“He was so nervous in the beginning he didn’t know what to do.” She said. “When he finally grabbed my hand it was so sweaty but I didn’t care. He was sweet and always treated me with respect. I couldn’t of asked for a better guy.”
By the next morning my leg was feeling fine enough to walk on and I felt I had wasted enough of her time. By the morning I’d gotten out of bed and out the door, walking normal again. I wished her well and told her I’d be back soon to visit her. Keme just smiled and waved as I disappeared down the road. I thought about the stories she had told me and how things just didn’t happen like that anymore.
When I got home Atticus acted as though everything was normal. Didn’t even cross his mind that I could’ve been left for dead in a gutter somewhere.
“I’m sure your ghost would’ve came back to haunt me,” he said with his eyes in a book.
“No, your cooking is reason enough not to haunt you.” I passed by him into my room and slammed the door. Men; you can’t live with them and you can’t shoot them—- well…
Chapter Nine: Cloudy with a Chance of Children
Ever been trapped by a group of thugs in a two story rundown house? Trust me, it isn’t as fun as it sounds.
Atticus and I had snatched a bounty from some goons who cut off our escape so we took refuge in a ratty old house. The bounty this time was a ten-year-old little girl named Alita. Alita was a know-it-all little brat who came from money. Long story short, her family wanted her back and I wanted to be the one to cash the check.
The renegades managed to take over the living room and pushed us down into the basement. In my defense I’d like to state that I’ve always had a plan if worse came to worse which was how we wound up in the house. I just didn’t have a plan in case THAT plan failed, which it just had.
The wooden support beams that held up the house ran from the attic down to the basement. Being a prepared little Girl Scout, I just happened to have a few grenades on me with extra gunpowder crammed inside. While Atticus tried to hold them off with suppressive gunfire, I tied some string and looped the grenades around the support beams. I then attached string around all the pull pins and connected them to one single strand. Little did I know Atticus wasn’t doing so hot holding back the goons; a lesson I learned the hard way when one of the renegades’ wild bullets found its way into the basement and gave a high five to one of my grenades. I was blown into the opposing wall but the fun didn’t stop there. I felt like the wicked witch of the East as the condemned house landed on top of me—- well at least we still won?
While Atticus sifted through the debris to find yours truly, the now totally pissed off renegades clawed their way out and began a foot chase with Atticus.
I laid in the cool dirt unconscious resting my eyes. Next thing I knew I’d awaken with Alita standing over me shaking me like a hurricane.
“What do you want!?!” I asked.
“Are you awake?”
“Well yeah.”
“Where’s your friend?”
“My who?”
I had to pause and think for a moment. I didn’t know whom she was talking about. And to top that, I couldn’t remember who I was.
“Who are you?” I asked her as I sat up.
“Alita.”
I stood up and my legs wobbled like jello. I grabbed a hold of Alita’s shoulder for support.
“Do you remember who I am?” I asked.
That’s when the brat took advantage of MY situation. It was like handing money to a robber without them even asking for it. I’d like to blame it on Karma coming back to bite me in the ass, but lets face it; this kid was a candy coated time bomb. She paused a moment then said, “You don’t recognize me mommy?”
Those were the type of comments I’d wash out with soap but instead of reaching for the closest gallon of bleach, I grabbed a hold of her hand and we walked down the road towards the nearest town.
Alita made up a clever little story about how that was our house and the ‘bad people’ had come in and blown it to shreds by accidently shooting a pile of fertilizer we had stored in the basement. I wanted to seem as though everything was normal so I shook my head saying, “Oh yes, the fertilizer,” never once did the thought cross my mind that fertilizer doesn’t just blow up when you shoot it, nor the fact that the brat didn’t even bother to make up a fictitious husband for me. When I did ask about a potential husband, Alita went off about how I told her I could never remarry after she was born because I claimed the childbirth scars were too unappealing for any man.
