Chapter 7, Eating Crow
I pushed away from the table, a little uncertain of my next move. Nahuel pushed away as well, and we both carried our plates to the sink.
Wordlessly, I filled the sink with soapy water and washed our plates and then started in on the cooking utensils. I was out of practice. Eating raw meant no dishes, but I’d rather wash up dishes any day than eat raw.
Nahuel rinsed and dried, and it felt pleasant working quietly next to him. My burning need for him was abated in his presence. Just being with him was enough to quench my thirst. I was surprised that I could feel so comfortable with him, so natural, like family.
Huilen’s scent hung heavy in the air, and I knew I would have to adjust to the burning in my nose. Her topaz-colored eyes meant she didn’t prey on humans. I hoped that Seth had been correct and that I wouldn’t have imprinted on a vampire that was currently dining on humans. I suppressed a shudder. I don’t know what I would’ve done in that case. I shut the door on that thought.
Still silent, I drained the sink and moved back to the table. Nahuel joined me, and he seemed just as reluctant to break the silence. I absently began to trace patterns with my fingertip on the table, then looked up at Nahuel to find his eyes on me. His warm brown eyes were filled with questions, and I didn’t know how to answer them.
Finally, I broke the silence. “I heard you’re attending the University of Washington here in Seattle...”
“Yes, I’m majoring in history.”
My eyes widened. I hadn’t taken him for a history buff. “Were you planning to teach?”
“Actually, I hadn’t thought that far ahead,” Nahuel admitted.
My eyebrows raised in a question.
“I’ve been kind of… lost. I’m not quite sure what I’ve been searching for,” Nahuel continued, then looked deep into my eyes, “but I think I might have found it.”
“What do you mean?” I breathed.
“Do you remember your mom’s wedding?”
I nodded, dumbstruck. How can I ever forget it?
“When I first saw you,” Nahuel reached over and stroked my face again, a wondering look passing over his divine features, “my whole world came apart, and it was as if I’d never seen a female before…” He paused, and I waited, my breath frozen so I could hear every word. “It was as if our destinies were intertwined…”
I took a breath and smiled gloriously at my sun, “I had the same reaction…”
Nahuel’s brows furrowed, “Then why did you leave?”
I swallowed, trying to think how I could phrase my reaction without hurting him. I looked down at the table, my finger once again nervously tracing over invisible patterns. I whispered, “I just couldn’t accept that I could feel such overwhelming attraction for a… vampire.” Wow. I said it without a shudder. I looked up at him and read the pain in his eyes. “I’m so sorry.” Is that me talking? When do I ever say sorry to anybody? My deepest desire was to smooth off my edges and make Nahuel happy.
“H-how are you feeling now?” Nahuel tripped over the words, fear evident in his voice and in his glorious eyes.
I looked down again, breaking from his tortured gaze. “I’m thinking it doesn’t matter.” I looked up and met his gaze, seeing the hope resurrect in them. “I can’t fight the universe.” I sighed, then smiled brilliantly at him. “And I don’t want to fight it.” Suddenly, we were standing in each other’s arms.
Nahuel’s lips moved against mine and my fingers found his hair. He pressed me closer, and a small moan escaped. I had never felt this way—not even when I’d been so madly in love with Sam, and it surprised me that I could feel such overwhelming ecstasy in the arms of someone I’d sworn to hate. I was no longer Leah Clearwater. Who am I?
After an eternity, we moved apart. I took a great gulp of air, refilling empty lungs. “What are your plans for the future now?”
Nahuel’s need for air matched mine. His heart raced with mine. I smiled, surprised that I could have such an impact on this being who was infinitely older than me. “Well, I was thinking another wedding might be nice…”
My eyes widened. I confess I hadn’t thought that a vampire would want anything that traditional. How strange these vampire creatures are. Why do mortal customs mean anything in their lives? And yet I knew how hard Edward had pressed Bella for a wedding. Maybe there is more to these customs than we ‘mortals’ understand.
Breathlessly, I asked, “Did you have a date in mind?”
