“They want to personally and privately hire you to track and take down your brother.” Jophie replied.
“Bullshit. Why don’t they want you to do it? You’re a better lap dog than I am.”
“Cause,” Jophie said, “I told them you’d be the best person for the job.”
That motherfucker actually said it. I knew he was setting me up for something I just didn’t know what exactly that was yet so I played his little game.
“Well of course I am, Gypsy boy!”
I’d found out in my short time on this earth that there are a lot of unwritten rules and games people play with each other. These guys knew the game, just not the rules so I raised the stakes and bet all on black.
“I want half the cash upfront and in our bank account within an hour. If it’s there, you got yourself a deal, if not, I don’t ever want to see HIS face again.” I demanded as I pointed fiercely at Mr. No Name.
Jophie looked at Mr. No Name who nodded in acceptance to my demand.
“Also, here are a few contingencies that will break our contract if you even THINK of attempting to do any of them.
Number one: You try to follow me, I’ll quit and will more than likely hunt you down myself and kill you.
Number two: You try attaching someone from your team to our team, I’ll quit and kill them.
Number three: You so much as try to suggest how I do my job you will not only pay me three times what you’re offering me now, but I also get to personally shove a firecracker up your ass.”
With his mouth as wide open, Jophie turned his head over to Mr. No Name.
“Are we clear?” I asked.
Mr. No Name pondered for a bit then shook his head in agreement.
“Good.” I said. “Then let your top brass know that my team and I will be clocking in once that money’s confirmed.”
I stood up and walked towards the door.
“Don’t you want to keep the details on your brother?” Mr. No Name asked as he held out his briefcase.
“No.” I replied. “Any of that garbage you have stinking up your briefcase is useless. My brother’s smart. He’d never be close to any of the locations you think he’s in. That’s why he’s still alive forcing you to ask for my assistance.”
I clenched my hand on the doorknob and turned to Jophie who had a classic ‘that’s Essa’ look on his face.
“Oh, and Jophie.”
“Yeah?”
“Your place fucking stinks like shit. Open a god damn window.”
And with that I was gone.
After I left, Mr. No Name jumped in his helicopter and took off back to his cave or wherever the hell he came from. He took out his walkie talkie and said, “Operation ‘Checkmate’ is a go.”
“Excellent. We’ll inform Eden his sister’s on her way.”
Chapter Fifteen: Yellow Brick Road
By the time we got back home, Kial was sitting on the curb outside our door with a bag of groceries. To be honest, I’d never seen him outside in the sun before. The sunlight hitting his pale skin made him look like some kind of albino midget.
“What do you want Twilight?” I murmured as I walked past his petite ghostly body towards the door.
“I received a large transfer of funds in our account and heard it’s because you took a job to track down your brother, so I thought we’d celebrate.” Kial said.
“Heard about it huh?” I said turning to Alita. “Do those goggles charge you monthly for phone service?”
Alita ignored the comment and ran up to Kial and gave him a big ol’ kiss on the lips—- it was like watching two fish try to suck each other’s faces off. Frozen in horror I watched to see who would succeed.
“I wouldn’t call it good news. I mean, think of what will happen to my already outstanding reputation! Oblivion Girl- almost kills everyone in cities. Pathetic!” I said.
“Funny, I would’ve thought you’d be more excited about this.” Kial replied.
“I didn’t.” Alita butted in. “Since when does Essa get excited about anything that she can’t put in her mouth?”
“I’m sorry,” I said as my targeting system locked onto Alita, “is that some sort of passive aggressive sex joke or did you just call me fat?!?!” Alita pondered while Kial let out a small chuckle. I walked up to Alita and pressed my back against her chest. Seductively looking up at her stupid face I said, “Or are you just mad that you’ll have to leave Kial, your handsome Prince for such a long time?” I rubbed my hand across her chubby face as her cheeks blushed.
She pushed me off and I feel to floor.
“Kinky.” I growled.
***
Later that night Atticus and Kial cooked dinner. I was held hostage in my room cleaning guns with Alita. The smell of fresh pasta, bread and tomato sauce rushed through my body and down into my empty stomach. The boys sat at the table with a bottle of Chateau-Chalon sifting around their glasses and looked as though they were up to no good. Alita and I exited my room and Alita sat down while Atticus poured her a glass of wine.
“Look at you, giving alcohol to minors.” I said as I sat down and eagerly extended out my glass. Atticus poured some in my glass and replied with, “You’re a minor too ya know.”
“Yeah, but I’m also a girl”
“And what do you think I am!?!?” Alita asked.
“I’ve never really figured it out. I always assumed some sort of ugly boy.”
“I’M SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU,” Alita screamed, “HOW CAN YOU MISTAKE ME FOR A BOY!?!”
“Well gentlemen,” Atticus interrupted, “Time to eat.”
That night the four of us feasted on a meal fit for royalty—- minus the court jesters unless you counted Alita. And yes, there was even strawberry ice cream for dessert-- A+ Kial.
