Chapter 4
“Hey Amber!” I called as my sister finally made an appearance at nine in the morning. “I just got the weirdest email!” I continued as she stepped blearily to the door of the den. “Look at this!” I swiveled the screen at her and let her read.
“Who said you could use my laptop?” she said.
I gave her a shit-eating bear grin.“Grrr?”
“Yeah, grrr.” She looked and read.
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT YOU MAY NOT BE AWARE BUT THAT YOU HAVE BEEN TARGETED AND I HAVE BEEN COMPELLED TO HELP TERMINATE YOU. I TELL YOU THIS BECAUSE I DO NOT BELIEVE THE ACCUSATIONS THAT MY EMPLOYER HAS LEVELED ABOUT YOU AND FEEL THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW SO AS THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN VERY OFTEN, IN FACT NEVER, AS I AM A PROFESSIONAL, BUT I TRUST YOU AND WANT TO HELP YOU.
SINCERELY,
A FRIEND
The sender’s address was nothing but a bunch of characters. It must be some kind of anonymous email server.
“What the fudge?” came the words from my sister’s usually righteous mouth.
“That’s kinda what I said, but with a c and a k.” I stared at her.
“This can’t be serious.” Amber looked more like me when she wasn’t all dolled up. She the lipstick lesbian and I the tomboy, go figure, but sans makeup, two peas and all that.
“That’s what I said. And God, what a hack. JR could write better copy.”
“You get a possibly threatening email and you’re critiquing the sender’s writing skills?”
“I’ve gotten threatening emails before,” I said with an offhandedness I did not feel, “but usually they have something to do with an article I wrote.”
We looked at each other with a slight tension in our eyes.
“Hey Elle!” Amber yelled at the top of her lungs. Before we knew it, Elle was at the door with a baseball bat, looking thoroughly disheveled.
“WHAT? What’s the matter? What?” Elle brandished the bat like she was trying out for the San Francisco Giants, shook the morning sleep from her eyes and blinked at us uncomprehendingly.
Amber handed Elle some reading glasses, one of the many sets she had lying around the house. “Look at this email.” She swung the laptop around some more. “Ashlee just got this and I don’t know what to make of it.”
Elle read quickly, mouthing the words. When she got to the word “terminate,” she looked up at me and her eyes got wide.
“DUCK!” she screamed, and we all did as I heard the sound of breaking glass over my shoulder and caught it on the chin as a baseball sailed into the room.
The sound of quick footsteps padding up the walk and JR’s voice were the next things I remember as Amber shook me where I lay.
“Is everyone okay? Why is Aunt Ash on the floor?” JR asked.
“Ashlee! Wake up!” My sister’s voice now.
“Am I dead?” I murmured. At least, I thought it was me as I struggled back to consciousness with the dog licking my face.
“Spanky, knock it off.” I pushed him away, but he came right back, thinking we were playing some new kind of game.
“Spanky! Go lie down,” my sister ordered, and when my sister used that tone, you knew you were in trouble. The dog slunk out the door and collapsed on the tile, laying his head on his forepaws and giving us that “what did I do?” look. “Be careful, JR, there’s glass all over.”
“Gee, Mom. I’m sorry. I didn’t think I could hit the thing that hard. I wasn’t even trying.” JR apologized profusely from the doorway of the den. My ex-brother-in-law Mervin, and I emphasize the X, as in crossed out, no thanks, buh-bye, stood behind my nephew smirking as his face wandered into focus.
“Damn, Mervin. Next time you want to take out the ex, why don’t you make sure you’re aiming on the right twin sister.” Amber sponged me toward consciousness with a cool cloth. “And you can stop that now! I’m up! I’m up!” I growled. Just had to get my knees under me as I rose from the carpet.
“Better put something on that,” Mervin joked. “Or you’re gonna have rug-burn all over the side of your face.”
I snarled, “You oughta know. Doesn’t your new girlfriend like to drive?” Let him figure it out. “Amber, can you please get your smarmy sperm donor out of my sight?”
