CHAPTER 16 (TRAINING)
The next morning, the smell from the kitchen roused me out of bed. My first thought was Alani, but upon opening my eyes it is obvious that I am not at home. I feel like Dorthy, “Todo, I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.” Stifling a small laugh as I listen to the sounds in the other room. I can hear the sizzling and banging coming from several pots and pans. I roll out of bed and shuffle towards the kitchen. Kai hears me coming and looks up from what he’s doing, “Nice hair!” He laughs as my hand reaches up to try to smoothen out my bed head. He comes over to me, envelops me in a large hug and plants a kiss on the top of my head sending an eye awakening shock through me. I still don’t know what this is that’s going on between us, but it’s like electroshock therapy. Yet, this is a very good type of therapy; one I could definitely get used to. He releases me from the hug. Taking full advantage of the opportunity, I mess with his hair. I can tell he’s taken off guard as he ducks to the side and begins smoothing it back out.
“Good morning to you too,” I say sarcastically.
“Did you sleep well?” He asks me.
Yawning a little before I answer, “Yeah, it’s strange. I don’t even remember going to bed.” Trying to search my mind for what happened that evening but I can’t remember.
“You fell asleep on the couch after your shower so I carried you up to bed.” He quickly adds, “And, I slept here on the couch… no worries.”
I give him a simple smile, “You’re quite the gentleman aren’t you?”
He winks and changes the subject. “Here, come taste this and tell me what you think.” We walk the rest of the way to the kitchen as he gets a spoon from a drawer and gives me a bite.
“Oh my gosh Kai,” I say with a mouthful of food, “that’s amazing, what is it?” I cover my mouth trying to give the appearance of some manners.
“It’s called Loco Moco. It’s a traditional breakfast we have here. I wasn’t sure if you’ve had it yet or not.” I haven’t.
He hands me a large plate of food and I stare wide-eyed back at him. “Is this all for me?” He smiles and grabs his plate leading the way to the dining room table where we take a seat across from each other.
“You’re going to make me fat if you feed me like this all the time!”
Kai just smiles, “I’d like you either way.”
“Kai, you don’t seem to understand my fetish with gravy…I could drink this stuff by the gallon.” Kai gives a laugh and takes a bite of his food.
“So what’s the plan for the day?” I question Kai
Kai sets his fork down and wipes his face with a napkin. “We’re going over to Adam and Eve’s home today to discuss a few things. I got a message this morning telling me they think they’ve found a way to break the curse.”
I just nod my head. I’m not sure if I’m ready to hear what it will all entail. The last thing I want in the world is for anyone to get hurt because of me.
Thirty minutes later we've managed to clear our plates and clean the kitchen. We head out to Adam and Eve's, burning several calories on the long walk over. Kai gives a knock on the door. A second later the door swings open and Eve, dressed to the nines again today in a hot pink power suit and sparkling stilettos, ushers us in.
After our pleasantries Adam, who is wearing the same clothes he had on yesterday, get’s serious and jumps right in. “I spoke to some of our guys and we studied all night trying to figure out how to break the connection between Emma and the Night Marcher...your brother. We have two options,” Adam looks from Kai to me and I can see that his eyes are tired; they aren’t nearly as vibrantly green as yesterday. A twinge of guilt hits me for having kept him up all night. Adam’s eyes crinkle with stress as he says, “The curse can be broken when the hunted becomes the hunter and kills the Night Marcher with his own spear.”
“Absolutely not!” Kai exclaims drawing Adam’s attention back to him. “Emma is not going anywhere near the Night Marchers again!” He slams his hand down on the table and stands up and starts pacing the room. I see that this is what he must do when he’s nervous or trying to figure things out. “What is option two?” Kai demands.
“Well, the Night Marcher is chasing Emma because he wants her soul. If he were to spear Emma in the heart she would most likely be forced to join the ranks of the Night Marchers. The only other way for her to break this connection or curse is for someone else to take her place.” Adam says looking at Kai as if he knows exactly what Kai is thinking. “Kai, it’s not that easy. The Night Marcher chasing Emma would have to accept the sacrifice. They don’t always do.”
“No!” I yell so loud and unexpectedly that I startle everyone in the room. “Nobody is sacrificing themselves for me. Nobody! Option one is the only option.” I stood firm with my decision. There was no way I could live with myself if Kai sacrificed himself for me. He had already done so much; it was time for me to prove what I can do for myself. I got myself in this mess; I need to get myself out.
