“You okay?” he said, wary.
I nodded. “I was just talking to Aidan. Asking for his advice.”
Apparently it was the wrong thing to say. Logan’s expression darkened. “So you take his advice but not mine?”
“It’s not like that.”
“Oh? I’m to feel all right about you running to dear old Aidan whenever you have a problem? Is this something I should prepare myself for in the future?”
I gaped at him. “Logan, where is this coming from? You know Aidan is one of my closest friends.”
“Yeah, and while you’re pushing me away, you’re running to him.”
“I’m not pushing you away.” I jumped off the bed and hurried over to him, only just realizing how much the news of my father’s arrival had shaken him. “Logan, I went to Aidan because he can be rational about this. He can step outside of our friendship and give me advice without being biased.”
“He can do that because he’s not fucking fighting for you.” He dragged a hand over his face, looking suddenly exhausted. “That’s all I feel like I’m ever doing… fucking fighting for you.”
Tears stung my eyes at the sight of the hurt in his. “I’m only thinking this over. And you know going back to London would only be for a bit. It wouldn’t be the end of us.”
“No. It means the end of everything you’ve built since escaping their manipulative, sick, bloody world. They are toxic. They will hurt you again, Grace, and there will be nothing I can do to stop it. I can’t let that happen. I can’t let you do this.”
I grabbed his hand, hoping the gesture would soften what I was about to say. “Whatever I decide, it’s up to me, not you.”
He ripped his hand from mine. “See, that’s the difference between you and me. I thought that since I love you, when shit like this comes up, we discuss it… because it affects us both.”
Surprise, amazement, joy, panic, euphoria, fear, excitement, trepidation… It all flooded through me at the sound of those three words falling from his beautiful mouth.
In fact, I felt so much I couldn’t find the strength to reply.
And he was waiting for a reply.
And not just any reply.
“Nice, Grace,” he bit out, and disappeared before I could get my mouth to work.
CHAPTER 26
I
love you.
I love you.
I. Love. You.
What was so difficult about those words? Nothing! I’d said them to people before!
Somehow, however, they’d grown to fifty times their normal size when Logan said them. They were so big there was no way around them, and I couldn’t see anything for the hulking shadow of each damn letter.
I was frightened to say them back to him.
That night I lay in my bed, and each time I tried to force my body up and out so I could go to him next door and just blurt out the words, I was stopped by that fear.
Yet, as the next day wore on with no sign of him or Maia, the words percolated, and common sense started to punch the crap out of my fear. By the time I returned with some shopping for Mr. Jenner, I was determined to turn back out of the apartment building and find Logan.
He said those momentously large words to me first.
He made himself vulnerable to me.
He took that step without having to be asked.
And surely he was just as scared of being rejected? Of putting it out there and it all going wrong?
If Logan could be brave, then I could be brave.
Because of course I loved him.
I felt like I’d loved him forever.
I had just dumped my own food shopping in the kitchen and was hurrying back out of the flat when I heard, “Grace!”
Running up the stairs toward me, Maia was frantic, her eyes alert with panic. I hurried to her just as she reached the landing. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s Dad,” she huffed, out of breath. “Shannon just called me. She’s been trying to call you. Her ex is back. The one who beat her. Dad’s gone AWOL.”
And just like that, nothing else mattered, nothing but finding Logan. I rummaged in my bag for my phone, which I’d stupidly switched to silent. Sure enough, I had a dozen missed calls from Shannon. I flicked through the numbers and hit Logan’s. “Come on, come on,” I muttered as it rang. My hopes fell as it went to voice mail. “No,” I hissed, and hung up. I rang Shannon back.
“Oh, thank God, Grace. Have you seen Logan?” she said without preamble, panic clear in her voice.
“We’re just checking the flat.” I nodded to Maia to do so, and she immediately set about unlocking Logan’s flat.
I followed her inside as she called out to him. “Shannon, what’s going on exactly?”
“My ex,” she said softly, a tremble in her voice. “Ollie. He contacted me. He’s out of prison and he’s in Edinburgh. He wants to meet me.”
“Are you bloody well kidding me?” I snapped, outraged.
“No Dad.” Maia shook her head, coming down the hall toward me.
“He’s not there,” Shannon said, obviously having heard.
“Have you checked the club?”
“That’s where I was. God, Grace, I would never have told him, but he was there. I didn’t have a class today and sometimes I take lunch to Logan when I don’t. The school admin office had a letter for me, and I opened it up in Logan’s office. It was from Ollie. When Logan saw my reaction, he snatched the letter off me before I could stop him. And then he just left and he won’t answer his phone. Oh fuck, Grace, what if he does something? I can’t let this happen to him again.” She started to cry, and there was a loud rustling sound. “Grace?” I heard Cole say. “Look, I want to murder this guy for contacting her more than anyone, but he’s not worth it. Do you have any clue where Logan is?”
I tried to breathe over my mounting fear. “There would be nowhere specific, but he knows people, Cole. He could be trying to track down Ollie. Our best bet is to try to do the same and get there first.”
“It could be too late. He’s been missing for a few hours.”
“Oh, Jesus, don’t say that… this… How is Shannon? Is she going to be okay?”
