Sam was right.
I went home that day and told Grizz I was sorry for involving him in other people’s problems. I vowed that day not to ever play rescuer again. Great. Now I was going to have to figure out another way to ease my conscience.
Sam not only became a social worker, but he went on to become a psychologist. Years later, after learning I’d actually been kidnapped by Grizz, he went on to write a book about Stockholm syndrome—the syndrome where the captive starts to care for her captor.
The girl in his book was eerily similar to me. I’d stayed friends with Sam over the years, and that book almost ruined our relationship.
Chapter Thirty-Four
I continued to run into Sam at school and we had an occasional lunch together. I struggled with whether or not to tell Grizz. I didn’t feel like I was doing anything wrong, but he was so protective I felt he would scare Sam away.
I wouldn’t find out until later that he knew about my lunch dates with Sam. Of course he knew. He knew everything. I never lied, though. If he asked me what I did after school, I told him: I had lunch with a friend. I guess after that first time he had me watched, and whoever watched me must have convinced him it was a strictly platonic lunch. Maybe he didn’t bother Sam because he connected my first lunch with him as the same day I came home and apologized. Maybe he was secretly grateful that Sam had talked some sense into me.
Either way, Sam would eventually always be a welcome guest in our home.
I was on a short break between spring and summer classes when Blue called the motel asking for a favor. I’d continued to remain on good terms with Jan after that first Thanksgiving. We never became super close, but I loved her boys and would babysit whenever I could. They were now school age, and Jan was working at a law firm. She seemed to really enjoy her work, and as far as I could tell, avoided mental breakdowns with a combination of medication and a job she loved.
Blue explained that both boys had come down with chicken pox and couldn’t go to summer camp. Jan was having an especially busy time at work. She had gone from part-time receptionist to full-time receptionist and then to legal aide. Was there any way I could stay with the boys for a couple of days? Maybe the whole week?
I didn’t have to think about it. They were great little boys, and I welcomed the opportunity to spend time with them. Besides, I could sit by the pool and read while they napped. I wondered to myself if they still took naps. Probably not. But it didn’t matter. It would be like a little getaway for me, too. Blue asked if I could stop at the drug store and pick up some lotion. It was supposed to help with their itching.
I told Grizz, and he was okay with it. He’d been busy, anyway. We’d finally picked out some land in a subdivision just southwest of Davie called Shady Ranches. We were having a home built, and it was in the framing stage. Grizz had hired a contractor but had a hard time turning over control of the project. He spent as much time there as he could. I know he didn’t mean to intimidate the guy; he was just really enjoying the construction process. Chowder spent a lot of time with him there, too.
I went into our bedroom and looked for something to put my things in. I remembered my old cloth backpack. I found it wadded up in a corner of our closet where I’d carelessly thrown it over a year ago. I stuffed my bathing suit, suntan lotion, two books, and my hairbrush in it. No need to pack for overnight. I wouldn’t be spending the night.
I stopped at a drug store and bought the lotion. I threw it in my backpack and drove to Blue’s. When I got there, Jan met me at the door with a hug.
“You’re really getting us out of a bind, Kit. Blue and I tried splitting up the days to take care of the boys—I’d do mornings and he’d do afternoons—but we’re starting to get complaints from work. You’re a lifesaver.”
“I’m glad to help. I love your boys. You know that. Where are they?” I asked as I tossed my bag onto the bench inside the front door.
“They’re in the den.”
I made my way to the den and was greeted with a big hug from Kevin. He was the younger of the two. Timmy looked at me shyly. I think he was just old enough now to be embarrassed to have me there babysitting.
Jan yelled from the foyer, “Did you remember to pick up the lotion?”
“Yeah, it’s in my bag by the front door.”
If I hadn’t been so caught up in the boys I might have noticed how long it took Jan to bring the lotion into the den. I might’ve remembered that day more than a year ago, when I found my wallet in Moe’s room. Remembered throwing it in my old backpack.