Kai just stands there staring intently at me. I don’t waver from his glance; I need to remain strong. I will not change my decision. Kai doesn’t say a word.
Adam breaks the awkward silence and says, “Well, I guess it’s settled then. Emma, you will start Kapu Kuʻialua training right away to get you accustomed with how to handle a spear. You will also need to learn how to disarm your opponent in order to get his spear from him.” Adam looks to Kai, “You will take her into town; I have set up for the instructor to meet her in half an hour.”
Kai remains silent but reluctantly nods to Adam. He takes my elbow and steers me towards the door. I thank Adam and Eve as Kai leads me down the steps.
Once we are alone outside Kai takes my face in his hands and presses me against the wall. “Emma, I can’t do this. I can’t let you risk your life like this…not when I’ve just found you.” His expression is so intense and with this intensity comes a shock so strong my heart races and my breath quickens. As if Kai senses the intensity of the electricity that is shooting through my veins in who knows how many volts, he drops his hands and takes a step back from me.
I inhale deeply trying to calm my heart back down to a normal rhythm. I can’t help but think about how Kai lost so many special people in his life and it brings tears racing hot against my eyes. I have no idea what to say at this point. Kai takes a step back towards me and wipes my tears away with the back of his hand then leans in to kiss me. His kiss is soft at first but becomes increasingly more urgent. My lips meld to him as the tears stream down my face. We continue to stay locked together and I cling to the warmth that spreads through me from our embrace.
A few seconds later Kai leans back and looks in my eyes. “Emma, I’m sorry, but I can’t let you do this. I will not lose you!” He says the last part with such intensity that I’m taken aback.
I know that I shouldn’t feel this way, but I feel bothered that he is being stubborn about this. This is my decision ultimately! Out of frustration I say, “Look Kai, I have to do this. You can’t always be around to save me. I am not Heleya.” When I see the hurt flash across his face I instantly regret having said that last part. If only I had a ‘do over’ option or a rewind button, I would take it back just to keep from seeing how my words stung him. “I am so sorry Kai.” I say quickly trying to right the wrong I just did.
“I forgive you. For what it’s worth I do know that you are not Heleya. You may look a whole heck of a lot like her but you are two totally different souls. You may feel like you need to do this yourself, break this curse on your own; but I know now that this is why I had those visions. I’m supposed to save you. Please let me save you Emma.” He says desperately.
Treading carefully as to not hurt him I say, “I have to do this Kai, you must understand. I can’t have someone else fighting for me when it’s my own fault that I’m in this situation in the first place. You’ll never know how much it means to me that you would volunteer yourself in place of me…I just can’t let you do that. I won’t let
you do that.” The last few words I struggled to say. Fighting back the tears that are in my eyes, the words seem lodged in my throat.
A brief look of understanding crosses over Kai’s face. “Okay, but you must be safe Emma, I can’t lose you after I’ve finally found you,” Kai whispers. He leans his forehead into mine and holds me for a moment. “I just can’t bear to lose you.” He moves back to look at me, “Let me take you to where your training will be.” Kai takes my hand and I gladly accept.
We head back to Kai’s place to change into sporty clothes and I take a second to write another quick letter to my Dad. I let him know that I love him, I should be home really soon and to please not worry. I’m not sure if that will be possible, but I hope that maybe if I keep communicating with him it will not be so bad.
On the way into town I flag down Paul and give him my message to take to my home. I look to Kai because I don’t have any coins. He pulls two silver coins out of his pocket and hands them to Paul.
As we are walking through town I hear a glass break inside the tavern. I wonder what reality show made a Menehune mad today. A few doors down from the tavern there is a storefront that has a red sign in the front declaring it a Dojo. We duck in through the doors and stand up in a rather large training gym. It’s about the same size as my high school gym. The equipment and punching bags are much smaller than the average size. They look like they would be for a child’s Karate class. I’m grateful though when I see that the ceiling of the Dojo reaches up at least two stories high. I wasn’t quite sure how I would be able to train if I had to crouch most of the time. My heart starts beating a little faster when I think of training. I’ve never been in a fight, ever. Now I’m supposed to fight that thing, that thing that just happens to be Kai’s twin brother? I will myself to calm down so that Kai doesn’t notice my nervous energy.
