrs Lowenthahl and that might well have caused some problems because Peter kept forgetting his assumed name and missed several occasions when he was addressed as Professor Lowenthahl. Both times Angelique saved the moment by indicating that he was profoundly deaf in one ear and often did not hear very well with the other. She made deprecating motions with her hands adjacent his ears, and smiled benignly to the addressor. Peter also had to remember not to use his credit card but to pay for everything with cash, a custom some found strange to the point of remarking upon it in an American visitor. Peter’s response was simply to state that ‘there’s already too much debt in the world without him contributing to it’.
When the next day dawned Peter was already awake and rereading ‘his’ articles just in case he were to be asked about anything in them. After breakfast he checked his paper credentials including his business cards and the letter of introduction from the Dean of his Research Centre that also thanked the Bedford University for their assistance in the matter of providing the research sample of live foot and mouth virus.
The University campus was in a rural setting, as perhaps was to be expected and a long avenue of elm or oak trees lined the final part of the drive to the main entrance car park. Peter was not sure of the trees until he parked the vehicle and went closer to find the distinctive shape of the oak leaves. It made sense that they were not elms as he had first thought because so many of the English elms had been killed by the Dutch Elm disease and they were unlikely to have elms of this size here in Bedfordshire. The trees took his mind off matters in hand and gave him a chance to rehearse some trivia as conversation starters if needed.
Checking that his false business cards were readily accessible in his coat pocket they entered the building and located the small reception office. Peter was a very confident Professor John Lowenthahl to see Dr Mike Young of the infectious diseases school. He was warmly welcomed and he and Angelique were offered tea while waiting in an anteroom for Dr Young.
Dr Young was not long in coming so they dispensed with the tea, made their introductions and were led off towards Dr Young’s study. Mike said he was honoured to meet the professor whose articles were highly rated but Peter found him sufficiently effusive that he kept up the patter with very little encouragement and his conversation was ample for the occasion, Lowenthahl simply concurring and nodding as Peter deemed appropriate.
Peter’s main contribution was a lament for the shortage of funding in their research fields, given especially the potential damage that animal diseases could do to entire farm economies. Again Mike took over and ran the scenarios of just what could happen in Britain for example if they had further outbreaks of foot and mouth and other such lethal animal epidemics.
“It’s not just the animals either” he said. “Think of the possible loss of foodstuffs that would impact human populations and potentially cause mass starvation” he said.
“Well I also think that the economic loss to economies could lead to collapses in other sectors that in turn also may lead to people’s inability just to buy food” said Peter, beginning to feel the absolute hypocrisy of his own rhetoric.
Mike invited them for morning tea and this provided diversion enough because they were introduced all round to at least a dozen other colleagues and support staff. All became small talk and sharing of details of home and family and Peter suddenly had to avoid any inconsistencies in his personal story. Angelique found herself engaged by the two female members of the faculty but as she was clearly not academically involved this interaction also degenerated into friendly small talk.
“We had hoped you might be able to give the faculty a small informal lecture John” said Mike, “but I daresay your time is limited as no doubt you are going to the more prestigious universities on your visit.”
Peter knew he had to think quickly. Declining and running was barely acceptable; a full lecture would blow his cover for certain.
“Well, we do have a little time” he said, wondering how this would end. “I could give a seminar on my work if that would be any help” he said, and then immediately regretted his offer.
“Oh, that would be so much appreciated Professor” beamed Mike, more to his colleagues. “Perhaps we could all convene in the tutorial room if people are free to come. Say ten minute’s time?” he went on.
Peter was suddenly petrified. Even Angelique could see disaster looming. Then the brainwave occurred to him. He had in his satchel the major papers that Lowenthahl had published. He’d simply pull then out and paraphrase their contents and hope for the best. Fortunately, just six Faculty members were free to come at such short notice but Peter knew that from these six he would be under the proverbial microscope, no pun intended. He affected a relaxed mode, spread the papers in front of him on the desk and desperately tried to remember the contents of each one in some sort of order.
