“Peter picked it out,” I say because it's way easier than explaining the insanity that was today.
“He has good taste.”
“Who does?” Dad emerges from his office and he's looking tired again. I smell the residue from a cigarette he had a few hours ago.
“Peter. He picked out this dress.”
“Nice,” he says with a small smile. He's stressed out today, I can tell. “I'm going to pick up take-out. I got you eggplant parmesan, because I know you don't want the lasagna because it has meat in it. Is that okay?”
I give him a hug for remembering. “Yeah, that's fine.”
He gives me a tight smile and gives Mom a peck on the cheek. Mom holds the dress up to me, squinting as if trying to picture me in it.
“Go put it on,” she says, shoving it at me.
“How much did you spend on that?” Dad says as he's heading out the door. Great, I can't even buy a dress anymore.
“It was on sale.”
He grunts and shuts the door. So much for progress. I sigh and Mom gives me a look. I don't like that look. It's the Mom look. I clutch the dress to my chest, as if it can protect me.
“Baby, we need to talk.” Uh oh. I'm not trying the dress on anytime soon.
“Okay,” I say because I can't really say no to her. She has a limited amount of time to impart her wisdom. A lump forms in my throat as we walk to the couch. I fold the dress over the edge. So much for that.
“I'm not going to beat around the bush. You and your father need to start getting along.” I open my mouth to say something, but she puts up her hand to stop me. Shut up, Ava. “I'm not saying that it's your fault. Both of you are having a hard time and it shows, but I can't leave this world without knowing that the two of you will take care of each other and get along. I need to know that you can function without me.”
The truth is, we can't. We aren't going to function without her. She has to know that on some level. She can hope, but the truth is that things are going to go downhill. We may be okay right now, but we are walking on thin ice. Even if I become immortal and start a life with Peter, I can't abandon my dad. She's right. I could try harder. I could not fight with him so much. I wish I could blame it on the Claiming, my angry episodes and the fact that I want to suck his blood most of the time I'm around him, but I can't.
I'm a terrible daughter.
I start to cry, and Mom pulls me into her arms.
“It's okay, baby. There is always a new tomorrow. It's always darkest before the dawn, right?” I nod my head as she holds me. Her scent has changed again, and I can tell she is getting closer. I hold her as tight as I can.
“See? It'll be okay. The reason you and Sam butt heads is because you're so alike.” I don’t agree with her there, but I wasn't going to argue. “You're both very stubborn and have a hard time admitting you're wrong.”
Yes, those things are both true. Still, that doesn’t mean we can get along. I'll have to make a better effort on top of everything else, but I'm going to do it, because I can do it for her.
“Just remember that I love you, and even if I'm not here, my love is. Right here,” she says, touching my heart. I would carry her there. Even if my heart stops beating.
Fourteen
Peter
“Is she asleep?” Helena's voice says outside Ava's window that night.
“Yes,” I say. Ava's breathing has been regular for a while. It is easy to hear when a human is awake and when they are asleep.
“Good,” Helena says, coming in the window. She has a new outfit on that I assume she bought when the girls went shopping. I am not nervous about having her here. Ava is scared of her, but I am not. I don't have a reason to trust her; I just do. The incident with Cal taught me a lot about trust. I always had red flags with Cal. I just chose to ignore them.
“I'm not here to hurt you, I hope you know that.”
“I do,” I say, moving away from Ava. I replace my body with one of her numerous pillows and she grabs onto it. I will have to return quickly. I have tried this method before and it usually only takes her ten minutes before she realizes the pillow is not me and wakes up.
Even in sleep she needs me.
“I don't really know why I'm here. Di and I are ancient history. Literally.” She laughs so easily.
“How do you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Be so human. It seems very easy for you.”
“It isn't. I've had decades of practice. I also watch a lot of television. That helps.”
“Ava and I watch movies quite a bit. I have not picked up much that is useful.”
“Your smile isn't too bad.”
“Thank you.” She goes to Ava's bookshelf and browses the titles. “You're probably wondering why I am here.” She drops her cute American accent and speaks English with her Greek accent.
“More or less.”
“I wanted to ask you about her. About Di. It has been so long since I saw her. I am not a part of her life anymore. I know it is crazy, but I miss her. I did not know how much until I thought of her. I put her deep in a part of my mind and tried not to think about it.”
“I understand.” Viktor and Ivan did the opposite, thinking only about the love they lost.
“I've had so many years to think about what to say to her, and I still do not know.”
I understood that as well. I thought about what I would say to my family, if I ever saw them again. Even after they died, I would think about a world in which we would see one another again. I also think about Ava.
“Words are hard to find, even when you have a thousand years to try and think of what to say,” I say.
“Is she very angry?” She knew the answer.
“Yes. She has become bitter with time. It is not your fault. We are all responsible for our own actions. She made her decisions.”
“Do you think it will work?” She is unsure, however confident she tries to appear in front of the humans.
“It depends on Di. I cannot say. She is my mother, but I feel as if I know so little about her.”
“She's like that. You never know where you stand.”
“Yes.”
