The two robots were parked just inside the airlock, using magnetic anchors. He floated down the corridor and touched them for a moment without speaking. He realized that he actually felt some comfort in their presence. They weren’t exactly what he had in mind for companionship—and they weren’t even very smart robots, just clever at what they were designed to do—and yet he had already been through some difficult times with them, and in that sense they felt like old friends. “Hi, Nappy,” he said finally. “Copernicus. Long time no see.”
“I am at your service, John Bandicut,” Napoleon answered, raising itself slightly on its ungainly legs. Two lights winked on its holocams.
Copernicus answered with a series of drumtaps. “With you for the mission, Cap’n Bandicut.” The robot rolled forward and back a few centimeters on its conical wheels.
“Thanks,” Bandicut said softly. “Look, you two. I have to tell you right now that you’ve signed on for a . . . difficult mission. But I’m glad you’re here. I want you to help me inspect the ship. I didn’t have time to give it much of a preflight.”
“Preflight inspection is mandatory before all operations,” rasped Napoleon. “We should suspend—”
“Stow it, Nappy. We’re in flight already. And I need your help.”
“You are in command, John Bandicut,” Napoleon answered. “Would you like a class-one detailed inspection of all systems, a class-two inspection of only vital systems, a class-three—”
“Just check the fr’deekin’ ship, will you?” Bandicut roared. “Look first for any other human aboard, then check vital life-support supplies, then power systems, then anything else you have time for in the next forty days, before we all cash it in. I’m going to stick close to the bridge. Just check in with me from time to time, okay?”
“Understood,” said Napoleon.
“Wilco,” said Copernicus with another quick drumtap.
/// Could you touch them again
for a moment, please? ///
Bandicut pulled himself close and laid a hand on each robot. His hands tingled. /Reprogramming?/
/// Just fine-tuning.
Okay. ///
Bandicut removed his hands. “Get going,” he said. He watched, frowning, as they clicked into motion and started down the corridor—Napoleon swinging like an angular monkey on its magnetic feet, and Copernicus rolling smoothly down the side wall of the corridor. Bandicut sighed and returned to the cockpit. It made him nervous to be away, even though there was no piloting for him to do. If he was to be captain of his stolen ship, he just thought he damn well ought to be on the bridge.
/// You’ll get used to it, John.
You might as well spend some of the trip
coming to terms with what you’ve done,
don’t you think? ///
/I thought I told you to go jump in a lake,/ he said, not meaning it at all kindly.