“She’s not afraid of that piece of shit anymore. She’s just afraid for Logan. I don’t know…”
His words faded for me at the sound of the front door opening, and both Maia and I spun around, relief pouring over us at the sight of a haggard Logan stepping inside the flat.
“Cole, he’s here.” I cut off whatever he had been saying. “Logan’s home.”
“Thank fuck. Is he okay? Did he do anything?”
“Dad!” Maia hurried past me and threw herself at him.
Logan immediately wrapped his arms around her, squeezing his eyes shut. I saw the strain on his face, but also the love. And I knew. “No, Cole. He didn’t do anything.” He wouldn’t jeopardize his life with Maia.
“Good. I’m coming over and I’m bringing Shannon. We need to talk.”
I agreed and hung up.
For a moment I could do nothing but stare at father and daughter, the sudden relief from such fear causing the adrenaline levels in my body to just drop. I felt exhausted.
By everything.
Maia eventually pulled back from Logan and he cupped her face, swiping her tears away. “I’m okay,” he promised her. “We’re okay.”
“Shannon thought you’d gone after that bloke.”
His jaw clenched and he shook his head.
He hadn’t gone after him, but he was fighting the urge.
“Maia,” I said, “I’m going to take your dad next door for just a minute or two. Is that okay?”
She frowned, clearly not too happy with me hijacking him and leaving her out of the loop, but she nodded.
“Grace.” Logan held up a hand, his expression horribly blank. “Not now.”
Although I was hurt, I glowered through it. “Yes, right now.”
His answer was to brush by me, not even looking at me. He
strode down the hall into his bedroom and closed the door behind him.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I stared at the closed door.
I knew what he was doing.
Shutting me out because he thought I’d shut him out.
“Grace?” Maia touched my hand, staring up at me with sympathy and concern.
So what did I do?
Did I avoid confronting him? Take my hurt and let it fester just as he did his?
He was in that room, probably stewing over every moment he’d spent in prison because of that bastard who had attacked Shannon.
And that was bigger than my hurt feelings.
I grasped Maia’s hand as I dug my keys out of my bag. I handed them to her. “Go next door, sweetheart.”
She gave me a watery, relieved smile before leaving the flat.
I in turn threw my shoulders back, preparing myself for battle as I marched down the hallway and pushed open his door.
He looked up from his perch on the bed. He was sitting on the edge of it, elbows on his knees, hands clasped tightly together. His eyes flashed at my intrusion. “Go home, Grace.”
“No.” I slammed the door shut behind me and crossed my arms over my chest. “I’ve never been afraid of you, Logan MacLeod, and I’m not starting now. I’m not leaving you.”
“Is that it?” he sneered. “I’m only interesting when I’m playing the wounded ex-con? First it was Maia; now it’s Shannon’s fucker of an ex coming back. And here you are all concerned again.”
I winced at his cutting tone. “I’m going to let that slide since you’re having a particularly bad day.”
“Kind of you.”
“Logan, don’t. I’ve spent all night and all day berating myself for just standing there like an idiot when you told me you loved me. I was just coming to see you when Maia came rushing up the stairs in a panic over this news of Ollie.”
He shook his head and looked at the floor. “Don’t. I don’t want to hear it.”
Anger spilled into my blood, momentarily eclipsing my sympathy and concern. “Don’t you dare,” I said, voice soft, but my tone drew his head up. “Don’t you play the rejected hero because I failed to say the words you bloody well know I already feel. You’ve known I’ve been in love with you since my reaction to you walking away after you screwed me against my kitchen wall!” My chest heaved as I tried to draw breath.
Logan lost the blank look in his eyes. “Are you ever going to let me live that down?”
“I have!” I yelled, because yelling felt better than crying. “My point is that I have let it go because I love you!” I sagged with relief at saying the words. “As much as it scares the absolute shit out me, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone. I didn’t shut you out, Logan. I was just taking a moment. But this.” I gestured to him, feeling the sudden wetness on my cheeks. “This is shutting me out, and I’m scared shitless all over again.”
“Because you think I’m going to go off half-cocked and finish what I started with Ollie?” His eyes blazed with fury and confliction.
“No.” I shook my head. “You love Maia way too much to endanger your relationship with her. You would never damage that.”
His shoulders dropped and he stared at me wide-eyed. He looked so much like a little boy lost that my tears spilled faster for him. “You believe that?” he said hoarsely.
“I know it.”
Suddenly he was across the room and I was in his arms and he was kissing me hard, desperately. He pulled back, holding my head in his hands as he stared into my eyes with the fierceness that I loved. “I love you so much,” he said, voice gruff. “Don’t ever leave me, Grace. Don’t ever leave me.”
My lips trembled as I shook my head at the idea. “I won’t,” I cried softly. “I love you. You’re my family. I won’t leave,” I promised, and I knew then I never would. “I don’t want to be anywhere but here with you.”
He wrapped his arms around me tight, and I buried my head against his chest, soaking him in. “I nearly lost it,” he confessed. “I was in an already shitty mood because of our fight, and then seeing that letter… The audacity of that fucker to contact her… I had to walk around, had to walk it off and remind myself of everything I had to lose. He took so much from her, Grace, and he took two years from me and more. He doesn’t deserve to be walking free around the streets of Edinburgh.”
