My Crazmad Book of Poems
Gerrard Wilson
Copyright 2015 by Gerrard Wilson
My Crazmad Book of Poems
Giggle My Boots
Conkers Bonkers
Don’t be Like Sheep
Bert’s Shirt
The Three Faerie Sisters
No Trespassing
The Holly And The Ivy (well, almost)
Paint The Roses, Quickly, Quickly!
I Am a Cat, it said Smiling at Her
At 50
Moving On
Ah!
Why Wait For Christmas?
Laughing Larry
Fle’s Fertilizer Mine
Christmastime Is Nowhere At All
Summertime And The Living Is Easy...
Red-hot Chilli Cola
Mystical Cola
Cola Blue
Other People’s Dogs
Sunshine Days
The Lotto Show (What a Menagerie)
The Twelve Days of Christmas
Living in Wonderland, With Alice...
Doctor Who and the Daleks
Rath
Graves
Blessington Lake
Mr Ed
19th April 2012
It’s Better Than...
Wikipedia Doesn’t Know Me
To Boldly Go
The Brains of Branson
Skulduggery’s Afoot
Sarah Brightman
Harry Potter's Ford Anglia,
We Three Beetles
Skytrain
Pumpkin Heads
Noddy and Big Ears, but Golliwog is Banned!
Africa, Africa
Lead a Good Life
I Am a Stone Picker
I Am a Stone Picker
Angels Beside Me
Aliens Landed in Ballykilduff
Don’t Be A Gadabout!
Dustbin Man
Are You Normal?
Eyes a Popping
Originally Intended for Publication on April 1st.
Elusive Dreams
Luco’s Preferred Drink
Old Friends Revisited
How To?
Smelly Dogs Or Smelly Hogs?
Christmas Morn
If You Ate Too Much Food This Christmas...
Mice
Searching
Words Carved in Stone
Cats
Sparky Parents
Cracked
December 21st
December 21st
Father Christmas Where Have You Gone?
Where is the Map?
Summer Solstice: A Time to Think
Holiday Home
A Hard Life
Tuesday
Wednesday
Like Lemmings
Passing Through
Sunday 17th April 2005
The Blackbird’s Song
The First Swallow
I’m NOT Mad!!!
They’re poems, Jim, but not as we know them!
So, here we are just you and me and my Crazymad Book of Poems.
Are you ready? Are you really and truly ready to begin reading it?
You are! Okay, then, away with you. Be it on your head, though, if you end up as crazy and mad as I am!
Now, on with the lunacy....
Giggle My Boots
Giggle my boots, gaggle my hat,
Goggle my shirtsleeves and fraggle that cat.
I am friggled with laughter, for I know that it’s true,
That you really do love me and not Johnny Lazoo.
You see, Johnny Lazoo, a man of some strength,
Wanted to court you, wanted to bend,
Your ear with his stories, your eye with his looks,
But you never gave him as much as one look.
The day that you said, Yes, I’ll marry you, I will,
Was the happiest day of my life; it was brill,
To think that you chose me over Johnny Lazoo,
Makes me friggle with laughter knowing it’s true.
Before I head off with my bride and my life,
I will give you this piece of excellent advice.
If you are planning to woo your beau, here’s the rub,
Friggle her with laughter and griggle her with love.
Conkers Bonkers
Conkers is a pastime,
That we remember every year,
When September comes we search about,
To find these gems so fair.
And when we’ve collected bagfuls,
Enough for you and me,
We bring them home to sort and grade,
Into classes one to three.
The first for use immediately,
To try our luck at play,
The second, we treat, cure and bake,
Into champions, I do say.
The third we leave for a whole year long,
Lodged in the chimney flue,
Until their day of glory comes,
I’ll enjoy grades one and two.
Don’t be Like Sheep
Don’t be like sheep that creep half asleep,
Each and every day of their lives,
Believing what is said, drummed into their heads,
By those in control, selling lies.
