Spirit & Flesh
Ashok, a man of few words and humble to the core, was a big-boned fellow. Justin would usually meet him twice a week: once in the Sunday church service and again during the mid-week prayer meeting. In these times, when it was unfashionable to put oil in one’s hair, this man always had his set of coarse hair greased up. The same coarse hair made up the big mustache he kept. Armed with a leather bag with his Bible secured in it, he was a well-known person in these church cell meetings. With his head slightly titled forward at an angle, his eyes beholding the person in front, he was always there to lend his ear to people with concern in their lives.
Within a few years into the full-time ministry, Justin laid hands on different people whose spiritual gifts became evident to the church. Ashok was one of them—a man of fasting and prayer, a proverbial prayer warrior. He was the man who, with a few other dedicated members, could go down on their knees and pray for others.
That particular Sunday morning, the church was full. Many new people from surrounding areas were there on their maiden visit to the church. The church had a good worship team that had young people accompanied by their musical instruments. The Sunday worship started with gusto and very soon, the whole congregation was completely engrossed in the worship. There were times when someone from the congregation would bring forth a word of wisdom for the edification of the body of Christ. During the time of worship, when Justin made an altar call, many people came and assembled near the pulpit. Justin prompted Ashok and other minister to lay their hands and pray for the people according to their needs. Pearl was praying in the area where more women had gathered for prayer when, suddenly, a young woman in her mid-twenties started to make strange sounds like a low growl. Justin, who was prayerfully overseeing the scene, quietly prompted Ashok to go over and pray for that woman. At the very first step that Ashok took in the direction of the woman, her growls became more pronounced and the people who had brought her to the service found it difficult to contain her violent movements. Her flailing arms struck a few members in the vicinity and quickly, everyone cleared the area around her.
The worship team continued to play their instruments and the worship went on. For many in the church, this was not the first experience; however, a few faint-hearted people and those who had never witnessed any such thing receded to the far end of the hall. By now, the woman had a disheveled appearance and was growling and swinging her arms and as Justin and Ashok approached her, she looked threateningly at them through her bloodshot eyes. The standoff continued for a minute or two when, in a calm and composed voice, Ashok rebuked the evil spirit to depart. There was shudder and tearing-off as if something was violently leaving the woman. After a few minutes of silence, the woman showed signs of extreme exhaustion and stumbled on her feet though the ushers moved quickly to support and make her to sit on a chair.
Slowly, the worship started again and the service continued.
That Sunday proved to be a very long and eventful day and by the time Justin had done meeting the congregants, Sushmita had already left the church.
It was late in the evening when Justin reached home with his family. The boys needed to go to school the next day so in spite their hyperactive stance they were dismissed for the night.
Once in their room, Pearl and Justin discussed with excitement the happenings of the day; the church was growing and so were various church ministries. They talked about the need to open another church branch in West Delhi for which Ashok was the unanimous choice as a minister.
Struggle between Flesh & Blood
That Monday morning, Justin felt the urgency with which the brochure work needed to be taken up, as there were very few days left before all the print material needed to be handed over to the offset printer. After Pearl and the boys had left, Justin got ready and left for the church office. Once there, he noticed that Sushmita had not come. He felt uneasy about this, as until then, she had never showed a casual attitude towards her responsibilities. While opening the office, he was thinking of reasons that could have kept Sushmita from coming that morning. In fact, that past Sunday also he did not get a chance to meet her after the church service. Justin started to wonder as to why his thoughts were constantly focusing on Sushmita. Was it because of the pressure of the work, or was he missing her in a personal way?
Firmly suppressing any such feelings, he prepared himself to get down with the work. An hour passed as Justin tried to attend to several important aspects of the brochure, when he heard the gate open and footsteps approaching. The door opened and his heart nearly skipped a beat. Followed by her uncle, Sushmita was walking through the doorway. Justin greeted both of them with enthusiasm.
Sushmita immediately proceeded to the kitchen while her uncle settled with Justin in the office area.
‘Brother, today Sushmita wanted me to come and meet you’, said her uncle looking straight in his eyes.
‘Tell me, brother’, was Justin’s short reply; at the same time, he threw a glance towards Sushmita who, after starting the coffee machine, was standing in the doorway. There was no expression on her face, which worried Justin as he was still trying to figure out the intent behind her uncle’s statement.
‘I am sorry. Yesterday, we all had to leave immediately after the church service as we needed to be at the train station to receive my brother who was coming from Jhansi’.
‘Oh! No problem, brother’.
Standing at the doorway of the kitchen with coffee mugs in her hand, Sushmita had a mischievous smile on her face. Looking towards her, Justin asked, ‘And why did you not come the other day? The brochure work is lagging behind schedule’.
‘Well I just wanted you to know how important I am for your work and if I miss one day, the work suffers’, she said with the same mischievous look. Her uncle, picking up on the joke, gave a hearty laugh. They all had coffee and her uncle finding the morning newspaper, engaged himself with the latest news.
Sushmita and Justin started with the brochure work that demanded their undivided attention. Justin was working perfectly fine but his mind was multitasking—editing the various articles for the brochure yet thinking about Sushmita, who was looking gorgeous.
It seemed she had taken extra care to do her makeup that day. It accentuated some of her features that, in fact, made her look ravishing. Well, at least to Justin. Wearing big, circular hoops in her ears and a pearl necklace around her neck with matching bracelets, she was a beautiful, young woman with a mind of her own. Attired in a skirt and a spaghetti-strap top, with a small sleeveless jacket casually thrown over it, she completed her beauty statement with her signature stilettos, and her looks with a purpose … to kill!
