My heart feels like it’s being torn out. I look down, surprised there’s no blood gushing from my chest.
She’s really gonna marry him? She’s eighteen for fuck’s sake. I knew she was mad about Axel leaving the club, but marriage seems like overkill just to get even.
Marcel won’t let her go through with it. I know he won’t. He can’t.
I don’t know what to do. Am I going to go back in there and beg her not to do this? Try to make her love me instead of him?
No.
Soft crunching gravel draws my gaze toward the corner of the clubhouse as two girls appear under the spotlight shining over that area. Serena and her friend Amanda. “Hey, Murphy,” Serena calls out as she tries to move faster in her ridiculously high sandals. “What’re you doing outside?” she asks when she reaches me. She wobbles and I steady her with one hand.
“Waitin’ for you.” I flash a fake-as-fuck smile to go with the lie.
Heidi’s marrying him, so I guess it doesn’t really fucking matter anymore what I do or who I do it with.
I raise an eyebrow and paste on a cocky smirk. “What are you ladies up to tonight?”
I survived.
My brother’s far from happy. But at least he isn’t threatening to shoot Axel anymore. Rock and Axel are nowhere to be found when we return to the dining room. Marcel keeps glaring at my fiancé’s empty chair in a way that suggests murder might still be on his mind.
My stomach rolls. Shit. The last thing I need is to get sick here. Then they’ll all know, for sure.
Murphy still hasn’t returned. My feet twitch, wanting to check on him. Talk to him. Except, I can’t. What would I say to him? I’m sorry? I’m a careless idiot? I got myself in trouble and I’m trying to be mature and do the right thing even though I don’t have a clue what that is?
“I’ll be right back,” I say, pushing my chair back and running down the hall to the bathroom. Everything I ate comes up along with a rush of tears.
It takes a few minutes to get myself under control, wash my face, and swig some mouthwash before I leave the bathroom.
Voices in the living room draw me in that direction.
Murphy.
Correction. Murphy, with Serena and her friend. The girls are giggling and hanging all over him. He turns his head my way. His severe face seems older than it was a few minutes ago. I barely recognize the angry man staring back at me.
My heart thumps wildly. “Can I talk to you?”
He takes a step forward, leaving the girls behind. “About what?” he asks in a dismissive tone he’s never used with me before.
“Uh, um.” Dammit. If those stupid girls weren’t here, I almost think I’d break down and tell him the truth.
“What, Bug? You want me to say congratulations? Ask you where you’re registered?” I flinch from the ice in his voice.
The door to the war room opens and Rock steps out, Axel right behind him. Rock catches my eye and smiles. Not the loving or patient smile I’m used to. More of a tired, slightly disappointed smile.
Murphy raises an eyebrow at me, daring me to say what I wanted to say in front of Axel. But I’m frozen in place. After a few seconds of silence, he nods slightly.
Serena takes his hand, whispers something in his ear. Without looking at me again, he leads the two girls over to the couch to talk to Sparky.
Axel slips his arm around my waist, and we walk back into the dining room. Trinity and Mariella are busy clearing the table. I grab a few plates and follow Trinity out to the kitchen where she packs up a bunch of cupcakes and a hunk of cheesecake for me to take home.
“Have you thought about where to have the wedding?” she asks.
“Huh?” I mumble stupidly. I’m still chilled from the ice in Murphy’s voice. Even when we’ve fought in the past, he’s never been so cold to me. Along with everything else I’ve screwed up in my life, I’ve also lost his friendship. The thought leaves me hollow and hurting.
Trinity touches my shoulder. “Wedding?” she asks gently.
“Oh.” Focus. Wedding. Future. “I’d love to have it here, honestly.”
Her eyes light up, but her smile falters. “I can help. You know, if you want me to, I mean.”
“God, yes. Please? Hope’s wedding was so beautiful. And she said it was all your doing.” I force myself to forget what just happened and concentrate on the future. I brush my hand over my stomach, our future. “I don’t need anything as elaborate, though. Something simple.”
She raises an eyebrow but doesn’t question me. “Well, you need a dress, flowers, food, someone to do the ceremony.” She ticks off each item on her hands then turns to grab a notebook and pen from one of the kitchen drawers.
“Don’t go crazy. For me. You don’t have to.”
“Sure I do. This is a big deal.”
“But, you’re planning your own wedding.”
She dismisses my concern with the wave of her hand. “We can’t get the place where we want to have the wedding for a while. Wyatt’s more focused on starting construction on our house. Don’t sweat it.”
This is all news to me. And Wyatt? I can’t remember anyone referring to Uncle Wrath as anything but Wrath.
“Thank you.”
We talk a little longer and make plans to meet next week.
My chest aches a fraction less as I return to the dining room. Axel’s standing by the table, talking bike modifications with my brother and Z. He wraps an arm around me and pulls me to his side.
Noise from the front of the clubhouse reaches us. Party guests arriving.
Rock glances at Hope and tips his head toward their house. They won’t be sticking around to watch the guys get down and dirty. Honestly, after what I’ve already witnessed tonight, I’m ready to go home. Watching girls vying for a night of my brother’s affection is very low on my priority list.