Because while I was giving my undivided attention to Kevin and Timmy, their mother was making a mental note of an exceptionally odd name. A name I hadn’t heard or even thought about in over five years.
Guinevere Love Lemon.
____________
The house construction was progressing at an extremely quick pace. I’m pretty sure the builder was just scared to death of Grizz and wanted the project over with. Not that Grizz ever did anything on purpose to scare the guy. It was just Grizz.
One Saturday toward the end of that summer, while she was still on break from school, Sarah Jo and I spent the day at the beach. I’d developed a really awful headache and asked her if she could just drive me home. We had my car. I asked her to just drop me at the motel and take my car home. I was certain Grizz would get it back to the motel.
She dropped me off and helped me unload my stuff. Being the best friend in the world, she put my things away, stood in the bathroom while I took a quick shower and tucked me into bed with two aspirin. She closed the bedroom curtains and kissed me on my forehead.
“I’ll call later to check on you, Kit. Try to fall asleep. Maybe the headache will be gone by the time you wake up.”
My head hurt so bad I don’t remember answering her. I did eventually fall asleep and woke up later disoriented. My headache was now just a dull throb. I heard voices. It must’ve been what woke me up. It was Grizz, and he was arguing with a woman whose voice I didn’t recognize.
“I don’t understand why I can’t see him. Not that I owe you an explanation, but I’ve cleaned up my act. I have things to settle with him.”
“He’s not here, Candy.”
“Stop calling me that lame-ass gang name, J….”
“Shut up!” Grizz roared. “Don’t call me by that name. No one calls me by that name, ever!”
Who was this woman? She’d started to call Grizz by a name that started with a J. Did she know his real name? It was obvious Grizz didn’t know I was there. My car was gone, so he would’ve assumed I was still with Sarah Jo. I was pondering whether to make myself known or not. I could almost sense her eyes rolling as he yelled that last statement at her.
“You and your fucking gang codes. I swear Grizz, you are so over the top. I don’t go by Candy anymore.”
“I don’t give a fuck what you go by, you’re not going to see him. He doesn’t live here anyway. He’s happy and settled. No reason for you to insinuate yourself back into his life because you’ve had a guilty conscience.”
“You are such an arrogant ass. You wouldn’t be where you are today if it weren’t for me. Don’t forget I found your sorry fourteen-year-old ass living behind a gas station. I’m the one that introduced you to the people who put you where you are today. Me!”
“Nobody put me where I am today but me. Besides, when you supposedly found me you were already a washed-up, drug-addicted hooker and you were only seventeen. If anything, you owe me for making sure you weren’t living on the street.”
So this was a woman who knew Grizz when he was still a teenager. I didn’t think I’d run across anybody yet who’d known him that long.
“Well, I certainly don’t need your permission to see him. I can find him on my own and you can’t stop me.”
“Really, Candy? I can’t stop you?”
It got quiet and I knew she was weighing her options. Finally, she spoke in a calmer voice.
“Fine. Will you do me one fav
or?” Without waiting for him to answer, she continued. “Will you at least tell him I came by here looking for him? Tell him I’ve cleaned up. Tell him I just want to see him to apologize for all the bad shit that happened. I don’t want to upset or interfere in his life. I just want to say I’m sorry.”
Grizz said something, but I couldn’t hear the words.
I heard the door open and then shut. I got out of bed and went out into the small living room. Grizz wasn’t there. He must’ve walked her out. I noticed it was past dinnertime, so I went into the kitchen and started pulling some things out of the fridge to cook. If I’d had the least bit of curiosity about what Candy looked like I might’ve thought to go to the window and peek out.
In retrospect, it was a good thing I didn’t. I would’ve witnessed my husband do something awful. I would’ve seen Grizz walk her to her car, and as she reached for the door handle, grab her from behind and instantly snap her neck. I would’ve seen him carelessly fling her over his shoulder, signal to three faceless men in the pit to get rid of her car and easily stride to the back of the motel to erase evidence of her existence.