“I know,” I said, my fingers curling tighter into his T-shirt. “But he can’t do anything anymore. You have a life now. You have a daughter who adores you and a girlfriend who would do anything for you both.” His arms tightened at that. “And Shannon.” I laughed softly. “Oh my gosh, your sister is happier than most people ever dream of being. She has school and she has you and she has Cole. Ollie can’t take any of that away.”
“You’re right.” He gently moved me back so he could stare into my eyes. “I just wish the mere mention of him didn’t fuck with my head.”
I touched his cheek, brushing my thumb over the bristle of his short beard. “I’m discovering that these things are ingrained so deep in us that there’s a possibility they won’t ever really go away.” I gave him a sad smile and I knew he knew I wasn’t just talking about his demons. “I thought they would, but it seems it’s going to be a constant battle. Some days, some years even, will be better than others. But I’m here for you and you’re here for me, and that’s all we can ask for.”
His fingers curled into my waist, his grip almost bruising. “Does that mean you’re not going back to London?”
“No, I’m not. But” – I heaved a sigh – “I still need to talk to my father.”
Although Logan didn’t look too happy about that announcement, he said, “Just be careful.”
“Always.”
He kissed me softly, a kiss that was just growing in hunger when the doorbell rang seconds before we heard it open.
“Logan!” we heard Shannon yell.
We pulled back from the kiss. “Tonight,” he promised.
Anticipation zinged through me. “Can I be loud?”
His eyes flared with heat. “When Maia goes to sleep I’ll come over.”
“Logan!” Shannon sounded more frantic.
“We better get out there.”
Shannon and Cole were in the sitting room, and Cole gave us a knowing look when we appeared. I rolled my eyes at him and he grinned. His fiancée, on the other hand, flew at her brother, much like Maia had done earlier.
Logan hugged Shannon tight, whispering soothing words to her. She pulled back, swiping at her tears. “You had me so worried.” She punched him on the chest and walked back to Cole, burrowing into his side.
“I just had to walk it off,” Logan told her. “Sorry for worrying you.”
“Okay, I’m just jumping right into this,” Cole said. “This guy wants to meet with Shannon to apologize – that’s what his letter said. Well, we’re going to let him.”
“Are you out of your bloody mind!” I beat Logan to the punch.
Everyone stared at me in shock.
“Well?” I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest.
Cole raised an eyebrow at Logan. “So much for the quiet type.”
Logan smirked, a wicked glint in his eyes. “Oh, she knows when to yell at the appropriate times.”
Cole snorted while Shannon gagged.
“Can we get back to the matter at hand?” I said, gesturing to Cole. “You can’t seriously think it’s a good idea to put Shannon in that position.”
“I can speak for myself,” Shannon said, not unkindly. “Look, I don’t want to meet with him. I don’t want his apology. I’m not looking for closure from him. At. All. That’s his crap and he’s not forcing it on me. But Cole doesn’t think ignoring him will work.”
“Agreed,” Logan grunted.
Cole held up his hands as if assuring me. “We just pretend that Shannon’s meeting him. We’ll make it somewhere public but open. I’m thinking the Meadows. And instead of Shannon he gets me, Braden, Cam,
Nate, and Adam.”
“What about me?” Logan’s jaw clenched.
“No.” Shannon shook her head. “The guys are only going to warn him off. There will be no violence… just a warning. Logan, he took two years of your life. You have no way of knowing how you will react to that.”
“I’m going,” he said. “I want to face that fucker, and I want him to know I’m still here. I won’t do anything but —”
“You don’t know that,” Shannon argued.
“See that,” he snapped, pointing to the laptop on his coffee table. “That belongs to my daughter, my daughter who is right now next door waiting on me, just like she’s been waiting on me her whole life. And this.” He grabbed my hand and held it against his chest. “I’ve been waiting on this my whole life. I am not going to jeopardize either of those relationships for that sniveling little fucker. But I am going to look him in the eye and he is going to know that he didn’t beat me.”
Shannon’s lips trembled, but there was a light in her eyes, a light that I saw more and more in Logan’s lately. She nodded and then covered her mouth to try to stifle a sob.
“Shannon?” Logan stepped forward, looking confused.
“You’re okay,” she sobbed out. “You’re okay.”
And that’s when I saw realization dawn on Logan’s face, and before Cole could get to her, her brother pulled her into his arms and held her while she cried.
I stared at Cole, somewhat confused. In answer he walked toward me and put a hand on my shoulder, gently guiding me out of the room and out of the flat.
“What’s going on?” I said once we were on the landing.
Cole’s eyes were bright with emotion as he stared down at me. “You have no idea,” he said hoarsely, “how much guilt my girl is carrying over what happened to Logan. As much as he’s told her over and over again that it wasn’t her fault, she couldn’t let it go.” He smiled at me – his love and his relief for her in his eyes. “I think this means she’s letting it go.”
The door opened and Maia stepped out of my flat. “Is everything all right? I heard yelling earlier.”