I didn’t know what I wanted.
Face your fears, Dr. Brandon had urged me. It would be a lot easier to do if I knew exactly what those fears were. I honestly didn’t have a clue. I just had a sense that something momentous was on the horizon, that I was poised on the edge of change. I didn’t know what to expect, but I felt as though it was connected to my past and would influence my future. I had questions, but no answers—fear without justification.
I skirted around the side of the tent and headed into the forest. I’d taken only a couple of steps before I heard low voices. They were nearby, near one of the other tents.
I knew it was none of my business, but I crept closer.
“I know, Dad. God, how many times do I have to say I’m sorry?” I recognized the voice. It was Mason.
“We don’t want to raise any suspicions.”
“You’re the one who started talking about werewolves.”
“As legend.”
“But you were sounding like a preacher, preaching the gospel of werewolves. That’s the reason Kayla asked you if you believed in them. You did just as much damage as I did.”
“We just need to stay alert and be more careful about what we say to them.”
“Like I said, I’m not the one who started it.”
“Seriously, Mason, any of our guides could be one.”
I had to put my hand over my mouth to stop myself from laughing out loud.
“My money’s on Lucas,” Mason said, and I was even more shocked. “That guy is too quiet. It’s eerie how he can get so still. Why does he keep disappearing, every time we stop to rest? What does he do when he’s gone?”
“We’ll figure it out. Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out.”
I stood there, stunned, while their voices got quieter as they walked away toward their tents. What were they saying? That they thought the sherpas were werewolves? That Lucas was a werewolf?
The whole idea of people morphing into animals was ludicrous, but the thought of anyone truly believing it was frightening. I thought about all the equipment they were carrying. Was there a cage inside that large crate? Were they going to try to capture a wolf? And when they realized the wolf was just a wolf…what then?
I knew people believed in all kinds of things that didn’t exist, but this seemed a little out there.
As quietly and cautiously as possible, I crept toward the trees. I certainly didn’t want them to hear me, to know that I’d overheard their conversation. I didn’t think they’d kill me to silence me or anything crazy like that, but I was a little spooked that they seemed to be on a werewolf-hunting expedition. Although where was the real harm? People searched the skies for UFOs. Some believed they’d been probed by aliens or been in a spaceship. Others invested in fancy equipment to detect the existence of ghosts. I guessed it wasn’t so strange that someone would believe in werewolves. I thought it was loony tunes, but as long as they didn’t hurt anyone, I supposed they had as much right as anyone to explore the forest.
When I thought I was far enough away not to be detected, I switched on the flashlight. It provided a reassuring light, but strangely I was as comforted by the trees surrounding me as by anything else. I heard the leaves rustling in the breeze almost like a lullaby. For a crazy moment, I thought I could hear my mother singing. I didn’t believe in ghosts, but I believed that the soul or the spirit or whatever made us who we were lived beyond death. So maybe believing in werewolves wasn’t so crazy after all.
“Going somewhere, City Girl?”
I swung the beam of the flashlight around to where the voice originated. Lucas was standing beside me. I hadn’t heard him approach. How had he arrived so quietly?
I pressed my hand to my chest, where my rapidly pounding heart was threatening to crack a rib. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.” My voice held accusation—rightly so.
“What are you doing out here?” he asked.
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“So you thought it was a good idea to wander from camp?”
“I wasn’t wandering. I was just—” Why was I explaining myself? I narrowed my eyes at him. “What are you doing out here?”
“Couldn’t sleep either. What was keeping you awake?”
Having regretted being so open with Mason earlier, I decided to be vague. “Just a lot on my mind.”
“Your parents were killed out here, right?”
His voice held sympathy and understanding.
“How did you know?” I asked.
“Heard something about it last summer. We were told why you were here. So we wouldn’t say something insensitive when we were guiding you through the wilderness. Must have been hard coming back here.”
I nodded, my throat suddenly thick with unshed tears. “Yeah.”
“If you want to walk some more, I’ll walk with you.”
“Thanks, but…I’m not really in the mood for company.”
“No talking. Just walking. I can keep an eye out, keep you safe.”
“And if we get lost?”
“I know these woods like the back of my hand. When you grow up in Tarrant, the national forest is your playground.”
“Okay, yeah. If you don’t mind. I just need to wander for a while.” I started walking and he fell into step beside me. I didn’t like to admit it, but he was way more comforting than the trees or the beam of my flashlight. It was actually kind of nice just having him there, not needing to keep up a conversation or anything.
It was strange, but as we walked along, I was able to smell the unique scent of his skin. It was an earthy smell like the woods around us. It was pleasant, powerful, and sexy. I couldn’t believe how quiet he was. I swept my flashlight back for a second. He was barefoot.
“Isn’t that a little dangerous?” I asked as I redirected my light forward.
“My feet are tough. I’ve gone barefoot since I was a kid.”
“You move so quietly.”
“Had to learn to do that. Connor, Rafe, and I used to play war games with the other kids. The only way to win was to be able to sneak up on people undetected.”
“And you like to win.”
“Absolutely. No point in playing if your goal is to lose.”