Ava moves in her sleep, gripping the pillow. I wait for her to wake up, but she says my name and goes back to sleep.
“I am sorry about your bind. It seems Di wanted to replicate her own noctalis upbringing by taking out her anger at Akash for making her love. It seems that she has decided love is the best weapon.”
“And control.” I wait. Clearly, she has more to say.
“I am sorry to talk so much. Normally I have my brothers and sisters to converse with.”
“It is fine,” I say, waiting for her to continue.
“I want to help you. I want to mend things with Di. I want this to be a happy ending.”
“I want that, too.” I touch Ava's face.
“I'm scared. I know I shouldn't admit that, that noctali don't get scared. But I am.”
I hadn't known fear until I met Ava. Even before I Claimed her, I was so afraid I would kill her or lose her, but I didn't understand what the emotion was. You never know fear until you had something to lose.
“I am scared, too.”
Ava
Helena pops out of Tex's car Monday morning, bright as a ray of sunshine. I'm sure she was just that perky in life.
“Hey! I was wondering, and Tex and I have been talking, and we thought it would be totally awesome if I came to school with you!” Her energy is so intense I almost can't look at her.
“I don't think that's a good idea.”
Despite the fact that she will fit in really well, she is only here for a week, and that will look crazy suspicious, especially if she is hanging out with us. Small town gossips would glom onto that like white on rice. I have enough crap to deal with now that everyone knows about my mother's diagnosis. At least I told Jamie about that before he found out from someone else. We should have told him when we went to the movies. Now we have even
more secrets piled on top of secrets. One of them is bound to slip out.
“I agree,” Peter says.
He's been very touchy-feely and I'm loving it. It's like now that we have a plan and the end is in sight, he has more confidence that this can be fixed. The only thing we have to do is figure out if we are going to Di, or if we wait for her to come to us. I'm all for finding her and getting it done, but Helena seems reluctant and she's the one who holds the keys to the castle, so we're not going to push her.
I'm so afraid she's going to back out, because really, she has no reason to help us. Rasha and Kamir are nowhere to be found, but that doesn't surprise me. They don't seem like they'd be interested in seeing how the American teenager functions, and Helena said they were going home soon anyway. I'm still surprised that they came all this way to bring us Helena.
I catch Jamie's eye across the parking lot. There is a dazed look on his face, as if he's been hit over the head with something. I've never seen that look on his face before, so I'm instantly freaking out. God, I hope it's not something with Cassie or the baby. Maybe now isn't a good time to drop any secrets on him.
“Hey, James. What's up?”
“Not a whole lot. Shouldn't you be in school?” he says to Viktor and Peter.
“They have a teacher's workshop day, so they came with us,” I say, thinking on my feet. “And this is their cousin, Helena. She's just visiting.” At least we can introduce her and not pretend that she is something we are trying to hide.
“Hey, it's nice to meet you,” Helena says, sticking out her hand. Jamie looks at it, still dazed, and it takes him a second to shake it. Peter, Viktor and Helena all share a look that I don't understand. It's almost too quick, but I catch it. Peter squeezes my hand to tell me something. Dude, I can't read your mind.
“Nice to meet you, too. Whereabouts are you from?”
“New York, too.”
Tex and Helena have obviously made up another backstory. I am going to have to start writing these things down so I can keep track. One of these days I'm going to forget and then I'll be in trouble. Tex and I have discussed telling Jamie again, but with Helena around and the other stuff going on, it doesn’t feel like the right week. Really, we are putting it off and making excuses. Neither of us can imagine how he's going to react.
“You okay, Jamie?” I say.
“Yeah, I just... had an interesting weekend.”
“Did you do anything fun? I texted you a couple of times. I thought we could do a Miller's date with all of us soon.” I fight the urge to wave my hand in front of his face.
“Yeah, sorry. I was just... busy.” I stare at him, but he won't look at me. There's an uncomfortable silence as he tugs on his ear.
“What's her name?” Helena says.
“What?” Jamie looks at her as if she hasn't been standing there the whole time.
“What's her name? I know that look. You met a girl. Or maybe a guy? No judgment here.” She points to herself.
“How did you —” Jamie says.
“I'm not as dumb as I look,” Helena says.
“Did you meet someone?” I ask.
His face goes red — a rare occurrence. “Um, yeah. I did.”
“No way, really?” Tex squeals and claps her hands. “It's about time! Your standards are too freaking high. Who is it?”
“Her name is Brooke. She's not from around here.” That's it?
“Oh no, you don't get off that easy,” Tex says, poking his arm.
“We should get going. We're going to show Helena around town. See you at lunch?” Viktor says.
Peter gracefully makes his exit after giving me a kiss. Viktor says good-bye to Tex, and Helena calls out that she'll see us later.
“Speak. Now,” Tex says, sticking her finger in Jamie's face.
He shrugs and shifts his bag on his shoulder. “I don't know what you want me to say. She was by the side of the road with a broken car and I helped her. We started talking, and I don't know.”
“So that's where you were on Friday. You work fast, Jamie,” Tex says, raising her eyebrows up and down suggestively.
“It's not like that, Tex. She's... I can't really describe her.”