But I saw none of this and wouldn’t know about it until many years had passed.
Grizz came back inside less than ten minutes later and stopped short. “When did you get home? I didn’t see you pull up.”
“Jo brought me home early. I got one of my bad headaches. Tried to sleep it off.’
“Did you? Is it gone?”
“Mostly. Just a dull ache now really. Nothing like it was. She has my car. Can you get someone to bring it home?” I could tell by his expression he knew I was in the room when he had the argument with Candy. He was trying to figure out if I’d heard anything. I decided to make it easy for him.
“So who is Candy?” I asked while nonchalantly sautéing some mushrooms on the stove.
Before he could answer, I added, “Are you going to tell him? Are you going to tell Blue?”
He gave me a puzzled look.
“That was Blue’s crazy ex-girlfriend, wasn’t it? The one you told me about? The one he broke up with right before he met Jan?”
“Yeah, that was her.”
“You don’t look too sure of yourself, Grizz.”
“No, it’s not that, baby. I just didn’t remember telling you about her.”
“Well, you did. You never told me her name, but you mentioned her after I met Jan that first time.”
He came up behind me and hugged me. He rested his chin on my left shoulder. He must have been really hunched over because I was a lot shorter than him.
“I think you’re right, Grizz. Right not to let her see Blue. It might cause Jan to have a breakdown.” Before he could say anything, I added, “She started to call you by your real name. Will you ever tell me?”
“Kit, we’ve been through this a million times,” he said and pulled back to look at me. I turned around and faced him. “It’s for your own good. As far as you’re concerned, my real name is Rick O’Connell.”
“Yeah, Grizz, except that it’s not.” I turned off the stove and hastily brushed him aside. I went into our bedroom and shut the door.
Would he ever let me in? I was married to him and knew virtually nothing about him. Not his name, nothing about his past. Well, except now I knew he’d been living behind a gas station when he was fourteen.
He came in and found me sitting on the bed pretending to look through color palettes from the contractor. I wouldn’t look up at him.
“Jason. My real first name is Jason. Okay? I’m not telling you any more of my name. Someday, maybe when we have children, I’ll tell you. But it’s not because I’m gonna let them use my name. They’ll be O’Connells.”
Then he told me a little bit about himself. He was born in Florida—West Palm Beach. He never knew his father, and the last name he wouldn’t tell me was apparently his mother’s last name. Her first name was Ida, and she’d had him when she was just fifteen. That certainly explained why he felt I was “old enough” when he had me abducted.
His mother was a housekeeper for a wealthy family. He said she played the perfect role as housekeeper, but her own home was a wreck. She neglected him. She never beat or abused him; she just ignored him. It sounded familiar. He ran away when he was almost fourteen. He was certain she was relieved and never looked for him. He wasn’t living behind a gas station when Candy found him. He was actually selling stolen auto parts.
I asked him why he would run away—he was neglected, not abused. Why put himself out on the street? And how did he make it down to the Fort Lauderdale area from West Palm Beach?
“I ran with an older crowd and dropped out of school because I was making so much money,” Grizz said simply. “Eventually, the group made its way south, and I went, too.”
He wasn’t living on the street, but in a small apartment over the garage of a guy paying him to acquire specialty auto parts. I told him he was really smart for a guy who’d dropped out of school so young.
“I knew how to read and had basic math skills, and that was all I needed,” Grizz said, shrugging. “Besides, my education on the street taught me more than any degree I could’ve earned.”
By now Grizz was sitting beside me on the bed. I scooted onto his lap.
“Why do we have to have children before you’ll tell me your real name?” I asked as I nuzzled his neck, toying with the earring in his left ear. It was a favorite habit of mine.
I could feel his body shaking. He was laughing. I looked up at him. With a big grin, he said, “I don’t know. Figured it might buy some time. Figure we’ll have a baby after a couple more years.”