As the night grew old, Alita became incapacitated from her booze and so she wished us well and went stumbling down the hall back into MY bedroom. Even though I had offered to temporarily share it with her, it didn’t give her the right to make my carpet smell like a bachelor party. Oh well, what did I care if she vomited all over my floor, it’s not like I was going to be the one to clean it up later. My eyes looked towards Atticus who looked over at me and let out a small slightly paranoid expression. I couldn't tell if he was smiling or grinding his teeth.
Once Kial knew Alita made to into bed, he went into business.
“I looked into Eden.” Kial said.
“Thing about people who don’t want to be found is, well, exactly that. So digging up dirt meant making waves and I’m sorry to say that this is the best I could do before I made my presence known. Scratching around the internet I found a picture of him with two words carved into stone, ‘Locus Amoenus’ which in Latin translates to ‘Pleasant Place’ but as far as where or what it pertains to exactly I have no idea. Part of me feels it’s anything but a dead end.”
Pleasant Place? How specific. Sounds just like some ambiguous shit my brother would toss out for the world to over think.
“What makes you think it’s not a dead end?” Atticus asked Kial.
“When I looked more into it, I found that ‘Pleasant Place’ sometimes refers to the Garden of Eden which has to be the biggest coincidence I’ve ever seen or the lamest trap.”
“So we’re looking for a place that has a garden huh?” I asked.
“Not just any garden, one that Eden would consider to be his own.”
I let out a scoff and mumbled, “I think I know where he is.”
“You do?” Atticus asked.
I looked Atticus in the eyes and hesitantly replied, “Garden Grave.”
His face went white. Just saying those words upset my stomach.
“Never heard of it,” Kial said.
“It’s nothing you’d know about unless you were looking for it and to be blunt, it was a place we’d both rather not return to.”
“Why?”
“Garden Grave’s a place where government officials use
d to take captors during war time to slaughter them. The ground is so drenched in blood that even centuries later, the dirt is still stained red.”
“Sounds lovely.” Kial added.
“To help deal with the psychological guilt of killing innocent people, the soldiers made a rule that they’d plant a flower for every grownup who was killed and a tree for every child.
Within three months, over 270,000 flowers were planted and over 150,000 trees. After those three months, the government’s agenda switched gears and the Garden Grave operation was abandoned. The plants and trees were suppose to help cover the massive graves around the area but there aren’t enough plants in the world to cover what they done, or how they did it. Once the operation was canned, all documents of its plan were burned. No one except for top brass know what Garden Graves true agenda was for and now, with them killed by the hands of my brother, Eden’s the only one left with that information.”
“So how do you know about it?” Kial asked.
“Because,” I replied, “our father was one of the soldiers.”
For Eden’s sake, this little game of his had better be a well armed trap cause I’m not going through all this shit just to turn up empty handed. When I find his cockroach little body slithering around the ground I’m going to personally make sure to squish him dead, twice if I had to-- and I’m not leaving any flower.
I chugged the rest of wine straight out of the bottle, bid my fellow night crawlers ado and went to bed. With my breath smelling of fermented grapes I slipped into a dream.
Chapter Sixteen: Scratch and Sniff
The next morning, outside fog lingered low on the ground and gave the city streets an eerie feel much like an old Sherlock Homes novel. Once our bags were packed, Atticus and I gave Kial a goodbye hug then left the two lovebirds alone to say their goodbyes. After the two played CPR, we were off.
With no sense of direction, I popped my finger out of my mouth and raised it towards the heavens. I waited for the cool breeze to blow past before announcing the direction we’d be headed even though the wind was stilted.
Before long we had a few uninvited guests. The low fog thickened as we made our way down the road towards the harbor. Few people dumb enough to be up so early zigzagged around us and since we couldn’t see anyone until they were two feet in front of us, it made spotting our uninvited guests nearly impossible. As we grew closer to the port, the wind kicked up and pushed the stilted fog away but there was no end to the clouded sky in sight. That’s when I smelled a perfume as strong as paint thinner-- Gypsy perfume. The fragrance was so overwhelming; you’d think they’d pour it on a gallon at a time. I imagined them stirring a batch in their bathtub like the way hicks make moonshine.
Like I’d allow these idiots to let me do all the work so they could reap the glory. I came up with a brilliant plan on the spot, as I always do. I didn't want the Gypsy beasts to listen in so Atticus whispered the plan in Alita’s ear. She stopped and looked around as if waiting for a ray of light to beam through the fog and point out exactly where Jophie and his band of moronic men where hiding. Glad she’s discreet.
Atticus and I hooked a hard right and headed out towards the Miss Misery while Alita hooked a left and slipped on her goggles. We picked up speed as we went from a walk, to a jog, to a run. The last thing I wanted to do was make this easy on Jophie; if he hadn’t already figured out we were onto him.
As the ground shifted from pavement to sand, the fog slowly departed and allowed the hot sun to pound against my unshielded skin. I wanted to get this over with quickly-- I had better things to do than play cops and robbers with Gypsy scum.
Once we reached the Miss Misery, Atticus and I went off to lay booby-traps in the ship. Inside we slowly cooked like a couple of potatoes waiting for Jophie and his men to make their next move.
