Belatedly, I answered his question. “I didn’t. I asked Jen what she thought of Cam, and I think Allison was ahead of us in line, but I would never—”
“Bet it was Allison.” His frown cleared. “She’s always trying to make Cam like her. She’s got this weird rivalry with Brittany. They’re supposed to be BFFs, but I get the feeling Allison would giggle if Brit fell down the stairs.”
“That’s horrible.” I’d probably laugh, too.
“Girls,” Russ said, like I wasn’t one.
If I cared about him on any level, I’d punch him for being such a dick. Instead I got my books, and for some reason, he walked me to class. It kept everyone else at bay because he had a reputation for being vicious. He was there when they broke you. To me it seemed incredible that he could act like it never happened, as if my change in appearance wiped the slate clean.
It didn’t. I remember you, Russ.
A girl darted past me with her head down, and at first, I didn’t recognize her. She was wearing sweats, her blond hair falling in her face in a messy tangle. Like a snake, Russ lashed out and snagged her arm, whirling her around. He was already laughing.
“Wake up late today, Brit?”
Her head came up on a horrified gasp, and I saw some kind of … weeping rash crawling its way across her cheek—virulent red pustules topped with yellow crust—more than just a breakout, a staph infection on crack. Tears glimmered in her blue eyes, so swollen that I guessed she’d been crying for hours. I couldn’t bring myself to say a single mean thing, but Russ had that covered.
He recoiled in a move so violent he almost knocked down a passing freshman. “What the hell happened to your face?”
“An allergic reaction,” she said miserably. “I used a clarifying mask last night, and my skin puffed up a little. By morning … it was like this. My mom made me an appointment with my dermatologist for tonight, but she wouldn’t let me skip since I have cheerleading practice today.”
“Yeah, because everyone wants to see that”—Russ gestured at her face and body indicating the big picture—“prancing around. Do us all a favor, get out of sight until your face-sore heals up.” He cocked his head. “Huh. In those sweats, you look ass-heavy, too. What did you eat this summer, Brit? Your family?”
I should’ve been elated when tears spilled down her cheeks and she whirled, plunging down the hall in a mad dash to hide in the bathroom. Now she knows how it feels. But instead my insides boiled, even though I hadn’t done anything to cause this. Shame froze me because I hadn’t stopped Russ from saying any of those awful things. I could’ve spoken up, but I just stood there like a lump.
Incredibly, insanely, he was grinning at me. “Wow, she says meaner shit than that every day, then a little choice truth, and she’s a whimpering mess. Weak, huh?”
“I hope the doctor can help her.” To my surprise, I wasn’t playing a part; I meant it. Looks meant a lot to Brittany, and while I didn’t like her, I hated seeing her so shamed. It wasn’t nearly as satisfying as I’d expected.
“You’re too nice. You should hear what she says behind your back.”
That didn’t surprise me. Last year, she said it to my face. Frowning, I dodged into my Lit class early, mostly to get away from Russ, who I wanted to kick. A lot.
“You look tired, Edie. Is everything all right?”
I swung around to see Colin propped artfully against his desk. God, everything he did seemed so … studied, like he was constantly posing. There were already a few girls sitting dreamily at their desks, and I wished he’d care about their mental and emotional well-being instead. I arranged my stuff, ignoring him until he turned away. It seemed too soon for him to be invested in me as a student, which left a couple of possibilities. He was keeping track of me for Wedderburn … or Dwyer & Fell. Though he wasn’t as beautiful as Kian, he was attractive enough for me to credit that he’d asked for that face.
You know what they say about those who think random people are involved in a conspiracy and plotting against them. Crazy town.
Putting aside that fear, I focused on my morning classes. Somehow I managed not to fall asleep, though I certainly wasn’t performing up to last year’s standards. I’d be lucky to pull As if I kept this up. There might even be minuses. My parents would be appalled. Sadly, I wasn’t joking.
“Have you seen Brittany today?” Jen asked, catching up halfway to the cafeteria.
