When I got to her ass, I pushed her up on her knees. I kissed and licked each delicious globe before I thrust my tongue between her legs. Abby cried out and jerked her hips back against me. After I spread her apart with my fingers, I continued licking and sucking her clit. It only took a few minutes before she came against my tongue. As she was coming down, I dared to slide my tongue backwards from her slit, which caused Abby to freeze. “You okay, Angel?” My voice vibrated against her ass.
“Y-Yes, but...”
“But what?”
“You’ve never done that.”
“Do you not want me to?”
She remained silent. “No, it’s okay,” she whispered.
I laughed. “So you liked it then?”
Glancing over her shoulder at me, she smiled. “Yes, but don’t be getting any ideas about putting anything else there.”
“You know, I’ll take whatever you give me.” Before she could protest that she never wanted to deny me satisfaction, I let my tongue circle the puckered hole once more. When she shuddered, I decided to go easy on her and bring my tongue back to her clit. Abby surprised me by twisting around and coming up on her hands and knees in front of me.
“It’s your turn now,” she said, before tugging the waistband of my boxer shorts down.
“I wanted it to be about you tonight.”
Abby shook her head. “But I want to give my new husband some pleasure.”
“And you will the moment I get buried deep inside you.”
Her brows crinkled as she stared up at me. “Are you sure?”
My hand came to cup her cheek. “Yeah, baby. I’m sure.”
After I kicked out of my boxer shorts, I eased Abby onto her back. Her legs widened to allow me between them. I kissed her eyelids, the tip of her nose, and her cheeks. “I love you,” I murmured, holding her face in my hands.
She smiled up at me with such raw emotion shining in her eyes that my chest clenched. “I love you, too, Jake. For now and always.”
With Abby’s sweet words surrounding me, I thrust inside her. My eyes locked on hers as I kept my movements tediously slow at first. Abby’s fingertips swept up and down my back. I thought of the times her nails had dug into the skin during some hardcore fucking. But there was no place for that tonight. We were making love together as man and wife for the first time. And it was the most fucking amazing sexual experience I could ever hope for.
We rarely came at the same time, but tonight we did. We were one body and one soul. And I thanked God, and all my lucky stars, that Abby was mine.
Curly wisps of smoke billowed into the night’s sky from the enormous bonfire on the beach. As the heat from the crackling flames warmed me from head to toe, I snuggled my naked body closer to Jake’s side. The moment felt so good that I couldn’t help sighing with absolute contentment. “This is wonderful, isn’t it?”
“Oh yeah. It would feel just like we were home if it weren’t for the sand in my ass crack.”
I giggled as I raised my head to look into his eyes that were twinkling with amusement. “It was your idea to have sex all over this beach, remember?”
“Oh yes, I remember every fuckable detail,” he replied, before nipping my lips.
True to his word, Jake had taken me in almost every position possible out on the beach. After breakfast, a quick dip in the ocean had led to an almost exact recreation of the beach scene in From Here to Eternity. We made it a little further onto the shore before the palms of my hands got extremely exfoliated after he’d pushed me onto my knees and had taken me doggy style. I never knew there could be such a thing as sand burn, but I had red, almost raw places on my elbows and knees.
Around six, the catamaran had arrived with dinner. We ate outside on the porch and watched the gorgeous sunset. To walk off the enormous amount of food we had consumed, we took a stroll on the beach that led to another roll in the sand. Once we recovered, Jake had lit the bonfire before grabbing a blanket and wrapping me in his arms. The conversation flowed easily between us as we rehashed all that had happened at the wedding and reception.
“Jude and Melody did so well, didn’t they?” I asked.
Jake nodded. “They sure did. I think they’ll have their duties down to an art by the time AJ and Mia’s wedding rolls around.”
“Probably so. Of course, Mia wants Bella to have a part, too.” I smiled up at him. “Didn’t Bella look adorable yesterday? I loved when you danced with her and Melody together. So sweet.”
Jake remained uncharacteristically quiet. “You and Bella together are trouble.”
My brows furrowed at his comment. “What do you mean?”
“It was the way you looked at her while you held her.”
“And just how did I look at her?”
“Like you were dreaming she was yours.”
“I did not!” I protested, as embarrassed heat enflamed my cheeks.
“Yeah, you did.”
I stared up at the sky encrusted with glittering stars. There was some truth in what Jake said. As Bella snuggled into my chest, emitting a tiny little sigh, I did imagine what it would be like to have a baby—Jake’s baby—sleeping in my arms. “I was just holding her for Mia and AJ to dance,” I said softly.
“But you did wish she was yours,” Jake insisted.
“Ours,” I corrected him. I heaved a frustrated sigh. “She’s my goddaughter—I’m always going to feel a close connection to her. But I know she has two amazing parents who love her. And yeah, I was thinking about babies and children when I held her. Mainly, it was the overwhelming emotion of just how much I want a baby of our own—not just mine, but yours.” I cut my eyes over to his. “I don’t have to dream or fantasize about what will really happen in the future, do I?”