Again, fortune worked his way. He remembered the little paragraphs at the start of each article called ‘Synopsis’ and although he’d had no academic training he was smart enough to get the gist of each article by reading the synopses, which he did almost flawlessly. After each reading he waited for questions and despite thinking that he knew absolutely nothing about the topic he was amazed how the questions always led to some recall of what he had read there and he was able to put the question into a context that was at least plausible if at times a little obtuse. Unbelievably, he actually found himself relaxing and enjoying the didactic role of Professor. Here are these boffins all listening to me he began to think when suddenly a curly question was thrown:
“What role does the protein mass rather than the mass of attached or combined H20 play in the speed of or distance of air borne travel?” said a bespectacled younger faculty member. Peter had read something of this but could not recall where or in which of the six papers he had in front of him. So he bluffed:
“Surprisingly” he commenced, wondering where he was headed, “we found that the larger the mass of the virus the more water it
could carry and this we thought would slow its progress down wind, but because there was greater surface area there was in fact a thinning of the outer protein cover to these viral units which reduced the relative protein weight as a part of the total mass. We found that in fact the larger the virus particle the further it could travel in equivalent wind conditions.” He paused for breath and then decided to await a further follow-up question.
“Why would this be?” said another of the faculty.
“It seems that the larger the particle the lower its relative mass; something like a feather that has small size will blow further than a feather that is larger, but if you wet them both the small feather falls immediately to the ground while the larger one can still blow away because its wetted surface holds relatively less mass of water to its total mass” expounded Peter in top flight.
One of the two female academics saved the day by saying “See, size sometimes does get blown away” at which the rest of the group burst out laughing and the worst of the ordeal was over.
“So large viral particles such as foot and mouth are particularly good at traveling down wind for considerable distances whereas say a small particle like an influenza virus requires very close contact and cannot travel at all well unaided by animal or human agents” he said. He knew this bit and so he felt safe.
The ordeal ended with Mike thanking Professor Lowenthahl for his time and his contribution, and a few of the faculty wondering privately whether all Americans were so lightweight. They then recalled that a Professor in America is not the same as a Professor in the UK; the first is simply a title for a tenured lecturer while the latter is an earned senior appointment. They did not rank Lowenthahl in the upper echelons of their faculty, but none of them realized just how little academic background in their field he really possessed.
Mike then took Professor Lowenthahl and his wife to lunch at a nearby café frequented by a mix of academics and general public and the background noise denied them much valuable interactive dialogue. In fact Angelique sat closer to Mike than did Peter and the result was that she got him talking more about his family and his general enjoyment of life in Bedford.
Lunch concluded, they wandered back to the faculty common room and Mike said that he would go and get their sample of virus. He was away for a short time and when he returned and handed a sealed package to Peter. It was enclosed in a styrene outer case and occupied about the bulk of a larger-sized lap top computer.
“The packing is protection against the rupture of the inner container” said Mike when he saw Peter’s look of surprise at the size of the item.
“How big is the actual container of virus?” asked Peter not sure that he wasn’t giving something else away.
“Oh, it’s about one hundred millimeters square and about 10 millimeters thick” said Mike “It’s an extra heavy foil material with plastic inside and outside to enable a complete hermetic seal around all edges. This way there’s no chance of the virus escaping. You’ll need a strong knife to slit the skin when you have it inside your sealed control unit.”
“I had been thinking it would be a smaller package” said Peter “perhaps just about the size of a couple of tea bags.”
“Oh no” said Mike “we couldn’t risk something so small. You realize the actual viral material is in two plastic vials but they are contained within the metal envelope and then that in turn is inside the foam pack because any small plastic tube might readily fracture if there were an impact such as in a car accident.”
Angelique could foresee their dilemma.
“It is unlikely of course but if the container did shatter on our flight back to California is this virus a danger to human beings?” Angelique asked.
“No” said Mike “there’ never been any proven case of animal to human transmission. Despite there possibly being one example of a mild infection in a human being in reality the virus is quite poorly designed to infect humans because its protein is virtually entirely incompatible with human blood cells.”
