IT HAD TAKEN us nearly four days of being trapped inside that unbearably stale room, but there was finally an agreed upon plan. There would be two armed parties. Triven and I would be heading team one. Mouse would be taking us to the passageway, and upon our safe entry, team two would escort her back to The Subversive bunker. Mouse was not pleased about this part of the mission. I knew she would put up a fight when the time came, but for now she played along. I knew this, because it was what I would do.
Our goal was to infiltrate The Wall and gather as much information about The Sanctuary as we could. The few remaining survivors from The Sanctuary had confirmed nearly everything on Xavier’s map. I was surprised that one of them was Doc Porters. But a lot can change in six years. Buildings can fall and be rebuilt, people live and die, and power can change hands. When the defectors last left, they claimed The Sanctuary to be a place of repression, a false utopia. But, again, a lot could change in six years. Based on the weapons we had confiscated from the Ravagers, their weaponry had most certainly advanced. I hoped their politics had as well. As much as I yearned for a respite from the world I had come of age in, the hesitant fear I could see growing in Mouse’s deep eyes made that hope dwindle.
Triven had not completely forgiven me for siding with Mouse. I didn’t expect him to. He couldn’t understand what it was like being alone in this world, what it was to carry a weight that was thrust upon you. There was a part of him that would never understand what Mouse and I saw in each other. Even though I could sense his doubts, he still stood firmly by my side. Part of me wished he would yell at me or push me away when I snuggled closer to him in my sleep, but he didn’t. He was a better person than I was. I knew that, but still I could feel a tension growing between us that had not been there before.
Something had changed. When in his arms I had been able to sleep without the waking nightmares, but since that day when he forced me into the grate not even his arms could keep away the dreams. Something in my mind broke that day, cracked wide open and I couldn’t close it. The nightmares had become worse. What was once a relentless echo of my parents’ murders had morphed into a horrifying mix of echoes from the past and premonitions of the future. Instead of watching just my parents’ deaths, I was now also forced to watch as Mouse and Triven were shot to death by a faceless man in a white suit. Somehow I knew he was from The Sanctuary, as if some forgotten memory from my childhood had filtered through the buried depths of my mind. I clawed relentlessly at the bars encasing me until my hands were raw, the blood dripping down my arms and face. Still the bars would not give. The screams I had trained myself to hold back could no longer be contained. I would wake in the middle of the night now, soaked in sweat, shaking as my screams filled our room.
Fortunately, Mouse had begun sleeping in the children’s bunk now, because my fits would have terrified her. Despite our tension, Triven would gather me in his arms every night, holding me until I could regain control of myself again. Some nights it took longer than others for the shudders that rocked my body to dissipate. While Triven’s presence always soothed me, I also despised him for it. I had always been so independent and strong and he had now seen me again and again at my weakest point. I told myself I didn’t need him to quiet my screams or hold me until I stopped shaking, but I wanted him to. And I was angry with myself for that too. Being alone was easy, safe. Being with someone just complicated things.
We hadn’t kissed since the night in the clock tower and I intended to keep it that way. Right now I needed my head clear. If my mind was cluttered with distracting emotions, I wouldn’t be at the top of my game. And any hesitation or poor decision could cost me my life. Or worse, Mouse’s or Triven’s. My stomach clenched at the thought.
I watched Triven from across the weapons room as he suited up. His movements were strained, the muscles in his arms slightly flexed. Archer was testing her knives, repeatedly pulling them out of their holsters, feigning a throw only to replace them and repeat the process all over again. Arden was staring at something—or nothing—on the wall, his right knee bouncing at a rapid pace. There was an anxious buzz vibrating through the room. Even I adjusted my holster for what must have been the tenth time.
A brown head bobbed into my sightline, the round face was paler than usual. Mouse’s eyes were wide. She flapped her arms in the too-long sleeves, looking slightly lost. I grabbed the front of her shirt and pulled her to me.
“Come here you.” I smiled warmly at her and lowered my voice. “We are just being overly-cautious.”
It was sort of true.