“Yeah, before first period. She looks rough.”
“I guess she’s been hiding in the bathroom most of the day. The headmaster called her mother out of some charity thing to come and get her. Brit was crying her head off when her mom yanked her out of there.”
This was the exactly what I would’ve wished on Brittany, a few weeks back. Yet there was no delicious schadenfreude, only a sick sort of regret, tinged in dread. I just talked about this with Kian. And Wedderburn offered to get revenge for me. What if he won’t take no for an answer?
As we went into the cafeteria, Jen changed the subject, probably seeing that I was uncomfortable. She was trying really hard to make it right, what happened last winter. Unfortunately, there was no way to wipe the slate, and while I appreciated her efforts, I still didn’t trust her. Vi was my only real friend, untainted by the shit splattered over the rest of my life. I recalled how easily Wedderburn had drawn her into his web and I shivered; there was no way I’d let anything happen to Vi.
Brittany didn’t come to school the rest of the week, but nobody knew why until Friday. At our usual table during lunch, Allison delivered the news in a hushed whisper, as if she didn’t intend to repeat it later. Gossip was the water of life to her.
“Her mom told me she’s in the hospital,” Allison confided.
This news should be coming from Cameron, still her boyfriend so far as I knew. But apparently his interest didn’t stretch past a bad skin condition. He wore a bored look, one that rekindled my desire to see him suffer. I wondered if he’d bothered to return Brit’s texts or visit her, though I guessed probably not.
“What’s the matter with her?” Jen asked.
Russ smirked. “She’s got a serious case of butterface. I think it might be terminal.”
Allison hit him. “This is serious. She had some kind of skin infection, probably caused by bacteria, but Brit’s mom said the doctors aren’t sure, because the cultures weren’t like anything they’d seen. And now, she has, like … meningitis or something.”
“That’s potentially fatal,” I said, before I realized how it sounded.
Allison burst into tears and Cameron shot me a daggered look as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Way to go, dumbass.”
Her tears dried immediately. From my point of view, she looked a bit too pleased to be cuddled up with her best friend’s boyfriend, but I shut up. I was still an outsider, even if Russ and Jen liked me. The others talked quietly about putting together a gift basket and sending it to Brit’s room, but nobody mentioned checking on her, like, because she had a disease, and hospitals were gross, full of sick people and disgusting germs you could catch. Listening to them, I decided to go see Brittany after school.
I got the information from Jen and took the T to Park Station, then transferred to the Red Line. A few minutes later, I hopped off at Charles/Mass General station and walked the rest of the way, all while wondering to say when I saw Brittany. Nervous, I stopped by the gift shop and while I was browsing, my phone buzzed with a text.
Where are you? I came to pick you up but you never showed.
Aw. I’d run out much faster than usual, eager to break free of Blackbriar and the stultifying atmosphere. Last year, I’d loved my classes but hated my classmates. This year, it felt as if there was something wrong with the whole campus.
Deciding on a bear in a tiny hat, I paid for the plushie, then replied: I’m visiting someone at the hospital. Didn’t know you were coming to get me. Maybe you could work on your communication?
Funny, Kian answered. Unless I say otherwise,
assume I’ll pick you up, okay?
Just like a real boyfriend, I sent back. That shouldn’t make me so happy because he came with a boatload of baggage, but it didn’t stop me from smiling as I pressed the elevator button. That silenced him, or maybe it was lack of signal. Remembering the rules from when Great-Aunt Edith died, I shut down my phone and put it away. After stepping off the elevator, I went to the desk. Jen had given me Brit’s room number, but I should probably make sure she wasn’t asleep or receiving treatment.
“Is it all right if I go see Brittany?” I named the room number, and the nurse nodded.
“I’m glad someone’s here. She seems pretty down. It’s so tough when they’re young.”
“Her parents aren’t with her?” I’d braced for an awkward moment, where I showed up and they stared at me because I wasn’t actually one of Brit’s friends.
The woman shook her head. “Her mother filled out the paperwork and took off. I figured she was running home to get some things, but she just … never came back.”