I came to a stop and leaned my back against a tree. I pointed the flashlight down so we had light but our faces were lost in the shadows. But still I felt him watching me. “Do you have any bad memories?” I asked. He had an idea about mine. I wanted us on even ground.
“Everyone has some bad memories,” he said.
“That’s not an answer.”
“Yeah, I’ve got some.”
His voice held no emotion, and I knew he wasn’t about to talk about them, but knowing that he had them was enough. I sighed heavily. “I was with them when they were killed. My parents. But I don’t really remember what happened. I remember the echo of the gunshots. They were so loud. And then my parents were dead. It’s been driving me crazy lately, ever since I came back to the forest this year. Last year it was like I was inside a bubble, trying to insulate myself from the past. I didn’t want to face it. But this year it’s different. It’s as though something inside me wants to break free. I can’t explain it, but I feel like I’m on the verge of remembering something really important.”
He moved closer to me and skimmed his knuckles along my cheek. Until that moment, I didn’t realize I was crying. I released a short burst of embarrassed laughter. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lay all that heavy stuff on you.”
“That’s okay. It has to be difficult, being back here again. I love these woods. You must hate them.”
“You’d think I would, but I don’t. In a way, when I’m here, I feel a connection to my parents.”
He kept silent. In an odd way, it made me think better of him for not trying to say something, because anything would have been trite. I felt like maybe I should pull away, but I didn’t. Even if he felt my pain, he couldn’t experience it.
“According to my therapist, I
’m supposed to face what happened, but I just want to forget it. I get these nightmares…they make no sense.”
His knuckles were touching my face again, but his thumb was stroking the curve of my cheek. It was incredibly soothing. Even in the darkness, his eyes held mine.
“Was it night or day?” he asked quietly.
“Night. But just barely. The tail end of dusk. Light enough to see, but not to see everything. Not yet dark enough for a flashlight.”
“You were all together?”
“Yeah, they wanted to show me something. We’d left the others.” I blinked and tried to draw up the memory. “I’d forgotten there were others.” Who were they? Family? No, they would have taken me in. Friends? I shook my head. “I don’t know who they were. Do you think it’s important?”
“I’m not a shrink. What did your parents want to show you?”
“I can’t remember. I was scared about something. I’d seen something. I don’t know.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it. If it’s important, it’ll come to you.”
“I thought you weren’t a shrink.”
“I’m not, but I know that sometimes trying too hard is worse than not trying at all.”
“That makes no sense.”
His teeth flashed white in the darkness. I almost pointed my flashlight up, just to see that smile for real. Out here, away from everyone else, when he wasn’t the leader, when he was just a guy, he wasn’t nearly as intimidating.
“So why couldn’t you sleep?” I asked. Assuming his earlier answer hadn’t simply been a mocking repeat of mine.
“All that talk about werewolves. Had me shaking in my hiking boots.”
He made me smile. “Yeah, right. You’re afraid of the big, bad werewolf.”
He grinned. He had an incredibly sexy grin.
“They think you’re a werewolf,” I said and went on to explain, “Dr. Keane and Mason.”
“Do they?” I heard the amusement in his voice.
“You think it’s funny.”
“As long as they’re not carrying silver bullets.”
“Oh, great. You truly believe all that stuff, too?”
“No, but I don’t want them shooting at any wolves we might happen to come across.”
“You’re protective of them.”
“I’ve spent a lot of time in these woods. You get to know the animals. I don’t want to see them hurt. Just like I wouldn’t want to see you hurt.”
He lowered his head just a little and I had this incredible realization that he was going to kiss me. Not only that—I desperately wanted him to.
A sudden howling in the distance made us both go still. It was a lonely sound. For some strange reason, it made me think of an animal in mourning.
“We should probably head back,” Lucas said quietly, putting distance between us.
I nodded. “Yeah.”
I directed the flashlight toward the path.
“Actually, it’s this way,” Lucas said, taking my hand and guiding me in the right direction.
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
I wasn’t sure how I’d gotten turned around, but I followed his lead. Soon, I could see the dim lights of our campsite.
“Thanks for going with me,” I said when I got to my tent.
“Any time you need to go for a walk at night, just let me know. It’s not safe to go out alone.”
It wasn’t until I was curled back into my sleeping bag that I recalled he’d been out there alone. Why was it safe for him and not for me?
Then I heard another howling wolf. This one was much closer, so close that I could have sworn it was just outside our tent. I thought I should have been afraid. Instead, just like when I’d been walking with Lucas, I felt comforted.
After I drifted off to sleep, for the first time in a long time, when I dreamed about wolves I didn’t wake up screaming.
FIVE
The next day was pretty much like the day before except that the terrain became rougher. Everyone struggled a little more. Everyone except the sherpas. At one point, Lucas suggested that Connor and Rafe carry the crate, but Tyler and Ethan insisted they could take care of it.
“Wonder what’s inside that they’re so protective of?” Brittany asked.
After we’d stopped for lunch, Lucas hadn’t insisted that I stay near the front, so I’d moved back to hike with Brittany and Lindsey.
“I bet I can get them to tell me,” Lindsey said.
“I think maybe it’s a cage,” I murmured.
