Visor said, “I don’t understand. You fixed my Conjoin, at least enough to make it work while in your tower. Could you do something similar for Evan? Even if she had to stay in the tower?”
“I’m sorry. I don’t have that level of understanding of human physiology. Beyond providing first aid and operating the tower’s machines, there is little I can do.”
“My damage was less complex?”
“Your damage was to a conjoin. The tower provides me with extensive information and a good interface to affect conjoins. Repairing it was a matter of rejoining a relatively small number of precisely severed connections. I don’t possess equivalent knowledge or ability to interface with Evan’s brain. Additionally, her damage is far more complex and ever-growing. I can detect non-functioning areas in her brain, but I can’t conceive of a procedure to repair them. I can’t even describe what is wrong other to confirm what the sirens have determined. Her body is killing itself.”
Visor gripped and squeezed Quenton’s shoulder. “We did all we could.”
Quenton sat near Evan’s head, twirling his wooden promise ring. “This isn’t fair.” He clenched his jaw and frowned.
Ranie sat on the other side of Quenton. She stroked Evan’s arm. “What you said earlier about scanning—what happens to her body?”
Mercy said, “The essence of the subject’s personality is stored within the Fragment. The scanning process results in the complete wipe of the brain’s memory. It is essentially homicide. The body would continue autonomic biological functions until it died, likely due to dehydration. I only mention scanning as Evangeline is on already death’s door.”
Ranie said, “If the brain of a subject were healthy, would it be possible to reverse scan the subject’s personality back onto the brain?”
“The scan process of a biological creature is unidirectional. There is a burn process, but it is a different mechanic. Whereas the scan process makes a copy of the brain’s memories rapidly, a burn gradually feeds the memories into a brain through a Conjoin. The Conjoin distributes memories to the host brain.”
Ranie said, “What happens to the memories that were already in the host brain?”
“By design, the burn process only targets an empty brain—one that has been scanned, for example, or a still-developing baby. Were the burn to target a healthy, developed, unscanned brain, it is possible that the target brain would accept the new memories as its own. In that case, the memories would be hopelessly intertwined. The target would only be able to differentiate between original and burned memories through deduction. It would be impossible to separate them with a subsequent scan. It is also possible, and quite likely, that both personalities would be irrecoverably confused, effectively lost.”
Visor asked, “Doesn’t Maciate transfer directly between subjects?”
Mercy said, “Maciate’s methodology is different. The Catalyst forms a permanent link between two brains. The personalities can interface. He simply subjugates the target personality. I do not have the ability to link two brains in that way.”
Ranie said, “But with the burn process, you could scan a conjoin’s brain to empty it, and then burn memories onto it?”
Mercy said, “That would be possible.”
“I have a conjoin. Scan us both and burn Evan into me.” Ranie turned to Mercy. “I want to die. I will link to you to prove it.”
Visor shook his head. “I’m sorry. We can’t.”
“You don’t speak for me, Donnie.”
Mercy said, “I’m so very sorry Rainaria. This is painful for all—”
Ranie said, “Oh, drop the pretense you schizoid bitch. No one wants to hear your empty pandering.”
Rapture cried.
Quenton said, “It should be me, if anyone. You are valuable, with your telepathy … your brains. You run a parish.”
“Screw the Dodelige.” She held up a hand apologetically. “You can run it, or let Renaurd.” She groaned. “Put Evan in my body. She and Quenton can live on together and be happy—make the world a better place.”
Quenton said, “I can’t ask you to do that. Evan wouldn’t want that.”
Visor said, “Happy or not, you have every right to life.”
Ranie said, “What do you want me for? An extra whore when you tire of others?”
Visor said, “You are a good person, Ranie.”
“Go to Hell, Donnie.” Ranie’s jaw quivered. “You are such a bastard.”
Rapture pressed her chest. “Please stop it, all of you.”
They did.
Visor stood and helped Rapture up. “Let’s give Quenton some time.”
***************
“Then it is a trap.” Visor studied Mercy’s holographic map of Esselin.
Mercy said, “There are likely ogre support troops with the shaman. General Presence will be in a precarious position.”
Finnur asked, “Why don’t you show the non-shaman?”
Mercy said, “Only shaman have a conjoin for me to see.”
Finnur said, “So we’d just assume that each of the shaman have a host of ogres around them.”
“That would be reasonable.”
Visor pointed near Xandria. “Without a flank guard, Presence will be crushed. He won’t survive the ogre vanguard. Xandria will fall quickly after. There are already vardal forward troops in the area.”
Finnur said, “Raykez will never fall … surely.”
Visor said, “Probably not. But they also won’t mobilize a militia in time to save Xandria.”
“Xandria is exposed from the peninsula end as well. Watercraft could be launched from here, bypassing any human defense.”
Visor said, “The buway already tried that a year ago. The rays and electric eels blocked that effort.”
Rapture said, “We have a lot of fish protecting the coast. But what if they use bigger boats that the rays can’t tip?”