Nahuel had buried his face in my hair and nodded, temporarily unable to speak. He raised his head, then answered my question, “The sooner, the better. I’ve waited a lifetime for you. I really don’t want to wait much longer.” He pulled back and framed my face with his hands. “Beautiful.” He smiled and slowly kissed my eyes, my cheeks, my nose, and then settled on my mouth again. It was several more minutes before we spoke.
I pulled away. “I suppose we have some people we need to share the news with.”
Nahuel smiled. “I think Huilen already knows, but we probably should tell your family.”
I shuddered.
Concern overshadowed his features. “What is wrong?”
I sighed. “I have a lot of crow to eat,” I confessed.
“What does that mean?” Nahuel was curious.
I laughed softly, then lightly cupped his cheek in my hand. “It means I need to eat my words. I just couldn’t see vampires as people.” I smiled, joy shining in my eyes. “I can’t see you as anything else, now.”
Nahuel reached for my hand, and we walked into the front room where Huilen was standing, looking out the window. There wasn’t much of a view, so I imagined she was trying to give us what privacy she could. When she turned to face us, my breath stopped. Her face was transformed by her happiness. She was stunning.
Nahuel put his arm around me, squeezing my waist. “Leah has agreed to be my wife.”
I swallowed. That word seems so… permanent. But isn’t that what I need? My imprinting wouldn’t allow for anything less than permanent. Still, I’d just officially met him today. Setting a wedding seems a little… premature. But after six days of agonizing pain, I knew I couldn’t go through a separation again. I smiled hesitantly at Huilen and was amazed that I could see some warmth in her strange topaz vampire eyes. I was seeing things I never thought I’d see, and I was beginning to realize that these vampires were just as much separate individuals as the wolves in my pack were—maybe even more so since they didn’t share the pack mind of the shape shifters.
Nahuel glanced at me. “I forgot to ask how you managed to find my apartment.”
I looked back and smiled faintly. “Edward loaned me his car, and Alice gave me your address.”
He laughed then shook his head, “I should have known. The Cullens have really taken me under their wing for some reason.” His brow furrowed. “But I have no idea why…”
I admitted, “I certainly haven’t deserved any kindness they’ve shown me.” That was a big admission for me. Yikes. I am turning soft.
He looked at Huilen, his brows raised in a question, “Can you drive our Tacoma to Forks? We need to return Edward’s car and get Leah home.”
She nodded a quick assent, and I suddenly wondered if this vampire was shy. Is there such a thing? A shy vampire? What are these personality traits I am clearly seeing from these beings I thought for so long were unfeeling monsters?
I picked up my purse and the keys dropped on the floor. Sheesh. When is the last time I dropped something? Nahuel’s presence is certainly unnerving.
We stepped out into the hallway and walked to the elevator. The stairs would’ve been quicker, but I was grateful Nahuel directed me here. My knees were feeling wobbly, and I wasn’t sure I’d make it down the stairs in my heels.
Nahuel let me lead him to Edward’s car while Huilen walked the opposite direction toward their truck. He opened the driver door for me, and I slid behind the wheel.
I wasn’t accustomed to being treat
ed like a lady. This was going to take some getting used to. It hadn’t been Sam’s style. I wasn’t sure where Nahuel had picked this up, but I knew Edward was always a gentleman with Bella. Perhaps it came from him.
I assumed Huilen knew the drive to the Cullens, so I didn’t wait for her. The Volvo handled easily. I hardly noticed the road, anxious to hear about Nahuel’s life. “Tell me,” I looked at him with pleading eyes, “about you.”
He looked back with fearful eyes. He was probably wondering what exactly to tell me. “I overheard Seth telling you about my… creation.”
I nodded, swallowed a lump that suddenly rose in my throat, and kept my unseeing eyes on the road.
“Huilen is my aunt. When she delivered me from my dying mother’s body, I bit her. She spent three days in untold agony while she transformed into a vampire. For whatever reason, she truly loved me as my mother had and she raised me. It took seven years for me to reach maturity. I haven’t aged since.” He paused, and I could hear the panic in his voice.
