I turned from watching the play of the fountain against the backdrop of amber clouds, making the familiar obeisance, and wondered why I had been summoned to my mother's apartments.
Surely not to receive this information. Despite her courteous words to Aldrar two wakings ago, I doubted that Illistanirda cared for my nenfari's well-being.
Sucking on my palm, where black grit had imbedded in a scratch, I schooled my features to indifference. Once Aldrar had been drugged to sleep, I spent the next several winds between fretful, forced optimism and numb resign. On waking I had thrown myself into battle practice. I would not again drop my staff in combat, but the exercise did little to assuage my worry. I was yet unprepared for the near-physical pain Illistanirda's words caused. Did Aldrar know? I longed to dash back to my chambers.
Watching Illistanirda cross the flagstones, I took a deep breath and resolved not to let her see my upset.
She towered above me, dark hair coiled into an ornate web of braidwork. She was tall and slender, perfect as the well-tended lilies of her garden. Small and compact, I did not take after her.
"Three nenfaron," she said. "The rest were female."
"Not likely a harani then. But they said I would have the power, and despite the nine-males born-for me, I do not seem to." My wistful tone made me grit my teeth. "I loose faith in omens."
"Only the entrails will tell." The words seemed to bring an aliveness to her eyes.
"Which is why you asked me here, is it not?" For a moment I felt a glow of pride at her swiftly covered surprise. Then I cursed myself...for caring, for hoping. Six turnings of hope had been wasted thus far. The ring wuld never be mine.
"Indeed." Illistanirda's smile calculated. Her teeth showed, sharp and white. "The entrails will be read in ceremony during this and the two successive wakings. It is required that the Ru'al Harani be there as witness, but I have other matters which need my attention. You are my proxy."
"Me? How can I?" I felt a sudden chill of panic, fast doused by years of training. "I am no true harani. Sulios would not allow it. Besides, I attacked him not seven winds ago. Is there none better suited to go in your stead?"
"Attacked? Mere scratches. Little Talil could have done worse. Well that you restrained yourself or we might have had trouble. Sulios will not dare object. The priests may have gained influence since we were conquered by the Men From Beyond the Mountains, but the Ru'al Harani is not yet impotent."
Plucking a tall flower from the fountain, she twirled it in her fingers. Her long-nailed hands crinkled the stem to tiny bits. She dropped them into the water where copper fish nibbled curiously.
"It is unlikely that Sulios knows you are not full harani," she continued. "His spies are not so competent as that. Nor would the Khalji have spread word of his daughter's deficiency. You will watch the sacrifices and you will look over his shoulders and read the entrails. Sulios will pretend that nothing of import occurred between you. To do less would be beneath him. He may in fact be glad of your presence.”
"How so?"
"It forces you to suffer. And through you, myself."
It was doubtful to me that my hurt would cause her any. "But revered mother, surely you forget. I have not been taught to read entrails."
"The secrets of the reading were lost to the haraniis before our line won the ring. Perhaps the priests of Shagul do not know this. Enough that you act as though you have knowledge. Thus we retain our power. Go now."
Bowing, I started to back away. "I dislike seeing my nenfari caused pain. Can nothing be done to save Aldrar's child?"
"The laws of nenfar are harsh, but necessary, daughter. Without born-for slaves, how can we assure ourselves of servants who are loyal? Allow them to have children, and where will their loyalties be?" She shredded the last of the flower, letting indigo petals drift to the stones of the walk. "You allowed your born-for slave to take a lover. Abide by the effects of your choice."
"But must the child die? Have you not yourself told how in the days before we were conquered, we women kept our nenfaron as lovers and warriors? Did not--"
"Heresy!" Illistanirda sucked in her breath with a hiss. "Let none who are not harani born and trained hear you repeat those words!" Even the daughter of the Ru'al Harani is not safe should those words reach the Khalji's ears. The High Assassin's daughter is especially not safe, should they suspect we plot against them."
"And do we?"
Illistanirda's eyes held a shove. "Go. You have little time to dress before the sacrifice." A lesser female would have scurried backwards. I tempered my retreat to graceful haste.
As I reached the arched gallery, my mother's voice drifted from the fountain, a whisper near lost in the clacking of bone chimes as the breeze changed direction. "If it is any consolation, D'hara, know that those who are nenfaron never truly die."