They kept working for quite some time while her uncle kept himself busy with the newspaper. At last, bearing no more, Sushmita looked at her uncle and reminded him that he was to go to work.
‘Ah yes! I was reading some interesting article and got carried away. Well, I should leave immediately, take care both of you’, and within five minutes, he was gone.
Justin and Sushmita kept looking at each other for quite some time. Except for the whirling sound made by the fan of the air-cooler, everything was quiet. It seemed they both could hear each other’s heartbeats.
‘I missed you yesterday’. Justin spoke after a long pause.
‘I don’t know what has happened to me; I keep thinking about you the way I should not. It is not proper, but it seems I do not have any control on my thoughts’.
‘I also have been very restless these days’, Sushmita said. ‘It seems I want you around me all the time. I also know that it is not proper, for you are a married man but…. Maybe we should give way to our inner feelings, not fight them, and this may pass after sometime’.
Justin being more mature and a preacher of the Word knew perfectly well that they should not give-in to their feelings. He even wanted to say that aloud but could not muster the courage to speak the truth. His spirit was prompting him to speak out and take charge of t
he situation in the righteous way but his flesh, which was yearning the closeness of Sushmita, was guiding him otherwise. It wanted to concur with what she had just said that they should let their feelings take hold of the situation and it will pass with time. Justin’s inner self on the other hand was telling him ‘NO’, if they give-in even once, they would never be able to come out of it.
With brochure material all around, they sat close to each other trying to suppress the desires of their flesh and start the work, but the closeness of their bodies was generating such heat that it slowly started to cloud their thinking. Sushmita’s cheeks were glowing. The perfume that she was wearing created an aura of its own, numbing their senses and transporting them in a world where the awareness for their bodies was diminishing all other virtues. Soon, they found themselves holding each other with a closeness that was making everything in the room look fuzzy, though they were still trying hard in their own ways to ward off the carnal desire to melt into each other’s arms. All of a sudden, the telephone bell rang, shattering the enticing silence in the atmosphere. It was a call from the office of the lithographer who said that in an hour he would drop by the church office, with the proof of the material readied for print.
Suddenly, it dawned upon them that they would soon lose this solitude. Within those moments, Justin experienced a fierce battle of the spirit and flesh rage within himself. The spirit was telling him in no uncertain words that this was the moment to let go off Sushmita while his flesh craved for her nearness and his mind wanted to drown in her dreamy eyes this one time only, after which he would not burn for her with lust.
This one time only, blurred his thinking completely and with a mute cry, Justin tore off the protective covering of his spirit to fall prey to his own carnal desires.
With a force so great as if their very life depended upon it, they came together in a tight embrace, ravishing each other with kisses that were no more gentle, but intense and demanding. Sushmita’s billowy lips had turned red by his kisses. The spaghetti straps of her top fell off by themselves, and made bare her slender shoulders. Like a man, as if possessed, he pressed his lips on them, planting kisses everywhere on the flesh that he beheld from her face to her bare shoulders. She, in turn, was panting heavily, her breath feeling like fire on his face. Lost in each other, they would not have noted the presence of the man from the lithographer’s office bringing the proof if not for the outer gate in the front yard, which made a creaky sound every time someone opened it. The two realised they were about to be discovered. Sushmita quickly disappeared in the kitchen area to straighten her disheveled dress and become presentable. Justin, on the other hand, immediately took quick steps towards the mirror on the wall to pat down his hair, when he noticed lipstick marks on his face. He had just enough time to rub them off with his handkerchief when the gentleman opened the office door and stepped in. ‘Phew’, escaped Justin’s suppressed sigh of relief. His heart was pounding so hard that he feared that others could hear it loud and clear. His feet were trembling and he found it difficult to keep his balance. His ears felt as if they were on fire and must have turned red out of anxiety. Soon, Sushmita came out of the kitchen carrying a glass of water and Justin noticed that her composure was far better than his own was.
The man from the lithographer left after finishing his business, and soon Sushmita left too for work. Left alone, Justin sat down on the sofa, and it was then that the happenings of the last few hours dawned upon him. His emotions swayed from excitement to remorse. Thinking about his tryst with Sushmita, the hairs on the nape of his neck stood on end but, on the other hand, regret-wallowing deep inside his heart.
As if in a flash, he went through all the bountiful goodness of God that he had experienced since he entered the full-time ministry versus today’s actions wherein he sure would have failed Him miserably. Filled with such emotions, he went home. The boys were there and the younger one was ready, as usual, to share with him his adventures at school. However, not getting a very enthusiastic response from Justin, the younger one went away complaining to his grandmother.
In the night, when everyone had gone to sleep, Justin sat down to study his Bible as it was Thursday night and he had to preach in the Sunday church service. However, he could not understand anything from the Bible. There were no revelations coming his way, nor any of his earlier thoughts that he had noted down in his diary made any sense to him. He closed the Bible and started to pray but he could not feel the excitement in his spirit; he got scared of the void that he was feeling. Has God left him, and would he not be able to preach in the upcoming meetings? Greatly disturbed with such thoughts he went to bed in the wee hours of the morning. By the time he woke up, Pearl and the boys had left for their respective vocations.