I glanced at him and saw the dread in his face. I wanted to stop his pain. “What’s wrong?” my voice cracked in anguish for his pain.
“I don’t age…”
I snorted. “Neither do I.” I smiled at him, enjoying the shock of surprise that replaced the dread.
“How can that be?” his voice was strained. Maybe he was too afraid to hope.
“Well… I guess I can age, eventually. If I stop phasing into a wolf after about five years or so, I’ll start to age again. As long as I phase, my aging stops.” Then I frowned.
Nahuel reached out gingerly and stroked my cheek with the backs of his fingers. His touch was soothing, but the creases between my brows grew deeper. “What is it?”
“I—I’m not exactly sure how to put this…” I stammered, an uncomfortable pain forming in the pit of my stomach. Could Nahuel still want me the way I wanted him if I revealed my painful dead-end to him? I glanced at him and couldn’t read his eyes. I don’t know this man. What does an imprint mean to him? He dropped his hand from my cheek but then his warm hand reached for mine, as if to reassure me. How can I be reassured? He doesn’t know what I am going to say.
“I’m…a non-functioning female.” There I spit it out.
Nahuel’s brows drew together. He looked puzzled. “What does that mean, exactly?”
I rolled my eyes. Is he dense? “I don’t cycle like a normal female. My non-aging state makes me infertile.” There. I said it. I didn’t dare look at him. Maybe he wants to jump out of the car and run far away.
He laughed softly and lifted my fingers to his lips. Electric currents ran up my arm. I dared to look at him then. He looked… happy. How can that be?
“Our lives have indeed intertwined in miraculous ways.” He paused, seeing my quizzical expression. “I have never loved another woman.”
He heard my quick intake of breath and continued. “My monster father gifted me with an extreme aversion to vampires—with the exception of my aunt. I never thought I could overcome the monster to love a human, and so I have spent all of my life avoiding any… romantic entanglements. Then you walked into my life and all the barriers I’d set up disappeared.”
He paused, as if searching for the right words. “My greatest fear has been that I would kill the woman I loved in the same way my monster father had killed my mother.” He lifted my fingers again and kissed them, one by one. I had a hard time keeping the other hand steady on the steering wheel. My heart was doing crazy things. I took a steadying breath. It wouldn’t do to kill us both on the way to the Cullens. “I am… overjoyed that you will never meet that fate.”
My jaw dropped, then I snapped it shut. Wow. Maybe there is more to this imprinting stuff than I thought. Divine intervention? I didn’t believe in it, but then, my whole universe had turned inside out, and we couldn’t have been a better match. I smiled. A glorious, joyful smile. I couldn’t remember a time when I had been this happy, this content.
Suddenly, Nahuel’s eyes tightened, as if he’d just realized something. “You mentioned you didn’t care for vampires… did that include the Cullens?”
I was surprised by this turn in our conversation, and I clenched my jaw, then nodded shortly.
The silence bore down on me, and I looked at Nahuel again. He looked distraught, and I wanted to wipe the anxiety from his face.
“I’m sorry, Nahuel,” my voice was soft and pleading. “I didn’t understand…”
“I know you agreed to be my wife…” he paused, “but you don’t have to go through with this…”
I looked at him in horror. Not want to be his wife? Not want to be with him? The thought was bigger than I could contemplate. “Of course I want to be your wife.” We both heard the panic in my voice.
“Does that include taking on the Cullen name?”
“I-I don’t understand.” What is he talking about? I wasn’t going to marry one of them. Nahuel was half vampire. I shuddered. A full-breed I simply couldn’t contemplate.
He noted my shudder then said with a sigh, “I am a Cullen.”
My eyes widened. I stuttered out, “How—why—what does that mean?”
“There was no need for me to have a sur-name in South America. When Jasper put our papers together, we thought it would be easier to take a name we already knew. Huilen and I are now Cullens—officially.”