“Your part will be easy. You just have to promise to stay with me, okay? Then, once you show us the tunnel, you must listen to everything Veyron tells you. No excuses. While I’m gone she is going to look after you.” I reminded her for what felt like the hundredth time.
Mouse nodded, trying to push up the long black sleeves that covered her fingertips. She looked so small. I carefully rolled up the ends so her hands could move freely. The shiny material felt scaly to the touch, the minuscule shields barely visible to the eye. Her body armor was not as good as the ones that were in the Ravagers’ warehouse, but it was better than nothing. The thin materials could amazingly stop most bullets and protect against knives, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t be crushed or that a bullet couldn’t cause internal damage from the impact. I could see the same shiny black material peeking out from beneath most of the guards’ uniforms, but there wasn’t enough for all of us. I had willingly given up mine to ensure Mouse would be safe. Even if it was too big on her, it could still save her life. If I was going into The Sanctuary for anything it was for her, for her future. And I needed to know that she would survive to live it, even if I didn’t get to see it myself.
I could see the black material peeking out from Triven’s collar. For once I was glad he listened to his mother’s chiding. The new world we hoped for needed him. I was just a rogue, an outsider that relied too heavily on myself, who was too far removed. But Triven… he was the beacon his people needed. There were only four of the twelve of us who weren’t wearing body armor, Arden, Maddox, Willets and myself. But only one other person knew I wasn’t wearing mine. Triven, like the others, was under the impression that I was wearing body armor under my shirt. While lying to him about it left a foul taste in my mouth, it was the only way I could get him to agree to wear his own. I had clipped the bottom of the shirt I had given to Mouse and pulled the scrap around my collar to disguise my lack of armor. To anyone looking, it would appear my armor was peaking out from my shirt just the same as theirs.
Veyron’s icy eyes met mine from across the room and we nodded to each other in understanding. I had pulled her aside one afternoon after fighting with Triven about who was wearing the armor. He had adamantly tried to force his on me, refusing to wear his if I didn’t have one as well. I couldn’t have that, I had already stacked the cards in Mouse’s favor and I wasn’t about to let his selflessness mess that up. To my surprise, Veyron didn’t need much convincing. Like everyone else, she knew how special Triven was, that he was a leader they would soon need. I then preyed on her motherly nature to ensure Mouse’s safety as well. In my mind there was no question that she would be wearing a suit. I needed someone else I could trust to survive as well. Besides, I had the best chance of surviving without help. It was what I was good at. It was what I had done for nearly seven years. But Mouse would need other people to survive, to care for her to protect her in case I failed. So I needed them to survive as well.
Veyron had always looked at Mouse with the same protectiveness I did and if anything happened to me, I knew she would take care of my young friend. After very little pressing Veyron agreed. She would wear the body armor perfectly concealed beneath her clothing, while I would fake wearing mine. To everyone else it would appear that she had graciously given her armor to me for Mouse’s sake and then Triven no longer had an excuse not to wear his.
I ran my hands over my weapons again, going through my ment
al checklist. The people I wanted protected had the odds in their favor. I carried two long-range handguns and thirteen knives of various sizes hidden on my person. In a small pouch sewn into my jacket were my father’s notebook and his pocket watch. In my backpack was a first aid kit from Doc Porters, two water canteens, the maps of the city, and a few MREs. Aside from the fact I had more weapons than I ever had before, I felt like myself again. The callous girl, who had braved the city for so long on her own, stirred within me.
People were starting to filter out of the weapons room. Dark should have fallen by now and the city would be waiting for us. I scanned the too quiet room again and noticed everyone had weapons except for Mouse. Making sure no one was watching us, I took a small knife from my boot and placed it in hers.
“Don’t use this unless absolutely necessary. Don’t try to protect anyone else. The only person you need to worry about is you. Do you understand?”
She nodded, her brown eyes serious.
If we failed we would all die, and in the depths of Mouse’s eyes I could see her understanding of that. A chill trickled down my spine. In minutes we would be letting a child lead us, following her towards two possible futures— surviving long enough to start a war or dying before the night was over.