He continued, “If you need a refresher, I believe they make certain films portraying the act in some detail. Or I’m sure you could find some information on the internet, including vivid descriptions in narrative form and of varying quality."
Erin was laughing helplessly now and no longer at risk of bursting into tears. “Thanks, Seth,” she said, confident that he would know what she was thanking him for.
There was a brief pause. “You’re welcome. That’s what I’m here for.”
A strange warmth was growing in her chest—and, for once, it wasn’t heartburn.
Erin was starting to believe that Seth really would be there. Not just for the baby, but also for her. In certain ways, at least.
It was a strange realization, and one Erin wasn’t entirely comfortable with. She’d depended on Marcus, and she’d suffered for it. Since then, she’d relied only on herself, on her strongholds of independence and self-sufficiency.
But it was still nice that he was around to help her keep things in perspective and keep her from turning into a blubbering sap.
It was best to limit her dependence on him to that, though. Seth was being uncharacteristically supportive in this, but his nature was so much more complex than he'd been revealing to her in the last four months.
He was—for reasons that still remained unknowable—showing Erin this one pleasant, supportive side of himself.
But Seth Thomas would always be so much more than the father of her baby.
Six
Erin let out a defeated sigh as she pushed aside her laptop. She’d been working with her online banking site and a budget spreadsheet for the last two hours.
No matter how she tried to figure her hypothetical budget a few months from now, there just wasn’t enough money for quality daycare. She made a decent salary, but there had never been a lot left over for extras, particularly given the expense of living in the city.
Daycare was far more expensive than she’d ever imagined.
As it was, she had limited options. All of the daycare providers she would have considered preferable had waiting lists a mile long—so there was virtually no chance of getting her daughter in, even though the baby wouldn’t be born for three more months. Some of the other places without waiting lists were completely out of the question. That left a few which were all right, but Erin still got a sick feeling in her stomach at the thought of leaving her infant daughter at such a place for so many hours a day.
Automatically, she reached out for the phone but stopped herself just in time. She’d been about to call Seth. Just to talk. It had been an instinctive gesture, prompted by the need to not feel quite so alone.
But she was depending too much on his companionship and support. They talked nearly every day now, and she was afraid of what would happen when he decided his interest in this child wasn’t as agreeable as he now thought.
She knew it would happen eventually. When other things became more compelling or rewarding to him, he would move on. It was what he’d done in every relationship he’d ever been in.
Erin couldn’t let herself be hurt or needy when that happened.
Besides, in this issue, Seth would be of no help to her. He’d simply offer her money as a way of solving all her problems and would probably use her temporary anxiety about finances as a way of promoting his own agenda.
Seth was insisting on paying for a nanny, but Erin hated the thought of some strange young woman living with them, intruding on her life, taking constant care of her baby. Plus, she hated the feeling of dependence on Seth that accepting his money would create.
But, at this point, she had almost no choice.
She was having this baby, and she had to work. And, unfortunately, she couldn’t tote her child to the courthouse every day.
Liz had even suggested a few weeks ago that she could move back to their hometown, since it would be a lower cost of living and she’d have plenty of help with childcare. She didn’t have a dream career after all. She could find another job.
Erin hadn’t reacted well to the suggestion.
“What a mess,” Erin groaned aloud and looked down at her stomach, larger than it had been a month ago. “Why does everything good have to be so expensive? I’m sorry all you have is me.”
She thought about her limited bank account. Thought about how she’d be solely responsible for this entire little life, in only three months now. Taking care of her, feeding and clothing her, making sure she was safe and happy.
How was she supposed to do that? On her own.
She knew Seth was willing to help to a certain extent, but Erin would be the one raising their child. She didn’t know anything about kids, and yet she was committed to her daughter—for the rest of her life.
“I’m sorry you won’t have parents who really know what they’re doing, but I’ll do whatever I need to do to make a good life for you. Even if it means accepting your daddy’s money.”
She hated the thought of it. Knew an offer of money was no burden for Seth and that it was an inevitable part of his involvement.
But money was always a means of control. She knew that too well from her years with Marcus, where she’d had to agree to his plans for their life since he was the one earning the paycheck.
Erin gave up on her budget and started getting ready for bed.
She hoped her daughter wouldn’t end up suffering because she was so woefully unprepared in every way.
“I know,” she said, feeling stupid and lonely as her daughter kicked as she slid into bed. “I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself. We’re going to be fine. But you deserve for things to be better than fine.”
***
Erin was only allowed to feel sorry for herself occasionally, so the next day she was back on track, determined to keep in good spirits and concentrate on everything that was going well.
She knew better than to expect life to offer her an easy road. Call it cynical, call it realistic, call it whatever you liked—life often sucked, and it was stupid to expect it to be otherwise.
After work, she was both tired and restless, and, instead of risking another breakdown, she decided to pamper herself for the evening. So she picked up dinner from her favorite Italian place on her way home and, after eating, she drew herself a warm bath, lit several candles, and turned on some relaxing music.
