"I'm okay. Really," I added when he shot me a disbelieving look. "I'll never look at a dog cage the same way again, and I don't think I want to try any of that bondage nonsense that Dimitri and Benny like, but I'm going to be fine."
Nikolai looked equal parts scandalized and amused. "I'd always wondered what the four of you talked about when you got together for those Russian lessons of yours. I'm surprised you know the words to describe Dimitri's dirty little secret in our language."
I rolled my eyes. "Oh, please. I might be a virgin but I'm not innocent. I've read things. I've seen things."
Mischief sparked in his pale eyes. "What kinds of things?"
My face burned with embarrassment. "I'm not talking about that with you."
He dragged his fingertip down my throat to the neckline of my camisole. Holding my gaze, he promised, "You will."
My mouth went dry and my tummy wobbled as his full meaning hit me. Someday very soon, he wouldn't stop after a few kisses.
"You never answered me." Tipping my chin, Nikolai asked, "Will you marry me?"
"Yes." The answer came so easily. I'd loved Nikolai for so long. I accepted him just as he was, with his dark complicated history and all.
Even as I agreed to marry him, I understood there would be people who would fight me on my choice. My cousin Eric was going to blow a gasket. Benny and Bianca would quietly support me, even if they both thought I'd lost my mind. Though her situation was slightly different because Ivan had left behind his old life, Erin would understand me. Lena—well, she was probably going to read me the Riot Act.
But I couldn't live my life worrying about what other people thought of me. I had to live my life for me and only me.
And I wanted Nikolai. I wanted to be his wife. I wanted to face our obstacles together. More than anything, I wanted to help him get out of this life, if that was even possible.
"I'll take care of you," he vowed with such love. "I can't give you the gleaming yachts and diamonds like Yuri gives Lena but I'll love you with every fiber of my being."
"I don't need diamonds and yachts. I just need you."
"I'm yours. I think I've been yours since the first time I heard you singing Ochi Chernye with Sveta at the restaurant."
The teasing slant to his mouth made me smile. I was a truly terrible singer. There had been times Lena had threatened to move out if she had to hear me sing one more Ke$ha song—and rightly so. "Well—it must be love if my awful voice enchanted you."
He laughed and kissed me again. "It's late. You should sleep."
Of the two of us, he looked the most haggard. "Are you going to bed?"
"Yes." He moved slowly and carefully so as not to aggravate his injuries.
"Will you take a pain pill? You shouldn't be in so much agony, Nikolai." Certain the only way to make him take care of himself was to use guilt, I said, "I won't be able to sleep if I'm thinking about you suffering."
He looked like he wanted to refuse but he finally acquiesced with a nod. "All right."
"Thank you."
When we got upstairs, I followed him to his bedroom and slipped by him before he could stop me. I headed straight for the master bathroom, found the pill bottles the doctor had given him and read the labels. After filling a glass with water, I shook two pills onto my palm and carried them into the bedroom. Nikolai had already toed off his shoes and was unbuttoning his shirt when I presented him with is medication. I sensed he wasn't fond of the coddling but he didn't fight me. He tossed back the pills and drank the glass of water.
"Do you plan to check my mouth now?"
I put a hand on my hip. "Do I need to?"
"I swallowed them."
"Would you have swallowed them if I wasn't standing right here?"
"Probably not," he grudgingly admitted. "I don't like having my senses dulled, especially not now."
"Nikolai, you've got Kostya, Sergei and, like, a dozen other guys hanging around this place. You and I both know that the police department probably has this house under surveillance. We're safe."
"For now," he grumbled and started to peel out of his shirt. When he winced, I pushed aside his hands and dragged it down his arms. Positive he wouldn't be able to bend over to remove his socks, I crouched down and tugged them off his feet. My gaze landed on his belt buckle but he just smiled. "I think I've got that one."
"Right," I murmured nervously. I carried his shirt and socks to the hamper in the roomy walk-in closet. When I stepped back into the bedroom, he still sat on the edge of the bed. Anxiety gripped me. "Um…so…I guess this is good night."