“Well, Mr. Won’t-Be-Able-To-Avoid-The-Question-Much-Longer, I think I can get you to tell me sooner than you planned.”
“Oh, you do now?” He pressed his face into my neck. “What are you going to tempt me with?”
Before I could reply, the phone rang. He moved me back over to the bed and got up to answer it.
“Yeah?” A pause. “Hang on a second, honey. Kit, it’s Sarah Jo,” he yelled from the kitchen.
I went in and took the phone from him. “Yeah, it’s almost gone. Still a little ache.” I paused while Jo asked me another question. “No, I haven’t told him yet.”
“Told me what?” Grizz asked as he took a beer out of the refrigerator.
I turned to look at him. “I think I might be pregnant.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Grizz took me to the doctor the next day, and sure enough, I was pregnant. I was puzzled, though. I’d taken birth control pills religiously, never missed even one time. But I’d had a nasty case of strep throat the month before, and the doctor explained antibiotics can sometimes interfere with the pill. I was just one of those cases.
I told the doctor I was still taking the pill and had only suspected the pregnancy because my last period was very short and light, not my usual full week of heavy bleeding. He told me to stop taking it and not to worry. Some women got pregnant while on the pill. It wasn’t unheard of, and we’d detected the pregnancy early on.
I looked over at Grizz, who was smiling. He was happy about this pregnancy. If it was meant to be now instead of a few years down the road, then so be it.
Grizz took me to lunch and immediately started offering up boys’ and girls’ names. My head was spinning. I was overwhelmed. What about my degree? Could I still go to school and be a mother? I was dizzy with thoughts of the future and how it would all play out. I took some comfort in the fact that the baby would be born after we were in our new home. I would have hated bringing a baby into the world while living at the motel.
Grizz surprised me with something else. He told me that it would take him about six months to wrap up some business and he would be done with the gang. For good. I couldn’t have been more thrilled. Jan was going to get her wish after all: Grizz was turning his gang over to Blue.
We decided to keep the pregnancy to ourselves for a little while. It was still early. Sarah Jo was the only o
ne who knew, and I had no doubt about her loyalty and ability to keep a secret.
Morning sickness hit with a vengeance. I couldn’t even call it morning sickness; I was sick all day, so much so that I couldn’t keep anything down and Grizz wanted to take me back to the doctor to see if they could prescribe something to help. I refused. I’d live with it. I wasn’t going to take any medication while I was pregnant. Nothing except for prenatal vitamins, and that was only if I could keep them down.
I was about ten weeks along when Grizz told me he had to talk to me about something. I was sitting on the couch looking through interior design magazines. I’d already picked a neutral color for the baby’s room, light green. Now I was considering a theme. Noah’s Ark maybe. Or teddy bears.
He took the magazine out of my hands and laid it on the coffee table. This looked serious.
“Kit, there’s something I have to tell you.”
“What? What is it?”
“I don’t want you to be upset, especially since you’re pregnant, but I love you and I’m afraid if I don’t tell you and you find out later, you won’t like it.”
He was starting to scare me. “Tell me now. Whatever it is, don’t keep it from me.” Had something happened to Sarah Jo or Fess or Grunt? Was Grizz in trouble? Were we in trouble?
“I just heard from Guido,” he said, gripping my hands tightly. “He told me your parents were killed in a car accident the day before yesterday. He thought we should know.”
I was stunned. I’d never expected this. I hadn’t given much thought to Delia or Vince in years. I can’t say I missed them; what was there to miss? I had been on my own from an early age. But Grizz was right. I’m glad he told me. Memories washed over me.
“What happened?” I asked quietly.
“Head-on collision. Big semi. Driver fell asleep, crossed the yellow line. It was instant.”
I was relieved there had been no suffering on their part and that they weren’t the cause of the accident. I didn’t hate Delia and Vince. I didn’t miss them, either. But I wanted to do what was right.