Instead, use your head and question what is said,
By those who think they can guide,
You with dreams, consumer items and things,
To distract you from what is inside,
Inside of us all, potential so tall,
The power of the Universe; it’s true,
So look deep inside and search for the light,
Of Creation; waiting especially for you.
Bert’s Shirt
Bert refused to wear a clean shirt,
He said his old one would do him okay.
He wore it and wore it and then wore it some more,
Until a girl that he liked said he was smelly, for sure
Donning a new shirt, Bert asked her to go,
To go out on a date with him and his new shirt,
Answering sharply, she declined his kind offer,
Saying it was he who was smelly and not the old shirt.
The Three Faerie Sisters
(Inspired by my story The Three Faerie Sisters)
We three sisters, faeries are we,
Lisa, Mildred and Greta, you see,
Magical children, fairytale splendour;
Adventure for all to see.
Faeries by nature, faeries by right,
Enchanting the earth, air and sky,
Using our powers, making things better,
In fairytale land, this night.
We three sisters, faeries are we,
Lisa, Mildred and Greta, you see,
Magical children, fairytale splendour,
Join us this night, so free.
No Trespassing
No trespassing, that’s what the words read,
No trespassing, it’s what the sign said,
As I approached the gate upon which it was on,
The words, no trespassing, dared me to go on.
A voice in my head told me to ignore it, the sign,
It said there was something exciting to find,
In the field behind them, gate and its sign,
Are you afraid, it asked, or do you think I am lying?
No, I am not afraid, I answered it back,
My gut feeling, though, tells me to shy away from this tack,
Are you man or a mouse? It said mocking me, so,
I am a man, I answered, a man on the go!
I climbed over the gate and stepped into the field,
A green, luscious sward that was ever so still,
Seeing nothing at all other than grass,
I wondered was that all there was.
Suddenly, startlingly, I heard a snort and a wheeze,
Then I saw it, a bull galloping towards me,
I darted away from it as fast as I could,
And clambered back over that gate made of wood.
The moral of this venture, my story, is this,
When out in the country give gates a miss,
Don’t listen to voices inside your head,
Stick to your gut feeling, it’s safer, instead.
The Holly And The Ivy (well, almost)
The holly and the ivy,
Now that they are both full grown,
Of all the trees that are in the woods,
These enchanted trees stand alone.
Oh, the shopping in the rain,
And the running for the bus,
The playing of the TV adverts,
Imploring us, fuss, fuss.
The holly tree bears a blossom,
As white as a card,
And with the stores staying open late,
The going won’t be hard.
Oh, the shopping in the rain,
And the running for the bus,
The playing of the TV adverts,
Imploring us, fuss, fuss.
The Holly tree bears a berry,
As red as Santa’ suit,
And he’ll bring you presents, yes he will,
If you have been very good.
Oh, the shopping in the rain,
And the running for the bus,
The playing of the TV adverts,
Imploring us, fuss, fuss.
The Holly tree bears a prickle,
As sharp as any tongue,
So remember that Christmastime,
Is for each and everyone.
Oh, the shopping in the rain,
And the running for the bus,
The playing of the TV adverts,
Imploring us, fuss, fuss.
The holly and the ivy,
Now that they are both full grown,
Of all the trees that are in the woods,
These enchanted trees stand alone.
Paint The Roses, Quickly, Quickly!
Hurry – hurry!
The Queen is coming!
Paint the roses, quickly, quickly.
Hurry – HURRY!
I hear her creeping,
As ever faster my heart is beating!
Sorry – sorry!
We’ve failed our duty,
The Queen has seen us, sadly, badly!
Hurry – HURRY!
We must scamper,
Lest our heads with them she tampers!
HURRY – OH HURRY!
There is no hurry,
Our heads are targeted; we’re lost; they’ve parted.
All is calm.
I Am a Cat, it said Smiling at Her
I am a Cat, it said smiling at her,
A Cheshire Cat; you can tell by my