After my second yawn, the guys chuckle and we start working our way toward the front door.
The living room’s more crowded now. Full of smoke, too. Sparky runs over and embraces both of us, smushing us together. “Congrats, guys,” he shouts and runs off. Rock shakes his head.
“You kids headed home?” he asks us.
Axel answers. “Yes, sir.”
I snuggle closer to Axel and he gives me a squeeze. “Ready to go, babe?”
Before we leave, Serena’s friend comes clomping downstairs, throwing herself on the couch next to Dex and Swan.
I wonder what happened.
No, I don’t.
It doesn’t concern me.
What’s the best way to get over a girl? Get on top of another one.
Or two.
Couple years ago, I’d have been all over this scenario.
Now, I don’t even care.
What was Heidi about to say to me downstairs?
It doesn’t matter.
Married, married, married. How can she be getting married? Where did everything go wrong? I ask myself as I lead two girls I don’t feel a thing for upstairs.
At my bedroom door, Serena hesitates and glances at her friend.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Um…” Serena shakes her head. “Well, I—”
“You don’t want her here?”
Her lashes flutter and she shakes her head.
Fine by me.
I lift my chin at Amanda. “Go wait downstairs. Sparky’ll take care of ya.”
She rolls her eyes and fake-punches Serena in the shoulder.
“Sorry,” Serena says after Amanda leaves.
Pushing open my door, I usher her inside. “It’s fine.”
“She’ll probably ditch my ass. She drove.”
“It’s fine,” I repeat. “I’ll take you home tomorrow.”
She smiles and looks so damn hopeful about me wanting her to stay. It makes me feel shitty because it has less to do with Serena and more to do with me not wanting to be alone tonight.
But really, isn’t that what this has always been about anyway
?
Serena closes the door and leans against it, tucking her hands behind her back. “Are you okay, Murphy? You seem really down.”
“Long day.” Nothing major. Just had my heart ripped out and shredded to pieces.
“Can I make it better?”
I lean in, placing a kiss on her lips then pulling away. “Yeah, I think you can.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
The question throws me for a second. I run my fingers over her cheek. Serena’s a beautiful girl, no denying it. But I can’t stop thinking about the most beautiful girl I know.
Who’s downstairs with her fiancé.
How can she marry him?
I wish I felt something more for Serena. I like her. I even enjoy spending time with her outside of the bedroom. But, I’m an empty shell of nothing right now.
I lean in to kiss her again, hoping to chase the emptiness away. Fill it with something—anything—else. Even if for only a few moments.
Serena places her hands on my chest, under my cut, curling her fingers into my shirt. She presses closer, pushing me backward.
We stumble to my bed without breaking our kiss. She drops down on the bed, staring up at me. It’s a practiced look. Seductive but sweet. She’s good at it.
“What do you want?” I ask.
“Well,” she says, reaching up and hooking her fingers in my belt. “First, I want to suck your dick.”
A huff of laughter eases out of me. I cup her face with one hand and gather her hair in the other.
“Well then, you better get to it, darlin’.”
I’m a real piece of shit, because I wake up disappointed Serena’s still in my bed. She’s busy playing on her phone when I finally open my eyes.
“Amanda didn’t leave, so you don’t have to take me home,” she says without looking over.
“Good.”
She turns at the sound of my voice and sets her phone down.
“Are you mad I’m still here?” she whispers.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. “No.” But I took so long to answer, hurt’s already shining in her eyes.
“I’ll get going,” she says, throwing back the covers and slipping into her shirt.
“You don’t have to.”
“It’s okay. I have stuff to do.”
“I’m sorry.”
She turns and raises an eyebrow at me. “Why? I’m just a club girl. You don’t owe me anything.”
“I like you.”
Her eyes widen.
“But, I’m in love with someone else. So it isn’t really fair to keep doing this to you.”
I’m officially the biggest douche in the world.
She slips into her jeans. “I wasn’t…I don’t expect anything from you. I never have.”
“I know you moved up here—”
She snorts. “I moved up here for school, Murphy. Not you.”
“Okay.”
“If you don’t want me to come to the clubhouse any more, just say so.”
When I don’t answer, she snatches her shoes up off the floor and walks out, slamming the door behind her.
I grab one of my pillows and press it into my face. Maybe I can smother myself. But it smells like Serena, so I toss it across the room.
One shower and thirty minutes later, I text Teller.
Is Serena gone?
How the fuck would I know?
Where are you?
He doesn’t answer, so I finish getting dressed and head to his room. I knock, but no one answers. Someone’s definitely inside, though. As I’m about to pound a little harder, Mariella opens the door.
“Morning.” Her cheeks turn red and she scurries down the hall to her own room.
Teller glares at me.
“Bro, did you hear nothing Rock said?”
He shakes his head and steps into the hall with me. “It’s not…she can’t…it’s not like that. Just let it go.” He hesitates. “You can keep your mouth shut, right?”
Realizing how serious he is, I drop all the jokes I’d been gathering. “Yeah. Of course, brother.”
“Thanks. So, what’s wrong with Serena?”
“Nothing. I just pissed her off and I don’t feel like seeing her again.”