“Well thank you again Mike” said Peter “I’ll let you know when we have it safely back in the laboratory at home.”
Mike walked them to the car park and they were soon on their way with their enigmatic booty.
“Now we have a little problem that could become a big problem” said Peter as they drove off.
“Why don’t we just break open the package and take the inner capsules, leaving the rest behind?” asked Angelique.
“Well for one thing, the germ material is probably on the inside of the metal foil also, so disposing of this should be done by a chemical treatment inside a locked air chamber and then by high temperature incineration. We don’t have any capacity to do that, and I’m not sure where we’d manage to do it without arousing loads of suspicion” said Peter.
“Is there any way we could bluff our way through customs with the package as it is” said Angelique.
“That’s far too risky” said Peter. “The metal foil would set off alarms at terminals. They’d want to know what was in the foil and then they’d confiscate it. No way Jose” he said, beginning to have a sinking feeling. Again, Angelique’s ordered mind went to work:
“Right” she said, “we have two issues here. One is to get the capsules into something smaller so that we can then put them into our very good hiding place in the teapot. That is not really so hard because we cannot catch this virus so we can do that task, but then we have the second problem which is to dispose of the packaging materials in a safe way so that there is no chance of any virus escape to the open air.”
“That about sums it up” said Peter.
“Let’s suppose we go and get some strong clear plastic bags and gloves as well as scissors and tape. Then we set up our own sealed work chamber in the hotel room. We put the larger package inside a big plastic bag, remove the inner foil pack then cut the foil with scissors to extract the two viral capsules. These we reseal in new foil and tape which we have already put inside the plastic bag. Then we remove the virus capsules only, leaving everything else inside the plastic bag and we then dispose of the plastic bag is a safe place.”
“Sounds good to me” said Peter “but where is a safe place for our leftover material that could be contaminated with one of the world’s most deadly animal viruses?”
“What’s the most dangerous stuff in most cities?” said Angelique. “It’s radioactive waste from nuclear medicine activities” she said, answering her own question.
“Hospitals?” said Peter, catching on.
“Yellow radioactive waste bags” responded Angelique. “Which go straight to high temperature incinerators.”
“No they don’t” he pointed out. “You can’t get rid of radiation just by burning it. That waste goes into storage and waits for its half life of 30,000 years by which time it will have decayed.”
“But there is still hospital waste that goes to incineration. I just don’t know where or how” said Peter.
“Let’s get the first part done and worry about the waste disposal afterwards” said Angelique.
“Right” he said. “We’ll turn off at the first sign of a large shopping complex and find a stationery store.”
They found a shopping centre by turning off to Watford on the outskirts of London, and located both the stationery requisites as well as a hardware store that carried plumber’s mates of suitable size. Having accomplished the first part, Peter was anxious to get to the hotel back in London so they could get started on the problem confronting them. They had booked into a hotel near Victoria Station where they could return the hired car and not be further encumbered with it in the near impossible down town driving conditions. Peter decided to keep the car an extra day in case they needed independent travel to resolve their immediate problem with the virus and fortunately the hotel had some parking arrangements nearby that were quite suitable.
Hauling their baggage and the extra paraphernalia associated with the virus task up three flights of stairs they reached their rat
her modest room to find it overlooking a street below with its incessant honking and rattling of traffic that was bound to keep them awake. However they had little concern for these more trivial matters.
On a small television table, having removed the television set they went to work to remove the two capsules. Peter put on rubber gloves, laid out a large clear plastic bag and then placed the unopened virus package inside it. He placed scissors, a plain sheet of metal foil and some duct tape in the bag, then had Angelique tie the neck of the bag around both his arms separately by means of a length of cord they’d acquired for the purpose.
Slowly he cut the tape enclosing the outer case of styrene, lifting out the foil envelope in which he could feel the two capsules. It then occurred to him that he need only cut the foil bag down to size to make a new small envelope and by keeping the two capsules within this small envelope and rolling the foil around them he was able to minimize the possibility of any external loss of virus matter. What he was not sure of was whether this new package would fit into the space in the teapot. It was difficult to judge the size while everything was being seen and felt through other materials. He thought it worth risking so continued to finish making a neat parcel by taping it firmly with several wraps of duct tape.
