WE ENTERED PEORIA via an orange bridge, exiting the interstate as soon as we were across the river. I had been there a few times over the years, but never without my parents. For a moment I felt their loss keenly, but I had no time to linger on it. Sensing my pain, Sariah reached out and took my hand showing the matching grief in her dark eyes. I looked out the window as we exited into downtown telling myself I would not cry again. We had to concentrate on surviving.
According to Xander we spent the night of mom’s death driving aimlessly. It had been nearly dawn when we stopped at that nameless motel in a rural town in southern Illinois. After my melt down, we decided to head to Peoria because it seemed like the least obvious choice and gave us time to plan. Xander pointed out that no one would expect us to stay this close to Lincoln—less than an hour away. Besides, Peoria had a secret weapon we all knew about. It was a perfect place to set the stage to end this once and for all.
We parked on the street in front of the nine-story Holiday Inn downtown. It didn't take us long to get checked into a room with two beds. It was simple and old, but it was clean. Not that it mattered. We didn’t intend to spend a lot of time there. After dropping our bags in the room, Xander turned to Nate, seizing his shirt and getting in his face.
“I understand that I can’t help you with what you two need to do today. And I have some things I need to do. But I swear to God if anything happens to her, I will end you.”
My eyebrows rose and I studied my brother. I guess if it came down to it, I knew Xander would choose me over his friend. I couldn’t help but wonder what Xander thought of everything between his best friend and his little sister, and made a mental note to ask later.
We rode the elevator back down in silence, parting ways in the lobby. Xander and Sariah went on foot to the library to research. If they’d asked me, I could tell them the selection of information out there was limited and mostly wrong. I couldn’t imagine what they’d find, but I had my own job to do.
Nate and I took the minivan, following the directions he’d gotten from the desk clerk. Luthy Botanical Gardens was located at the eastern edge of Glen Oak Park and across the street from a large wooded area. I knew it was perfect as soon as we got out of the car. I could smell the nearby zoo, and I was shocked that what seemed like a horrid stench in the past wasn’t anymore. It was natural, which meant my nose found it refreshing. Wonder filled me. To have perfume and lotion smell awful and animal waste clean and refreshing, all I could do was shake my head.
We entered through the gift shop—a tiny little alcove packed with pointless trinkets, garden decorations, and various bird feeders. Straight ahead was another door leading into the greenhouse. Above a ramp leading down was a yellow hand-painted sign that said “Welcome to the Garish Garden.” They weren’t kidding. As we walked down the ramp, my eyes were assaulted, but it was surprisingly tasteful. Pink flamingos decorated several of the beds, and there was a green metal table and chair, a pink pig watering can and ceramic gnomes. The path was wide and straight until it split around an island about halfway into the greenhouse. To one side of the door we entered through was a pond with koi, on the other side several potted plants. I made a mental note of the tubs of bamboo on both sides of the door. The place was lush and green. So alive! To say I loved it would have been a gross understatement.
A greenhouse is like a shot of speed for gaia. Everything about them is geared towards nurturing plants, and that translated to strength and power for us. Standing there I heard an occasional pop from Nate behind me, kind of like static electricity but louder. I knew first-hand that when he got a charge out of something it was quite literal. And I certainly couldn’t blame him. I felt like I couldn’t contain my own abilities. I reached out, gently growing several plants in strategic locations. We walked slowly around the greenhouse, before heading out the back door into the garden proper.
Outside was a long sidewalk. Nearest the building, it was lined with bushes and benches. Beyond the concrete wall with donor plaques were mulched flower beds, still dormant in the early days of March. As we casually strolled down the sidewalk past the expanse of well-tended grass, Nate took my hand. We walked in silence past some beds of prairie grass and other indigenous plants and circled around a silent fountain that would shoot beautiful geysers come warmer days. We stepped into a quaint little gazebo near the edge of the garden. Large shrubs tried to disguise the black wrought iron fence and the real world beyond, but didn’t quite succeed. Hand in hand we sat there for a long time. Our minds lost as we listened to the traffic zoom past.
My eyes roamed, catching on various insignificant details. Beyond another patch of prairie grass and some low lying bushes was a gnarly tree, still bare. But I could feel the buds slowly forming, the dormant tree slowly waking and beginning a new cycle of growth. In front of me, between the prairie grass and large border shrubs, I could glimpse rose bushes just starting to sprout leaves again. Across from me, where the top rail of the gazebo met one of the pillars, some fool felt the need to carve “Dan N Menle” in poorly formed letters.