Jake jerked a hand through his hair. “I’ve been worried when you became Mrs. Jake Slater, your desire for kids would go into overdrive, and now I see I was right.”
“Is wanting a baby such a bad thing?”
“When it’s going to be five years before we have one, then yeah, it is bad for you to get so attached to the idea.”
My brows shot up in surprise. “Now it’s five years? I thought it was two US tours and one world?”
Jake shrugged. “It’s just a good number.”
Peering into his face, I asked, “Why are you really afraid of having kids?”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.”
Jake’s jaw clenched and unclenched before he spoke. “Look, I’ll openly admit I’m a selfish son of a bitch about having kids right now, but I’m not afraid. You’re only twenty-three, Abby. You have the rest of your life to be tied down with a kid.”
My mouth gaped open at his words. “Tied down? Is that what you think of Mia or Lily? Are they bound by their kids?”
“No, that’s not what I meant.”
“Then what do you mean?”
With a grimace, Jake said, “Kids change everything, okay? We’ve only had two years together. I want a few more before we bring kids into the picture.”
“Is your aversion to fatherhood because of your dad?”
Jake’s expression darkened. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
I opened my mouth and then closed it shut. I didn’t think I was ready to test out my theory on Jake, especially now that he was pissed off. “Abby?” he prompted.
Drawing in a ragged breath, I exhaled it before I responded. “I think you’re afraid that when you have the pressures of a wife and kids, you’ll become your father and stray.” Feeling more courageous, I continued on. “Somehow, you think if we don’t have kids for a long time, you can prolong what you feel is the inevitable—that you will cheat on me and lose me.”
His mouth fell open my summation, and I knew then that I had hit the nail on the head. “You’re not your father, Jake,” I said in a whisper.
“I know that,” he snapped.
“Then don’t be afraid of making his mistakes.”
He threw up
his hands in frustration. “This is bullshit.”
Staring down at the checked blanket, I said in a low voice, “By the way you’re reacting, I think you and I both know it’s true. But regardless of all the shit with your dad, you have to know that your mother never, ever felt tied down by you. She was grateful for every moment she had with you.”
“Do not bring my mother into this conversation,” he growled.
“I’m sorry.”
“You know what really worries me? That you’ll decide when it’s time for us to have kids, whether I’m ready or not.”
“And how exactly would I do that?”
His blue eyes flashed. “By suddenly forgetting to take your birth control.”
I gasped. “You think I would actually go so far as to go behind your back to conceive a child?”
“If I kept denying you, then yes, I do think you would do that.”
“Y-You’re…an asshole!” I shouted before I clambered to my feet. Wrapping my arms around my naked chest, I stalked away from the bonfire toward the house. Halfway across the sand, the anger began to fade, and hot tears streamed down my cheeks. Craning my neck over my shoulder, I hoped that Jake was coming after to me to apologize or talk things out. Unfortunately, he remained at the fire pit.
I couldn’t believe the things he had said—the way he felt about me somehow deceiving him and getting pregnant. It wounded me deep to my core that he would ever think I could do such a thing. Our relationship had always been built on trust, and now he was making me question that. There was also the fact that he had confirmed my fears about him being like his father and cheating. Deep down, I never could believe he would ever do such a thing, but now the doubt was planted in my mind, and it caused my chest to ache.
When I got inside the house, I was mentally and physically exhausted. But just the thought of getting into the bed where we’d consummated our marriage and made love the night before was too painful. Instead, I threw on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt before collapsing onto the couch. I wrapped myself in a cocoon of blankets. It didn’t take long for the tears to come again. Never did I think I would spend one night of my honeymoon crying myself to sleep, but it looked like that was going to happen tonight. I brought my hands to my face and started sobbing uncontrollably.
I don’t know how long I spent sitting out beside the bonfire. I was too raw from my fight with Abby to go after her right away. I knew I needed to apologize. The hard part was that both of us had spoken the truth. Abby had all too easily guessed my issues with fatherhood, and I had let my worst fears about her slip out. In the two years we’d been together, we’d rarely fought over anything of real importance. I’m not saying I didn’t treat her like a callous dickhead several times when we first started dating, but everything else had always clicked into place so easily for us. Now we were twenty-four hours into our marriage and had just experienced our first major fight. And it was a real doozy.
Some newlyweds fought about paint colors and finances. Abby and I had to go straight for the jugular and fight about our future family. With a ragged sigh, I rubbed my eyes that were stinging from the bonfire’s smoke. At least I thought it was the smoke. Maybe I was being a real pussy and crying over our fight.
The truth was I didn’t hate the idea of having kids someday—just not anytime soon. I loved Jude and Melody, and now Bella had me wrapped around her little finger. But at the end of playtime or hanging out with them, they went home with their parents. They weren’t my sole responsibility. Babies and kids took a lot of work, time, and energy that I wasn’t ready to give yet. Of course, I wanted to get Abby pregnant someday. She was going to make the most amazing mother in the entire world. But I didn’t know why she had to have such baby fever now when she was only twenty-three. She was acting like she was thirty-five, and her biological clock was ticking. We shared so many of the same likes, dreams, and passions that it was hard imagining we were so far off the mark with the baby thing.