Visor said, “The Chiming Falls prevents them from using more seaworthy vessels from WaterCrescent. They would have to haul one over land, or build a dockyard at the other end of Xandria Lake. That’s just not very feasible, so near to Raykez. They would be too exposed to raids. And there’s no need.”
Finnur said, “Their land forces are enough.”
Visor said, “Yep, they have overwhelming troop strength. Krafer’s won’t hold out long against the full focus of either Khatagin or Nazaire.” His head hurt. He needed to rest. “I need a break. I’ll be back … later.”
Chapter 70
Lies
Rapture sat next to Visor on the edge of the Archon Suite’s bed. “You are feeling more than you are saying.”
Visor said, “That is very true. I feel like crying … like screaming. I want to fight, but I can’t.”
“You should talk to me”
“Mi Ardore, you know there’s nothing I wouldn’t say to you. I just don’t know what to say. It’s obvious. I made a choice that turned out to be wrong.”
“Do you mean with Evan?”
“With Evan, and the Catalyst. For giving up the Catalyst to save a friend, I sacrificed cities full of people.”
“I don’t think it was a mistake to save Sorana.” Rapture repositioned herself to face him. “So what are you feeling?”
“I feel like I’ve given up.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“I’m not doing anything.”
“So?” Rapture folded her hands and put them on his knee. “I heard you talking to Mourning once, years ago. You were defending the actions of someone, some farmer, I think. You were against everyone else in the room, including Mourning. I don’t remember what it was about, but I remember what you said. You said, ‘He didn’t give up. He just determined that there was no action to be taken to further his goals.’ I don’t remember what happened, but in the end, the room decided to do what you wanted. Don, people look to you—believe in you. I don’t beli
eve you’ve given up. I think that if you’re not doing anything about Evan or the war, then there is just nothing for us to do right now.”
I never realized how insightful you could be. So beautiful, inside and out.
Rapture said, “You know what I think? I think it is Evan that’s bothering you, and you just don’t want to admit that you care more about your sister than WaterCrescent and Xandria.”
“I just—having to watch her die like this is ...” He clenched a fist and studied his pink and white knuckles. “People die. I understand the balance of life. I really do. If we all lived forever, or never got sick, then the species couldn’t survive. It couldn’t adapt. And people have to die in accidents. Athian and Loring died, but they just died. Bam, it was done. And we got the Catalyst. But Evan … what sense does this make? She’s not old. She’s not mean. She’s loved. We’re out here in the middle of nowhere. Who is it that benefits? How will the next generation will be stronger?” His stomach felt like he’d overeaten.
She hugged him. “I don’t know.”
“What kind of world is this where this happens? I just—” He couldn’t speak as his throat tightened up so much that it hurt.
She patted his back. “Oh, Don.”
He closed his eyes. Some warm liquid that ran down his cheek.
“You are only human. It is natural to be selfish—to care about your family. And I am only siren.” She stood back and took a deep breath. She began a melody as only nature’s finest symphonic creation, God’s sweetest creature, could. “The moon is rising, somberly …” She performed the entirety of Sleeping Moon, complete with an accurate vardal-somatic signing.
“That was absolutely amazing.”
“I’ve been practicing that for months. Sorana helped me with the signs. I had to substitute ‘lonesome’ for ‘somberly’.”
“It was perfect.” He studied the beautiful being—the Engel. “We could stay here and live out the rest of our lives. Let time flow around us. Let the rivers run dry.”
“Or maybe just take a break. I just mean that maybe you need to rest and things will look different in the morning.”
“Yeah, probably.” Visor lay back, covering his eyes.
A fiery spear pierced the back of his head. He was somewhere else.
A tearful Sorana sat on the edge of her bed, disheveled and still partially dressed in vardal armor—the armor she’d worn for Visor’s rescue mission. She adoringly stroked a platinum pendant with an intricate etching of three sirens around an Ankh. Each siren was releasing a bird—a dove carrying a bowl, an eagle carrying a trumpet, and a crow holding a scroll. “The Moon Trinity.”
Mercy stood attentively near the closed door, hands folded. “Your father’s insignia.”
“As you always told me. Yet there is no entry for it in the library.”
“The library has limited space. Not all blood lines are included.”
“But it was a human line. You hid that from me. I know I was born half-breed trash, but Sorana wasn’t my name. Who am I?” She shook her head. “What do I even call you?”
Mercy said, “I acted only to protect you, my blessed.”
“From the truth?”
“From the pain … and from yourself.” Her words were cold and hollow. “I am so very sorry, dearest child. Please try to understand that during these episodes, you become dissociated and there is a significant risk you might hurt yourself. The first time we used the salt was only to—”
“Episodes! How many times has it been? How many times have I learned and forgotten?” Sorana made fists and mashed them to her temples. “And what now? Will you lie to me? Convince me that the salt will make everything better?” She looked up. “Or do you force Lithium on me?”
“It has always been your choice, when the distress becomes unbearable.”
“How can I believe you now? Please just tell me what’s wrong with me.”