There’s a small desk to the right of the door that has one of those little silver bell ringers sitting on it. We walk over to it and I ring the bell twice. A few minutes later a rather beefy looking Menehune comes out from another room that’s separated by a shoji screen. He seems to be around thirty years old but looks extremely fit and is covered in sweat like he’s been working out for hours. His long black hair is pulled back in a ponytail and he is wearing red fitness pants with a tight white shirt that shows off his six-pack. I didn’t even know that Menehunes could have a six-pack; I would have guessed based on their size that they would top out at maybe a four pack. Either way, this Menehune is totally ripped.
He approaches us and when he reaches Kai he does a bow and says, “Hello Kai, it’s good to see you again.” He turns a fraction of an inch in my direction and bows again while saying, “And you must be Emma.” Unlike many of the Menehunes I’ve met, this one is very serious and I can see that there will be no joking or witty humor coming from him.
I try an awkward bow back and say, “Yes, it’s nice to meet you... Um, what’s your name?”
“I am Master Chuck.” He says seriously.
It takes a second for it to hit me and I let out a belly-rolling laugh. I catch my breath and say, “Chuck, as in Chuck Norris?” Kaylee and I used to love telling Chuck Norris jokes like; Chuck Norris can kick you in the face with his fist. Chuck Norris doesn’t need to Twitter, He’s already following you. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo went into hiding. I start giggling again. I look at Master Chuck and he was so not having it.
“Drop and give me twenty!” He says in a drill sergeant commander voice. I look at him incredulously. He doesn’t let on that he’s joking. I look to Kai and he just shrugs. So I drop down to the ground and do my best to attempt a push up. I have no idea how people do it without their knees on the ground. I couldn’t even bend down a little. So I place my knees on the mat and do the girly type of push-ups. I’m thankful that Master Chuck doesn’t get all over me about my form since I know I’m not doing them totally right.
“Twenty.” I say out of breath. Sweat is already starting to bead on my forehead. Note to self-Emma; don’t tell any of those Chuck Norris jokes to Master Chuck... Chuck Norris could totally roundhouse kick Master Chuck into the next century but I don’t repeat that.
“Good, we shall begin.” Master Chuck says. “Kapu Kuʻialua is a Hawaiian martial art based on bone breaking.”
I cringe a little and then wonder if Night Marchers have bones.
“We do not have time to train you on the full art of Kapu Kuʻialua. You only need the strength and energy to retrieve the Night Marchers spear and plunge it into its heart. No bone breaking should be needed.”
Oh is that all I need to be able to do? Easy-peasy I think to myself sarcastically.
Master Chuck continues, “You must not underestimate your opponent though. Night Marchers are fast and highly skilled with their weapons of choice. Usually their preferred weapon is the same one that they had been proficient with in their human life. Kai, you said that your brother was trained with the Ihe, correct?” He looks to Kai awaiting an answer.
“Yes.” Kai says with a pained expression. I’m sure that he was probably thinking about Heleya and how Kao murdered her with a spear wound to the stomach.
Nodding in affirmation, Master Chuck picks up a short spear that’s about as tall as he is. “Then it is confirmed. I will teach you to use the Ihe. It is a short spear with barbed edges. I will show you multiple techniques in order to disarm your opponent. In addition, we will work on increasing your speed as well as building your strength and endurance. You will need to be quick and precise for this fight. We don’t have long. Are you ready to put your all into this Emma?”
“Yes, I’m ready.” I say as strongly as I can. It’s not like I have much of a choice since option number two is completely out of the question for me. If I am going to fight Kao, I will need all of the training I can get.
We practice for over three hours. Sweat covers my body and my throat is parched. My hands have begun to blister from where I have been holding the Ihe. Kai comes over with a bottle of water for me and I chug it down thirstily. I take some deep breaths as I wipe at the sweat that accumulated on my forehead. Kai whispers in my ear. “Go and bow to master Chuck so we can get you something to eat.” I nod my head and walk back over to Master Chuck.
“Thank you for your time Master Chuck. I have learned a lot today.” I bow my head.
“We will be practicing twice a day at least until I feel you are ready.” He says as he returns my bow.
I nod my head in confirmation and walk back over to Kai. “First things first, I desperately need a shower!” Kai gives a small laugh and leads me back to his house.