Alita had set up a few miles away in a canyon and as a parting gift; Kial had given us walkie-talkies. I turned mine on and heard Alita in the middle of her conversation with Atticus.
“- And according to the GPS readings, there’s a group of about thirty or so men headed your way right now. They should reach you in a half hour.”
“Perfect,” I radioed back to her. “We’ll be ready.”
***
Lying near the entrance to the ship I heard the sound of the dumb homosapiens clattering about. They wouldn’t shut up either. By the sound of it, there were somewhere around thirty of them.
At the entrance of the ship, Atticus squished his body inside a drainage vent. Inches above him stood the group of men as they walked inside. Jophie had never been out here before me and I wanted to make sure he’d never forget this place.
“They’re here.” Atticus whispered softly in his radio.
“Copy that.” Alita answered back.
I couldn’t help but smile. I was so excited I had to bite my bottom lip to keep myself from letting a sinister laugh echo throughout the ship. Oh what the hell? After all they only live once.
“Muhahahahahaha!”
By the time my laugh echoed down to Atticus, it sounded like a ghost moaning. He heard one of Jophie’s men say, “What the hell was that?”
“Worry not men!” Jophie exclaimed. “Let me be your lit candle lighting the way to undeniable victory!”
The men cheered and followed like sheep being lead off the end of a cliff.
“They’re sticking in a group.” Atticus walkied over.
“That’s fine.” I replied. “Group or otherwise, we’ll stick to the plan.”
“Copy.” Alita and Atticus replied.
And… action.
I sprinted down the halls of the ship while Atticus tried desperately to climb out of the drainage vent. As he emerged from his birthing canal, he found himself covered head to toe in a bunch of gunk that probably gives a person cancer just by looking at it, let alone touching it. After wrestling out a padlock from his pocket, he stripped off his coat that smelled like a sewer and threw it off to the side.
“Another coat butchered,” he mumbled to himself at he clicked the padlock shut through the outside ship’s door. He then hightailed it away to get ready for his next role.
Meanwhile back on the front lines, I was having a bit of my own fun. Following behind their group, I jumped from room to room and picked off stragglers. Before they knew what hit them they’d knocked out and get tied up inside a room.
One of the men I grabbed just happened to be a midget. Could you believe that? A MIDGET gypsy! As I pulled him into the dark room I giggled into his ear and said, “Well aren’t you something. I’m going to have some fun with you,” and knocked him unconscious.
I continued to slowly decrease their numbers with the help of Alita navigating me to my next victim. Her goggles made it easy for her to eat a sandwich while keeping me clear of hostile areas. Didn’t take long before Jophie noticed. He ordered his men to disband back outside the ship, which they soon found out was locked from the outside. A few of the men tried to climb out a glassless window only to succumb to heavy sniper fire.
Atticus had posted up on a sand dune near Alita. He watched with one eye as the Gypsies tried desperately to climb back through the window into the ship. With one hand he sent warning shots while with his other he stuffed Alita’s sandwich into his face. This left me doing the hard work-- typical. With my comrades out of my way, I was free to jump around the ship like an acrobat, spinning and twirling my blade.
With just over half of his men left, Jophie ordered them to regroup and band back together. This was where stage three of my plan was supposed to begin; I just… didn’t quite know what it was yet.
“Find her!” Jophie ordered to his men, “Just don’t harm her.”
Thus began the cat and mouse hunt and let’s just say I made a better cat than mouse.
I ran into what use to be the mess hall of the ship. Cleared of table and chairs it resembled more of a dancehall than a mess hall. I closed all the doors
and immediately filled the room with smoke. I placed the last canister down and heard footsteps followed closely by muffled whispers.
Jophie entered first into the fogged room. He crotched low and pushed the smoke around with his hands in a failed attempt to thin it out. His men followed close behind in a horizontal line and swept the room.
“Essa,” Jophie called out, “I know you’re in here.”
What? Was it the smoke that gave me away?
“We aren’t here to hurt you. We were requested to ensure your victory over Eden.”
“I already told you I don’t need your help, Gypsy boy, and the government can suck my balls.” My voice echoed throughout the room.
“Come now Essa,” Jophie said still searching around, “even after all the times I saved you and your friends?”
“Unwanted and unneeded.”
“What about for a old friends sake?”
“Sure.”
“Great-“
“-Find me a old friend and I’ll cut them a break.”
I knew what the jerk was doing. He was buying time looking for me. He took a few more steps closer into the middle of the room and spotted me crouched behind a pillar with my back turned to him. He smiled as he approached.
“Games up sweetie,” he said as he spun around his midget gypsy friend dressed like a tranny in my clothes. TNT was stuffed down his bra and the midget looked like he was about to pass out from stress.
I went all out and even gave the midget man pretty makeup which he had mostly cried off. With his hands, feet and mouth bound he muffled out a cry of help saying something along the lines of “Stop staring and help ME!”
In a frozen state of shock, Jophie responded with, “What the…?” and that’s when I pushed the button. TNT, which I had lined around the parameter of the room, exploded and collapsed the floor forcing the gypsy men to fall down into the engine room. Midget man’s TNT was fake two by fours painted to look like the real thing-- as if I’d ever blow up a midget.