Mercy walked to the door, touched the handle, and paused. “Connect to the virtual library. Check out the novel Trinity Circle. Turn to page one point six one eight zero three. Read.” She faced Sorana and stood unwavering.
Sorana’s expression cycled through shock, horror and disgust. “The Crimson Idol … all those years … all those people!” She hopped up and thrust her face within inches of Mercy’s. “How could you!”
“How could I not?” Mercy did not flinch, nor did she comfort.
“I hate you!”
“Then this is where we stand. I have striven within the confines provided to fulfill this absurd role—to be the mother you needed. I have failed time and again. I am resigned to the reality that you will always despise me.”
“No, it isn’t you, my guardian. It’s me. Dear God, I hate what I’ve become. This isn’t living.” She closed her eyes. “End this.”
“I’m sorry. That is beyond my ability.” Mercy walked out.
“End this, or I will!” Sorana slammed the door.
Mercy went down to the tower’s kitchen and finished cutting some cheese squares. With the table set for three, she straightened her hair. She held up her arm and scrutinized a discolored impression on the back of her hand. She concentrated, and it became flesh color again and filled in.
Mercy examined a bush in the garden. She stroked a branch that had been recently pruned. “I will try once more, min Velsignet.”
Visor was on the floor, balanced on his knees with Rapture’s help. He gasped for air. His gums pulsated from his jaw’s clenching. His vision was blurry.
Rapture was frantic. “Don! What is it! What’s wrong?”
“It’s okay. I’m not hurt. It was a retro-prediction.”
Rapture helped him back to the edge of the bed and sat next to him. “You mean that thing that’s like going back in time?”
“Sort of, but it’s still a calculation. I think the Catalyst is affecting my conjoin, interacting with the Tower.” He was soon able to focus again. The pain faded. “Though, you are right. I am only human, and humans are selfish … egocentric. I could not see this any other way.”
“See what?”
“Mercy’s mission. But I do see it now. It is so clear. It isn’t about me or the Catalyst. It’s not about WaterCrescent and Xandria. It is not my time or my place to lead armies and save kingdoms. That is for another day, maybe for another man. This is about her child—bringing her child home. She wants to be saved.”
“She?”
“Mercy.”
“Ah, okay.”
“Did you think I meant Evan? I guess in a way …”
Rapture gently touched his knee. “I thought you meant Sorana … or Ranie.”
“Maybe I should have. Ranie …”
“You have always spoken kindly to her, even when she didn’t.”
“Because I still care about her.”
“Oh?” Rapture folded her hands in her lap and looked at him attentively.
“I still care about her, and want her to be happy. She’s a good person, and she must know it, even if she wants to deny it. I don’t know if I’d say I love her. I guess I do, or did, but not in that way. I mean not like you. It was different with her. I thought I loved her. But as I got older, I realized that I didn’t want to be with her in that way.”
“Why was that?”
“She just has this mean streak that I didn’t—that didn’t fit my personality. And because she didn’t need me, or wasn’t ready to let herself need me. And now she’s ready. I just wish she could find someone else so she could ...”
“Move on?”
“Be happy. I don’t think I can ever be what she needs now. But the world needs her. She could do anything. She’s smart and strong—healthy. She has meaningful work that helps people, at both the Dodelige and the university. And she has friends. She’s could remake the cultural context of Raykez.” He pushed back Rapture’s hair a
nd stroked her cheek. “But she’s just not the one for me.”
“And it took you seven years to figure that out?” Rapture rolled her eyes. “Have you ever thought about telling her that?”
“Well, I don’t want to make things worse.”
Rapture raised an eyebrow.
“Oh, man, why didn’t I ever tell her?”
Rapture held his hands and leaned close to him. “Because sometimes, Don, you can’t help being a dork.”
“That’s what Mary and everyone meant all this time about lying to you. Did everyone know except me?”
“Don, even Gebuhrman knew it.”
“Then it is Ranie as well. And Sorana, since she’s intertwined with Mercy. It’s all connected—even you.”
“Me?”
“A destiny alone? That’s not right. You deserve so much more.”
“I think everyone wants more.”
“But I can’t think of anyone who deserves more. You are the most honest and honorable person I know. It’s not just your grace and beauty. It’s that unbreakable moral core—your unwavering striving for righteousness.
“Well, I don’t know about that.”
“You are the best of all things, the one I use as a benchmark to measure all others. I don’t see how anyone could know you and not love you.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
Visor’s mind was racing, stoked by the Catalyst-conjoin-tower synergy. “I think it’s possible. If you could take a risk, imperiling some of your friends to help others, would you? Everyone would be better off if it works.”
“I can’t speak for others. I trust you.”
He thought through a scenario. “There would be a point of no return. Some of us will be risk. Well, everyone would be.”
“You wouldn’t risk me. Are you saying I’m the ….” She mouthed the two words without making a sound. “That’s why Lara kicked me out. And Mercy knows. That’s why she picks at me.”
“I’m not saying that, but I can’t say anything yet. That has to remain unknown to you. There are so many variables. But, I think we have everyone we need to solve this. We just have to set it up right.”