"Stay with me."
He wasn't asking. I swallowed nervously. "I can't."
"You can." He held out his hand. "You need to stay with me tonight."
I stared at his hand with some trepidation. "Why?"
"Because after taking those two pain pills, I'm going to pass out cold very soon. If you have another nightmare like last night, I'll be too groggy to cross the hall and find you." His brow arched. "Unless you want Kostya to hold you until you fall back asleep?"
The idea of Kostya snuggled up against me wasn’t one I found very appealing. Still…I worried this might be a step too far for us, especially after that passionate make-out session in his library.
"We're just sleeping."
"That's all."
I trusted him not to push the issue. If our relationship had proved anything, it was that the two of us were very patient and good at waiting. "All right."
He motioned to the side closest to the window. "You sleep there."
While I slid under the covers, he disappeared into the bathroom. He exited a few minutes later and paused in the doorway. He'd pulled on pajama pants but remained totally naked from the waist up. Every single one of his many tattoos was bared to my sight. The dark bruises marring his skin looked so painful. "Do you need the light?"
Feeling a bit childish, I admitted, "I sleep with a night light at home."
He didn't tease me about it. He simply dimmed the light and shut the door most of the way before crossing the room and switching off the bedside lamp. When I felt the bed dip with his weight, I clenched the covers tightly. I wasn't sure how I would ever relax enough to sleep with Nikolai resting inches away from me.
It took me a few seconds to realize he was staying on top of the comforter. "You're going to freeze."
He chuckled. "Sweetheart, I'm from Russia. This isn't cold."
"Well…"
He leaned over in the darkness and pecked my cheek. "Stop worrying about me. Go to sleep."
Sleep would come soon enough because I was just as exhausted, emotionally and physically, as he was, but I doubted it was possible for me to stop worrying about him. It wasn't a switch I could flip on and off so easily. Now that there was no question that we belonged to one another, I experienced such a surge of possessiveness toward him.
Rolling on my side, I stared at his face. The light from the bathroom only illuminated the bottom half of the bed so I couldn't see his eyes—but I could feel his gaze boring into me. Very slowly, I slid my hand across the comforter toward him. Halfway to touching him, I felt him reaching for me. Fingers interlaced, we said nothing but simply held tight to each other.
I didn't know how we were going to get through all the troubles facing us but I believed we'd make it out alive and safe. There was nothing we couldn't conquer together.
Chapter Twelve
"Are you sure you want to do this?"
Nikolai killed the engine and glanced at Vivian. She pulled a long lace scarf from her purse and placed it atop her head. Though he'd never seen her immodestly dressed, it was still a bit jarring to see her covering her beautiful dark hair. The dress code at the church was extremely conservative and she looked the part of devoted congregant.
"I don't mind a small Justice of the Peace wedding." She tucked the scarf around her shoulder.
"I'm sure you wouldn't but I want it done properly for you."
She fidgeted wit
h the lacy trim. "What if Father Semyon refuses to marry us?"
He can try, Nikolai thought crossly. "Let's sit down with him and see how it goes. There's no reason to get worked up over something that hasn't happened."
Vivian bit her lower lip. She looked a bit nervous before asking, "Um…how long has it been since you were inside a church?"
"Too long," he admitted and opened his door.
That was probably the reason Father Semyon had asked them to join him inside the narthex instead of his office. The clergyman wanted to remind Nikolai who set the rules here. Though he was loathe to admit it, Nikolai already felt uncomfortable and on the defensive, and he hadn't even escorted Vivian to the front door yet.
A chill crept along Nikolai's neck when they entered the simply decorated narthex, the room just inside the entrance of the church. He ignored the unpleasant feeling and tried to remember why he'd come here.