Back in the real world, Alita didn’t have it so hot at home. She came from a well to do family that kept her so sheltered that getting kidnapped was on par with going to Disneyland. It was like a vacation from everyone that’d ever pissed her off, so in retrospect, I could see why she wanted to milk it for all it was worth. Bandits, badasses and boys-- what wasn’t to love?
While Alita blathered lies into my ear, I smelled a local bakery and noticed that we’d arrived in a nearby town-- which just happened to be Aurora. We stopped near the window and stared at all the yummy-looking pastries. I felt my stomach rumble so I turned to Alita.
“I’m hungry.”
“Well, let’s eat!”
I liked the way this girl thought, that was, until she seated us at the most expensive place in the city and had me, her ‘mom’ pay the bill. I’d bet anything the brats’ weekly allowance could pay my rent let alone a hundred of those dinners. As I paid the bill, Keme spotted us through the front window and tapped on the glass. She waved at us and Alita waved back. She waited for us to walk out and greeted us with saying, “Hello Essa! How’s your leg?”
“My leg? Fine.”
How did she know about our house exploding, I thought.
“And who is the little friend you’re with?”
“Oh Grandma,” Alita replied. “You’re so silly. You remember me, Alita your granddaughter.”
I had to give it to little snake; she had guts. Alita gave a wink as Keme looked up at my ignorant smiling face. Mistaking this abuse as some sort of game she replied, “I know that Alita, I was just testing you,” and took Alita’s hand as she led the way back to her house for some after lunch tea and dessert.
I followed trying to rack my brain. Why didn’t this ring a bell, why did I have a gas mask around my neck and WHY was I dressed so… un-motherly? I came to the conclusion that I had officially lost my mind. But it wasn’t like I could just go up to strangers and ask, “Excuse me, have you seen my brain?” on the off chance someone would reply, “Yeah, it’s over there being peed on by my dog.”
Back at her place Alita helped Keme in the kitchen and filled her in on the elaborate game we were playing so that Keme could join in on the fun. Soon after Keme and Alita brought out tiny homemade cakes from her kitchen. I had long lost my appetite. While we left the tea brewing in our cups Keme looked at me and said, “Alita tells me some bad boys have blown up your house.”
“Yes,” I replied. “I don’t know where we’ll stay tonight. I can’t remember anyone to call.”
“Nonsense, you’re staying the night here. I insist. I can’t have a mother and her child wandering about the streets after some catastrophic event like that!”
“That’s very kind of you.”
Keme smiled and we both sipped our tea.
***
By the third day Atticus, like a true hero, decided to give up on his search for us. He figured that if the roles were reversed he had searched a whole three days longer than I would’ve and thought if I were still alive, I’d make it back to our place sooner or later.
Myself on the other hand had begun to get the hang of the motherly role. Keme was gracious enough to loan me some clothes from when she was my age since mine were in the wash. The outdated dress was so long I was afraid of I’d trip over it. I looked like I just came out of the fifties ready to jive with all the cool cats.
After brunch, Alita wa
nted to go on a picnic at the beach with Grandma and I. The day before Keme and I went shopping for Alita and bought her some sort of inflatable tube thing since Alita didn’t know how to swim.
***
Something about the beach felt familiar to me as I dug my toes into the sand. It was on the tip of my tongue. I felt if I walked around it might come back to me so I walked up to Alita and towered over her. Alita, who’d just finished putting on her tube turned around and asked, “What’s up?”
Then, for some reason I couldn’t explain I pushed Alita over, grabbed her by her foot and walked towards the water.
“What the HELL are you doing!?!” Alita screamed at me as she slid across the sand and into the water.
With the inner tube around her waist and without saying a word of warning, I used one hand and held her head under water, then let go quickly and watched her skyrocket up to the surface.
As the cool salt water sprinkled my face, all my memories rushed back to me.
“What the HELL mommy!?!” Alita screamed.
Mommy? I turned to Keme and yelled out, “Is she talking to you?”
Keme looked up from her sun bathing.
“I’m afraid not. Don’t you remember our game? You’re the mom. I’m the Grandma.”