“A cage? For what?” Brittany asked.
In the light of day, I felt silly saying it. “I overheard them last night after the campfire. I think they really believe werewolves are out here.”
Lindsey snorted. “They’re not the first. We always get some campers who hear the rumors and think they can find the evidence. And it’s sorta our fault. At Halloween, we always have a haunted forest to raise funds for animal shelters. Some of our costumes are really cool and realistic.”
“And scary,” Brittany added.
“But that’s all pretend. I think Mason and his dad are serious about hunting werewolves,” I insisted.
“So? They won’t find anything. Meanwhile, we get paid,” Lindsey said.
“I guess. It just makes me a little wary of them.”
“People believe all kinds of things. As long as they aren’t violent, who does it hurt? And rumors like this bring people to the park. It’s all good.”
I supposed she made sense. I adjusted the weight of my pack on my shoulders. I was proud of the fact that I was able to keep up with everyone. Rafe was the last one on the trail, making sure that no one got left behind.
“So, uh, Lucas. Does he do the whole haunted forest thing?” I asked. I couldn’t imagine it. He seemed so serious that I couldn’t imagine him playacting.
“He did before he went off to college,” Lindsey said. “Now he just comes home for the holidays and summer. Are you interested in him?”
“What? No.” I laughed self-consciously. “Just curious. We’re all going to be spending the summer together. Seems like we should know things about each other.”
“Maybe tonight around the campfire, we can play Truth or Dare,” Brittany said.
“Hey, you’re lagging behind,” Connor yelled from the top of the trail, and we picked up our pace.
I was hoping that Brittany was teasing about Truth or Dare. There was a lot I wanted to know, but not a lot I wanted to share.
As it turned out, we didn’t play any games around the campfire. Nor did Dr. Keane or Mason mention werewolves.
Later that night as Brittany and I were in the tent getting ready for bed, Lindsey slipped inside with an air of excitement. “Okay, guys, I got up close and personal with Ethan and I know what’s in the crate. Beer.”
“You’re kidding,” Brittany said. “That’s it?”
“Well, there’s equipment, too, but they’re smuggling beer in the empty spaces and they’ve decided it’s too heavy to haul, so as soon as Dr. Keane turns in for the night”—she gave a big grin—“party time!”
Brittany and I immediately stopped our preparations for bed and began preparing to go back outside with the guys. I hadn’t planned on us having a party in the wilds, but I was excited about it. I brushed out my hair and left it loose to curl wildly around my shoulders. Then I began scrounging through my backpack for my emerald-green halter top.
Lindsey peered out the tent opening. “What is with Dr. Keane tonight? Go to bed already.”
“You gonna hook up with Ethan again?” Brittany asked. Her shining black hair hung past her shoulders.
“No. And I didn’t hook up with him earlier. I just flirted a little bit.”
“For someone who is supposed to be committed to Connor, you don’t seem to take it very seriously.”
“What?” I asked, finally clutching the halter. “You and Connor? You never said anything.” I’d seen them together a couple of times, but
hadn’t been sure it was romantic.
“It’s complicated,” Lindsey said, and I could hear the frustration in her voice. She finished brushing out her blond hair, then rolled up the ends of her shirt and tied them in a knot so her belly button showed. It seemed we all wanted to attract a little attention tonight. “My parents and his parents, they’re old friends and so they’re pushing us together.”
“If you don’t want to be pushed, push back,” Brittany said.
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
“I just think he deserves someone who wants to be with him.”
“And that would be you?”
“Whoa, girlfriends, are we about to have a catfight here?” I asked.
They glared at each other. Lindsey backed down first. Maybe because Brittany woke up early every morning and went through a rigorous strengthening routine.
“Connor and I aren’t sure where we’re going to take this. So can we be cool about it until this trip is over?”
Brittany shrugged. “Whatever.”
Every now and then I’d sensed some tension between them. This explained a lot. I wondered if Brittany liked Connor.
I slipped on my green halter and some white shorts. In a way, I sympathized with Lindsey. Sometimes it was difficult to know exactly what you felt for someone. At that moment I wasn’t certain if I was trying to make myself attractive for Lucas or Mason. I’d felt a connection with Lucas last night, but he still overwhelmed me. Mason…well, Mason just seemed less complicated.
I wished I had some sexy sandals to wear, but all I had were my hiking boots. They’d have to do. But looking in the small mirror that I had, I was pleased with the way everything looked.
Lindsey looked back outside. “Finally! Dr. Keane is gone. Let’s go.”
Everyone was creeping out of the camp like ninja warriors or something. Each of the grad students, including Monique, was carrying a six-pack of beer. Only the tiniest sliver of a moon was in the sky, so Connor led the way with a flashlight. When we got far enough from camp that Dr. Keane wouldn’t hear us, Ethan started passing out the cans of beer.
To my utter shock, even Lucas was there to grab one. Of course, he then went to find a tree to lean against. Monique joined him. He gave her one of his rare smiles. Jealousy sparked through me but I turned away, not wanting to acknowledge it. We’d shared a special moment last night, but obviously for him it had meant nothing more than a big-brother figure watching out for someone he was responsible for.