After my shower I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. Night had fallen about an hour ago and I’m wiped. Master Chuck must think I’m wonder woman if he thinks I could do all that we did today. I’m beginning to wonder if I am really cut out for this. Knowing I have no other option I quickly brush the thought away.
I collapse on the couch and my eyes roll in the back of my head. Either the couch got more comfortable overnight or I’m just that exhausted. Kai comes over with another tall bottle of water. “Thanks Kai.” I say as I take it from him.
“You’re welcome. Eve brought over a meal for us. I set it up on some trays upstairs. I figured we could dine under the stars.” He says.
While my sore muscles aren’t excited about climbing more stairs, my stomach tells a different story when it starts growling in response to the thought of food. “Sounds good to me.”
Kai offers a hand and helps me back off the couch. We climb the stairs and once again I find myself captivated when I enter the room. The stars are out in full force and the moon is nearly full in the sky casting a beautiful shadow on the ocean below. I look over to the swing and find two fold out trays set up in front of it. A turkey wrap with fresh lettuce and homemade potato chips is what’s for dinner. I take a seat and a few minutes later I’ve scarfed down my entire meal and drained my glass of lemonade. I redden when I look over and notice t
hat Kai isn’t even close to having finished his food. I guess I literally worked up an appetite.
While Kai is finishing his meal I’m drawn out of my seat by curiosity when I see a brief flash of light far off in the distance. Walking over to the windows I try to focus my attention fully on the surroundings in hopes of finding the source of the light. That’s when I see it, off in the distance on the beach where Kai and I spent the night a few days ago. It’s definitely a flicker of light, but no ordinary light, a flame! My heart starts beating sending a pounding thumping up into my head and my ears, which sounds too closely like drums. My head starts spinning as I watch the lone flame move methodically up and down the beach combing it, looking for something…Probably me! I nearly have a heart attack when something grabs me from behind. Having realized that I was holding my breath I sucked in deep and turned around to find Kai.
Having noticed my eyes wild with fear he says, “Emma what’s wrong?”
I try to speak but it’s as if my vocal cords are paralyzed so I just point a shaky finger towards the beach several hundred yards out. The flame is still there. Kai follows my finger and sees immediately what I saw. He pulls me into him burying my face in his chest while saying, “It’s okay Emma. That could be anything. A tourist, anything.” His rigid posture denotes his write off and I can tell that he’s on full alert.
I pull away and find my voice although it’s a bit shaky. “I doubt that Kai. You said yourself that it’s not easy to get to that beach. I don’t believe a tourist would swim to it in the middle of the night.” I turn back to watch the flame. It seems to be standing still. Nausea rolls in my stomach and pinpricks of fear run down my spine as I imagine that thing standing on the beach staring up at us. It’s a ridiculous notion seeing as we are so far away that I can’t even see the figure of who is holding the torch. Thank goodness because Kao’s resemblance to Kai is more than I can bear right now. After all, I’ve found myself feeling attracted to Kai and how freaky is that when his twin brother is trying to murder me? Anyhow, if indeed that is Kao down there, I doubt he can see me all the way up here. But, who knows with the paranormal?
Kai must have gotten the same creeped out feeling since he turned the lights off in the room casting us into darkness. The only thing illuminating the room now is the moon and stars. “Do you think it can see us?” I ask in horror.
“I don’t know but I’m not taking any chances.” He says putting his arm around me. I close my eyes and allow his touch to warm my chilled bones.
“Do you think that could be him…Kao?” I say stammering a bit.
“I don’t know Emma, but we should get out of this room. I can promise you though that you are safe right now. He can’t get to you in here.” As he’s about to usher me out of the room the sound of a conch shell blowing fills the quiet night. We look back at the beach where the flame is flickering wildly now. The conch shell blows one last time and poof; the flame is entirely extinguished as if someone blew out a candle. We watch for several more seconds but we see no more flames and the night air is quiet once again.
My heartbeat starts to steady a bit knowing that the thing is gone. We head back downstairs. Neither of us is able to sit still or even think about sleep so we decide to take the short walk over to Adam and Eve’s to see if they might know anything about what we just witnessed.
When we arrive, Adam who is wearing a pair of red and green flannel pajamas greets us. “Hey Emma, Hey Kai! Wow, you both look as if you have seen a ghost.” He ushers us quickly inside and closes the door behind him. Leading us to the dining room table we are greeted by Eve as well, who is adorably matching Adam in her identical flannel pajama set; however, her set is more fitted and looks like someone went crazy with the Bedazzler machine.