Despite Vivian's assurances that she wouldn't mind a quick trip to the courthouse to cement their union, he knew better. She'd embraced her faith and lived accordingly in her day-to-day life. If she'd ever dreamed of her wedding day, she'd probably dreamed of a beautifully celebrated church wedding. He wanted to give that to her.
He stood back as Father Semyon warmly greeted Vivian. She spent so much time volunteering with the congregation and attending services that she was very close to the holy man. Not quite old enough to be her grandfather, the priest had taken a very keen interest in guiding her once she'd joined his flock.
Nikolai had given the man a wide berth when he'd visited Vivian at the house. He'd extended his welcome and made the priest feel comfortable but he hadn't quite known what to say that wouldn't sound awkward or empty. The brief memory of the clergyman praying at his bedside in the hospital still left him unsettled. Why would a priest waste his prayers on a lost case like him?
"Nikolai, welcome." Father Semyon shook his hand. "Are you familiar with your surroundings? Would you like me to explain what this place is and what it means?"
Nikolai shook his head. "I spent plenty of time in places like this as a child. It's not something one forgets."
"No." Father Semyon offered a gracious smile before gesturing to a trio of chairs he'd arranged. "Let's talk."
Nikolai took the seat next to Vivian and fought the urge to fidget as the priest simply stared at them. With a deep sigh, the man sat back and crossed his legs. He pressed his fingers together to form a steeple. "I'm going to be totally honest with the two of you. I'm not thrilled with this development."
And so it begins…
"Father—"
The priest held up his hand and gently cut off Vivian's interjection. "But I won't stop you."
Nikolai stiffened with surprise. He'd been expecting a real fight. Why was the holy man capitulating so easily?
"Thank you, Father." Relief filled her voice.
"Don't take that as a full-fledged endorsement of this union," he cautioned. "You're a smart young woman, Vivian, but we can all be blinded by love. Sometimes what the heart wants isn't what the physical and spiritual body needs. This is a lifelong commitment you're making to this man. You should take some time to think about this."
For the first time since asking her to be his wife, Nikolai felt real fear. If anyone in the world could sway her to refuse his offer, it would be this man. Nikolai sneaked a glance at Vivian but she looked utterly calm and resolved.
"I know the man I'm marrying, Father Semyon. I'm ready to make that commitment."
Suddenly, Nikolai was the one with cold feet. Was he really going to drag Vivian even further into the murky world he inhabited? Was he going to taint her with his dark soul?
But then she smiled at him. That bright, playful smile warmed him in ways he couldn't quite describe. It infected him with hope. With Vivian at his side anything was possible. Maybe even getting out…
"Very well," Father Semyon remarked sadly. Turning his attention to Nikolai, the priest asked, "Have you been baptized?"
Nikolai nodded. "All the boys in the orphanage were baptized and received chrismation."
The priest made a throaty noise. "And how long has it been since you made confession?"
"A while," Nikolai replied and shifted on the uncomfortably hard chair.
The priest's bushy brows rose. "How long is a while, Nikolai?"
Nikolai couldn't bear to meet Vivian's questioning gaze. "Twenty-four years," he finally answered. "Give or take a few months."
Father Semyon made another unhappy noise. "Have you been married or divorced?"
"No."
"Do you remember the name of your childhood church? I'll need your records, if possible. I understand that sometimes it's difficult to track these things down back home."
He was relieved to have a question he could answer easily. "Ivan is still in contact with the priest there. I'll get the details from him."
"How soon would the two of you like to be married?"
"The sooner the better," Nikolai said and leveled a meaningful glance at the priest.
His eyes widened slightly. "I see. The earliest I can perform the marriage is mid-January, but I'll require you to complete the counseling sessions." The older man gave him a hard look. "All of them."
"That's not a problem, Father." Nikolai would jump through whatever hoops the priest placed between him and the wedding. He fully expected to find the experience thoroughly discomfiting.
Father Semyon reached into his pocket and retrieved a key ring. "Vivian, would you mind going to my office and picking up the folder and packets on my desk. I left your paperwork there and you'll need to fill it out before our first counseling session."
