Father: Come home. Alone, please.
I show the text to Charlie and she just nods. "You can drop me off at home."
The rest of the ride is slightly uncomfortable. I feel like the video we just watched together has somehow made us see one another in a different light. Not necessarily a bad one, just a different one. Before, when I looked at her, she was just the girl who was experiencing this weird phenomenon with me. Now when I look at her, she's the girl I supposedly make love to. The girl I've apparently made love to for a while. The girl I apparently still love. I just wish I could remember what it's supposed to feel like.
After seeing the obvious connection we once had, it only further confuses me that she was involved with that Brian guy. Thinking about him now fills me with a whole lot more anger and jealousy than it did before seeing us together in that video.
When we pull into her driveway and stop, she doesn't immediately get out. She stares up at the dark house in front of us. There's a faint light on in a front window, but no sign of movement anywhere inside the house.
"I'll try to talk to my sister tonight. Maybe get more of an idea about what happened last night when I came home."
"That's probably a good idea," I tell her. "I'll do the same with my brother. Maybe figure out what his name is while I'm at it."
She laughs.
"Want me to pick you up for school tomorrow?"
She nods. "If you don't mind."
"I don't."
It's quiet again. The silence reminds me of the soft sounds that were escaping her in the video that's still on my phone, thank God. I'll be hearing her voice in my head all night. I'm kind of looking forward to it, actually.
"You know," she says, tapping the door with her fingers. "We could wake up tomorrow and be perfectly fine. We might even forget today happened and everything will be back to normal."
We can hope for it, but my instincts lead me to believe that won't happen. We're going to wake up tomorrow just as confused as we are right now.
"I'd bet against it," I say. "I'll go through the rest of my emails and messages tonight. You should do the same."
She nods again, finally turning her head to make direct eye contact with me. "Goodnight, Silas."
"Goodnight, Charlie. Call me if you..."
"I'll be fine," she says quickly, cutting me off. "See you in the morning." She exits the car and begins walking toward her house. I want to yell after her, tell her to wait. I want to know if she's wondering the same thing I'm wondering: What does Never Never mean?
I think if you cheat, it should be with someone worthy of your sin. I'm not sure if this is old Charlie's thoughts or new Charlie's thoughts. Or maybe, because I'm observing Charlie Wynwood's life as an outsider, I'm able to think of her cheating with detachment rather than judgment. All I know is if you're going to cheat on Silas Nash it had better be with Ryan Gosling.
I turn back to look at him before he drives away and catch a glimpse of his profile, the dim streetlamp behind the car illuminating his face. The bridge of his nose isn't smooth. At school, the other boys had pretty noses, or noses that were still too big for their faces. Or worse, noses pocked with acne. Silas has a grown-up nose. It makes you take him more seriously.
I turn back to the house. My stomach feels oily. No one is around when I open the door and peer inside. I feel like I'm an intruder breaking into somebody's house.
"Hello?" I say. "Anyone here?" I close the door quietly behind me and tiptoe into the living room.
I jump.
Charlie's mother is on the couch watching Seinfeld on mute, and eating pinto beans straight from the can. I'm suddenly reminded that all I've eaten today is the grilled cheese I split with Silas.
"Are you hungry?" I ask her tentatively. I don't know if she's still mad at me or if she's going to cry again. "Do you want me to make us something to eat?"
She leans forward without looking at me and slides her beans onto the coffee table. I take a step toward her and force out the word, "Mom?"
"She's not going to answer you."
I spin around to see Janette stroll into the kitchen, a bag of Doritos in her hand.
"Is that what you ate for dinner?"
She shrugs.
"What are you, like fourteen?"
"What are you, like brain-dead?" she shoots back. And then, "Yes, I'm fourteen."
I grab the Doritos from her hand and carry them over to where drunken mommy is staring at the TV screen. "Fourteen-year-old girls can't eat chips for dinner," I say, dropping the bag on her lap. "Sober up and be a mom."
No response.
I stalk over to the fridge, but all that's inside it is a dozen cans of Diet Coke and a jar of pickles. "Get your jacket, Janette," I say, glaring at the mother. "Let's get you some dinner."