I WAS THE WHAT!?!?
“Like HELL I am!” I shouted as I grabbed Alita’s fat head and held her under water again. When I couldn’t see bubbles any longer I let go of Alita’s head and she gasped for air as she rocketed back to the surface-- darn, who taught her how to hold her breath?
Then it hit me; you don’t really see a lot of seven-year-old pregnant women walk around, which is how old I would’ve been if that spawn from Satan really was my child. Keme looked at me like I was nuts and I returned the glance.
“Well great. That’s just GREAT!” Alita yelled as she stormed out of the water holding up her inner tube. “And who told you that you could get your memory back anyways!?!”
I was a bit shocked. Little brat had a dark side.
“I’m sorry but the game’s over Keme,” Alita said using a towel to dry off. “Sleeping beauty here decided to wake up.”
Alita walked up the beach back to the house leaving Keme and I to catch up-- I felt my eye twitching. After a quick change in the public bathrooms, which only slightly had pee everywhere, I grabbed Alita kicking and screaming and headed back to my place. All that went through my mind was, “Atticus. Must KILL Atticus.”
***
I threw open the door and Atticus turned around from the table with a look of relief.
“ATTICUS!” I SCREAMED.
“Essa!” he exclaimed as I hurled Alita in the air at him. She landed on top of him and tried to stand up using his face as leverage.
“I hope you get a concussion so that it’s my turn NOT to go look for you!”
“Good to see you too.” he muffled back.
“Listen, I-“ Alita began.
“-YOU’VE had enough talking for one lifetime.” I interrupted. “You’re lucky I didn’t gut you like a fish and leave you for the seagull’s back there!”
That shut her up for a bit.
“And you!” I shouted as I stomped towards Atticus with fire in my eyes. “You’ll be lucky if all I do IS gut you!”
I think he crapped his pants cause he didn’t say a word back-- like a good little boy.
I walked into my room, slammed the door and took a shower. It felt good to put on clothes-- MY CLOTHES. When I came out there was a small pint of strawberry ice cream waiting for me on the table—- it was a good start to an apology along with the empty house. I stretched out on the couch and inhaled my happy dessert. Damn Atticus for putting me in a good mood. How could I be angry with ice cream in my belly?
I didn’t know it at the time but I had spoken too soon. There was a knock at the door and when I peeked through the eyehole I saw Jophie standing on the other side. He leaned into the eyehole and searched for movement. I had already ducked to the ground and wondered how well the door would stand up to a grenade blast. Knowing Jophie’s luck, if the door blew up in his face, it’d probably just shatter into hundred dollar bills.
“I know you’re in there Essa!” he yelled through the door. “I can hear you breathing.”
Bullshit. What a poor bluff.
“And should you really be eating strawberry ice cream at this hour?” He added.
Ok, that’s just creepy. I flung open the door.
“What do you want Jophie?! If you’re so psychic can’t you tell I don’t want to talk to you?”
“I have something important to tell you.”
“So tell.”
“Can I come in?”
“No, but you will anyways.”
He took a few steps inside when he said, “Essa, no matter what feelings we have for each other, you can not fall in love with me.”
“Ok, get out.”
“Let me finish. Even though you secretly love me-”
“Hold up there. Let’s get something straight. I will never be in love with you. I don’t even like to be around the same air you breathe.”
“Yes, yes. The elaborate act you put up. Please, don’t make this harder than it has to. I know you’re irresistibly drawn to me, but we must be strong!”
“Jophie,” I began as I held back my fury, “If you don’t leave right now,” I whispered, “I’m going to slice your balls off, cook and then feed them to Atticus tonight for dinner.”
Jophie didn’t have to look down to feel my cold blade against his thigh. I slowly walked him back outside. Normally I wouldn’t have been so hard on him, he just picked the worse day possible—- a day that ended with a ‘Y’.
“You’re right. Coming here has only seduced you more. No need to falsely threaten me. But remember this-“
I slammed the door on him with all my might—- and with that, my living nightmare was over.