She shot the priest a knowing smile. "Yes, Father."
Keys in hand, she passed by Nikolai on her way out of the narthex. She gave his good shoulder a reassuring squeeze of encouragement before disappearing and leaving him alone with the priest. Sitting there, awash in trepidation, he realized how crazy his life was. He'd felt more comfortable sitting in the backseat of a car with a murderous cartel boss than he did sitting across from this kindhearted man.
"Is she still in danger?"
"Yes."
"Because of her father—or because of you?" The priest didn't pull any punches.
"I don't know. It's probably a mix of both."
Father Semyon heaved an irritated sigh. "You should stop this nonsense now and send her away. You have the friends to make it possible."
"I tried. I offered her that alternative." Nikolai rubbed the back of his neck and decided to lay it all out for the priest. "I agree with you. She doesn't belong with me. She's too good for me."
"Then why are you marrying her?"
"Because I love her," Nikolai answered simply. "Because she loves me. You can sit there and cast judgment on me but it won't change the way we feel. I'm not a perfect man. Hell, I'm not even a very good man—but she makes me want to be better."
The priest smiled. "Well, God works in mysterious ways. Perhaps she'll be the one to save you. Someday you might even be a leader in our congregation."
Nikolai laughed harshly. "I wouldn't go that far, Father."
"I am the eternal optimist." Standing, Father Semyon extended his hand. Nikolai rose and accepted it. "I'll expect a full confession before the wedding. I can't in good conscience marry the two of you inside this church without knowing that you've done penance and come clean with God."
Sensing this was the final test, Nikolai accepted with a nod. "Pick the day, Father, and I'll be here." With a wry smile, he added, "You'd better clear your schedule. We're going to be in that box a long time…"
* * *
Later that afternoon, I ducked into the library and shut the door. Sergei, my shadow, took the hint that I wanted some privacy and didn't follow me. He was probably standing outside the door with his ear pressed against it but he wasn't being intrusive.
I picked out the big, comfy reading chair by the window for my phone call. My tummy a ball of nerves,
I waited for Lena to answer. She took her sweet time as usual and finally picked up on the fifth ring.
"Hello?" She panted into the phone.
"Um…did I catch you at a bad time?"
She laughed. "I wish it was something that salacious making me huff and puff like this! No, I was in the other room of the hotel suite, and I tripped over one of my damn shoes on the way over here."
I rolled my eyes. "Seriously, how many times have I told you to just put them in the dang closet when you take them off?"
"Man, you and Yuri both!" Yuri's deep voice was barely audible in the background. "Oh, hush," Lena playfully chided her boyfriend. "I'm trying to talk to my bestie. Now go away."
I smiled at the way they teasingly griped at each other. "I can call back later."
"No, I want to talk to you." A door clicked shut. "Okay—it's just the two of us now. Seriously, Vivian, are you okay? I mean, you looked fine last night but I know it can take a while for trauma like that to set in. After what happened at my old house with Katya and Jake…" Her voice died off. "You remember what a mess I was when it finally hit me. It's been almost two months and there are still days when I feel that panic setting in and I'm, like, one step away from freaking the fuck out. So—really. How are you?"
"I'm okay. I'm not great but I'm getting there. I just keep thinking about those other girls, the ones that didn't get rescued. I'm so lucky, Lena. So lucky," I said softly.
"Do you think they'll find them?"
"I hope so. I pray about it every chance I get. The police said all the details I provided were helpful. Nikolai promised me he'd do whatever he can to find them and to stop the trafficking."
"I imagine he sympathizes with those women in ways the two of us can't," she whispered. "Does he know that you know about…you know?"
"I assumed that Yuri mentioned it when all that awful stuff went down. Even if Yuri didn't say anything about me translating that letter, I'm sure he assumed you would have sent me a copy of it." I traced my finger over the bumpy stitching on the leather cushion. "I don't know how to bring it up but I'll have to eventually."