His voice breaks as he murmurs; “Let me make sure.”
His lips on mine clear the world - his gentle pressure too little for me and I kiss him harder, biting at his lip and throwing everything in me at him; all my worry, all my relief, all my joy at seeing him again. He responds instantly with more fire than I could ever muster, rising to meet me with his hands on the side of my face, kissing so fiercely I feel like he’s stealing my very breath from my throat. My hands find his shirt and his hands find my jeans and there’s a moment of furious ripping and tearing of cloth, and when we’re both bare he pulls me against him, hard.
“I thought you were gone,” He whispers against my throat. “The idea of living without you -“
“I know,” I manage, the tears rolling over my cheeks at just how close we came to being separated forever. “I know.”
He kisses them away and it melts me, and I reach down the seam of his abs to find him, find the heat there, and he hisses. He presses me backwards, my knees catching the bed and the two of us falling into the soft blankets. I grind my hips greedily against his and he fills me in one swift, slick thrust and my moan spills over instantly, his lips cutting it off as he presses them to mine.
“If this is a dream, I never want it to end,” He rests his forehead on mine, gemstone eyes gleaming into me. I smile up at him.
“I’ll try not to wake you, then.”
He begins to move, achingly slow circles as he smirks against my ear. “Oh it’s too late for that.”
Movies don’t really do it justice, I think. I think - as I lie in bed exhausted and spent hours later, Dane tracing tender, ritualistic circles on my skin with his long fingers - that movies try to make it seem clean and easy. None of it is clean, thank god, and it’s certainly not easy.
“I love you.” I grin at Dane, and he kisses the space between my shoulder blades, his fingers wandering lower as he murmurs;
“As it turns out, I love you, too.”
It’s not a simple thing, loving someone else. Sometimes you hate them. Sometimes you can’t stand to be away from them. Sometimes you’re not even sure about what you’re feeling at all. It’s not clean. It’s not easy.
But I wouldn’t have it any other way, with any other fae.
****
Dane realizes, after our third round, that his collar is gone.
I didn’t see it go, because I was a little…occupied, but in the vice grip of pleasure I could’ve sworn I saw a glimmer of silver around his neck, fragmenting up and into the ceiling like powder snow moving the wrong way.
I explain everything to him, slowly, carefully. Quinn’s idea, my firstborn promised to Caelthea, how we banked on him to see Van Grier’s death through.
He dresses, button-by-button and rolling his sleeves up as he listens. And when I’m done, he pauses at the foot of the bed.
“Are you mad?” I ask, my voice trembling. He turns, walking over and bending to kiss me on the forehead, coming away with a smile. Not a smirk, for once - but a real, golden smile that suits his sword-sharp face like nothing else.
“No. How could I be? You gave so much. You freed me tonight, in more ways than you’ll ever know.”
He moves to the door and I reach out for him, but he squeezes my hand.
“There’s business to take care of. You stay here.”
He says that, his sword appearing from thin air halfway out the door and his true form fading away his normal clothes.
If you’ve seen the moment the sun comes up in a sunrise, you’ve seen Dane’s true form. His whole body is encased in white fabric so blinding it looks like snow under high noon, jagged streaks of gold slithering like heat waves along the cloth. It’s a long coat, no shirt beneath, baring his marble chest to the world, the brilliantly gold buttons shaped like suns with a thousand rays. His pants are white beneath the coat, the long tails of the coat floating and undulating like they’re suspended on air. Gold drips from his fingers and up to his wrists - two sheaves of gold armor for his hands, the fingertips wickedly sharp. A gold crown studded with flawless pearls rest on his white-blonde head, his single forehead lock falling into his gemstone eyes. His eyes blaze; the emerald and sapphire there burning out like green and azure flames.
He flares for a second and then he’s gone, his white coat tails turning the corner.
He knows as well as I do there’s no way I can just sit here. I dress slow, knowing the slower I go the less I’ll see the actual violence. I listen, my ears on point for anything, but all I hear is the gentle ticking of the grandfather clock, and then a thud from down the hall.
The act is quiet, but the aftermath is loud.
“H-Help!” Vil’s voice fills the hall, too weak to get very far. I walk out and see him leaning against a wall, his white suit stained with blood from a neck wound and his hands pressing against his throat as if he’s trying to keep it all in.
“Miss James,” He croaks, brown eyes wild for once. “You must help me!”
“Must I?” I ask and watch him stagger forward, off the wall and to his knees. I flinch as more blood spatters across the rich carpet, but I steel myself. This is what he deserves - for torturing the fae, enslaving them for so long, for seeing them as nothing but objects.
“You and I are Brightened,” He insists, all his grandeur and poise shattered as he drags himself towards me. “We are the same!”
“I’m nothing like you,” I feel my face harden. Dane emerges from Vil’s office many doors down, his expression cold and resigned, his blade dripping with blood.
“You - “ Vil looks up with dawning horror on his face. “You were the one who made the deal with the d-death fae to do this, weren’t you?”