Before removing the packet, Peter folded the waste foil, laid it inside the two styrene pieces and taped those together forming a sandwich to minimize the size of the waste parcel. He then slowly removed the virus package, having had his arms untied, while Angelique slid the bag carefully off his arms to allow her to contain the waste packet. When his arms were freed she immediately folded the bag several times over and together they taped it into a reasonably tight package. There was some considerable quantity of air that also had to be spilled from the bag to enable it to be compressed.
“What about virus in the air?” said Angelique.
“Can’t be helped now” replied Peter. “Anyway we’re in an urban area so there’s little risk of it getting to rural pastures.”
“Not a bad job Professor Lowenthahl” she said, pleased with her quip.
“Let’s get the teapot” he said. The tea set was pulled from their main suitcase where it had remained since their arrival. The plumber’s mate achieved the desired level of suction to allow the internal base of the pot to be separated from the pot without too much difficulty. Placing the package of two viral capsules carefully in the bottom, Peter tested for depth by holding a card across the package to see how it lined up with the threaded section of the pot. It appeared to be just below the line so he took the base and pressed the plumber’s mate firmly onto it. He then carefully threaded the base into position, turning it until it felt tight.
At that point he felt a great wave of relief and was confident that the rest of the task would fall into place if given a modicum of luck. They were now faced with the task of disposing of a potentially contaminated package inside a plastic bag in such a way that it could not possibly end up in some landfill or waste site where its contents might just become airborne and reach as far as some local livestock farm.
“First things first” Peter said. “We both strip off and have a hot shower, put all fresh clothes on afterwards and bundle up our existing clothes for waste disposal.”
“You are being very careful Professor Lowenthahl” said Angelique.
“This is a no-nonsense virus Angie” he said. “We cannot take any chances that even one or two germs might have escaped the package. Wash, wash and wash again is the only way.”
There was a garbage bin outside in a corridor and it had a bag liner. Peter removed the bag liner and into this placed all their clothes as soon as they were out of them and before they stepped into the shower. They now had two parcels that needed careful disposal such as into a high temperature incinerator.
After an extremely hot and prolonged shower he felt somewhat rung out, but decided there might be a commercial incineration service he could legitimately contact. He found one, called the number and said he was a nuclear scientist who had had a close encounter with some radon gas and asked if they could collect such waste. They said yes, but that it had to be reported, whereupon he declined and hung up.
Angelique decided she would try the hospital and see if they could let her dispose of the bags in their incineration waste. She telephoned and was put through to a supervisor of waste management. Her story was that she was an infectious diseases nurse who had been in North Africa and had come into contact with some ebola patients. Her clothes were possibly contaminated and they were being disposed of and could they do it? They told her they would destroy the items and that she should bring them to a given address.
Peter and Angelique decided against using their own car due to the problems of parking and instead flagged down a taxi and climbed in carrying the bag of clothes and the waste virus package. They arrived at the hospital some few minutes later and were able to pass the contaminated goods to the supervisor. Peter handed him a ten pound note and reinforced how contagious the material would be if it was not immediately burned. He crossed his fingers and hoped, knowing he had done his best for animal safety in his ancestral homeland.
On the return trip to the hotel they both realized that they were hungry, having not eaten for hours, and decided to change course and find a good eatery. Over the meal they debriefed each other and began to thoroughly check their movements to this point. In all, they concluded, they had left no stone unturned in their effort to slip out of the country with this most deadly of pathogens under the guise of a researcher from North America.
However, Peter knew that they must ensure that they did not let their guard down and become careless. He knew he would not be able to relax in the next few days while their cargo sat in the hotel room, so despite mild protest from Angelique that she had yet to visit the famous wax works museum and the Tower and such places he told her he was going to try to bring their departure flights forward. In the end however, air travel was still popular despite tough economic times and the flights were all fully booked. They had three more days to wait for their scheduled flight.
