New Horizons
Weighing all his options, Justin could clearly see that the offer made by the church was a God sent opportunity. This may really open doors for him to move forward with his passion to preach the Word of God and pave the way for him to settle down here in America. In due course, he would be eligible to apply for permanent resident status and subsequently be able to call Sushmita.
To the joy of his sister, Justin agreed to the proposal made by the church and opted to go to New York and begin church work there among the Asian Christians. His papers were filed and soon he received the religious visa without any obstacles.
Given the circumstances, Sushmita received the news of his R1 visa with both excitement and caution. She was happy because this would really mean that Justin would be able to call her to America and they could finally settle down in life. However, she was skeptical regarding the whole situation as it could prove to be a lengthy process.
In the face of it all, Sushmita put a condition in front of Justin that he should immediately seek divorce from his wife. This was the hardest part even though Justin knew all along that the path he was following would eventually necessitate this final step.
At Justin’s departure from India, Pearl, although hoping against hope, was prepared to face the inevitable; so when, one day, she received a call from Justin on the subject of divorce, devoid of any emotions she agreed to go ahead with it. It was hard for everyone. The boys, particularly the younger one, were completely devastated by the state of affairs between their parents, but no one could stop the tide that was sweeping through their lives. Surprisingly, getting a divorce in New York was hassle-free and after receiving the affidavit from Pearl, it was smooth sailing. Pearl nearly stopped all kind of interaction with him, though Sushmita found this to be in her favour. She was quite pleased of the outcome and wanted to go ahead with plans for her life with Justin.
Justin, on the other hand, regularly kept in touch with his sons, taking care of all their needs in spite of the limited income from the church. Initially, Justin resided with one of the church families but then he arranged to live as a paying guest with one of the Gujarati families in the Jackson Heights area, in the borough of Queens.
There were quite a few people living in that three-story building owned by the Gujarati family. Since Justin needed to have some privacy for the purpose of meditating on Bible, the Landlord, affectionately known as ‘Golu Bhai’, very generously offered him a 9’x7’x7’ unused laundry room to make his home. Justin was much pleased with the privacy that he could enjoy with the money that he was able to spare for his boarding and lodging. In spite of living in a spacious house all his life, Justin, surprisingly, found it very easy to adapt to this life style. The laundry room was near the back alley, and he always found an old neighbour trying to peek inside through the window. ‘Golu Bhai’ had cautioned Justin saying that the man was a troublemaker, who enjoyed reporting to the authorities about the living conditions of the tenants of this building. Justin always took extra care that no noise filtered out from his room and ensured that the curtains of the room were kept drawn to keep off the prying eyes. He did not want to lose this heavenly abode.
His church members were very generous and would always offer him a ride to the church on Sunday mornings. After the church service, he would invariably end up with one of the church families and after having evening meals with them would return to his retreat.
In spite of living in America, Justin’s finances were very tight. He observed that to supplement their income, other Asian church pastors opted to work with various car services. Falling in line with his likes, Justin also started working for a car company to bolster his finances. This helped Justin with the finances to some extent even though the cost of running the car was exorbitant. Justin realised that back in India, Pearl’s income would not be sufficient to take care of all her household expenses, so he made sure to send money on a regular basis for the upkeep of his sons. Sushmita, however, did not favour the idea for Justin’s continued support to Pearl and the family after the divorce. She began pressurising Justin to call her to America at the earliest. Justin explored all possible avenues to get Sushmita a job in some software company in America so that she may get a work visa, but alas, it was not to be so. As far as Justin was concerned, there was no way for him to get a green card before certain immigration requirements were fulfilled, which would take a couple of years.
A Shocker His Way
The city of Manhattan was all spruced up for the holiday season and this was Justin’s second winter in America. Sitting on a cheap plastic chair in his room, with the luxury of a small electric heater, he proceeded to call Sushmita as per the routine that they were following for the last one and a half years. To his surprise, after calling her cell number repeatedly, he did not get any response; it seemed the phone was switched off. This was rather unusual, as she always answered his phone call at the very first ring. That night, he could not get a wink of sleep and repeatedly called Sushmita but all in vain.
The next day was a repeat performance of the night before and again, Justin did not sleep. He was in no position to call anybody else and enquire about Sushmita’s well-being. This kept on going for another ten days, by the end of which Justin was a sleep-deprived emotional wreck.
On the night of the eleventh day, Justin’s call went through and the moment Sushmita came on line, he burst out asking all sorts of questions in one breath, ‘Where have you been, what happened to you, is everything okay at your end?’
Justin was agonisingly surprised at the cool response he got from Sushmita when she said, ‘Everything is okay, and I had just gone away on a vacation with one of my friends’.
This struck Justin as an extremely odd explanation and he realised that something was amiss.
‘Why didn’t you tell me? And who is this friend with whom you went on a vacation?’
‘I went to a hill station with a guy friend’,” was her terse reply.
Stunned for a few minutes, Justin could not say anything.
Then taking control of himself he asked, ‘Sushmita, what’s going on?’
Unfazed Sushmita replied dryly, ‘I need my space’.
Justin felt as if she was talking in an alien language and he was unable to make any sense out of it, but he tried to keep his cool and asked, ‘What is this “space” thing?’
‘I just need my space and I do not think that I want to talk to you anymore’, said Sushmita in a firm voice and after that with a beep of the phone, she hung up.
He tried calling her back immediately but she did not pick up the phone. Justin felt as if the whole earth was spinning around him. He could not believe his ears, he felt sick to the stomach. His hand let go off the cell phone and he slowly sank in his bed. Lying on his bed, he felt as if the ceiling was closing in on him. With a startled expression on his face, he jumped out of the bed and sat on the plastic chair. He had never felt so helpless!
Years ago, when Justin was not even a teenager, standing amidst a crowd, sometimes he would have this weird feeling and would often ask himself if everything around him was real, or if he was alive, or if whatever was going on around him made any sense. Today, after so many years, encompassed by the same feeling, he asked himself whether he was alive or if everything around him was real. His brain felt numb. He lay down on the bed one more time and for hours together kept staring back at the low ceiling that seemed to spin from time to time. Finally, feeling too exhausted, he fell asleep.
The following day, he tried calling Sushmita several times but to his dismay, she did not care to pick up the phone. Justin was still not able to accept the fact that Sushmita had walked out on him. He was not even in a position to fly back to India to confront Sushmita. This is the tragedy of America—one cannot fly back to one’s native place as and when needed, be it marriage, a birthday, an anniversary, even a death. In his case, though it was a matter of life and death, Justin was not in a position to leave the coun
try as he was on an R1 visa and travelling at this time was not advisable. Taking the risk of going to India and not be able to travel back was not something Justin was ready to do. He doubted if he would even be able to meet or speak to Sushmita in her present state of mind. The thought of Sushmita vacationing with another guy on a hill station nauseated him repeatedly. How could she do that to him? In those moments of anguish, it dawned upon him how much Pearl must have suffered by his extramarital affair with Sushmita. He was being paid back in the same coin. The person whom he trusted more than life itself had betrayed him, someone for whom he had jeopardised his name, fame, family and much more; that very person in all likelihood had given up on him for another person. He chose Sushmita over hundreds of his church members who put their trust in him over the years. He chose Sushmita over his boys; the bringing up of whom and their stability in life depended upon him. He chose Sushmita over Pearl, for whom he meant everything. The biggest betrayal being that he chose Sushmita over God himself, forsaking and denying him in front of the whole world. That person, Sushmita, had now cut all cords with him. Walking with Sushmita, Justin had walked away from everything that mattered in life, and now, Sushmita had walked out on him.