says.
“That’s what the asshole outside said,” I mumble as I throw the towel in the sink and grab another beer. I sit down at my cluttered kitchen table. It’s covered in letters asking for help. I make space for my beer and sigh. Louise sits down and looks at me.
“What are all of these?” she asks.
“Problems” I say. “Everyone wants me to help them. What are we gonna do about you being dead?” I don’t like how calm she is about all of this. Something about it really bothers me. “Your boyfriend already called asking for you.”
“That’s sweet,” she says. “I hope he doesn’t find out that you were the last person to see me alive.”
“Oh, that’s the last thing I need,” I say as I begin drinking. “I think I’m gonna take a nap. You can walk around if you want. Go somewhere. Talk to other spirits. I don’t know. I need to rest. How did you get in here anyway?” I have a shield. She should not have been able to get in here.
“I just walked in” she says. “That guy outside said he couldn’t get in but I walked right through the door. This place is a mess.” She sees a small picture of the two of us with our daughter Beth on top of the refrigerator. “Do you miss her?”
“Only when I’m awake,” I say. “She should’ve never died.”
“No one should” she replies.
“Not true” I say. “There are a lot of people that need to die immediately. Do you believe in vampires?” I ask her. “No” she says. “Please tell me they aren’t real.”
“They’re not real,” I say.
“Oh, Jesus, they are,” she moans. “Why do you ask?”
“I got a letter a few days ago from some old lady saying she had one living in her building. He doesn’t cause any trouble but she thinks he’s ‘ungodly’ and wants him gone. I haven’t been to Hollywood in a while and thought about checking this out.”
“Can I come?” she asks. “Now that I know all of this nonsense is real I want to see it for myself.”
“Why couldn’t you have been this cool when you were alive?” I ask her.
“I was too busy wondering why you didn’t love me anymore and why our baby had to die,” she says. “Can ghosts cry?”
“Yeah.”
I fell asleep way too early. When I woke up Louise was still there, just standing in the corner watching me sleep. I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, showered, and got dressed. The entire time she said nothing.
“That’s getting creepy,” I told her.
“I was just seeing if I was still visible,” she said. “Sorry.”
“Ready to go check out a vampire?” I asked her. She shuddered.
“No, not really” she replied. “This entire being dead thing is hard enough without knowing things like vampires are real. Did you know that I can't sleep?”
“Yeah” I say. “Its one of the main reasons ghosts are so angry. Having a hobby is helpful. Traveling, too. You’re lucky.”
“How so?” she asks.
“A lot of spirits are tied down to the place they died,” I say as I pat myself down to make sure I have my keys. “At first it’s fine because they are around their family or familiar surroundings. Then the family ages, dies, and move on. Then it becomes like house arrest. They go nuts. But you aren’t stuck at that motel.”
“Tony called this morning,” she says. “Left a message for you.”
“I don’t need a secretary,” I tell her. “I have nothing to say to him. With you dead there’s absolutely no reason for me to be in contact with him.”
“Well, it’s just that he sounded so worried about me on the machine,” she says. “Can't you, I don’t know, let him know I’m dead?”
“Oh, that makes perfect sense! ‘Hey, Anthony! Yeah, this is Steven. You know, the crazy ghost hunter guy whose ex wife you’re sleeping with? Yeah, him! So, funny story. She’s dead. How do I know? Well, she was murdered after we had sex in a motel and she showed up at my house.’” I grab my coat and head out of the house. Louise climbs into the passenger seat. “I’m not saying a word to Anthony.”
“What happened to that guy?” she asks. She’s talking about Richard. “I sent him away,” I tell her. “Don’t mention him again.” As we drive she shakes her head at all of the dead we pass. “I had no idea,” she says.
“Not many do,” I tell her.
“And you thought I was crazy.”
“You are crazy, Steven,” she says to me. “Look at that one!”
“Bloater” I say. “Probably killed himself in the bath and no one found him. No need to point anyone out. If I don’t see them now I’ll see them later.” We finally arrive to the address listed. It’s burned to the ground. “You’ve got to be kidding me...”
“Maybe next time you’ll respond sooner,” Louise says.
“I’m gonna find out what happened,” I tell her. “Wait here.”