Peter put a call through to Harry and advised him that the chickens were in the hen house and on their way home. Harry, as usual, said that he knew about that as well but that they should still be very mindful of potential slipups. Peter again wondered just how Harry received his point to point information and then it occurred to him that Harry probably had had them tailed.
“It is good to hear from you” said Harry. “Have a safe trip home. I’ll wait for you at the airport as it will be Sunday morning and I’m free to be there.”
In the end, Angelique got her wish and saw Madame Tussaud’s, the Tate Gallery and St Paul’s Cathedral as well as several of the well known museums such as the Victoria and Albert. Peter also found himself drawn into the fabric and history of the ‘Old Country’ that as a child he’d heard his English grandfather mention many times.
Their departure on the Saturday morning was more relaxed than they’d expected and it now seemed routine to pass through the check-ins and security areas despite the nefarious contents of their hand luggage. The flight to Sydney was direct this time and some fifteen hours after departure they were exiting the customs baggage check at Sydney’s international terminal. Here, customs happened to choose their bag for a random check.
“Just routine Sir” the uniformed officer said. “Would you open the bag please?”
Peter almost passed out. They’re on to us he heard himself say. However he recovered from the momentary lapse and found the small key to the bag. Upon opening the bag there was a perfunctory check of all the contents but the officer then said:
“What do you have in the box, Sir?”
“It’s a tea service that an old aunt of mine in Britain has given me” said Peter, remembering Harry’s script for such an occasion.
“So do you have a receipt to show its value Sir?” asked the official.
“No I don’t” said Peter.
??
?May I have your passports please?” said the official.
Peter handed over the correct travel passports including the as yet unchanged passport for Ms Robinson and the official disappeared into a small office. In a few moments he was back.
“Would you mind accompanying us into this office Mr Milner and Ms Robinson” said the official.
There were two officers present, the original gentleman and a lady officer.
“We’re wondering what was the nature of your visit to the United Kingdom?” said the male officer, directing the question at both of them.
Peter decided he should get in first to stop Angelique muddying the waters and he came up with a plan that might satisfy their curiosity:
“Well” he said “I’m a builder and developer and in the United Kingdom there are some new structural steel techniques being employed on large roof-span buildings and I needed to go and have a look first hand” he lied.
“Oh, yes” said the female officer. “You mean like the new Millennium Dome and those types of buildings? I’ve been there too” she added, somewhat superfluously.
“Yes” said Peter, relieved to have an ally.
“Now there are two things that we are not happy about” said the male officer. “One is the fact that Mrs Milner is travelling under her maiden name. It is the law that you must travel with a passport that correctly identifies you” he said.
Angelique opened her mouth but Peter’s foot gave her leg a firm touch that suggested she say nothing in response, which she did. The officer then said:
“We could charge you with a passport offence Mrs Milner. While this is not Customs’ responsibility we do have an agreement with Passport Control to keep them advised of any irregularities we find while conducting our customs checks” he said.
Angelique remained silent. Peter broke the silence by saying it was really his fault and he should have been more diligent when they married a couple of months ago but he had been busy and just thought it would be quite allright. “I do apologize” he added, having often found that a supplicatory response allowed people to feel their power and hence satisfied their essential cravings in life.
“We have the cross reference on Ms Robinson’s passport and it shows that she was married some fourteen months ago now and has been travelling under her maiden name for a total of four overseas trips in that time Mr Milner” said the officer. He went on to say that he would keep Mrs Milner’s passport and hand it to Passport Control who would expect an application for change of name within the week.
“The second offence is that you failed to mention when you filled in your entry details for Customs that you were carrying what is obviously a very valuable antique tea set.” With that, he produced the offending article and opened the box on top of the table between them.
“What do you estimate the value of this tea set to be?” Mr Milner. The officer then lifted up the teapot and turned it over, shaking it lightly as though feeling its weight.
Peter was fearful to say the least, but he kept a calm exterior and said:
“I haven’t even thought of it in those terms; my aunt is getting on in years and she just wanted me to have something from the old family. I did not think of it as of any value.”