“My, my. I didn’t know we were going to have company. Emma and Kai, it’s good to see you. Can I get you some tea?” She asks.
We both nod and take a seat. Our large chairs are still out from the previous night.
“So, what’s got you both so haggard tonight?” Adam asks inquisitively.
I’m grateful that Kai has chosen to explain tonight’s encounter. I sit back and sip the hot tea that Eve brought allowing it to ease away the chill that has set deep down in my bones. We all listen patiently to Kai’s rendition of our sighting. He finishes by asking Adam, “So, have you ever heard of that?”
Adam, whose green eyes are sparked with interest responds, “You mean a Night Marcher breaking away from its procession? It’s unbelievably rare but there are a few accounts of it happening. Usually it shows that the Night Marcher is abnormally stronger than its peers and it has only happened when a Night Marcher is trying to fulfill its curse.” He looks at both of us making sure he hasn’t lost anyone, and then continues. “Much like he was able to break away to chase Emma the first time; he has the same ability for the single purpose of um…” He looks at me nervously then finishes his sentence, “hunting her.”
I gasp in dismay. “Hunting me? Like an animal? That’s what he’s doing right now?” My voice is so shaky that I’m stuttering uncontrollably.
Kai puts his hand on mine and looks seriously at Adam. “He can’t get in here right Adam?”
Eve answers this one for her husband. “No, absolutely not. Night Marchers cannot come within our homeland.” She looks at me because I’m guessing Kai must have heard this explanation before. “I’m sure that my husband told you that the Menehune’s were the first inhabitants of this island. Well, when the first explorers came and found our island we made a treaty with the leaders of those who chose to inhabit this island. It was done in secrecy but it was a covenant made to last throughout all generations. The leaders or chiefs of the settlers as well as our leaders signed the covenant with their own blood. It may sound morbid and gross but it was how they did it back then. I mean, it wasn’t like they dipped their fingers in blood and signed their names, they…” Adam cleared his throat cutting her off, which I’m guessing was a signal for his wife to get back on track with what she was saying.
“Oh, anyhow, basically what the covenant boils down to is that none other than those whom we invite are able to set foot on any area or land that we so designate as our home. You see the few chiefs who signed the covenant are the same chiefs who lead the Night Marchers today. They are bound by blood and therefore their followers are bound by blood as well. They will not and cannot cross the boundary into our home without facing the possibility of immediate execution.” Eve said in a serious matter of fact tone.
“Good!” Kai says and turns towards me looking me deep in the eyes. “You are safe here Emma. There is nothing to worry about within these walls.” I nod my head and exhale a shaky breath. Kai turns and asks Adam, “So what about the conch shell? Why did the flame disappear immediately when it was blown?”
“The Night Marchers can only be out during very specific times. I’m not even sure what times those are to be exact. The chief of the Night Marchers will blow the conch shell signaling for them to prepare for their exit. With the second sounding of the conch shell they disappear to wherever it is that they go. We aren’t sure about that either. Perhaps it’s back to their graves, or to some sort of purgatory… we don’t know.”
Kai nods his head in understanding and I listen in as Adam, Eve and Kai speak for several more minutes about the possibilities of what Kao might be up to. Kai brought up the fact that Kao was well trained and one of the best trackers in his tribe.
Apparently he had not lost those skills after becoming an evil monster, I think to myself. I have a hard time focusing on the remainder of their conversation. I just keep thinking about how Kao is out there, hunting me. I hope that he doesn’t find his way to my own home. From what Kai said though is that he most likely is only picking up from when we first ran away. Which means Kao most likely has already found Kai’s tree house.
I look over at Eve who looks so sweet and harmless. Thinking back to her explanation about the covenant I wonder to myself if the
Menehune’s might just be a force to be reckoned with. I mean, what would drive the leaders of the islands first settlers to sign such an everlasting treaty? I’m sure they must have had some mighty warriors within their tribes. Plus, the Menehune’s are a small race. I would think they could have been easily beaten in a battle. I guess it’s true that appearances can be deceiving. I have found myself really caring for the Menehune’s and I’m glad to know that they are strong and can take care of themselves.