After extinguishing the fire, I dejectedly made my way to the house. I didn’t know what I was going to say to Abby. I tried going over it in my mind as I trudged through the cool sand. Somehow I knew I needed to lead off with Yes, I’m a giant, unfeeling bastard…and then follow up with Please, please forgive me. At the same time, I knew I had to somehow make it clear that although I was sorry for what I said, I wasn’t changing my mind about when we were going to start a family.
The house was dark when I got inside. I started for the bedroom when I heard a sniffle from the living room. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw a heap of blankets on the couch. Somewhere underneath it was Abby. And she was crying.
Damn, I was a bastard.
With an exasperated sigh, I threw my head back and gazed up at the ceiling. This is so not how I envisioned this night to be. “Abby, you don’t need to sleep on the couch. If anyone should, it’s me.”
“I’m fine,” she sniffed.
“Would you please come to bed, so we can talk about this?” She huffed contemptuously like I was some mega horndog, trying to get her into bed to screw through my apology. “I mean, I think the mattress is big enough that you don’t have to worry about touching me if you don’t want to.”
“Just leave me alone,” she snapped.
Although the words ‘I’m so sorry’ formed on my tongue, I couldn’t say them. Instead, I grumbled, “Whatever,” before stalking back to the bedroom. I jerked the sheet and comforter down before flopping down on the mattress. The instant I turned over, pain jackknifed through my chest. Although I was all alone in bed, Abby remained all around me. Her scent of jasmine and vanilla mingled on the sheets while her strawberry shampoo filled the pillow next to me. A few withered rose petals still littered the sheets from where we had made love last night.
I don’t know why I remained in bed instead of going to apologize. Oh yeah, I was being my usual stubborn-asshole self. But although it had come out all wrong, my words were steeped in truth. I wasn’t ready to be a father, and my greatest fear was Abby becoming pregnant by accident or on the sly. Deep down, I couldn’t imagine that she would ever do something like that, but it was still a fear.
After tossing and turning for a couple of hours, I finally fell into a restless asleep.
When I woke up the next morning, I rolled over to snuggle against Abby. The moment I felt the cold, empty spot, it came back to me what had happened the night before. “Fuck,” I muttered, as I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. If I didn’t man up and apologize, the remaining five days of our island paradise were going to be absolute hell.
I slipped out of bed and slid into my boxer shorts and then made a quick bathroom stop. “Abby?” I called from the bedroom. “Angel, we need to talk.”
After she didn’t respond, I stalked down the hall and to the living room. Gazing around, I found the room empty. Craning my neck, I peered into the kitchen. She wasn’t there either. After I’d checked the spare bathroom and bedroom, fear streaked through my chest that she’d called the shore and asked for the boat. I ran outside onto the porch. I started for the stairs when a flash of red out in the water caught my eye. Gazing out into the water, I saw her swimming in my favorite bikini of hers.
With a sigh, I made my way off the porch and down the beach. She had just surfaced again when I started into the water. At the sight of me, her eyes widened and then she quickly looked away. I thought for a minute she might try to swim away, but instead, she held her ground. “Hey,” I said, when I finally reached her.
“Hey,” she replied softly, still refusing to look me in the eye.
“Angel…I need you to look at me. Please.” When she finally lifted her chin and met my gaze, I sighed. “I’m so sorry for the things I said last night.”
Her eyes closed as if she were in pain. Finally, she opened them. “I’m sorry, too.”
My brows furrowed. Here we were both apologizing, yet there still was this giant divide between us. As I literally treaded water, I felt like I was fighting to keep my head abov
e the surface in our relationship. How did we get back to the way we were?
“I guess this was our first fight as a married couple, huh?” I asked.
“A pretty big one, too,” she murmured.
“I’m sorry. I hate fighting with you, Angel. Most of all, I hate to see you upset.”
Abby’s blue eyes blazed with intensity. “Then try not to say such hurtful things next time.”
“I’ll try. I promise.”
“Okay.”
As an uncomfortable silence still hung around us, I sighed. “You know, I was afraid when I woke up and found the house empty that you’d left me.”
“I would never do that to you.”
“I know. It was just this irrational fear I had.” I exhaled a long, ragged breath. “I guess, it’s kinda like the fear I have of you getting pregnant on the sly.”
Abby shook her head. “How could you think I would ever do that?”
I furiously rubbed my face, letting the salty water sting my eyes. “I don’t know why.” At her wounded expression, I added, “I don’t think, deep down, that you would really do that, but, it is a fear of mine.’”
She inched a little closer to me. “We’re in this marriage together, Jake. It’s a partnership where we make our decisions together. Even though I would love nothing more than to have your baby, I don’t want to until you’re ready. More than anything, I want to know that you trust me.”
“I’m sorry, Angel. I do trust you. I swear. You’ve never been anything but trustworthy and faithful to me.”
“Then stop worrying.”
I drew in a ragged breath. “Somehow I can’t help but wonder how you can still love me when I’m denying you this.”