Teller stares at me as if he knows what I did last night and why. “Pussy,” he finally says.
“You have no idea.”
He snorts and punches my shoulder.
I have to ask about the only thing on my mind. “So, you let Axel leave in one piece last night? Or you got a body you need help burying?”
“If only.”
“You’re not really gonna let her go through with that shit, are you?” I’m counting on Marcel to throw his big brother status around and put an end to this wedding bullshit.
“What the fuck do you suggest? Pissing her off so she doesn’t talk to me for another month?”
I open my mouth but none of my suggestions are helpful so I shut it.
He opens and closes his fists a few times before speaking. “She’s eighteen. Short of chaining her to the wall in the basement—which believe me, crossed my mind—I don’t know what else to fucking do.”
“Maybe Hope can talk her out of it.”
“Would you stop treating her like our unofficial fairy godmother.”
“Fuck off. She listens to Hope, you tool.”
Neither of us say anything as we pound down the stairs. Never know who you’ll find in the living room.
This morning, it’s Hope and Trinity sitting on one of the couches, flipping through magazines together.
Wedding magazines.
Fuck me. Really?
Trinity sets them aside when she notices us. “Morning.”
“Yes, it is,” Teller quips.
Hope shakes her head. “Cute. How are you this morning, big brother?”
He opens his mouth—probably to snark at her—but then shakes his head. “I don’t fuckin’ know.”
Trinity gathers her things and stands. “I’ll be right back, Hope. Will you be here for a minute?”
“Sure.”
As soon as Trinity clears the room, Hope focuses on us. “Okay. You two look ready to burst. What’s up?”
Teller lets out a humorless laugh. “Not me. Him.”
I flip him off and he returns the gesture.
“I gotta run.” He slaps my shoulder. “We’ll talk later.”
Hope watches him leave before turning to me. “You okay? I didn’t see you again last night, after the announcement.”
“The announcement. That’s one way to put it,” I say as I drop down next to her.
She lowers her gaze. “Serena tore out of here a little while ago. She seemed upset.”
“That’s my fault. I told you, every time I try to do the right thing, I just fuck it up.”
Her mouth turns down. “I’m sorry. I know it was probably a shock.”
“You weren’t shocked, though, were you?”
She reels back and blinks a few times before shaking her head. “Heidi tries so hard to be the opposite of her mother, I worry it’ll push her into making even bigger mistakes.”
It’s an interesting theory and I wonder if there’s more to Hope’s words. “Heidi’s always been stubborn. When she was little, you could tell her ‘don’t touch that or you’ll get hurt’ and she’d have to test it out anyway. Got burned a bunch of times that way.” I shrug. “You can only give her so much advice.”
Her mouth lifts in a tired smile. “Tell me about it. You know I care about her, but I also worry about overstepping. I’m not her mother.”
“You think her marrying Axel is a mistake, don’t you?”
She takes a deep breath before finally nodding. Her big, green eyes bore into me. “Yes. I do.”
“Did you tell her that?”
“I tried. Gently.”
Something else is bothering Hope, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t get her to spill it.
Life moves quickly after our announcement. We really
did apply for married student housing. That wasn’t a lie. But the school’s pretty flexible about the married part these days.
Our best friends, Lucas and Penny, for example, are also engaged and live right across the hall from us.
Even though no one in our foursome is twenty-one yet, Penny brings a bottle of wine over to our apartment the first night we’re there.
“I can’t.” My cheeks must be bright red. We haven’t officially told anyone yet.
Lucas, predictably, but good naturedly high-fives Axel. “Congrats, guys.”
“Holy shit. What did your brother say?” Penny asks. She’s been interested in my brother for years, so it always creeps me out when she asks about him.
“We haven’t told anyone yet. Well, except for you guys.”
Lucas shoots a dirty grin at Axel. “You lucky fucker. Do you have any idea how horny pregnant chicks are?” Lucas waggles his eyebrows, while Axel fake-shivers with disgust.
Gee, thanks.
“Gross. Dude, that’s my kid in there.” He runs his hand over my barely-there baby bump. “And my wife-to-be you’re talking about.” He flashes a sweet smile that almost makes me forget the yuck face he just made at the very idea of pregnancy sex.
Penny slaps her boyfriend’s arm. “How would you know, perv?”
“I read it somewhere.” He glances at me and winks so fast, I almost think I imagined it. “Don’t be a dick, man. You knocked her up, it’s your duty to satisfy all her needs.”
Aw, thanks, Lucas.
“Can you all worry about your own sex lives? I’m not even past the wanting-to-puke-every-five-minutes stage.”
Lucas shows more sympathy than Penny, which is not unusual. “Sorry, Heidi. If Axel won’t man up, let me know so I can kick his ass.”
Axel doesn’t laugh. But I do. So hard I can’t catch my breath. “That’s okay. I’m sure my brother will kick his ass as soon as he finds out.”
“Christ. Not to mention the rest of the club,” Axel moans. He glances at me. “Rock already figured it out, you know.”
Now that disappointed face Rock gave me makes more sense, and I’m hot with shame. Talk about someone I hate letting down.
“He’s going to set up an interview for me at a friend’s garage.”