Janette looks at me like I'm speaking Mandarin. I figure I need to throw something mean in there just to keep up appearances. "Hurry up, you little turd!"
She scampers back to our room while I search the house for car keys. What type of life was I living? And who was that creature on the couch? Surely she hadn't always been that way. I glance at the back of her head and feel a spurt of sympathy. Her husband--my father--is in prison. Prison! That's a big deal. Where are we even getting money to live?
Speaking of money, I check my wallet. The twenty-eight dollars is still there. That should be enough to buy us something other than Doritos.
Janette comes out of the bedroom wearing a green jacket just as I find the keys. Green is a good color on her--makes her look less angsty teen.
"Ready?" I ask.
She rolls her eyes.
"Okay then, mommy dearest. Going to get some grub!" I call out before I close the door--mostly to see if she'll try to stop me. I let Janette lead the way into the garage, anticipating what kind of car we drive. It isn't going to be a Land Rover, that's for sure.
"Oh, boy," I say. "Does this thing work?" She ignores me, popping her earbuds in as I eye the car. It's a really old Oldsmobile. Older than me. It smells of cigarette smoke and old people. Janette climbs into the passenger side wordlessly and stares out the window. "Okay then, Chatty Cathy," I say. "Let's see how many blocks we can go before this thing breaks down."
I have a plan. The receipt I found is dated last Friday and is from The Electric Crush Diner in the French Quarter. Except this piece of crap car doesn't have GPS. I'll have to find it on my own.
Janette is quiet as we pull out of the driveway. She traces patterns on the window with her fingertip, fogging and re-fogging the glass with her breath. I watch her out of the corner of my eye; poor kid. Her mom's an alcoholic and her dad is in prison--kind of sad. She also hates me. That pretty much leaves her alone in the world. I realize with surprise that Charlie is in the same situation. Except maybe she has Silas--or did have Silas before she cheated on him with Brian. Ugh. I shake my shoulders to get rid of all my feels. I hate these people. They're so annoying. Except I kind of like Silas.
Kind of.
The Electric Crush Diner is on North Rampart Street. I find a parking spot on a crowded corner and have to parallel park between a truck and a MINI Cooper. Charlie is an excellent parallel parker, I think proudly. Janette climbs out after me and stands on the sidewalk, looking lost. The diner is across the street. I try to peer in through the windows, but they're mostly blacked out. The Electric Crush flashes in pink neon over the front door.
"Come on," I say. I hold out my hand to her and she draws back. "Janette! Let's go!" I march up to her in what can only be an aggressive Charlie move, and grab her hand. She tries to pull away from me, but I hold on tight, dragging her across the street. "Let. Me. Go!"
As soon as we reach the other side, I spin around to face her. "What's your problem? Stop acting like a...," fourteen-year-old, I finish in my head.
"What?" she says. "And why do you even care what I act like?" Her bottom lip is puffing out like she's about to cry. I suddenly feel very sorry for being so rough with her. She's just a little
kid with tiny boobs and a hormone-addled brain.
"You're my sister," I say gently. "It's time we stick together, don't you think?" For a minute, I think she's going to say something--maybe something soft and nice and sisterly--but then she stomps toward the diner ahead of me and flings open the door. Damn. She's a tough cookie. I follow her in--a little sheepishly--and stop dead in my tracks.
It's not what I thought it was going to be. It's not really a diner--more like a club with booths lining the walls. In the middle of the room is what looks like a dance floor. Janette is standing near the bar, looking around in bewilderment.
"You come here often?" she asks me.
I look from the black leather booths to the black marble floors. Everything is black aside from the bright pink signs on the walls. It's morbid and bubblegum.
"Help you?" A man steps out from a door at the far end of the bar, carrying an armful of boxes. He's young--maybe early twenties. I like him on sight because he's wearing a black vest over a pink t-shirt. Charlie must like pink.
"We're hungry," I blurt.
He half smiles and nods over to a booth. "Kitchen doesn't usually open for another hour, but I'll see what he can whip up for you if you'd like to sit."
