MY EYES NATURALLY took to the ceiling, searching the beams for a place to hide even though I knew there was nothing there. Everything was too open, too exposed. The rapid beating of my heart pulsed in my ears. We were trapped. I jumped when Triven’s hand closed around my wrist.
I turned to meet his green eyes. Instead of finding panic, they were strangely apologetic. “I’m sorry, but it’s the only way. I will be right here with you.”
My eyes traveled to his left hand. It was holding up a metal grate in the floor. The tendons in my throat constricted violently. Before I could pull away, he yanked forward, throwing me effortless under the grate. It was all I could do not to scream. I fell face first into the shallow pit, the stench instantly transforming me back into that scared eleven-year-old. I pushed myself up, trying to escape, but Triven’s body crashed down on me pinning me to the ground. He pushed me onto my back and laid down next to me as the grate clanked shut. The bars seemed to close in, pressing in on me, crushing me. My body began to shake uncontrollably.
“Close your eyes.” Triven whispered. There was fear in his voice, but it was still steady. “I’m here, Prea. I’m not leaving you.”
I pressed my palm over my mouth, stifling my ragged breathing just as the door opened. The light went out as they moved inside. Shadows passed over us and I stopped breathing. Then the door clicked shut and the light came back on. The sole of a dress shoe was hovering inches from my face. I closed my eyes. Our hiding place was cast into shadow. The dim light was barely strong enough to reach us and with our dark clothing we would just disappear. As long as they didn’t look down for too long we just might remain unseen.
I tried to envision myself somewhere else, anywhere else, but the smell was too familiar. Closing my eyes only made it worse, but I couldn’t make them open. I could see my parents’ faces, their blood spilling onto the darkened pavement. My mother’s screams began to echo in my ears.
Triven’s hand closed over mine, squeezing lightly, pulling me back from the darkest depths of my mind.
I tried to calm myself.
I wasn’t alone. We were together.
I tried to focus on the voices talking above us.
“Please tell me you’re not wasting my time with this drivel. Have you found what I asked for?” A deep voice silenced all of the others.
“We did—”
I recognized the second voice, but couldn’t place it.
“Then why are you empty-handed?” The deeper voice was like ice. It trickled down my eardrums chilling its way to my bones.
“There was a complication…”
“I don’t have time for complications. We have paid you handsomely and expected results.”
“We know, we are—”
“I don’t think you do. I think you have forgotten who’s in charge.”
I bit into my palm as the gunshot rang out. There was a hollow thud of a body hitting the concrete floor. Even with my eyes closed I knew it was blood that splattered my face. The warm droplets dripped down my cheek, pooling as they caught in the hollow of my ear. The salty copper smell made my stomach churn. I pressed my fingers over my nose to keep from breathing, trying to suppress the gag spasming in my throat. It was too much. The smell of the blood mixed with the stench of the sewer. Images of my parents’ deaths were flashing in my mind again. I barely heard the man speak above us.
“Next time it will be your head. Find the girl.”
The noises swirled around me. More voices, sounds of feet and something heavy being dragged away. It was dark and then light again. Then there was silence, dragging, agonizing silence.
As soon as Triven lifted the gate I exploded past him, barely making it to my knees before I retched. My body was heaving and shaking so violently my teeth rattled. Something touched me and I lunged to my feet, backing away.
Triven reached for me again and I bolted. I didn’t remember touching the door or scaling the wall we had so carefully climbed before, but I was on the rooftops again somehow. Something warm wetted my cheeks and my eyes began to blur, but I still ran. I ran until I couldn’t feel my legs, until I couldn’t breathe.
I collapsed, the rough rooftop cutting into my knees and palms. A high-pitched keening reverberated from my chest. I knew I should be quiet, that I should stop, but I couldn’t. Someone was approaching me, but I didn’t care. Let them kill me. Let them stop my pain. But there was no such luck.
I didn’t cringe when he touched me this time. Instead I fell back into his waiting arms. They were so warm, so desirable. At that moment I wanted to feel something, anything other than the building pain. I wanted to forget. Forget my past. Forget my name.
Triven stiffened as I crushed my lips to his. He hesitated.
“Please.” I pleaded between kisses. “Please… I need to feel something, anything other than this. Please…”
I let out a sigh of relief as his lips responded to mine. They were hesitant but he was giving in. But it wasn’t enough. The tears were still streaming down my face, salting our kisses. I needed more. I wanted to lose all of the pieces I had been hanging on to. I didn’t want them anymore. I didn’t want to be me anymore.
My hands roamed to his chest, pushing up his shirt, pulling at the buttons on his pants. His reaction was instantaneous. He pushed me away, grabbing my wrists to restrict my hands. His eyes were wide with pain and understanding.
“No Prea. Not like this.”
I crumpled in defeat, letting my hands fall limp in his grip. Then the sobs came, wracking my body with fierce convulsions. Heavy arms wrapped around me, gathering me in their shelter. It hurt. Everything hurt. All of the pain I had repressed for so many years flooded my mind, drowning me. It could have been minutes or hours or days, I didn’t know. I thought maybe I would die from the pain, but it only persevered. The only thing that held me to this earth, that kept my life grounded, were the arms holding me.