This was definitely gossip territory, and I wasn’t sure if it was against the rules or what. Probably, it was poor judgment, at least, but I encouraged her. “Between you and me, her mom is kind of a bitch.”
“I definitely got that vibe.” She lowered her voice. “It was like she couldn’t even stand to look at her.”
“Poor Brit. I’ll head in now. Thanks for your time.”
The desk nurse was smiling when she went back to her paperwork. I went toward the end of the hall, last room on the left, and opened the door without knocking. My heart thudded like components hitting the side of a centrifuge. If Brit was dangerous or contagious, she wouldn’t have let you come in. There would be quarantine procedures in place. Right?
The bed curtain was drawn, even though she had a private room. This was nice, as far as hospitals went. Nervously I set the stuffed bear on her table, next to her pitcher of water. I was tempted to run but I told myself it would be stupid to come all this way and not speak.
“Allison?” she said in a small voice.
Crap. Obviously she expects her best friend.
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “No, sorry. It’s me, Edie.”
“What are you doing here? If you’re here to gloat, go ahead.” She waited, as if expecting me to say something horrible. “If you’re here to kill me, make it quick.”
“No, I … I just came by to say get well soon. I brought you a bear.”
Her tone when she finally spoke was grudging. “That was nice of you. You can … hand it through if you want.”
I pushed the stuffed animal through the curtain and caught a glimpse of her ravaged features. What we’d seen a few days ago was nothing compared with how she looked now. Part of her nose was just … gone, and there were holes in her cheeks. I tried my best not to react but it was tough.
“Anyway, I said what I came to, so—”
“Could you stay for a while? You can watch TV if you want.”
Her miserable, lonely tone was too much for me, so I watched an hour of the news while she slept and then I crept out, feeling awful. I couldn’t imagine the damage I’d seen healing without extensive plastic surgery for the scarring, and the people in her life were assholes who made my parents look warm and emotionally supportive.
It was close to six by the time I let myself into the apartment. My dad had dinner on the table and he looked pissed, though with him it was micro-expressions rather than overt indications. “You’re late,” he noted. “And you didn’t text me.”
I wanted to snap at him. “Yeah, I was visiting a classmate at the hospital.”
He asked a few questions, likely testing my story, but since it was true, there were no inconsistencies to find. “I wonder where she contracted the infection. Make sure you always wash your hands, Edith.”
I sighed. “I do.”
My mom came home a few minutes later and took up his attention with more talk about the grant project as we sat down to eat Brussels sprouts and poached halibut. For the first time, I paid attention to the project they were trying to fund. “We’ve ruled out cosmic strings as possibilities for time travel. The laser research is promising, though.”
I froze as my dad nodded. “Let’s work on the grant application this weekend.”
Any other parents discussing time travel, you’d guess they were crazy or talking about science fiction. When your parents were both physicists, the rules changed. Right now I couldn’t imagine working with my mom and dad, but some important achievement lay ahead, not too far into my future. Clearing my throat, I moved flaky fish around on my plate.
“You think that’s a viable avenue of investigation?” I asked.
Dad smiled at me. “We won’t know until we take our research from theoretical to experimental.”
“And that requires private sector money.” My mom maintained a practical attitude in relation to most things, even when the subject matter sounded pretty incredible.
“Let me know if I can do anything to help.” That seemed like the right thing to say, as both my parents lit up like Christmas decorations.
My phone buzzed. Covertly, I checked it under the table. Can you go out Saturday night, 7ish?
Since I had zero plans, it was safe to say I could, as long as my parents agreed. “I was hoping to see a movie tomorrow. Is that okay?”
Both my mom and dad stilled, eyeing me as if I had been kidnapped by aliens and replaced by a socially adequate pod person. “What movie?” my mom asked as my dad wanted to know, “With who?”
“I’m not sure yet,” I said. “And his name is Kian. You can meet him when he picks me up.”
“It’s fine with me,” my mom said. “But we’ll need to decide on a curfew.”