“Well, we have to meet her. Like right now.”
“She's... not here. She's with her family.”
“Did she move here?”
“Sort of. It's really complicated.”
“It doesn't sound good, Jamie,” I say. I'm getting red flags right and left.
“You don't know her,” he says defensively. What is his deal? It's like this girl has him under a spell.
“Can we get to know her? Why don't you invite her to come with us to Miller's? Then we can do it as a group thing.”
“I don't know. She's not really into fried food.”
What kind of girl is she? God, I hope she's not one of those girls who cares about every single calorie she puts in her mouth. Jamie wouldn't fall like this for a girl like that. No way.
“Then she can get a salad,” I say.
“I don't think so,” he says, tugging his ear again. I'm getting another huge red flag. My women's intuition is tingling.
“Why don't you want us to meet her?” I say, touching his arm. It's nearly time for us to go to class, but I don't really care if we're late. This is far more important.
“Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you're going to attack her?” The sarcasm drips from Jamie's voice. Why is he being like this?
“We won't attack her. Tex will be nice, right?” I say, glaring at her. She gives me a wide-eyed innocent look.
“Who, me? I can be nice.”
The bell rings, ending our discussion.
“Look, we'll talk later, okay? We just want to meet the girl that has you looking like you've been hit over the head,” I say, hugging his side. He sighs and puts his arm around me, and I get a strange smell. It's kind of sweet and reminds me of green apples. It's not a human smell. I take another whiff as he lets me go. No, I must have imagined it.
“I'll see you later,” he says, giving me a weird look. I think we need to talk just the two of us. Tex has a tendency to be more demanding than gentle when it comes to information.
“Text me,” I call after him.
“Are you chewing gum?” Tex asks me.
“No, why?”
“Something smells like apples.” She looks around as if a person in an apple costume is going to jump out at us from behind a car and explain the smell.
“Yeah, I smelled that, too. Huh.”
Tex shrugs and starts walking toward school, but I'm not as dismissive of the smell. I'm beginning to understand why Jamie doesn't want us to meet his new girl, and I'm wondering if he knows she's not human. Tex skips inside the building, but I make a detour. I know Peter will be waiting on the other side of the building.
“Is it someone you know?” I say even before I come around the corner. He's alone and looks unconcerned, but that doesn't mean anything. Peter never looks concerned about anything.
“It is someone new. I do not think he is in danger, since she hasn't hurt him. Helena will search. She should not be hard to find. She is new; that is why her smell is so strong.”
“Tell her to be careful.” I feel bad that Peter and Viktor are stuck babysitting Tex and me, but I'm glad they're not going into the unknown. I give him a quick kiss and rush to class.
I'm beyond late for class, and Mr. Galakis gives me the hairy eyeball when I walk in, but quickly puts it behind a mask of a smile. People are staring at me, and it takes a second for me to realize it's because everyone knows about Mom's diagnosis. How could I forget about that? Oh, right the whole Di/Helena thing had kind of put it out of my mind.
I sit down, wishing everyone would keep their eyeballs to themselves.
“Okay, everyone, get started on the problems on the board. When you're done, put your papers up here, take out your books and work on section twelve.” Everyone stops looking at me and a collective groan rolls through the
room. The problems swim in front of my eyes. I really wish Peter was here. He'd explain them in a way that makes sense.
Mr. Galakis gets up from his desk and makes a beeline for mine. Oh, crap.
“Can I talk to you for a second, Ava?” Awesome. He has that pity face on. I've seen it before when Mom was first diagnosed, only this time it is magnified, so it is even more pitiful. Ugh.
“I just wanted to say that I heard about your mother, and I'm very sorry. I know you've been having a hard time lately and I wanted you to know that if you need more time, or an extension on you assignments, all you need to do is ask. If you don't feel up to taking the final, we can come up with some sort of project that can stand in for your grade. How does that sound?”
Okay, on the one hand, I don’t want to be treated differently than everyone else. It felt wrong, like a handout. On the other hand, there is no way I am going to be able to study as hard for the final as it would require to get even a decent grade. Decisions, decisions.
“You don't have to decide right now. Think about it and let me know by the end of the week.”
I nod my head and we go back inside. A hiss of whispering ceases. Just what I need. I go back to my desk, and an image of lighting the entire classroom on fire blooms in the back of my mind. I dwell on it for a moment before starting the problems on the board.
It's the same in my next class. My teacher pulls me aside with the pity face and gives me the same spiel. I tell her I'll think about it and smile sweetly. God, I'm going to get out of all my finals. They must have had some sort of meeting about me, because they all say relatively the same thing. By the time lunch rolls around, I'm exhausted and worried and stressed and ready to bite the next person who looks at me like they're sad for me.
Most of the people with that face don't even know me. Some of them say they are sorry to hear, blah, blah, blah. They don't care, really. That sounds bitchy and ungrateful, but it's true. There are only a few people on the planet that really feel for me, and they're already in my life.
I meet Peter and Viktor by my car and see Jamie jogging to his truck as if he's in a huge hurry. Hmm...
“Hey,” I say, pointing to Jamie. “Wonder where he's going.”