She soaked in the tub for a long time, enjoying the quiet luxury of it and even managing to shave her legs for the first time in...a while. She used a fragrant salt scrub on her skin that Liz had given her last month. And she willed herself to relax, letting her worries wash away with the water.
Looking down at her wet body in the dim light, she decided she liked the way it looked at the moment. The curve of her belly was dramatic and strangely fascinating, and her breasts and hips looked particularly lush and womanly.
She stroked her hands over her body, enjoying the way her wet skin felt so slick and supple.
Now she felt more restless than ever, so she slipped a hand down to her clit and rubbed it in the warm water, deciding that a quick, efficient physical release would allow her to relax more completely.
It took her a few minutes because she'd been initially more restless than aroused, and it was a little uncomfortable to position her body conveniently in the tub, but she reached orgasm eventually in a pleasurable, if unexceptional release. She let her body slump back into the cooling water afterwards.
She was basically relaxed now, but she didn’t feel satisfied.
Sighing in frustration, she let the water drain out of the tub and carefully heaved herself to her feet, feeling clumsier than usual with her extra size.
Drying herself off with a thick towel, she let her hair down from the clip she'd been wearing and looked at her naked body in the mirror. Felt an almost irresistible compulsion to be touched by someone, by something other than her own hand.
Still continuing her evening of indulgence, Erin put on the chemise she’d bought when she'd been shopping with Liz last
month.
It was made of a red slinky material, with an empire waistline, emphasizing the rich curve of her breasts and clinging to the swell of her belly. It looked as good as any piece of lingerie would look on Erin in her current condition.
She left the bathroom feeling a little blah and moved the lit candles to her bedroom.
In the candlelight, she stretched out on her bed, feeling sexy, restless, and a little depressed. Hoping to ease her overactive libido, she tried to get herself off again with her hand. Maybe all she needed was another orgasm.
They said that, at this stage in pregnancy, women could orgasm more easily than ever before.
But she stopped with a frustrated groan before she climaxed again.
Why the hell should she keep feeling like this when she didn’t have to? Seth had offered to help her out in such moments, so why shouldn’t she take advantage of his generosity?
Yes, she needed to be careful. Didn’t want to get too dependent on his presence—either emotionally or physically. But she’d gone almost three months now without asking for his help. Surely she was allowed the occasional indulgence.
Before she could talk herself out of it, she reached for the phone.
If he didn’t answer, she would discreetly hang up and pretend the whole thing had never occurred.
Seth did pick up. On the fourth ring.
“Is everything all right?” he demanded, before she’d even said hello.
“Yeah,” she assured him, her voice breaking a little because she was suddenly swept with a wave of embarrassment. How exactly was she supposed to tell him that she was calling him up on a random Friday night because she wanted him to come over and fuck her? “Sorry to bother you. Are you busy?”
“No. I’m not busy. What’s wrong?” Seth’s voice was brisk and impersonal, and his response more blunt than usual.
“I was just hoping that—” Erin broke off, trying to choose the right words. Shifting uncomfortably on the bed, she decided it would be easier to broach the subject in person. “If you’re not busy and you don’t mind, I was hoping you might come over.”
“Right now? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” she choked, her cheeks blazing red. God, what an idiot. She’d been stupid to even consider this. Better pull out while she still had a sliver of her dignity. “Don’t worry about it.”
“I’m on my way.”
Then he just hung up.
Erin covered her face with her hands and shuddered in humiliation for a few minutes. Then she shook herself off. Decided she had nothing to be embarrassed about. Seth had offered, hadn't he? All she was doing was taking him up on it.
So what if it made her feel horny and desperate?
Seth was knocking on her door less than ten minutes later, much sooner than she expected him, so Erin had to get off her bed, trying to convince herself that she wasn’t embarrassed.
It took her a minute to get to the door, since she wasn’t able to hurry. By the time she reached it, Seth was pounding his fist against the door with urgent insistence.
He was dressed in a tux and looked as handsome and elegant as she’d ever seen him, but his face was set in a tight expression. “What’s wrong?” he demanded thickly, without any greeting at all.
“Nothing. I told you I was fine.” Taking in his formal attire, she added resentfully, “You said you weren’t busy.”
He shrugged, his face relaxing slightly. “I wasn’t. Just a boring opera. Why the hell did you need me to come over if nothing is wrong?”
“Don’t be rude to me. I told you on the phone not to worry about it. I shouldn’t have called you at all.”
He scanned her from head to foot, and Erin suddenly felt self-conscious in her stupid chemise with her enormous belly sticking out beneath her breasts.
“I’ll be right back.” She turned around and walked away from him, thinking she’d get a bathrobe from her room to cover up with.
Seth followed her, closing the front door to her apartment behind him. “Erin,” he insisted. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Nothing’s wrong. I shouldn’t have called you. It’s nothing.”
“Obviously, it’s something.” He trailed her into the bedroom. Once he entered, he stopped short, his momentum cut off as he gazed around. It was basically neat, thank God, and was lit only by the candles. It smelled of the lotion Erin had applied to her skin and the scented candles, and the comforter was rumpled from where she’d been laying on it.