I say nothing, willing myself to remember this moment. I’m just as guilty of his murder as Dane is.
“You betrayed me!” His face turns red, not with blood, but with pure rage. “I gave you everything - a home, a salary, an opportunity. I opened your world, expanded it beyond the human realm, and this is how you t-thank me?”
I don’t interrupt him. How can I? These are the last words he’ll ever say in his life. And yet he’s wasting it on putting the blame on me.
I lean in, just barely closer to him, squatting down to his level.
“Do you know why you’re dying right now?”
“Because of you!” He snarls.
“Because you treated living things like toys,” I say. “Because you thought, just because you had power here in the fae realm, that gave you the right to enslave others.”
“Power is made to be used!” He shrieks, his spittle mixing with the blood on the carpet.
“Power is made to be taught,” I correct him. “It’s made to educated, so that the person with it never misuses it for their own gain at the expense of others.”
“You self-righteous -“
“Thank you, Vil,” I smile at him, tears coming to my eyes. He’s still a human. I’m still responsible for his death. “For teaching me the most important lesson.”
Dane strides up behind him, and I look away. Vil screams, and keeps screaming until the blade finds him, and then it’s over.
Dane drops his sword and pulls me to his chest, and I cry against him in that bloodstained hall.
EPILOGUE
THREE YEARS LATER
I tried to convince Mom and Dad they really didn’t need to fly all the way out here to see my graduation, but they insisted. I can see them now, sitting in the stands of the stadium, Mom waving her arms madly and Dad holding up a hand-made sign of his that reads; “MAY JAMES I’M SO PROUD OF YOU”. It’d make me tear up if it wasn’t so cheesy.
I adjust my graduation cap, the tassel in it flickering too close to my nose. Jeremy, a guy I partnered with for most of my labs and who’s last name seats him right behind me, leans over and jokes;
“At least the gown is comfy, huh?”
I laugh and put my hand on my swollen, seven-months pregnant belly. “Yeah
. He’s definitely comfortable in there.”
As if to assert just how comfy he is, he kicks at my stomach. Hard.
“Ow!” I hold it. “You little shit - just you wait until you come out. You’re gonna be grounded from day one.”
Jeremy laughs, clapping me on the shoulder. It’s been three years of him and I struggling through our teaching degree. Yeah, that’s right. I said teaching. I switched halfway, ditching law and focusing entirely on teaching, with a minor in psychology. It’s a weird combination, but for what I wanna do with it, it’ll do just fine.
Next to Mom and Dad I see a shock of white-blonde hair, sapphire-streaked green eyes so bright and distinct I could spot them from a million miles away. He’s wearing a sweater and jeans (it’s weird to think three years ago all he would touch is leather), his broad lips pulled into a little smile as he and Mom talk. She doesn’t know he’s a fae, of course, and neither does Dad. I managed to convince them he’s a male underwear model which, when you think about it, isn’t too far from the truth. Mom and Dad were worried up until the point Dane offered to lend them money for their mortgage, and suddenly they weren’t so worried anymore. Leave it to the past generation to focus only on how much a guy makes before they agree to let their daughter date him.
I sigh, wiggling my swollen toes in my flats. I’d give anything to be back at Monster Garden, putting my feet up and drinking some of the house fae’s delicious lemonade. Pregnancy is a bitch, but at least it’s a well-fed one; my every craving immediately solved by the breathtaking culinary skills of the house fae. Sir Charles even helps by fetching cushions for me, and crosswords, and my phone, and whatever my pregnancy-brain farts out on and forgets to bring to my room. Barnabus insists I keep a little green moss covered rock in my room at all times, to ‘help with getting the baby used to him’.
The guest speaker finally steps down from the podium, and the diplomas finally start being given out, the long walk up and the cheers from the crowd nerve-wracking. The hardest part is behind me, I assure myself. Five years ago, when I first stepped on campus, I never imagined myself standing here. I knew it would happen, or at least I hoped it would, and after everything I’ve gone through - the financial scares at the beginning, meeting Dane and the fae, killing Vil and freeing them, paying off my loans and keeping my head down and working my ass off - I feel like I deserve every moment of celebration.
Even if I feel a little sad about it.
I put my hand to my belly and smile thinly. I’ve visited Caelthea a few times since getting pregnant, and she insists I can’t name him. His name is up to her. But I have a name for him in my head.
“You’ll be alright, won’t you, little beast?”
Jeremy’s name gets called and I cheer wildly for him. I glance up at the stands to see Mom and Dad now surrounded by tall, graceful, beautiful people with all colors of hair. Red-haired Axel and blue-haired Quinn argue about something, my Dad trying to referee it. Altair and Estella and bright blonde Vanaris all laugh at the argument. Lavender-haired Ioriss speaks softly with Dane and green-haired Sythiel. Dane’s eyes sparkle, amused, as Sythiel pats him on the shoulder.
All of the high fae, free. All of them together, with my parents, at my graduation.