“Is this a date?” My dad was frowning, as if it had only just occurred to him that my altered circumstances presented him with a whole new set of problems.
In all honesty, I had no idea what was going on with Kian and me. But it seemed safest to say, “Yeah.”
“If you’re finished eating, I’d like to talk to your father. Once we come to a consensus, I’ll inform you.” It was hard not to laugh at how seriously my mother was taking this, but since that was how she approached everything, it wasn’t surprising.
“It’s fine, I’m done.” Shaking my head, I went to my room and signed on to chat with Vi on Skype.
Her conversation was mostly about school, but just before she signed off, she said something that freaked me out. “Have you ever had a recurring dream, Edie?”
“Not that I can remember.”
“That doesn’t mean you never have, only that you completed the dream before the REM cycle ended. If you can remember the dream, it means your sleep was interrupted for some reason.”
“Oh?”
“Anyway, I was asking because for the last three nights, I’ve dreamed the same thing.” Her expression became sheepish. “There’s this ice man watching me but I’m frozen solid and I can’t move, not even my eyelids. He creeps closer and closer, like some kind of snow spider, and then when he touches me, I crack into a thousand pieces.”
My throat went dry as a bone. “That’s—”
“Really weird, I know.”
Wedderburn. But I couldn’t tell her that. Whatever it took, I had to find a way to keep this craziness from bleeding onto Vi. “Can you hang on a sec? I want to look something up.”
I kept my cool until I left her field of vision and then the trembling set in. I crouched in my closet. Wrapping my arms around my knees, I dropped my head and let the panic sweep over me. This is too much. I can’t handle it. My breath came in ragged gasps until I went lightheaded, and my heart pounded so hard I was afraid it might actually explode. Gradually I calmed down, knowing I had to get back or Vi might disconnect before we finished talking. But when I went back to my laptop, I was shaky and covered in cold sweat.
“Took you long enough,” she said when I sat down at my desk.
I lied
through my teeth. “I was digging through a book, but I couldn’t find anything. What do you think it means?”
“I’m not sure. I did some checking too, but dream dictionaries are pretty limited. If I had to guess, I’m feeling panicked about choosing a college.”
It was as good an explanation as any, especially when the truth wouldn’t work. Now I wished I hadn’t encouraged her friendship at the SSP, but at the time, I hadn’t realized how dangerous a deal I’d made; back then, I didn’t understand that players had no qualms about attacking people who knew nothing about it.
“Sounds reasonable.”
“You should visit me soon, I miss you. I mean, if you can. If you have time.” She seemed uncomfortable, as if it had belatedly occurred to her I might not want to leave my glamorous life in Boston to spend time in Ohio.
“I’d love to,” I said.
As soon as it’s safe. But I feared that day might be a long time coming.
ANOTHER SATURDAY NIGHT & I SAW A MONSTER
By Saturday at six thirty, I’d completed all of my homework, dutifully proven this to my parents, who seemed to think a daughter who wanted to date might also lie about finishing assignments. And now I was listening to my father give the world’s most awkward lecture on how boys were animals and I should not, under any circumstances, trust a person with a penis. I tried to look appropriately impressed by the wisdom he was dropping on me, but it was tough.
“They may act as if they care for you. Respect you, even…” My dad trailed off, looking at my mother as if for deliverance.
“Be safe,” she said.
“I had the sex class at school.” There was possibly nothing worse I could’ve said.
It wound my father up, so he stammered about love and consideration until my mom finally cut him off in pity. “We trust you,” she concluded, though everything my dad had just said offered evidence to the contrary.
“Thanks. I’ll be home by midnight.”
Half an hour later, Kian knocked. It was probably unwise to consider this a date, despite what I’d told my parents, so I’d dressed in jeans, boots, and a jacket, in case of trouble. With Kian, I didn’t spend hours on my hair and makeup. It seemed superfluous since he’d known me before, and he’d created this version of me. It wasn’t like I could startle him with my beauty.