I nod and beeline over to the booth, pulling Janette along with me.
"I was here," I tell her. "Last weekend."
"Oh," is all she says before studying her fingernails.
A few minutes later, the pink t-shirt guy comes out of the back, whistling. He walks over and places two hands on the table.
"Charlie, right?" he asks. I nod dumbly. How does he...? How many times have I...?
"The kitchen was making me a roast chicken. What do you say I share it with you guys? We won't get busy for a couple more hours, anyway."
I nod again.
"Good." He hits the table with his palm and Janette jumps. He points to her. "Coke? Sprite? Shirley Temple?"
She rolls her eyes. "Diet Coke," she says.
"And you, Charlie?"
I don't like the way he says my name. It's too...familiar. "Coke," I say quickly. When he leaves, Janette leans forward, her eyebrows drawn together. "You always get diet," she says accusatorily.
"Yeah? Well I'm not quite feeling like myself."
She makes a little noise in the back of her throat. "No kidding," she says. I ignore her and try to get a good look around. What were Silas and I doing here? Is it a place we came often? I lick my lips.
"Janette," I say. "Have I ever told you about this place?"
She looks surprised. "You mean all the times we have heart-to-hearts when we put the lights out at night?"
"Okay, okay, I get it. I'm a really crappy sister. Geez. Get over it already. I'm extending the olive branch here."
Janette scrunches up her nose. "What's that mean?"
I sigh. "I'm trying to make it up to you. Start fresh."
Just then the pink t-shirt dude brings us our drinks. He brought Janette a Shirley Temple even though she asked for a diet coke. Her face registers disappointment.
"She wanted a diet coke," I say.
"She'll like that," he says. "When I was a kid..."
"Just get her a diet coke."
He holds up his hands in surrender. "Sure thing, princess."
Janette glances at me from under her eyelashes. "Thanks," she says.
"No problem," I say. "You can't trust a guy who wears a pink shirt." She sort of smirks and I feel triumphant. I can't believe I thought I liked that guy. I can't believe I liked Brian. What the hell was wrong with me?
I pick up my phone and see that Silas has texted me multiple times. Silas. I like Silas. Something about his soothing voice and good boy manners. And his nose--he has a wicked cool nose.
Silas: My dad...
Silas: Where are you?
Silas: Hello?
The guy comes back with the chicken and a plate of mashed potatoes. It's a lot of food.
"What's your name again?" I ask.
"You're such a bitch, Charlie," He says, laying a plate down in front of me. He glances at Janette. "Sorry," he says.
She shrugs. "What is your name?" she asks through a mouthful of food.
"Dover. That's what my friends call me."
I nod. Dover.
"So last weekend...," I say.
Dover bites. "Yeah, that was crazy. I didn't expect to see you back here this soon."
"Why not?" I ask. I'm trying to be casual, but my insides are jumping around like they're being shocked.
"Well, your man was pretty pissed. I thought he was going to blow his shit before he got kicked out."
"Blow his shit...?" I change my tone so it's not so much a question. "Blow his shit. Yeah. That was..."
"You looked pretty pissed," Dover says. "I can't blame you. You might have liked it here if Silas hadn't ruined it for you."
I sit back, the chicken suddenly unappealing. "Yeah," I say, glancing at Janette, who is watching us both curiously.
"You finished, brat?" I ask her. She nods, wiping her greasy fingers on a napkin. I pull a twenty out of my purse and drop it on the table.
"No need," Dover says, waving it away.
I lean down till we are eye to eye. "Only my boyfriend gets to buy me dinner," I say, leaving the money on the table. I walk to the door, Janette trailing behind me.
"Yeah, well," Dover calls, "you live by that rule, you can eat for free seven days a week!"
I don't stop until I reach the car. Something happened in there. Something that made Silas almost lose his shit. I start the car and Janette lets out a loud burp. We both start laughing at the same time.
"No more Doritos for dinner," I tell her. "We can learn to cook."
"Sure," she shrugs.