Later that night Atticus walked back through the door, but there was something wrong; Alita was still with him.
“What’s SHE doing back here? You were suppose to replace her with a big bag of cash, or did you forget?”
“We decided to give you some space before dinner.” Alita replied.
“Oh really? I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware it was national piss off Essa day today. Otherwise I would’ve stocked up on more bullets because I was under the assumption that in order to eat, we would have to turn YOU into cash!”
“That’s right,” Alita said, “until Atticus and I made a deal.”
“Did you now?” I asked standing up into Atticus’s face. “Atticus, why don’t you explain, in GREAT detail, this plan you made without me.”
“I will,” Alita said. “Tomorrow, when the three of us visit Kial.”
“Well, I can see who wears the pants in this relationship and I’m so glad Atticus filled you in on our little operation. But suffice it to say, you won’t be meeting Kial tomorrow.” I said to Alita. “Now, you’ll have to pardon me if I decide not to eat with a ten year old little girl and a person who tricked me into being her mommy for a week.”
I walked into my room, locked the door and decided that it would be a good time to call it a night before I just killed EVERYONE.
Chapter Ten: Childish Thoughts
I awoke prematurely to the sound of Alita laughing and mistook the noise for an unwanted person in MY house. In retaliation I smashed a soft fluffy pillow over my face in an attempt to either drown out the noise or suffocate myself-- whichever came first. However, due to the lack of oxygen, I ended up passing out into a weird dream.
***
In it, everyone was dressed from the 1950’s. It was night and I found myself walking down a rainy and foggy main street when all of a sudden I heard music coming from one of the New York style nightclubs. The music felt like an old friend inviting me in for a drink and who was I to say no?
Inside the club blurry-faced people mingled in the shadows of the smoke
filled bar as a band played up on stage. The music was fast and made me believe my feet had a mind of their own-- that was, until she came onstage. I’d never seen such a beautiful dark silk dress like the one she wore, her hair pinned back in an elaborate ‘I’ve got more money then you’ kind of way. She gripped the microphone like a lover and whispered enchanted melodies into its echoing ear. Took me a moment to realize it was Ayla, Atticus’s bartender crush. She looked so attractive that even I couldn’t stop drooling. Freshly painted red lipstick with a yellow hydrangea pinned in her hair blended well with her light brown eyes.
Behind her Atticus softly strummed a cello as Kial followed up on piano. The room was dead with silent in a trance as the group played their love song. When Ayla finished her voice left you wanting more like some sort of junkie. Sitting at a table, illuminated by the glow of a candle, I realized I’d forgotten to blink as the club roared with applause. It was as if she had given us a gift and we had no other way to thank her than to applaud for more.
The clapping turned to a rhythm and felt so loud I felt it vibrate off my chest. It got to the point of ear deafening when my eyes opened to a clock that read eleven. ELEVEN!?! Overslept again!
I rushed through my morning routine and out the door at ten minutes past-- a new record if I do say so myself. I caught up to Atticus who accompanied me to Kial’s place. When I slid open Kial’s door I was so horrified I nearly puked-- Alita and Kial were making out.
“WHORE!” I yelled as I threw the nearest object around me at the slut and hit her right in the head-- my only regret being it wasn’t my knife.
Alita screamed out a, “BITCH!” as she jumped over the table and made a run at me. I let out a smile because if I had known that was all it took to push her over the edge I would of done it a long time ago. When Alita ran at me I saw that glazed look in her eyes. For a moment Alita reminded me of a younger me and I had no problem beating the crap out of the girl playing a poor excuse for my inner child.
It was no secret I hated the little brat and I wasn’t about to hold back. Alita jumped on, up and over the couch right to me. I couldn’t stop grinning as I grabbed for my knife; that was missing. As Alita jumped on top of me, I looked over at Atticus who had a guilty look on his face and I watched as he placed my knife behind his back-- sneaky S.O.B. stealing my knife! Oh well, fists worked just as well.