About an hour later Kai and I have walked back to his house. We are both sitting silently on his couch, he’s got his arm around me and my head is resting on his shoulder. Both of us are just thinking and processing all of the information and events from today. As I nearly doze off the doorbell chimes jarring me back into the moment. Kai carefully moves his arm out from behind me, stands up and answers the door.
He returns a moment later announcing that it had been Paul, then says, “This was in your mailbox when Paul went to deliver the message. It had your name on the front.”
A look of shock forms on my face as I carefully accept the envelope. “I’ll give you a moment,” Kai says as he walks away.
I stare down at the envelope. Opening it carefully afraid of what’s inside. It’s not that I don’t want to hear from my family; it’s just that sometimes no news is good news. I glance at the end of the letter and see it’s from Tristan. A lump forms in the back of my throat as I try to keep my hands from shaking. I realize the reason for this is my guilt. He must have found out that I was gone. We also still have feelings that have yet to be resolved. I grip the pages and start reading:
Emma,
I don’t know if you are going to get this, but I had to try. I just got home yesterday. My mom told me about your letter and how it showed up mysteriously in our mailbox with no stamp or postmark. I am really mad at my mom for not telling me when you disappeared four days ago. The second I received word I was packing my belongings and on a plane home.
Emma, How could you do this? This is just so not like you, disappearing and sending vague messages. Your dad is worried sick. He’s got the police out looking for you. They even issued an Amber alert.
I found your car by our spot. It was stuck in the mud. The engine was cool showing that it hadn’t been on in a while. I searched around looking for you for over six hours. I was so afraid that I would find you hurt somewhere, or worse, dead. Every turn I made down the trail would make my heartbeat faster with fear, fear of your unknown fate. I found your phone a few yards from the falls. It was still on but almost out of battery. You had over sixty text messages from Kaylee and many calls from your father and my mom. I’ve been texting back and forth with Kaylee over the past day. She’s quite the firecracker. She is freaking out and not handling your disappearance well. (Not that any of us are.) I’m trying to persuade her not to jump on a plane from Texas and get down here. I think though that if she hasn’t heard from you in a day or two we won’t be able to convince her to stay.
Emma, I fear the worst about you. I don’t know if you realize just how much you mean to me. You have changed my life drastically. I have feelings for you that I don’t believe I have ever felt for anyone before. I NEED you. I NEED you to come home. I NEED you to be safe. I NEED to find you! I promise I will never stop looking. I will find you; I will not give up. I will search for you every hour of my waking day until I find you.
I realize that I may be writing this letter to nobody as you most likely won’t get it. Or.... Perhaps I’m writing this letter to whoever is keeping you away. Whoever delivered your first message... If this is true, and this is not Emma reading this letter, whoever the heck you are: YOU must know that I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN! And if you hurt a single hair on Emma’s head.... I PROMISE that nobody will ever find YOU after I’m through with you!!!
If this is Emma reading this, I love you. (Maybe not the best time to tell you this, but it’s true.) I will never stop searching for you. If you are able, please come home to me.
With all my love,
Tristan
Tears begin streaming down my face as I read what he wrote. The sentiment melding to his words make my heart break. I can’t even look at Kai right now. The never-ending guilt I am feeling; there are just no words to describe it. I am torn between two people, Tristan, laying it all out there, pouring his heart out to me. All the while, I’ve been giving pieces of my heart to Kai. My mind is whirling and so utterly conflicted it’s all I can do to not rush home into Tristan’s awaiting arms.
I hold the letter to my heart and let the tears flow. Letting the words Tristan told me mettle over and over in my head; questioning the impossible choice I have set before me. I don’t have to wait too long when Kai returns and wraps me in his arms. I cry into his shoulder feeling the guilt of the past few days come over me like a ton of bricks. If only two lifetimes were possible I would never have to make this impossible decision.
Kai brushes the hair from my face and gives me a gentle kiss on my head. “It’s going to be okay Emma, I promise.” If only those words could be enough. He has no idea what that letter said or who it was from.
I fall asleep that night alone in Kai’s bed. I fade in and out of consciousness worrying about Kao who is hunting me as we speak and thinking about both Tristan and Kai. My heart is so confused and conflicted. I'm in no position right now to be able to decide what I want...or who I want. I have feelings for two guys and choosing between them should be the least of my worries right now. After all, I don't even know if I will be alive long enough to make a choice.