“Mervin. You’re not helping,” my sister carped as she pushed his sorry ass toward the door. “And you’re paying for half the repair.”
“Well. Ex-cuse me,” he called and headed out. “Take it easy, champ. You played a good game today.”
“Thanks, Dad!” JR called and waved goodbye. He turned back to me with a cute little pout and said, “I’m really sorry, Aunt Ash.”
“I know you are, sport.” I gritted my teeth, smiled and waved him off to clean up in his room. Then I turned to my sister.
“I really hate that guy.”
“Don’t you say that about my son!” she said with a grin.
“I wasn’t talking about – never mind.” I hobbled back into the chef’s grade kitchen.
“You know Mervin has always been a fan of yours,” Amber continued. “I have no idea why, but he likes you.”
“That’s just ’cause I’ve got all the looks of the woman he married but I don’t hate him as much as you do so he thinks he might get some from me sometime. And I don’t like him like I used to, before I wised up. That’s bound to make him a little insane.”
“Wow. You know, I’d forgotten you liked him back then. Maybe we should have swapped places when I was married instead of getting divorced. Then we would have both got what we wanted. He would have never known the difference.”
“Yeah. Right.” I laughed ruefully. “Like substituting a sow’s ear for a silk purse.”
Amber and I used to do a lot of self-swapping in high school, mostly just for grins, but every now and then, when one of us wanted to go out with a guy who asked, but the one he asked didn’t, we’d trade without him knowing.
After the first full moon of my sixteenth year, we didn’t play that game anymore. Amber still felt guilty it hadn’t been her on that fateful date, like it should’ve been. I was just thankful that if somebody had to die, it wasn’t me.
I’m sorry. Maybe being a wolf has made me callous, and Shane was an omega anyway.
Tell you about it later, I promise.
“I’m serious, Ash. I think we need to report this email to the police.”
“Elle is the police,” I said as I grabbed ice cubes from the freezer and stuck them in a plastic bag. A few pieces ended up on the floor. My sister glanced over at me, wondering if I was going to take care of it. I’d get to it, but if it wasn’t soon enough, I knew she’d be pissed off. She was already frowning at the floor where the ice was melting.
“Oh, for Pete’s sake, Amber! I’ll get it!” I said and took a moment to wipe the puddle of water off the floor. Then I stuck the ice-filled bag to my head. Sometimes I hated being a twin.
“And she’s right. I am the police.” Elle kissed her on the cheek as she went past.
“You used to be the police. But then you took a job with the city,” Amber reminded her, all syrupy-like.
“So, maybe I’m out of practice, but I’m still the city attorney. That’s gotta count for something.” She cocked her head and winked at me. “I’ve got connections. And a gun.”
“Yeah! That’s gotta count for something,” I echoed and stage-winked right back at her.
Elle was very much a cards-to-the-chest kind of gal, but she could be real amusing when she let her sense of humor show. Amber, on the other hand, had a tendency toward taking things way too seriously.
“Still.” Amber sniffed at us. She hates any ganging up, unless she does the ganging.
“Still.” Elle drew my sister out and did a quick waltz with her around the room.
“Still,” she re-echoed, “I think if it happens again, we need to report it.”
“I’ll report it right
now, if that makes you feel better,” Elle said. Then she started getting handsy with Amber.
“Um, guys? Can you just…take it somewhere else?” I asked, ever so humbly.
They stopped and looked condescendingly at me.
“What? You homophobic or something?” Elle pulled my sister into a twirl and then dipped her.
“No,” I said. Then under my breath as I walked away, “Just envious.”
It was true. Total sister-envy, ’cause she had the life. She had the house. She had the child, whom I adored, and the dog that I liked as well. And she had the tall, dark, and handsome S.O., only not so tall and handsome as I imagined, the kind I wished I could come home to each night.
Let’s face it, she had it all. And what did I have? A lot of frequent flyer miles, fab trips, upgraded hotel rooms, and free spa treatments.
Okay, maybe I didn’t have it so bad.