His eyes shot back to her, scanning her chemise and then focusing on her flushed face. “Has someone else been here?” he demanded, something possessive igniting in his eyes.
“No. Although it’s not your business, even if I'd been indulging in the depths of depravity. I was just trying to have a relaxing evening by myself, but I got...restless. So I called you. But I can see now it was a mistake.”
It only took Seth a few seconds to put the pieces together. A flood of realization transformed his face. “Oh. I understand." His eyes seemed more intense than they'd been just a moment ago. "Why didn’t you just tell me what you wanted to begin with? You nearly gave me a heart attack calling up out of the blue all breathless and trembling.”
Erin sucked in an indignant breath. “I was not breathless and trembling. I had considered taking you up on your previous offer, but I can see you already had plans this evening, and you’re far too obnoxious anyway.”
He chuckled and took a step toward her. “It wasn’t even a good opera, and I was just as glad to be called away from it.”
“Did you have a date?”
“Of course. But I thought it was an emergency, so I called a car to take her home afterwards. Neither of us was having a good time anyway.”
“She was probably having a good time.”
“I don’t think so. She looked almost relieved.” His gaze crawled over her body again. “Now, did you want me to help...take care of you or not?”
Erin felt another wave of embarrassment, but she forced it down ruthlessly. She had nothing to be embarrassed about. Her body had certain needs that weren’t being fulfilled. Seth was willing to help her out. Why the hell shouldn’t she take him up on it?
“I suppose,” she relented, shifting from foot to foot. “As long as you can refrain from being quite so obnoxious for a half-hour or so.”
Seth laughed—a soft, husky, incredibly seductive laugh that sent shivers to the beginnings of her arousal. “I’ll do my best.”
He took another step closer, until he was standing directly in front of her. “So,” he murmured, meeting her eyes. “Do you want to?”
“Well, I wouldn’t say no. You said you wouldn’t mind.”
He leaned forward and spoke with his mouth just a breath away from hers. “I don’t mind.”
Then his lips pressed into hers, and Erin groaned softly from the back of her throat. Winding her arms around his neck, she fit her body into his, opening her mouth and sliding her tongue along the line of his lips.
One of his hands slipped up to tangle in her hair and curve around the base of her skull. The other eased down to the small of her back, pressing her abdomen firmly into his middle.
Erin breathed heavily through her nose and tried to suck his tongue into her mouth. Her swollen belly pressed into the hard planes of Seth’s stomach, and the unaccustomed feel of it was strangely intimate. She rubbed her breasts and belly against his body, and he made a breathless sound into her mouth.
When she finally pulled away, Erin was hot and panting. “Don’t feel obliged, though,” she added, unable to keep her eyes from the supple line of his mouth.
The amusement hadn’t faded from his eyes, but something else—something intense and sensual—now mingled into his expression. “No obligation.”
He reached out for her again, but this time he eased her down onto the bed. Erin managed to maneuver into a reclining position with speed if not with any particular grace. Then Seth was beside her, half sitting and half spra
wled on the side of the bed. He didn’t move on top of her, but, with a slight adjustment of her head, he was able to kiss her again.
Erin’s hands started moving instinctively, caressing the hard muscles of his body and thick texture of his hair. He smelled as he always smelled, but for some reason it was irresistible this evening: nothing overpowering or artificial, but something clean, and masculine, and faintly expensive. She sucked in air desperately, but with every restoring breath she just breathed Seth in even more.
Her arousal was already throbbing, and she really shouldn’t be turned on so quickly, with hardly any physical stimulation. She pushed herself up into a sitting position so she could start pulling off the jacket to his tux.
Together, they’d removed the jacket, and Erin was eagerly starting on his bow tie when she happened to glance toward the mirror across the room.
She saw their reflections clearly in that instant. Seth, gorgeous and sophisticated, even when rumpled and partly undressed.
And Erin. Flushed, her skin glistening with the beginnings of perspiration. Her hair messy, her lips swollen, and a wild, desperate look in her eye.
Her belly looked enormous and awkward in the silly chemise she should never have bought.
Erin had never been particularly insecure about sex, but at the incongruity in the reflection, she felt a wave of bitter self-consciousness,
“Oh, God,” she groaned, letting go of his shoulders and collapsing back onto the bed. She covered her face with her hands. “This is crazy.”
Seth released a rough grunt of surprise or disappointment. “What's wrong?”
“What the hell am I doing?” she mumbled, lowering her hands so she wouldn’t look quite so much like a child. “You don’t have to do this. I know you agreed, and that was really nice of you, but you couldn't possibly have any real desire to do this.”
“But I want to.”
“Really, it’s all right. You won't hurt my feelings. I know you’re trying to be supportive and everything, but this is way beyond the call of duty.” Her hands moved down to the distention of her abdomen, and she wished that Seth was gone already so she could confide all her woes to a listener she knew she could trust.