Consequences
Justin had been praying fervently to gain respite from his sufferings, but there was none in sight. Will he continually be tormented all his life? Many a days he felt what Job writes in his book:
‘And now my soul is poured out within me; days of affliction have taken hold upon me. In the night season my bones are pierced in me, and the pains that gnaw me take no rest … My garment disfigured; it bindeth me about as the collar of my coat … Thou art turned to be cruel to me; with the might of thy hand thou persecutes me’. (Job 30: 16, 17, 18, & 21)
Who could fathom Justin’s plight? The only difference between Job and Justin was that God allowed calamity to befall Job for He wanted to prove Job’s righteousness to Satan, whereas Justin was on the receiving end from God for what he did in his yore years and never cared to retrace his steps from the path of iniquity.
Apart from his relationships with Sushmita, he had all the good traits of a nurturing pastor to his congregation. Justin was known to be a thorough gentleman, but who needs a thousand bullets to kill when one can do the trick?
What did the biblical character Esau do for whom it is famous that in spite of diligently seeking to reverse his infamous deed, he did not get a chance to be blessed by his father? The deed? ‘One morsel’ of food. In comparison, Justin’s deed was much worse. How long will Justin have to undergo this suffering?
During his times of turmoil, Justin came to understand something very important about the consequences of sin.
In the parable of the prodigal son, Jesus tells the story of a man who had two sons. One fine day, the younger son demanded of the father to give him his portion of the inheritance. The father did so and the son gathered his inheritance and went to a far off place. He squandered all that he had and because of his riotous living, he became a destitute. While impoverished, he realised that he could still go back to his father and seek forgiveness, and that is exactly what the prodigal son did. When he came back to his father, he said,
‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight...’ (Luke 15: 18)
It dawned upon Justin that mostly sin is committed against two entities—one is God and the other is someone upon this earth.
Sin has its wages, in other words, ‘consequences’. At the time of repentance, God forgives and can absolve the man of consequences from his side but the consequences of sin that are committed against someone upon this earth may still haunt. The father of the prodigal son removed the consequences and restored the place of the son in his household, but most of the times the consequences of sin committed against a person remain. Reason being that in spite of being remorseful, one may not have approached the person who was wronged; and secondly, even if one approached that person, he or she may not have forgiven from the heart due to the hurt, loss or other inexplicable human emotions. Justin could understand that though God had forgiven him for his sins, the earthly consequences remain for which he still needed to do restitution by undergoing similar suffering. In fact, as per the Old Testament, the restitution has to be five times.
The three R’s that Lead to the Fourth
As a preacher, Justin knew that whoever comes to God with a repentant heart, acknowledges his or her sin, and believing in His son Jesus receives forgiveness. Thereafter, one does not have to seek forgiveness for those sins repeatedly for one has to believe in the merciful and forgiving nature of God and know for sure that the sins are forgiven, once and for all.
David suffered immensely for the sin of adultery. He suffered shame, his kingdom never regained its glorious time again, his sons rebelled and last but not the least as per the punishment pronounced, his wives were violated openly in the knowledge of himself and everyone else. Justin was thankful that God, in his mercy, had not made him out to be an exemplary case by pronouncing extreme punishments. People still had love for him. There were many who still trusted him and there were many, who still wanted to hear the Word of God from him. He was thankful that even that day, God filled him with revelation from His word. So what if he did not have a platform to share it! The Bible says, ‘The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy…’ . Satan did come to Justin to steal and kill but by God’s mercy, he could not utterly destroy him, Satan could not take charge of his soul. Justin was still spiritually alive and actively striving to seek God’s Kingdom and His righteousness. These thoughts of mercy would fill Justin with such an abundance of remorse that he had never felt before. Punishment can cause regret, but mercy gives birth to remorse, for one’s actions.
Justin’s remorseful heart repeatedly made him travel back in time and reminisce over his iniquities that he committed against God’s holiness.
Justin remembered vividly that it was one morning of July 2009 and, as per habit, he was carrying the bible with him in the car. In between jobs from his car company, he had ample time to read the Bible and contemplate upon it. That day sitting in the car near La Guardia airport in Queens, he was waiting to receive a job on his computer. The wait was exceptionally long and during that alone-time in his car away from every other thought, Justin started reading the Bible from the book of Ezekiel. It was then that he was filled with the love of God in a new way, not because his deeds had brought his life to ruination, not because he feared financial crises, not because he missed his sons, but the reason of repentance was God himself. He realised that until now he had never reciprocated God’s love.
Justin felt as if his love for God was like that of Judas Iscariot who although being a disciple of Jesus Christ was always hand in glove with the evil forces that worked against Jesus. Was that too harsh a comparison? No, certainly not. In fact, that is the stark reality for people like Justin. Judas claimed that he loved Jesus, lived with him continuously for three and a half years, broke bread with him and then betrayed him for thirty silver coins! Wow!! We say how awful his deeds were, but forget that anyone who not only claims to love God is also ministering for the extension of His kingdom and then betrays God for whatever reasons—personal or otherwise—falls in the category of Judas.
In the past, Justin had claimed many a times, like others:
‘For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor heights nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God...’. (Romans 8: 38, 39)
That day, he realised that his claims for loving God were so hollow. A man who is living a life of iniquity, a man who is relentlessly pursuing his own carnal desires in blatant contravention of the Word of God, cannot make such claims, however, emphatic the declarations may be. He cried out to God simply because, until now, he did not love Him the way He had loved him. He realised that he was routinely offering Judas kiss every day, he was routinely grieving the Holy Spirit of God every day, he was routinely trampling the very blood of Jesus that was meant for his sanctification. This realisation brought Justin to a different level of repentance and he felt as if he was transported into the very presence of God and His holiness where he could fathom his own unworthiness.
That day, he realised that, without regret and remorse, repentance by itself could not result in redemption. The three R’s, Regret, Remorse and Repentance, are so important to reach the fourth R: Redemption. Justin’s eyes welled up repeatedly.
How the dust of the earth, that he was, could defy and rebel against God the creator?
How could he, while covered with his ugly deeds, reject the love of the one who was the most beautiful?
How could he delude himself for so long with the creations of the creator?
How could he fix his gaze elsewhere when the Rose of Sharon was always near him?
How could he keep seeking joy in the world when God’s nearness itself could give joy unspeakable?
Umbilical Cord
Justin felt that in spite of the torment he suffered daily, he had until then, never really detached himself from the clutches of the velvety strings of his covetous and carnal d
esires. That day, for the first time in his life, he truly cut the umbilical cord with his covetous desires acknowledging and declaring to himself that all his actions were sinful. Without any reservations, he asked God to wash him thoroughly from his iniquities, and to purge him with His hyssop so that he may be cleansed. Justin cried out to God to make him whiter than snow. He asked Him to create a clean heart and to renew a steadfast spirit in him. Justin beseeched God to build up his walls and renew his mind so that no evil thoughts may beset him again. It is written that you shall be free if He sets you free. Yes, and that day was the first time Justin truly asked God to set him free.
With tears filled-up in his eyes, it was a day of triumph for Justin—triumph upon himself.
It was a day of release, release from the fetters he had created for himself.
He evacuated the camp of Satan and safely returned to the camp of His father.
No one feasted for him on this earth, but he could hear the rejoicing of the Angels in heaven.