Everyone breaks their promises to Janette. She's got that bitter air about her. We don't speak for the rest of the ride home, and when I pull into the garage, she jumps out before I've turned off the engine.
"Nice spending time with you, too," I call after her. I imagine that when I walk in, Charlie's mother will be waiting for her--perhaps to chew her out for taking the car--but when I step into the house, everything is dark except for the light underneath the door to Janette's and my bedroom. Mother has gone to sleep. Mother doesn't care. It's perfect for the situation I'm in. I get to snoop around and try to figure out what happened to me without the questions and rules, but I can't help thinking about Janette--about how she's just a little kid who needs her parents. Everything is so screwed up.
Janette is listening to music when I open the door.
"Hey," I say. I suddenly have an idea. "Have you seen my iPod?" Music tells a lot about a person. I don't have to have a memory to know that.
"I don't know," she shrugs. "Maybe it's with all your other crap in the attic."
My other crap?
The attic?
I suddenly feel excited.
Maybe there's more to me than a bland bedspread and a stack of bad novels. I want to ask her what kind of crap, and why my crap is in the attic instead of in our shared bedroom, but Janette has stuck the buds back in her ears and is working hard to ignore me.
I decide the best route would be to go up to the attic to check things out for myself. Now, where is the attic?
The front door to my house opens as I'm putting my car in park, and Ezra walks outside, wringing her hands together nervously. I get out of the car and walk to where she's standing, wide-eyed.
"Silas," she says, her voice quivering. "I thought he knew. I wouldn't have mentioned Charlie was here, but you didn't seem to be hiding it, so I thought things had changed and she was allowed over here..."
I hold up my hand to stop her from more unnecessary apologies. "It's fine, Ezra. Really."
She sighs and runs her hand across the apron she's still wearing. I don't understand her nervousness, or why she anticipated I would be angry with her. I shove more reassurance into my smile than is probably necessary, but she looks as if she needs it.
She nods
and follows me inside the house. I pause in the foyer, not quite familiar enough with the house to know where my father would be at the moment. Ezra passes me, muttering a "goodnight," and heads up the stairs. She must live here.
"Silas."
It sounds like my voice, but more worn. I turn and am suddenly face to face with the man in all the family photos lining the walls. He's missing the brilliantly fake smile, though.
He eyes me up and down, as if the mere sight of his son disappoints him.
He turns and walks through a door leading out of the foyer. His silence and the assurance in his steps demand I follow him, so I do. We walk into his study, and he slowly edges around his desk and takes a seat. He leans forward and folds his arms over the mahogany wood. "Care to explain?"
I'm tempted to explain. I really am. I want to tell him that I have no idea who he is, no idea why he's angry, no idea who I am.
I should probably be nervous or intimidated by him. I'm sure yesterday's Silas would have been, but it's hard to feel intimidated by someone I don't know at all. As far as I'm concerned, he has no power over me, and power is the primary ingredient of intimidation.
"Care to explain what?" I ask.
My eyes move to a shelf of books on the wall behind him. They look like classics. Collectibles. I wonder if he's read any of the books or if they're just more ingredients for his intimidation.
"Silas!" His voice is so deep and sharp; it feels like the tip of a knife piercing my ears. I press my hand against the side of my neck and squeeze before looking at him again. He eyes the chair across from him, silently commanding me to sit down.
I get the feeling yesterday's Silas would be saying, "Yes, sir," right about now.
Today's Silas smiles and walks slowly to his seat.
"Why was she inside this house today?"
He's referring to Charlie like she's poison. He's referring to her the same way her mother referred to me. I look down at the arm of the chair and pick at a piece of worn leather. "She wasn't feeling well at school. She needed a ride home, and we took a quick detour."
This man...my father...leans back in his chair. He brings a hand up to his jaw and rubs it.
Five seconds pass.
Ten seconds pass.
Fifteen.
He finally leans forward again. "You seeing her again?"
Is this a trick question? Because it feels like one.
If I say yes, it'll obviously piss him off. If I say no, it feels like I'll be letting him win. I don't know why, but I really don't want this man to win. He seems like he's accustomed to winning.