Nate turned towards me on the bench, leaving me no choice but to face him. I knew we needed to talk, but in the scheme of things it seemed rather insignificant. I stared into his eyes and felt that familiar pull—the need to touch him. But it went so much deeper this time. I knew there would never be anyone else for me. I'd always known he was the one in my heart; it just took my brain a little longer to catch on. I remembered what my mom told me about the Life Bond. Was I ready to commit myself to Nate? Would I have the same feelings for any male gaia? My head and my heart warred as I stared into his brown eyes. Before I could stop him or react in anyway, Nate pulled me into him pressing his lips to mine.
It was the most wonderful sensation. His mouth was warm and firm against mine. I parted my lips to deepen the kiss and the warmth expanded until it covered my entire body. Something inside of me clicked into place, reminding me of the feeling of getting my back popped. Pain, and relief, and something much more profound filled me. I felt the confusion and wonder in Nate as he experienced it too.
As we pulled away I was still aware of him. His confusion slowly took over, and he stared at me. “What the hell was that?” he asked.
“The bond,” I whispered. He widened his eyes and shook his head. I felt annoyance blend with his confusion. “You do know about the bond, right?” He nodded but didn’t say anything. “Mom told me right before everything…” Trailing off, I tried not to let the sadness rise up. “She told me it ties our lives together. Like if you die…” I trailed off again letting him draw the inference.
His face twisted. I wondered why he kissed me if he knew it would bond us. Rage and pain flooded through him into me, it was almost more than I could handle. The need to punch something grew, but my hands were still sore from pummeling Xander the night before. So I sat and waited for him to work through it, feeling it all with him. He stood and walked to the opposite side of the gazebo and turned to me.
“This was really stupid of us, Lia. We should have known better!” I couldn’t help feeling hurt by his statement. Didn’t he realize I hadn’t done this? Who kissed who here? “Please don’t do that. Don’t take it that way. I… it’s just—” I felt him softening, going all gooey inside. He took my hands and begged me with his eyes. “I think I love you, Lia, but I’m seventeen. I don’t know if I know what love is.” He looked at me, and I tried to ignore the pleading in his eyes.
I sprang to my feet and put my back to him, wrapping myself in my arms and staring off into the distance. I needed some space and time to come to grips with the enormity of what this meant—time I didn’t have. When I turned back my eyes were damp, but I was in control of myself. “Do you think I don’t have the same doubts? The same fears? Nate, I lost everything in the last two days. I’m an emotional wreck right now!” I was struggling to remain calm by the end, but I managed to continue in a slightly chilly voice. “You have a problem? I’m fifteen and have even less of a clue t
han you. I changed out of my time with no preparation. I was kept in the dark my entire life and had it all dumped on me in the last six months. You want to talk about unfair?” As I spoke, the emotions escalated until I nearly shook with them. By the end of my rant I was stabbing Nate in the chest with a finger. He backed away from me until the bench on the opposite side of the gazebo hit him in the back of the knees forcing him to sit. I stood panting over him, crossing my arms over my chest.
As I calmed, I realized something in me had changed. Something was different, and I don’t think the bond had anything to do with it. I never stood up for myself before, always knuckling under and taking the path of least resistance. But somewhere along this journey I had tapped into strength of character, and my will would not be denied. At least this was a change in my life I could happily embrace.
“We’ll work on it, Nate,” I said quietly, taking his hand and sitting beside him. I looked at him, trying to let all my feelings for him show. “Together. I… I think I might love you. I don’t know what’s me and what’s fate, but I do want to be with you. We’ll figure out the rest as we go.”
He grimaced a moment, then nodded. I felt him close off the anger, doubt and frustration. A golden warmth more radiant than the sun filled me. Our eyes met and he smiled. I knew he felt the same warmth in me. If this was love, perhaps I could get used to it. I sat in his lap and pressed my lips to his just wanting to be close one last time.
We headed across the street into the woods, trying to figure out a starting point Monica wouldn’t see coming. Tall thin trees were widely spaced, stretching from the leafy floor to a vivid blue sky. We wandered up and down hills, heading away from the garden and zoo. I could feel something odd in that direction, a stagnation of the ground I didn’t understand. I hopped a little gully that probably became a furious stream whenever it rained, and picked my way around thorny bushes and fallen branches almost as big as some of the trees. There was a tangled clump of fallen trees, so cluttered with sticks and dead leaves it reminded me of a beaver’s dam. I noticed an opening and tried to note its location as best I could in case we needed to hide.
After about ten minutes of hiking we came to a giant hill. I looked down on neat rows of headstones rising in hills as far as my eye could see. I smiled. I had an idea.