“Well it does have value” said the officer. “Its value might not be able to be proven unless it was sold. Now we do have the right to confiscate undeclared items. As we find you have no idea of its value, perhaps that would be the best course of action.”
Peter was at bursting point with fear.
“Well my aunt would be very upset” he managed.
“We also have the right to impose punitive duty on undeclared items that are found to be dutiable” the officer said. “How would you feel if we offered you a choice of paying duty and a punitive offence charge to the value of 500 dollars in order for you to keep this ‘gift’?” he asked.
Peter knew then that this officer was as bad as he was. He would undoubtedly keep the 500 dollars for himself and his mates; there was no way it could be a legitimate fine.
“Well I’ll have to go to the bank for some funds first” said Peter, knowing that this would put the officer in a dilemma, “and that might take me a day or so as today is Sunday” he said, pushing the issue. The officer backtracked immediately.
“So you are willing to pay five hundred dollars for this tea set?” he said. “Why not just abandon it?”
“Because my aunt will be coming to stay with us in a few months and she would be mortified if I’d not got it home” he said.
The officer was stumped for a moment, then responded:
“Do you have one hundred dollars on you at present?” Peter could have whooped for joy, but again remained placid and said that he did.
The Officer then said that he would take a one hundred dollar duty and fine charge against the tea set, and he would be recording the fact of the import of the item against the passport data on Mr Milner’s passport. “It’s one of the advantages of the new electronic passports now” he added, quite unnecessarily.
Peter took one hundred dollars from his wallet, careful not to show that it held easily more than five hundred dollars in Australian currency, and handed the fine and customs charge to the officer who duly wrote him a receipt.
They walked through the terminal to the pavement outside and found Harry waiting impatiently.
“You took a long time getting cleared” Harry said, raising an eyebrow in Peter’s direction.
“Greetings to you too” said Peter, ready to explode with relief but also aware of his deeper cold hatred for the too slick Harry Goldsmid.
“So what happened?” queried Harry, when they were heading back along New South Head Road.
“I should have declared the gift of the tea service and put an estimated value on it” replied Peter, wondering what Jim’s high blood pressure felt like but suspecting he already knew. “The customs officer we struck was on the take and wanted five hundred dollars for the set to be cleared. If I’d paid that they’d have wondered what was so valuable about it. They probably still do. Anyway, we can’t use it again, they’ll be watching for it.”
At the Point Piper apartment they sat down and Peter poured from the new bottle of Dewar’s Scotch that Harry had brought with him.
“To a job well done, mate” said Harry.
Peter reciprocated physically but felt anything but thrilled at the ride of the last few hours not to mention a total lack of reciprocal greeting from his companion. .
“So how’s the team in America?” he said.
“They’ve gone in big on this one Peter” Harry responded, dropping the ‘mate’ for a while. “They’ve been up to the minute with your travels and are again very pleased with progress.”
“So are we going on a little rural trip?” said Peter. “Didn’t I hear you say something about Northern Australia?”
“That’s because the main listed entities that have cattle are located in Northern Australia” Harry replied. “George can’t get his head around the size of the spreads these companies have. Some of them are larger than whole countries. It’d be no good us putting F and M onto farm properties further south where the enterprises are too small to involve listed companies. At least that’s true for beef cattle, though possibly not so for dairy cattle.”
“So when do we leave, Harry?” asked Peter.
“How about the day after tomorrow?” Harry replied. “I’m due for two weeks of leave and I’ve scheduled the start at the end of this week. You’ll need tomorrow to get the van ready and stocked. Stow the livestock carefully in the fridge. I’m going to fly to Mt Isa and arrive on Saturday at about midday. We’ll work from there. If you don’t mind I’ll join you in the van for two or three nights, taking the side settee berth. Some of that time we’ll be working anyway because we’ll do a lot of our job in darkness” he said.
“How long do you think it’ll take for us to drive to Mount Isa?” said Peter.
“I estimate you can be there
by Friday, but I’ll meet you on Saturday. Stay at the campground on the south end of the town; there’s only one. Keep your phone on and I’ll see you on Saturday afternoon.”