I head into a small store near the building. An old Middle Eastern man is behind the counter. He looks at me suspiciously and I smile.
“Excuse me, but I’d like to ask you a question.” He just looks at me. “Do you happen to know what happened to the building down the way? When did it burn?”
“Last week” he says with a heavy accent. “I have not seen my friend Harry since. I fear he may have been inside.”
“Harry?” I ask aloud. “Thank you.” I walk back to my car ignoring the spirits that try to block my way. Everyone wants something for free. “Guy told me this place burned down last week. His friend Harry may have been inside.”
“That’s terrible,” Louise says.
“His friend’s name was Harry,” I say as I pull the envelope from my pocket. “The lady that wrote the letter to me said the guys name was Harry Tooper. I’m going to look him up.”
“Let me try something” Louise says as she slips through the door. She walks over to a few wandering spirits. They either frown at her or flat out back off. One walks over. A filthy fella stumbles over to her and whispers in her ear. She nods and rushes back to the car. “Harry is a vampire. That guy told me he was killed by him a few years ago. Says a few ghosts told him that Harry was arrested for the murder of the landlady but a werewolf actually did it.”
“A werewolf?” I ask. “Jesus...”
“Please don’t tell me those are real, too,” she says.
“Rare but real,” I say. “Let’s go pay Harry a visit. See what this is all about.”
“Have fun” Louise says. “I don’t want to meet a vampire.”
“Are you telling me an interview with a vampire wouldn’t be fun?” I ask her. She stares at me and shakes her head. She reaches over to hug me but passes through. I push her back and hug her properly. “I’ll see you later, right?”
“I hope so” she says and leaves.
I call the LAPD and find out that they are holding Harry Tooper in solitary confinement. They can't tell me why but I have my guesses. I arrive and get through security easily. They know who I am. The cops are grateful for my services. When they get calls telling them ghosts are terrorizing people I’m the first guy they think of and reach out to.
“This guy Tooper is special” one of them tells me. “You should’ve seen him his first morning.”
“Why?” I ask.
“You’ll see when you see him,” he laughs as I am led to Tooper. I get to his cell and open the small slot that allows me to watch him. I see a skinny guy sitting in the corner of his cell rocking back and forth. He stops moving when he senses me. He sniffs the air for a moment and looks me right in the eyes.
“Hey, Harry,” I say to him. He laughs a bit.
“Hey, fella,” he replies. “Here to get me outta here?”
“We’ll see,” I tell him. “First I want to talk to you.”
“Talkin’ is the last thang I wanna do right now,” he says. “I’ve seen you before. Ya talk to ghosts, right?” I wonder how he can even see me. It’s pitch black in his cell, dark in this hallway, and he can only see my eyes through the door.
“Open it up,” I tell the guard. He looks at me like I’m crazy. “I’m serious. Open it up.” He shrugs as if to say “Your funeral” and slides it open. He pretty much shoves me in and slams the door shut.
Harry is up and towards me ridiculously fast. Never in my life have I seen a living thing move that quickly. I hold up my hand and he slams into a wall he can't see and lands on the floor holding his nose.
“Sorry about that.”
“No harm no foul,” he says with a thick country accent. “I didn’t wanna do that to ya. Been so long since I had a meal I can't help myself.” He wipes his pant leg off and I see his arm. It looks burned. He notices me watching and smiles. “Oh, this? First mornin’ in jail. Hadn’t felt the sun in a while. It hurt.”
“I can see,” I tell him. “You want to tell me what you are? How you got here?” Mind you, I know about ghosts, hauntings, and even werewolves. But a real life vampire is far too intriguing to me.
“I’m sure with ya powers ya know what I am,” he says while backing into the corner. “An’ I’m in here ‘cause my best friend set me up for murder.”
“The werewolf?” I ask.
“Yeah” he says. “Him. Ate my landlady an’ blamed it on me. Now, I didn’t like Mrs. Spitzer one damn bit, I tell ya, but I never killed her.” He looks at me and I feel something push against my head, then my chest.
“It’s not going to work” I tell him. “I’m special, remember? Even if you aren't a vampire, you do have something.” I close my eyes and try to feel him out. Feel something. I get no images, no memories, no anything. I open my eyes and he’s standing in front of me. He