After Vil died, all the dormant fae were woken up, Quinn and Estella came back from the battle, and Sythiel eventually came back to the fae realm. I fed them all, slowly this time so I wouldn’t overdraw, and together we rebuilt a life from nothing. Seventh Circle is still up and running, and they all chip in to keep it operating. The shield fae who act as bouncers insisted they remain at the club, and so we hired them. Quinn is still the bartender, Dane is the general watchdog. Ioriss showed a talent for DJing very quickly, and Estella with all her flair is amazing at setting up events and pushing PR. Axel, loud and gregarious as he is, is the general hype-man and mood-maker, and Vanaris loves to tag along and make the shenanigans even bigger and crazier. Sythiel and Altair don’t show up much, preferring each others’ company, and I couldn’t be happier for Altair.
And me? I sat in the VIP booth for three years and did my homework.
The money from the club paid for my college, and the rest I used to help Mom and Dad’s mortgage, and the feeling of being able to do that had me walking on air for the next six months.
I think back on everything as I wait for my name to be called. Giselle had been a huge problem, at first, when Vil first died. She wanted to close the fae realm off completely, but I invited her to Monster Garden to talk. It was tense, all her Brightened facing down the high fae as they walked through the marble halls. Giselle herself was a gorgeous, intimidating woman, six feet tall with a heart just as big, which I realized once we sat down and actually started talking. We both hated Vil. We both thought Brightened tried to take advantage of fae. I told her about Jasmine, about how wrong it was to treat fae like disposable soldiers just because she could bind them. And Giselle pointed out to me we couldn’t leave the fae realm wide open, no matter what.
So like adults, we compromised.
“May Renee James.”
My head snaps up, and I get out of my seat with some difficulty and waddle up to the stage, to the Dean, who shakes my hand and smiles at me as he hands over m diploma. I hold it up and cheer, and I see Mom and Dad jump up, the more animated high fae waving madly - Estella the most excited of all. But Dane - his eyes burn out at me, so warm and filled with pure pride and love I feel my heart skip. Is that normal, someone making your heart skip after three years? I hope it is. I hope my heart skips forever for him.
And just like that, graduation is over. Mom and Dad and the high fae take me to dinner at a fancy steakhouse, and I try to explain to my parents again who these bright-haired people are - Dane’s family. We eat and drink until we’re stuffed, the high fae pretending to eat just for appearances sake, but Axel starts to psychosomatically get drunk off how drunk my Dad is, and then Ioriss gets the giggles, and Vanaris shepherds them both off with the ‘work’ excuse. Altair and Sythiel kiss me on either cheek and bid me goodnight, Altair winking at me as he walks away. Estella and my Mom drive Dad back to the hotel, my Dad crying the whole time about how proud he is of me. Quinn groans and says he’s too tired to stay out much longer, the grump, and he leaves.
Soon it’s just Dane and I.
We walk arm-in-arm down the moonlit street, the street lamps throwing amber light on his high cheeks.
“So,” I start.
“So,” He grins.
“Do you think they like you yet?”
“Your parents? Absolutely not. But I forgive them. It’s hard to like someone as beautiful as me without being jealous.”
I punch his arm, and he laughs and abruptly pulls me into a kiss, pushing me against the brick wall of a nearby store. His lips are so hot, his tongue sweeping at my mouth, promising more sweetness to come later tonight.
“I’m so happy for you,” He smiles down at me, his hand moving to my belly. “And you, little guy? Well, let’s just say you’ve got an interesting life ahead of you.”
“He’ll be fine,” I murmur. “He’s got your confidence, after all.”
“And your stubbornness,” Dane adds with a twinkle in his eye as we start walking again, the colors melting around us as he ports us back to Monster Garden. It’s funny to think that after everything, I’m the only one who still wears a silver collar - just to make sure I port properly. Dane’s used it more than once in bed against me, but like the twisted girl I am, I enjoy it.
“I hope he doesn’t have your legs,” I groan. “Or he’ll have to beat the ladies off with a stick.”
“Not his dick-stick, I assume. Another stick.”
“You’re disgusting.”
He laughs. “What? I can’t wish for my son to have all the same endowments I do?”
I shake my head, laughing softly. My laughter fades quick, though, and I feel Dane’s pinky circle around my own, his hand encompassing mine and giving it a gentle
squeeze.
“He’ll be fine,” He repeats my words back at me, like he’s trying to assure me. These seven months have been nothing but me worrying about how well I’m eating, how well the little beast inside me is doing. I’ve put off thinking about how I have to give him to Caelthea, but every time he kicks it’s getting harder. Every day I wake up, it’s getting harder.
Seventeen. I’ll be able to see him once he turns seventeen. That thought helps me sleep at night.
It’s not forever.
Nothing is forever.
We pass the empty rose domes, now filled with vegetables and fruit trees. When Vil died, things started living again - bees and birds and frogs, but all fae realm versions, of course. The bees are bright green and bigger than my pinky and look more like dragonflies, the birds have six pairs of wings and blink in and out of existence, and the frogs have furred tails and turn an opaque copper color when surprised.