“Okay,” I say.
“Can I come in?”
I hesitate.
“Sarah?”
“Oh, sure,” I say and open the door wider. We stand in the foyer. Garret’s hesitant, then he walks into the living room. There’re still glasses all over the place and plates and even a platter of appetizers. Thai shrimp, my favorite. We didn’t even get to the filet mignon with creamy mashed potatoes and asparagus.
Garret sits at the edge of an ottoman and I sit across from him. He’s so cute I can hardly stand it.
“I wanna kill the guy,” he says after a long minute where he’s looking at his hands and I’m looking at him.
“I know.” My voice is low.
“What’s your family going to do?” He looks at me and I remember how I would kiss him for hours and how soft his lips are, and I miss those kisses so much.
“Dad’s pressing charges,” I say. A given, I know. “And David’s been fired.”
“Good.” Then he says, “You know, Sarah, Annie is gonna get through this. I know she will. She’s a lot like you. Tough.”
“Like me?” I’m surprised. “Oh no. She’s way better than me.”
Garret touches my shoulder. Has a spark jumped from the fireplace to where his fingertips are?
“The two of you are a lot alike. Maybe not so much in looks, but in the way you both act. It’s kinda cool. Twins who don’t look exactly the same, but have personalities that are similar.”
“That’s not true,” I say, though I’m warmed with the thought.
“Sure it is.” Garret’s hand is still on my shoulder. “Not in public. But when I’ve been with you, when it’s just us, I see that confidence that Annie has.”
“Really?” I open then close my mouth, and feel a smile playing at my lips. I want that. I want to be like my sister. “That’s a real compliment,” I say.
Can it be true?
“She won’t be doing it so alone this time. None of us are planning on letting her. They’re talking to a lawyer and all, and there are some things she has to work out by herself. But, you know, Mom and Dad and me? We’re there for her now.”
As I say these words (that feel empty), guilt clenches at my heart. Maybe if I hadn’t spent so much time thinking Annie was fat and more time wondering why she was eating so much, things would be different. Maybe if I had listened sooner. Not left her alone.
Stayed at the office.
Looked outside of myself.
Thought of her.
Not been so afraid.
I take in a deep breath.
Garret grabs my hand, and the spark moves to my palm where he touches me. “Sarah.”
I try to pull free, but he won’t let me. Okay, I don’t try that hard.
“Sarah.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry. About everything. About what’s happened with Annie. That I listened to my mom.” He swallows. “That we haven’t been together.”
I don’t say anything.
“I’ve missed you.” Garret comes close. I can smell his aftershave. All I have to do is bury my head in his neck but instead I let him kiss me, his lips meeting mostly teeth because I’m smiling.
Then we’re really kissing. Full on. And I missed him so much that my eyes fill with tears. His arms go around me. I hear his phone ring but he doesn’t answer and we keep kissing. Keep kissing, standing now, so close and it’s like we’ve never been apart.
The phone rings again.
“Your mom?” I ask, pulling away from him.
His face is flushed. He looks at his phone. His cheeks go redder. He nods.
I swallow. “Go home,” I say, because I know right then this will never work. No matter how I want it to. Not this way. It can’t.
And if Annie is going to be strong, so will I. I don’t want to be, but I will.
“Sarah,” he says.
“Go on.”
He gives me one heartbreaking look. “Don’t give up completely,” he says.
His shoulders slump and he nods when I don’t answer.
Then he’s walking to the door and when he’s off the porch, one hand in his pocket, the other holding the phone to his ear, I shut the door and cry.
For me.
For Garret.
But mostly, mostly for Annie.
sarah
When the rest of my family gets home, I wait for my sister to get out of the car.
“It’s over,” she says when she comes inside. She’s weeping. So many tears today for our family. Too many.
Dad’s furious. But he doesn’t say much of anything except he’s throwing the book at David Carter.
And that he’s sorry. So sorry.
Mom says, “I should have known.”
I think, Me too.
Annie falls into my arms.
“It was awful. The worst thing ever. The worst.” She stops. Sobs. “Thank you,” she says. “Oh, Sarah. Thank you.”
I think over this last year. The hard stuff. The crap.
I know my sister. Annie can do anything.
sarah
And maybe I can too. Maybe, I can.
Carol Lynch Williams, Never Said
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