Lindsay couldn’t sleep. She tossed and turned. Her dreams were of Jace and finally she got up. She turned on the TV and watched reruns of shows she never watched when they were new. Still, sleep escaped her.
The feeling of missing him, having erred so badly in forcing him to choose between his family and her, all of it, kept her awake. To know he spent the last months of his life in torment while she was ecstatic of their future together made her feel riddled with guilt.
“Honey, what are you doing up?” Deborah said as she walked out of her bedroom in her bathrobe.
“I couldn’t sleep.”
Deborah nodded and yawned. “Me either. I have to ask you something. I’ve been seeing Jack for only a few weeks and he made a suggestion that could solve all of our problems.”
“What’s going on?”
“He asked me and Sara to move in with him,” Deborah said and saw her daughter’s eyes widen. “It’s a trial period. We see if it works.”
“Mom, you’ve dated him three weeks and you’re talking about moving in?” Lindsay asked in shock. “You hardly know him.”
Deborah looked mad now. “I don’t need to know him ten years to know this is what I want, Lindsay. Jack gets me, unlike your father, who never did. Besides, the kids would be under the same roof again.”
“Why are you rushing into this?” Lindsay demanded. “Don’t do it for the kids. Is it because the divorce is final soon?”
“I know my own mind, Lindsay. Jack is what we used to call a ‘keeper’ in my day. You don’t let them get away.”
“But it’s only been three weeks, Mom! You’re acting like dad now!”
“No, your dad had twenty-three years to be a selfish jerk,” her mother fired back. “I recall you telling me to get off my ass and do something with my life. I’m signing up for some classes and this is what I’m doing. You could be happy for me.”
Lindsay snapped the TV off, lowering her voice, realizing Sara was sleeping. “Mom, don’t you think moving in with Jack is kind of sudden? What if the kids get attached and it doesn’t work out? They’ve been through enough.”
Deborah sighed and shook her head. “Lindsay if I sit here and ‘what-iffed’ this thing all day I would feel the same about Jack. I don’t think you realize my marriage was over years ago. We kept up a pretense for you and your brother, but it was over long before he met Margene.”
“I’m sorry but it’s a little irresponsible of you to consider moving in with a guy you’ve known three weeks!”
“You told me you knew you would marry Jace the day you met him, Lindsay,” her mom reminded her, “or is that feeling only reserved for you and Jace?”
“Mom, it’s not the same thing!”
“You know when you know, honey,” she countered and shook her head. “Jack and I aren’t running out and getting married next week. We’re going to give it a while, see if it’s what we both want. We talked about it. If it doesn’t work we remain friends and the kids come first. How does anyone lose in this?”
Lindsay could find no argument. “What about the apartment? What about your job?”
“I think we both know this place had strings attached,” Deborah informed her and chuckled. “Mr. Merriman wanted a shoulder to cry on. He also got off cheap by not having to pay me.”
“When do you make the move?”
“Considering Merriman is not too happy I’m dating Jack, this is going to happen pretty quickly.”
“I see, and where do I go now?”
“He offered my shift to you for the same deal.”
Lindsay glared at her mother as she realized she was stuck with the deal. “So, I have to work for him to continue to live here?”
“Honey, you really need to do something with yourself. All you do is brood over Jace. A job will keep you busy and you’ll have your own place. I think it’s perfect. Either that or you move in with your dad and Margene.”
“I’ll take the job,” Lindsay said sourly.
She smiled and Lindsay could see her mother didn’t feel at all bad for abandoning her. She could say nothing. Every kid she knew in school held a job at some point in their four years of high school. Lindsay never had to work.
She was suddenly ashamed of how rough she thought she had it. Jace scrambled to work as many hours as he could, go to school, football practice, and took care of Dougie and Sara, and still had time for her. All she did was gripe about how little time he spent with her then. It was becoming a regular thing for her to see how self-centered she’d been.
“If you’re happy about this, then I’m happy for you, Mom.”
Deborah beamed and there was little doubt she was happy. “I just didn’t want you to feel like I was running out on you, Lindsay. Being on your own this summer might be just what you need.”
Now that she mentioned it, the thought of having the apartment wasn’t a bad idea. Working at Merriman’s for room and board stunk, but it was better than living with her dad and Margene.
“I have no issues with working for room and board but how am I going to eat, Mother?”
“I’ll give you the money your dad gives me monthly until you leave.”
Lindsay felt trapped into agreeing. “Fine, I’ll do it.”
“I’ll tell him tomorrow,” Deborah said and kissed her goodnight and went back to bed.
Lindsay knew she could hardly complain. A job working a measly thirty hours a week for a two bedroom apartment was a deal. Five hundred a month for her food and other expenses was more than adequate to see her through the summer. The thought of working in the grocery store as a cashier made her cringe, but it was a job. It was good enough for her mother the last year. It was good enough for her for the summer.