I gasped. I couldn’t help it. Marrying Nahuel was one thing. Taking on the name of the bloodsuckers—that was something else. My eyes filled with tears. This is complete, utter humiliation. Ugh. Leah Cullen. If I was in my wolf form, I would’ve howled in anguish.
Nahuel could see the tears glistening in my eyes. He sighed. “I don’t want to cause you any pain… you don’t have to do this, you know.”
I stifled a sob. This is the deepest degradation. But the pain of not having Nahuel in my life was deeper than that. I took a breath, then shot him a watery smile. “No. Just give me a minute. I’ll be fine.” I took a couple more breaths, then said with more composure, “It’s not a bad name, really. I just hadn’t ever thought of myself as anything but a Clearwater.”
“You don’t have to change your name,” he quickly assured me.
“I’ll get used to it,” I said wryly then I smiled brilliantly. “As long as I have you, everything will be… wonderful.”
Nahuel kissed my fingertips again, and my anguish was gone. I just wasn’t looking forward to Seth’s reaction. I suppressed a groan.
We were already at the turn to the Cullens. I couldn’t remember when I’d ever made the drive this fast. Where did the time go? The Tacoma was already sitting in front of the Cullen’s huge mansion.
I didn’t remember her passing us. I shook my head, dazed. It was lucky I’d made the trip in one piece. I parked next to the Tacoma, then looked over at Nahuel and grinned. “Next time, you drive.” He grinned back at me, then jumped out of the car and opened my door before I could move.
The mansion was lit up. I could hear the murmur of voices. The Cullens must’ve finished their game of croquet.
Nahuel reached for my hand, and we headed to the door. My knees were weak again. This had been a day for weak knees. Will the Cullens really welcome me when I’d made every effort to snub them in the past?
He reached up and had barely knocked when Carlisle and Esme were at the open door, welcoming smiles beaming on their faces. I watched the play of emotions over their cold vampire features and was surprised to see warmth there. How can a vampire look warm? I was seeing these creatures in a whole new light. I swallowed a lump. Maybe this life won’t be as bad as I feared.
I looked past Carlisle and Esme to look at the group behind them. Huilen was standing hesitantly against the far wall. Edward, Bella, and Alice were sitting on the couch watching Nessie. Jasper stood behind Alice with his hand resting lightly on her shoulder. Jacob was sitting on the floor playing a game of UNO with Nessie and Rosalie. Emmett was sitting on the other couch watching a college bowl game on the big
screen TV. Charlie was sitting on a recliner watching with him, and Sue was sitting on a chair next to him, massaging Seth’s shoulders. Seth was sitting on the floor in front of her. This was the kind of scene I had studiously refused to acknowledge while I was a wolf. I sighed quietly then squared my shoulders. Time to eat some big time crow.
We stepped past Carlisle and Esme. Nahuel took a breath and announced, “Leah and I are going to get married.” Everyone turned to look at us. Stunned silence.
I peeked a look at my mother. She looked resigned.
I didn’t want to look at Seth. I could feel the ripples of laughter he was trying to suppress.
Jacob was the only one that moved. He jumped up and gave Nahuel a high five… well, low five. Nahuel was quite a bit shorter than him. They grinned companionably at each other.
“Welcome to the family.” Jacob approved. I almost groaned. He would make this too easy. I wanted a bit of a fight. Then I looked at Nahuel and changed my mind. He was too perfect, and it hurt too much to be away from him. I forgot that Jacob knew as well as I did that an imprint was impossible to fight.
Alice jumped up and came to hug me. I resisted the urge to pull back from her painful vampire scent. It burned my nose. “Will you please, please, let me do your wedding?”
Several snickers erupted at her request. I snuck a look at my mother. She was smiling smugly. “I—I suppose so.” Honestly, I hadn’t thought that far ahead.
Alice was way ahead of me. She grabbed my hand and pulled me upstairs. “I found the perfect dress for you.” I pulled back, a look of stunned surprise on my face.
Bella laughed. “Trust me. Alice knows her stuff. You might as well go along for the ride.”
I shook my head dazedly, then let her steer me up the stairs.